Work Text:
Ever since Madeleine was little, he’s had unexplainable periods of intense sickness.
It started soon after his knight training began, when he was forced into the spotlight by a family that never really cared. He was the golden child of the Madeleine house, the pride of his parents. His other siblings never had a chance, he’d always been the tallest and most muscular. He had tried at points to connect with his siblings despite this, but they had only held bitter (deserved) resentment.
By the time he turned ten, he was sent away to the Republic’s highest esteemed knight school. There, he was subjected to harsh discipline and rigorous training. He was required to do a few academic classes, but they were few and far in between.
After only about a month into this new schedule, he fell sick for the first time. He was woken up at 4:00 AM by the usual morning alarm, but instead of immediately rushing to get dressed and head to breakfast, he found he.. couldn’t move his limbs.
He wanted to get up, but it was like his entire being was filled with lead. His head felt fuzzy; unfocused. He felt like he was drowning in his own thoughts, desperately fighting and fighting but never quite able to reach the surface.
When he failed to show up for his first lesson of the day, an employee barged into his room and screamed at him, demanding to know why he thought it was okay to sleep in. Madeleine doesn’t remember much from this time, but he was told later that he was mostly unresponsive for the better part of three weeks.
The school brushed it off as a one-time thing, and he was let off the hook with only a couple whacks upside the head. His training continued as normal for the next year or so, until the strange sickness struck him again.
This time it lasted longer, and he was given a much harder time after he recovered. News of his.. incidents never made it beyond the school walls. When he finally graduated and was named Knight Commander, the king was notified, but he only fell ill once before he was sent away in search of the legendary treasure.
Curiously, he hasn’t fallen ill in the couple years since he arrived at this new kingdom. He chalks it up to reduced stress, as there are many other capable knights and mages to help him keep the kingdom safe.
Madeleine greatly enjoys living here. There’s no king to demand unfair work from him, no parents to disappoint, no church to ask for his only free time. He patrols because he wants to, he protects because he genuinely cares for the citizens.
He’s even working on slowly dropping the prideful persona he had developed in his youth. He’s apologized to Knight and Angel for his previous behavior, and he’s trying to get into Espresso’s good graces. Because they’re both from the Republic, Madeleine feels that they may be alike in many ways.
Just as he’s beginning to finally move on from the weird spells from his childhood, he feels one creeping back up on him.
He doesn’t have any big expeditions coming up, thank the Divine, so with the last of his dwindling energy, he informs Gingerbrave that he’ll be out of commission for the next couple weeks and stocks his house with simple snacks and meals. He goes to bed that night feeling sick to his stomach.
Madeleine spends his time awake in a familiar fog. He doesn’t really have the energy to eat or drink, he just wastes away in his bed, almost like he’s trying to fuse with it.
A full week goes by without much change. Usually by the end of the first week, he starts to gain some of himself back, but this time he still feels just as awful as when it first began. In one of his fleeting moments of clarity, he figures it makes sense. He’s been doing so well lately, obviously the first one in a while would be worse.
Nothing seems to change after the first month. (At least, he thinks it’s been about a month. He’s been drifting in and out of sleep for so long that he lost count of how many times the sun has set.) Nobody has come to his door yet, so he assumes the kingdom is surviving just fine without him.
At the end of the second month, he’s beginning to run out of food in his house. His incidents have never lasted this long, so he hadn’t felt the need to stockpile that much food. He feels a little worried, but it’s quickly overshadowed by the overwhelming numbness that clouds his awareness.
About halfway through the third month, Madeleine is roused into consciousness by a loud banging on his front door.
He wants to get up and greet whoever it is. It’s probably Gingerbrave, he likely needs Madeleine to go on an expedition or start patrolling again.
Madeleine wants nothing more than to drag himself out of bed and force himself to stop being lazy. He hasn’t seen the sun or showered in months and he’s only changed his clothes maybe twice, he can’t afford anyone to see him like this.
