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"Ugh! Women. "
Mukuro, for her part, is totally stoic as I lean dramatically on her shoulder, almost like she's some kind of soldier or something! "Girl troubles again?" Mukuro asks, not even bothering to look at me. "You could always just ask her out, you know."
" No! " I snap. "You don't understand the appeal! " And she totally doesn't. She's some sort of, ugh, normal person or whatever. "We can't all dream about lame lucky boys serenading us under the moonlight, Muks."
I push off my sister, positioning my fingers in front of me in sort of a camera focus gesture. In the focus is Kirigiri, of course, talking to Naegi about the construction effort. They're both so sickeningly devoted to helping out Hope's Peak Academy in its time of need or whatever, it's so utterly hopeful. Miss me with that gay shit.
"Do forgive me the occasional domestic fantasy," Mukuro deadpans. It's fine. There's only, like, a 2% chance she'd totally betray me and ruin the whole op. It's within acceptable parameters. "Do you wanna try and explain to me… whatever's going on between you and Kirigiri the younger, then?"
I sigh. That sounds pretty dull, but not as dull as standing around and waiting for these losers to get done barricading these windows. "Yeah, sure, whatever," I wave a hand. "Okay, so it's like… there's this girl, you know?"
"With you so far, somehow," Mukuro responds.
"It was rhetorical, " I roll my eyes. "So there's this girl, and she's, like, smart. Not you smart, obviously, nobody is, but smart. Good at figuring things out."
Mukuro nods. "Uh huh…"
"And you want so bad for her to take you apart like a puzzle and peer at all your messy, messy insides." My hand comes up to my cheek. I'm practically swooning.
Mukuro's eyebrow raises. I didn't expect to lose her this quickly. "Like, physically taking you apart? Emotionally? Metaphorically??"
I let out a dramatic sigh. "Yes," I say, unhelpfully. "What about this is so complicated? I want her to hold my still-beating heart in her hands."
Mukuro doesn't speak for a moment. "Is this a…"
She trails off. I know what she means, though, and she knows I know. Is it a despair thing. Is it a thing as the Ultimate Despair? Do I want it so I can feel despair, the very concept of which would alienate all of my alleged friends and classmates? That despair?
"Nah," I wave a hand, "but also, like, yeah, a little? But no. This is a normal thing for lesbians, you know."
" Is it?" Mukuro pulls a face. "Are we sure that's not just you?"
"Yep! For sure. Bisexuals just wouldn't understand, Mukuro. Sor-ry. " I sing-song those last words, and she lets out a little chuckle. Guess that means I'm doing a good job at being funny or whatever.
Tch. Who cares?
"Anyway, that's the short version. I want her to unravel me at the seams. Of course…" huhu. Puhuhuhu… "it'd be… just fine if she failed, too. If she lost all hope. Or if she just… lost. I'd be okay with that."
Mukuro lets out a sigh. "I guess that's about as romantic a fantasy as I should've expected from you," she says. Which, mean! Mean and cruel to her littlest babiest sister!!!
"Hey, be nice! " I snap. "You know, sometimes I think about normal stuff, too."
"Uh huh?" Mukuro raises an eyebrow, only barely tilting her head at me. Ugh .
"Sometimes I think about us growing old together, adopting a kid and giving them all kinds of fucked up trauma. Getting six cats and a saltwater fishtank." I gesture with my hands, and half my body while I'm at it. "I think about looong nights, each of us reading a book together. I think about a world where despair isn't real, and we meet up in a coffee shop or something by chance and we don't have a lot in common but we both interest each other. We talk until closing and give each other our numbers and text until we pass out on the phone. And you know what?"
Mukuro blinks. She looks almost surprised by that whole rant - by Mukuro standards. Nobody else would notice. "What?" she asks, after a moment's pause.
I lean onto Mukuro's shoulder again, my head coming to her ear. "It would be just. So. Utterly. " I pause, lowering my voice to a whisper as my head comes up to Mukuro's ear. " Boring. I've never wanted anything less."
Mukuro lets out a surprised little laugh, shaking her head. "Yeah, okay, Junko." She's more relaxed now that I'm acting how she expects me to. "Have you ever thought about telling her any of this?"
My face scrunches up. "Oh, absolutely not," I say, pulling away from her. "What happens in my brain is between me and Izuru, and even then only because I can't keep him out."
"So you're just gonna… dream about this, and you're fine with that?" Mukuro asks, uncertainly. I guess I see why. I'm not the sort of person to let my dreams just stay dreams. I like to take action and all, you know?
But.
"Nah," I say, shaking my head, "this, right here?"
I bring my hands up to frame Kirigiri again, her hair falling behind her head, her lavender eyes peering at Naegi like she sees some kind of hidden value in him. I almost want her to look at me like that.
I don't, though. No. The look I want to see on her face… is one of utter despair.
"This is utterly fantastic, Mukuro."