Work Text:
Esposito looked up from the paperwork he was doing, expecting to see his partner at his desk. But he wasn’t there. The only thing he saw when he looked up was a frame. A frame with a picture. A picture of Ryan and Jenny on their wedding day.
Esposito felt his stomach cramp painfully and a weight fall on his shoulders.
Ryan was on his honeymoon. With his wife.
Esposito closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn’t cry. Not in the middle of the fucking precinct.
***
One day after a tough case, they had ended up in bed together. They had only been working together for just over a year. Javier couldn’t say he had regretted it. He did regret what had happened right after.
“I love you, Javi.” Kevin had whispered.
“Kevin…”
“What?”
Javier had flinched when he had heard the hurt in his partner’s voice.
“This can’t happen again.”
“What is it? Is it your special force pride? Is it the macho in you?”
Kevin had wanted to get up and put his clothes back on, but Javier had stopped him.
“I’m sorry, Kevin. I just…” Javier had always hated spilling his feelings. “I didn’t even know I had any non-platonic feelings towards guys, or towards you in particular until we started kissing. I need time to deal with this all in my head.”
***
Esposito shook his head when he thought back to that moment. His partner had given him time. Days, weeks, months and suddenly years had passed and Ryan had appeared in the precinct with that hideous tie. He could still feel the hurt he had felt that very day.
Esposito rubbed his eyes in frustration before staring right at that fucking picture again.
There was only one thought in his head:
If I hadn’t been such a coward… Would it be me in that picture in that frame on Kevin’s desk, for everyone to see?
He’d never know and it was his own damn fault.