He just needs a little more time.
The person at his door does not plan on giving him any more time, apparently.
They keep knocking, and at some point Madeleine can hear them fiddling with his lock. All he does is close his eyes and block out the world. A futile defense, but it’s the only thing he can do with the little energy he has left.
When Madeleine opens his eyes next, he’s sitting up in bed instead of laying down. The curtains are drawn, moonlight spilling into his room and revealing that its been cleaned. He.. doesn’t remember doing that. All he remembers is somebody knocking on his door, then-
Whoever was knocking must have broken in and done all of this.
But why? Surely they must have seen the sorry state he’s in, were they not disgusted? Anybody that found out about his sickness would usually steer clear of him when he was like this.
Maybe Pure Vanilla came over to try and heal him, or maybe Knight came over and took pity on his mentor, or maybe he’s simply dreaming. Whatever it is, the air feels less suffocating and his head feels slightly clearer.
He realizes the person is still in his house when the sound of dishes clanking together reaches his ears. The sound carries on for a few minutes, only to stop and be replaced with footsteps heading towards his room.
For a moment, Madeleine wants to go back to sleep, or at least pretend to be asleep so he won’t have to face whoever has had the misfortune of seeing him like this. But he’s also very tired of being like this, and he hopes whoever this is can yell at him enough to snap him out of it.
The door handle turns, and in walks-
Espresso?
This is possibly the last person Madeleine expected to see. As far as he knows, the mage absolutely hates his guts. What could he possibly have to gain from cleaning his house and doing his dishes?
Espresso only pauses for a moment at the sight of him, before he starts speaking, “Oh good, you’re awake. If you feel up to it, I’d like you to take a shower and brush your teeth as soon as possible. Then we can discuss this, if you’d like?”
“I- What?” Madeleine mumbles, voice rough from disuse.
The brunet scoffs. “You stink, Madeleine. I understand you’re sick, but that is no excuse for neglecting your health like this.”
Now, Madeleine has heard that exact phrase almost verbatim hundreds of times, but hearing it out of a friend’s mouth somehow hurts a thousand times worse. “Right, I apologize, it usually doesn’t last this long.”
Espresso’s brows furrow briefly, but smooth not even moments later. “‘Usually’? This has happened before?”
“Well, yes, but I still appreciate the work you put into helping me out. If you wish to leave now you can, I’m sure I’ll be functioning normally within the next few days!”
“I don’t think I understand exactly what’s wrong, Madeleine. I checked your temperature for a fever, but it’s normal, and you have virtually no other symptoms.”
Madeleine nods, wincing at the horrible ache in his neck. “I’m afraid this has been happening since I was younger. I’ve never really been sure why, I just fall ill for weeks at a time for no reason.”
Espresso studies him for a few moments too long, before his gaze softens. “It sounds like you’ve been having depressive episodes, Madeleine.”
“Depressive what?” The blond laughs incredulously, because the idea is simply impossible. “I have nothing to be depressed about, really, I’ve had a good life- a great one, I just get sick easily!”
“You don’t need a reason to be depressed. I’ve seen it in students of all backgrounds, of all ages, genders, personalities. There’s nothing shameful about needing help.” Espresso’s voice loses his usual sharp edge, instead replaced with something softer, like he’s trying to calm a frightened animal.
Madeleine doesn’t want to admit that it makes a little too much sense. It makes sense that they started when he was sent away, it makes sense that they stopped for a while when he finally moved away. He doesn’t like the implications it has about his mental health.
“If you’d like, I can spend a few more days here to help you out. You’ve done the same for me more times than I can count, and the citizens are starting to get incredibly worried.” Espresso says, and Madeleine can only hope that means he was worried as well.
“I would appreciate that greatly, Espresso.” Madeleine accepts, smiling weakly, genuinely, up at his friend.
