Work Text:
Dis·pa·rate
( /dispərət,dəˈsperət/)
- Different in every way.
Example: The two cultures were so utterly disparate that she found it hard to adapt from one culture to the other.
- Markedly distinct in quality or in character in such an unlike way that there is no basis for comparison.
- Containing or made up of fundamentally different and often incongruous elements
So let them say we can’t do better.Lay out the rules that we can’t break.
They want to sit and watch it whiter.
Their legacy’s too hard to take.
Oh we said our dreams will carry us.
And if they don’t fly we will run.
Now we push right past to find out.
How to win what they all lost.
Oh-ah, oh-ah.
We know now we want more.
Oh-ah, oh-ah.
A life worth fighting for.
Brooklyn Heights, 2019
Rebekka Palpatine stood in front of the mirror, assessing her outfit.
Correction.
Rey Skywalker stood in front of the mirror, assessing her outfit.
Was it too risky?
She instinctively pulled the collar of her gray v-neck t-shirt up over her collarbone, contemplating if maybe she should wear a scarf before she stopped, catching herself before she spiraled into a panic attack.
You don’t have to think this way anymore.
She smoothed the shirt free of wrinkles, her hand brushing over the rainbow sparkles, the light of the rainbow-colored rhinestones reflecting on the wall in a myriad of technicolor as the warm sun cascaded through the window.
She brushed her hair - actual real hair ( which was a novelty onto its own) - before tying it up into three-buns. It has grown out quite nicely. Memories of that awful wig, now resting at the bottom of the East River, flashed through her mind.
The temperature outside was a warm 85 degrees, perfect for the Pride parade, her first as a spectator. Another change from her old life.
She glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand next to her bed in her tiny studio apartment. Quickly dashing some sparkly lip gloss on her lips - something that Rose encouraged her to splurge on at the CVS Pharmacy on Henry Street. She loved the texture of the gloss as it spread over her lip. Makeup was something she was still getting used to wearing. Lip gloss was her favorite for its affordable versatility.
She slipped her new white Keds sneakers on and laced her rainbow colored laces up into rabbit ears, a new skill she learned from Finn. It was embarrassing to have to be taught how to do something simple like tie a shoe, but growing up as a young girl under his thumb in her old Exegolic Hasidic Jewish home in East Williamsburg, everyone quietly understood the struggles she had to overcome.
So many changes. All welcome ones.
As she departed, she habitually reached to touch the mezuzah and kissed her hand quickly, before reaching to turn the doorknob. “You don’t need to shed everything Jewish, Rey,” her landlord Han Solo - short for Solotsky, a familial name from the Warsaw region in Poland - had expressed to her when he helped set up her room. A Jew himself, although not her type of Jew, he explained to her the importance of knowing the core of who was deep inside, and how that knowledge would anchor and guide her during the most difficult times. Han was an orphan like herself, although he was reluctant to share what exactly had happened in the past - not that Rey wasn’t able to piece together based on his age and place of birth.
We must make up what we have lost, Rebekkah. You know what is expected of you.
Quickly diverting her mind from his voice, she locked the door and slid the key chain into her pocket, careful to hook the teal clip to the belt buckle just above her pocket of her dark blue skinny jeans that accentuated the curvature of her bottom and narrowness to her waist.
Another thing she never thought she would ever be able to wear in her lifetime.
Just as she turned to go to the elevator, the door across the hallway opened, and a giant redwood tree of a man stepped out. Rey stiffened, her shoulders rolling back as her chin jutted out, and she ignored the butterflies that swirled in her stomach as she swiftly walked towards the elevator, head held high and eyes focused strictly forward. She flinched internally at the giant sigh coming from behind her, and her heartbeat increased a half-beat as she heard him follow her, his heavier footsteps echoing against the concrete floor.
She turned to press the down button as his large frame reflected against the shine of the gun-metal gray of the stainless steel elevator. She peeked at him discreetly against the reflection, noting the features against the slight distortion, her eyes trailing up his tall frame until they met his own eyes reflected back at her, his mouth curled in a slight smirk. Busted! She quickly turned her eyes downwards at her shoes, noting his own black converse, his feet dwarfing her size seven shoes. She figured he was at least a size 12. The rest of him was covered in standard black denim jeans, paired with a rainbow-striped Bahama shirt and a beanie etched with “Love is Love” in rainbow-colored embroidery.
Ben Solo, the man whose feet filled those shoes, cleared his throat. Ben Solo, the man whose intense amber brown eyes felt like quicksand when she stared at them too long, smirked as if he shared a secret between the two of them. Ben Solo, the man with wavy chocolate brown hair that she imagined would feel like the silk robes she once sewed, soft and luxurious at the touch, who knew just how to get under her skin. Ben Solo, with his elongated face peppered with moles, pout lips, and a perfect aquiline nose. Not that she noticed.
Ben Solo, the biggest scoundrel on this side of the Hudson River.
