Chapter Text
Jason accidentally ran into Bruce on his way back into the apartment. Great. I couldn’t have waited for Tim to text me? Even taken the long way back. Bought more than five groceries. I could have EASILY avoided this.
He kept his head down, staring at the bag in his hand as he reached for the door. Bruce was passing right by. Maybe he wouldn’t say anything.
“Jaylad.”
Jason squeezed his eyes shut, freezing with his hand on the knob. Dammit. “What?” (Okay, the tone was a bit harsh, but he was NOT eager to defend himself again.)
A heavy hand rested on his shoulder, gentle. “I’m not mad at you, Jay. I hope you know that.”
Jason tightened his grip on the knob, swallowing. His voice was oddly strained when he spoke. “Why wouldn’t you be?”
“You’ve already done so much to make up for it.” The hand squeezed, and the tone dipped into hesitant gentleness. “I can see how sorry you are, and I’m not mad. I just wish I’d known.”
“You should have checked,” Jason found himself biting out, teeth clenched. “It took weeks for the kid to stop having nightmares of YOU.”
“I should have, yes.” Bruce’s voice sounded so sad all of a sudden that Jason found himself biting his tongue.
“I’m sorry,” he tried, his voice barely above a whisper. “I…”
The man behind him moved back around, and even though Jason kept his eyes shut, he felt himself being pulled into the safest hug he’d ever had. The hug he DREAMED about, even though he hated that the dreams wouldn’t stop. The hug that made him feel fifteen again.
“I’m sorry,” Bruce murmured into his hair, his voice gentle, but edged with… something. Determination. Anger? “I won’t meddle, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make it better for him. For both of you. We can… We’ll talk later.”
Jason allowed himself relax a little, resting his chin on Bruce’s shoulder for a moment. He pulled away before Bruce could, turning away without making eye-contact, and fumbled for the knob.
“Jason,” Bruce said absently, almost as an afterthought. He was already further down the hall. “You mentioned giving up your vocal-chords to prove yourself. Did you mean it?”
Jason finally looked up, meeting the old man’s hesitant blue eyes with a bark of laughter. “No, Bruce, I didn’t. I wouldn’t. He---” His voice caught, and he looked down, blinking. “He likes me to sing to him.”
Bruce made a noise of sympathy, or maybe approval… and when Jason looked up again, the hall was empty.
************
Tim looked up from his half-finished text when the door opened, surprised. He hadn’t expected Jason to be back so fast, but here he was, bag of groceries in hand. He looked… pale.
Tim slid his phone away, going to his brother with a demanding “gimme” motion. Jason made an aborted noise in the back of his throat, but handed the bag over with amused resignation and a passing hair-ruffle. Tim shot him a glare before sliding into the adjoined kitchen to put the groceries away.
Jason caught his eye as soon as he was finished, signing. You okay?
Yeah, Tim signed back, making a relieved expression. I missed him, and I wanted to know if he cared. It was nice to finally talk with him. He made a face at the word “talk”, but didn’t correct himself. Are YOU okay? You look washed out.
Jason leaned against the bar with his elbows, hanging his head to run his hands through his hair. It was something he always did when he was frustrated, but Tim could easily tell how tired Jason really was; exhaustion dragged at his every movement.
Tim tapped the counter, leaning over. Jason looked up, coming almost nose-to-nose with Tim, and immediately cursed. But he didn’t move away. Teaching himself to make no sudden movements had been one of his first accomplishments when he’d started coming so often.
Tim glared at him. He didn’t need signs to tell his brother that he wanted an answer.
Jason slowly leaned back, puffing out a sigh. “Only if you don’t take it the absolute wrong way, baby bird. You’re like a… a guilt-sucking MACHINE.”
Fine, Tim signed with an eyeroll. No pity-parties. Talk to me.
Jason leaned forward now, hiding his face in his folded arms on the counter. “I’m… I dunno, Timbo. I’m so TIRED. And not of you; never of you. I’m tired of… feeling bad.” He uttered a hollow laugh. “I ought to. God knows I deserve it. I just wish I hadn’t… If I’d let off by half an INCH…”
Tim rounded the counter to Jason’s side, nudging him roughly from his chair. When the older man stumbled to his feet, Tim instantly slotted between his arms, fitting himself snugly against Jason’s chest in a big bear-hug. He’d gotten good at this; at using touch to convey his feelings. He didn’t do it often, and only with those he truly trusted. Jason knew that.
The older man heaved a long sigh before relaxing, wrapping his arms tightly around Tim’s back before resting his chin on soft black hair. “I don’t deserve a brother like you, Timbo. Christ. If you hadn’t forgiven me, I’m not sure I’d even be alive right now.”
Tim pulled back, gripping Jason’s arms as tight as he could. He snarled silently when Jason winced, letting go only to sign, Don’t even SAY that. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re making everything better; SO much better. I WANT you here. I WANT you, Jason. Don’t you want… Tim’s hands faltered for a moment. You keep saying you want me around, too.
“I do,” Jason breathed out, pulling Tim into a tighter hug than before with a shaky exhale. “I care so damn much, kiddo, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being sorry all the time. Not that you don’t deserve it.”
Tim pulled one hand away to fingerspell. You want to make it better.
“I do,” Jason repeated thickly, burying his nose in Tim’s hair. “I try to.”
You’re doing that, Tim slowly spelled, his other arm tightening. You make it better. All of it. You alone are enough, Jay.
Jason abandoned all further ideas for argument, squeezing his brother for dear life. Things did get bad sometimes. Nightmares dogged his sleep, Tim panicked when his new life became too much, and both of them worked overtime to strengthen their recent bond of trust. But right here, Jason’s little brother was safe in his arms, squeezing the stuffing out of him while trusting him with his life.
Worse… his LOVE.
Jason considered that even through the bad days… maybe this was enough.