“You desperately need to wash your hair.” Espresso declares, hours later. The brunet had already forced him up and out of bed, then given the blond one of the donuts he brought over.
Madeleine grimaces. Before his episode, he had simply thrown it up in a bun and forgotten about it. He doesn’t even have to look at it to tell how utterly disgusting it is. “I can just jump in the shower real fast?”
Espresso studies his frame for the hundredth time, then shakes his head. “With all due respect, I don’t think you would be able to stand for more than a few minutes. It would be easier if you let me wash it in the sink.”
“Oh,” the knight breathes, ignoring the way his cheeks heat up. “That would be okay, yeah. The sink in the bathroom is probably big enough?”
“I’m sure it is. I’ll bring a chair over and grab some hair products, do you need help getting over there?”
As much as Madeleine wants to scream that he’s an adult, he’s independent and capable, it’s kind of nice to be taken care of like this. “If that’s okay with you, then yes, please?”
Espresso nods briskly, magic already moving one of the dining table chairs to the bathroom. Madeleine stands slowly, and Espresso moves to his side to make sure he stays standing.
They hobble into the bathroom, where Madeleine gratefully collapses into the chair in front of the sink. Espresso chuckles, then starts the water and adjusts it to a comfortable temperature. When it’s ready, Madeleine tilts his head back and unties his hair from its messy state.
Espresso wordlessly starts to clean his hair, using a plastic cup to dampen his scalp. His hands work confidently to untangle the countless knots and methodically work the shampoo into his damaged hair. He even starts to hum at some point, which does not help the growing affection in Madeleine’s chest.
After Espresso rinses the last of the conditioner out of his hair, Madeleine slowly sits up and lets his friend towel his hair to a semi-dry state.
The man shoves Madeleine’s toothbrush into his hands, then grabs his respective toothbrush. The two stand side by side, brushing their teeth together. It feels oddly domestic, somehow intimate.
Afterwards, they end up sitting on the couch, the TV tuned to a random channel. It’s comfortably silent, until Espresso says, “I understand it might not be my place, but when exactly did these start?”
Madeleine shifts towards his friend slightly in acknowledgment. “The first one happened when I was ten, right after I had moved into my dorm at school. I got in a lot of trouble for it, even though I tried to explain that I didn’t know why it happened.”
Espresso nods sympathetically, then asks, “Why did you get in trouble for it?”
“Well, they were training me to be perfect, and laying in bed for a couple weeks straight doesn’t exactly fit that expectation. It happened once or twice a year after that, but we never figured out why.”
“There doesn’t have to be a reason.” The mage points out, subtly inching closer to the knight.
Madeleine snorts softly. “I think I see that now, yeah. It just hasn’t happened since I moved here- not until now, that is.”
Espresso gives up subtlety and moves to sit directly next to the blond. “If it happens again, tell me, you buffoon. I was so worried I was about to start praying to the Divine!”
The blond embarrassingly stumbles over his words as he says, “Ah, I-I wasn’t aware you cared so much, Espresso. I’m honored, truly!”
“Of course I do. For such an egotistical knight, you’re quite dense.”
“How so..?” ( Please, Divine, tell him this conversation is going in the direction he hopes it is.)
Espresso gently lays his head on Madeleine’s shoulder. “I believe I’ve been dropping hints of my affections for you for a rather long time.”
The Knight Commander’s face must be unbelievably red. “I wish I had noticed sooner.”
The mage giggles in response. He giggles???
Madeleine is completely stunned into silence. His stomach is doing flip upon flip, his heart is competing in a professional race, and his face might actually be on fire.
Espresso yawns, then cuddles into his side with a pleased hum. Madeleine hesitantly places his arm around the brunet’s shoulder, and his breath hitches when a small smile unfurls on the man’s face.
The warmth of Espresso next to him is pulling him into a comfortable rest, a far cry from the fog that’s been suffocating him for the past few months.
It’s certainly not a permanent fix, but maybe it’s a start.