“So, are you going to keep pretending?” His deep voice echoed in the elevator foyer, causing a slight shiver to travel down her spine. He leaned over to whisper in her ear. “You know I can take whatever I want.”
“Do I?” Rey cursed to herself in eight shades of Yiddish, instantly regretted responding, knowing the hitch in her voice exposed her tell in such a way.
“Ahhh, you know I do.” He leaned forward to whisper in her ear, his eyes gleaming from the effort of a hard sought victory. His hand reached out and his index finger stroked along her cheek. “You keep fighting what we have, Rey. One day, you will give in to me...to us.”
She jerked her head to the side as his finger made a trail down to her throat before resting at her pulse. She cursed the rapid beat of her heart, revealing the effect he had on her in such a traitorous way.
“I’m not giving you anything!” Stepping to the side, she flexed her slightly moist palms against the pockets of her jeans.
He stepped back and straightened up, although she could still see a slight upward curve of his lips. “We’ll see,” he gently teased. “After you, madame,” his long arms swept in invitation as the elevator doors swung open.
Any anxiety about being left alone with him dissipated as she encountered two smiling faces back to her. Rose and her wife Jannah from the flat above screeched in delight as their eyes cast on Rey. Rose, a stage actress and graduate from Julliard, who came from a strict Asian family, married Jannah, an African American professor from CUNY after meeting at the opening night of Hamilton, where Rose was cast as an understudy. After having been shunned from her family after coming out, the two married as soon as marriages were legal, and had spent the last few years doing fertility treatments to have a child. After years of treatment, Rose finally conceived and was four months along.
Rose immediately took to Rey, united in the understanding of being shunned from a traditional family, and the two of them took Rey under their wings, teaching her how to be a modern woman.
Rose grabbed Rey’s hand and dragged her into an embrace, ignoring Ben’s flirty “ladies” greeting.
“My baby’s first Pride parade!” Rose practically buzzed with excitement, her pink heart-shaped sunglasses bouncing down her nose. “We are going to have so much fun. Just wait until the after-parties, and all the booze. Oh. Wait. Have you ever had alcohol?”
Rey shook her head, anxiety creeping through her lungs at the thought of a crowded bar and all the sin drink. Her grandfather would have…well… let’s not go there. Rey’s hands slowly curled into instinctive fists.
“Well no worries, I’ll make sure…”
“Babe, slow down. Let her take in the experience on her terms,” Jannah gently scolded, before leaning in to her wife for a kiss, her hand gently caressing the tiny bump. Rey quickly chuckled at how big the rainbow print expanded over Rose’s belly protrusion.
“Mmmm. Keep it up ladies and maybe we can take this party upstairs?” Ben joked, his eyebrows waggling.
“Ugh. No. Keep it in your pants, gigolo.” Jannah giggled.
Rey bit on her lip. Ben was openly bisexual and very flirty, a stark contrast to the rigidly conservative heterosexual men she was raised around. Could he even be interested in a mouse like her?
“You will marry Armitage. It has been decided. You have a responsibility to keep this family growing, Rebekkah. Do not disappoint me.”
“But Saba, he is so old….” she did not get a chance to finish her sentence when the back of his palm hit her face, leaving a stinging imprint.
“You will do as you are told. It is settled.”
The crowd in downtown Brooklyn was massive. The boom of music echoed in the air, and the smell of various cuisines from the food trucks and food vendors permeated her senses.
Finn, her best friend, a black trans woman, was noshing on some Taco Bell Baja Burritos, occasionally feeding a piece directly into Poe’s mouth. As a franchise owner, it wasn’t uncommon that Finn would bring bags of taco goodness to every event. After overcoming homelessness, Finn was now successful enough to share his good fortune with other trans youth, offering them jobs and a fresh start.
Finn’s refugee Guatemalan boyfriend, Poe, an omnisexual human rights lawyer from Manhattan, spotted them and waved them over. They overcame border separation from them's family, whom they was still trying to locate after all these decades.
“Hey big guy,” they said, locking lips in a passionate kiss with Ben, tongue meeting tongue, before hugging Jannah and Rose. When they approached Rey, they raised them's eyebrows questioningly.
“Your mother was a shiksa. You are a shiksa too. Such a disgrace.”
“Hey Poe. I guess a little kiss is okay,’ Rey smiled, and Poe leaned in for a close mouth peck on the lips before pulling her into a deep hug.
Finn came in from behind and embraced the hug. Rey felt like a piece of bologna in a sandwich. But she didn’t mind. Finn was her new family, so by default, so was Poe.
“Hey, are you okay? Are you hungry?” Finn said, as she tossed the garbage to the curb. She had spotted Rey digging through the trash as she exited the restaurant.
“I…don’t have…anywhere to go.” Rey looked at her shoe, her face flushing red in shame all the way to the tips of her ears, obvious against the brown fuzz of her newly shaved head. She shivered in her light cardigan. “I didn’t mean to steal from your garbage can.”
“Hey now. I’ve been in your shoes. Come with me. I know just where to go and who can help you.” She held out a hand. Rey hesitated. “Trust me. I’ve been in your shoes, girl. Mama Leia will take you in.”
“Hey, break it up. Rey’s my girl,” Ben strolled over, pulling Rey from the embrace into his side.
“You wish,” she shot back, ignoring the pointed look from Finn and the knowing grin from Poe.
“Yah, I do,” he whispered in her ear.
She blushed to the roots of her hair, so lost in his gaze that she didn’t even notice that the parade had started until she was jostled, the momentum pushing her in his arm.
“If you wanted me Sweetheart, all you had to do was ask,” he said, lips cured in amusement. He bent over and gave her a kiss on the cheek before they turned to take their place in the parade.
They marched for a few blocks, and Rey couldn’t grinning like a fool. If you had asked her a year ago if she had ever imagined herself in a Pride parade, she would have laughed. Her strict fundamentalist orthodox lifestyle forbade her from even attending this as a supporter.
A woman’s proper place was by her husband’s side, bringing children into the world, her Saba had said.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of a loud commotion. A small anti-protest group had gathered and were yelling slurs at the participants.
She froze in place, causing Rose and Jannah to stumble into her.
“Are you okay,” Rose said, concerned etched on her face as Rey began to hyperventilate, feelings of fear and dizziness blurring her vision, causing her to slump. Ben swiftly caught her in his arm, and lifted her in a bridal carry as Finn and Poe created a path to the side.
They found a bench tucked away and Ben gently placed Rey down, bending so he was in front of her. Rey clutched his biceps blindly for support.
“Look at me, Rey,” his deep voice gently washed over her. “Focus on me. That’s right. Just breathe in. You are safe with me. Nobody will hurt you. Breathe in. Breathe out. That’s a good girl.”
He repeated his mantra over, as Jannah made her sip on the water. Finn fanned her with his fan, and Rose and Poe did crowd control to ensure they were left alone.
Rey’s breath finally calmed to something resembling normal, and her blurry eyes focused, staring deeply into Ben’s golden brown eyes.
I am safe with Ben. They can’t hurt me anymore.
“Hey there, Sweetheart,” he said with a gentle smile. “Want to tell me where you went?”
“I saw his goons. They were there. Armitage was there. Rabbi Enric was there,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I didn’t want them to see me….I don’t want to…go back.”
Ben pulled her into a hug, and Rose and Jannah continued to pat her back.
“We won’t let you take you away,” Ben said, tilting her face to him. “I won’t let them take something I love away from me.”
“You…you love me?” Rey stuttered, letting out a small gasping laugh amidst her tears.
“Of course I do, Sweetheart,” Ben replied, before bending forward to gently kiss her. “You bring brightness to our rainbow. You are the sun that bends the rain into something beautiful.”
“We all love you, Rey,” Finn replied. “We all come from broken homes, so we get it.”
“You are one of us, girlfriend. You are part of our little family.” The others nodded in agreement. “And if you don’t want to continue to march, that’s okay, we’ve got your back. We can take the party home,” Rose replied.
“Kids, I want to introduce you to Rey. She’s been through so much, but we don’t turn anyone away at the Resistance House, do we? There is always room for one more in the family!” Rey peaked up nervously, to meet five sets of warm, welcoming eyes. The honey brown ones belonging to a redwood of a man lingered on her while the others turned their attention to Leia.
“And Ben,” Leia said with a touch of mischief. “Behave, my son. Don’t be like your nerfherder, no-good, scoundrel of a father.”“Hey, now, Sweetheart,” Had replied, pulling Leia into a hug. “You like scoundrels.”
Rey looked around, the love and concern on her friends faces as clear as the day they all met, needing sanctuary. What she ended up receiving was a family. She turned to Ben, who was still kneeling before her.
“I love you too” she said, an elated smile washing over her. “I love you all, family. Which is why they are going to continue to march. Love wins over hate, all day, every day. You have been there for me, so let me be there for you. I’m not afraid anymore.”
After a few elated whoops and a big group hug. Poe tried to get frisky with Rey again until a growl from Ben made him back away.
Rey surprised Ben by pulling him down to kiss her, causing hoots and hollers from the large crow watching their display. It was a messy kiss, with tongues clashing and teeth gnashing, but it held the promise of the future.
He pulled away after a loud dog-whistle, but didn’t let go of her hand the entire parade.
He didn’t let go of her hand when they stepped into the bedroom of his flat.
He didn’t let go of her hand when they walked down the aisle to cheers and Mazel-Tovs.
He didn’t let go of her hand when they buried her grandfather, nor when she signed the last check over to charity after dismantling his shady business that funded his fundamentalist sect, causing the adherents to scatter once the milk ran dry.
He didn’t let go of her hand when in the delivery room when they welcomed a son…and a daughter.
And he didn’t let go of her hand when she took over The Resistance from Leia, carrying on the tradition of welcoming other disparate youth.