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“I will love you for as long as the world will allow me to.”
That was the promise Eren Yeager made when he realized he was in love with Mikasa Ackerman.
“I know you will.”
He took her hands in his own, admiration painting his face as he watched the way her cheeks grew pink as she spoke, becoming even darker when she realized he was staring.
“You’re beautiful, Mikasa,” he praised, leaning in until his forehead met hers.
Mikasa smiled, closing the space between them with a kiss. Eren melted into the kiss, feeling his heart pick up speed, pounding as though it were about to burst out of his chest.
When the two pulled away, Eren took the end of her loosely wrapped scarf in his hand. He slowly began to wrap it around her, until it sat comfortably on her neck as usual.
“No matter what, I’ll wrap this scarf around you, as many times as you want.” He kissed her softly once more. “Now and forever.”
-
Four years ago, Eren Yeager fell in love with Mikasa.
Four years later, those feelings were somehow more alive than they were before.
Alive to the point where anyone could tell they’ve completely taken him over.
Everyone except for Eren and Mikasa.
As far as Eren was concerned, he purely loved Mikasa and wasn’t going to let anyone keep her away from him. Although he said “as long as the world allows me to”, he didn’t want to even risk giving the world a chance at ever stopping him. He destroyed any and everyone who ever threatened her, making sure they never hurt the one who was most important to him.
Even though they hadn’t been in love at the time, it all started when Eren had killed the men who killed Mikasa’s parents. From then on, Eren swore to himself that he would protect her, even if she ended up protecting him more.
He was eventually able to protect her as well, once he knew he was a titan shifter. Although titans were considered evil, that power was very useful. Yet it eventually led to more harm than good, especially when it came to their relationship.
Four years ago, he had used his titan abilities to destroy other titans, which made keeping the walls and the people inside safe easier than before.
Eren did it all for Mikasa, and she loved how much he cared for her. It showed how willing he was to keep his promise. Every time he saved her, he wrapped the scarf around her again, a silent acknowledgement to that day.
Four years later, something changed in Eren. During the attack on Marley, he began to kill people, something he hadn’t done since the day the two met. It scared him to take a life, especially after losing so many people in his own life, but a part of him admittedly felt stronger due to it. Strong enough to keep Mikasa safe.
Blinded by his power, he used his newfound strength to continue wiping out the Marleyans who took aim at Mikasa. Even when Levi told him to stop and move on to the next step of the mission, Eren wouldn’t listen. His only goal now was to protect her.
It was no longer about keeping the world from ending their love. It was now about Eren going against the world for Mikasa.
“Eren! Stop!”
With a Marleyan soldier in hand, Eren looked down, seeing Mikasa land on a nearby rooftop and waving her arms to get his attention. He held her in his hand, lifting her so he could hear what she had to say.
“You’re killing people who aren’t even armed,” Mikasa said. “I know they’re Marleyans but you need to calm down, Eren. You’ll get us all killed.”
Mikasa, Eren thought. I’m doing this to protect you.
However, he nodded in response, lowering her back on the roof. With a sad look filling her eyes, Mikasa used her gear to soar ahead to the rest of the scouts. Meanwhile, Eren moved forward, thinking about what she had told him.
I need to protect Mikasa, he repeated. If someone threatens her, of course I need to do something about it.
The mission continued, Eren now killing less people than before, due to Mikasa’s wishes. However, when he turned towards her, the sight he saw infuriated him.
Across the town, a Marleyan soldier had his gun raised, aiming directly at Mikasa.
Letting out a yell, Eren rushed over to the soldier, not caring who had gotten in his way. He needed to get to Mikasa before it was too late.
What he didn’t know was that at the same time, another soldier had come up behind Armin, who was much closer than Mikasa.
Before Armin could move away, the soldier shot him, his body hitting the roof instantly.
The moment Eren took care of the soldier, he heard a scream of terror.
Breathing heavily due to the anger and fear he felt, Eren turned around to face a terrified Mikasa, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Looking back across the town, he saw Armin’s limp, lifeless body.
No… NO!
Before he could react, Eren felt an attack on his nape, causing him to collapse to the ground, his titan form now disintegrating.
-
“We’re going to explore the outside world someday, right?”
Although Eren didn’t believe Armin when he said there was something called the ocean, he nodded, supporting his best friend.
“Of course we are. I’ll make sure that happens.”
Armin smiled, light filling his eyes at the idea of seeing the world that his parents had wanted to go to.
“Then you can’t die before that happens.”
Eren playfully punched his friend in the arm. “You can’t either, idiot. You’re the whole reason we have to go.”
Although he had been joking when he said that, he was still scared that something would happen to his friend, someone he never wanted to lose.
However, Armin laughed, the joy in the sound calming Eren instantly. Armin’s positivity was always what kept Eren at peace, even after talking about potentially dying.
“Then let’s make a promise that neither of us will die, at least until we see the ocean.”
-
“See? I told you, Eren. There’s a giant saltwater lake that no merchant can deplete, not even in a lifetime.”
Armin smiled, overjoyed by the fact that they had made it to the ocean, after years of dreaming,
“What I said wasn’t wrong, was it?” he joked, placing a hand on Eren’s shoulder.
Eren chuckled softly to himself, quiet enough to where even Armin couldn’t hear. He was happy that his friend had finally fulfilled his dream. Now all he needed to do was destroy their enemies, so that he could keep Mikasa, Armin, and everyone else safe.
He couldn’t let anyone else die.
-
When Eren opened his eyes, he saw both Mikasa and Levi with horrified expressions. He then glanced to the side, eyes meeting Armin once again.
“Eren!” Levi yelled, grabbing Eren by the hair and forcing him to meet his eyes. “What were you thinking?!”
“I…I” Eren couldn’t think of anything to say, the shock of his actions hitting him all at once.
Levi shoved Eren’s head down, releasing his hair before storming off, cooling down before he did anything he may regret.
“Armin’s gone,” Mikasa said calmly, opposite to the shock on her face.
Her voice sent shivers down Eren’s spine. He knew that although she sounded calm, there was anger and fear hidden behind her words. The heat coming from her could be felt, as though he was standing next to a volcano that seemed peaceful, but could erupt with any wrong move.
“Mikasa… Armin…”
Tears fell from his eyes as his body curled up into a ball. He couldn’t believe he had killed his best friend, when all he meant was to protect his girlfriend. He never meant for anyone to get hurt.
Although she was angry, Mikasa kneeled beside him, running her hand gently through his hair to soothe him.
“I remembered him and the ocean while I was out,” he said, eyes shut tight. “We promised each other that we wouldn’t die.”
Mikasa stayed silent, listening to her boyfriend’s cries.
“If I couldn’t keep that promise, how am I going to keep ours?”
Mikasa remained silent, yet it was now out of shock at his question.
“How did this happen?” Eren cried out, his body trembling. “How could I let them kill Armin?”
“You were too focused on protecting only me,” she admitted.
“I’m sorry… Mikasa,” he said between sobs.
Without a word, Mikasa continued to comfort him, until Eren pushed her away.
“You should go. I don’t wanna hurt you too.”
Mikasa stood, accepting his wish as she joined Levi.
Eren sat in silence, heart pounding in his ears as his friend’s death replayed over in his mind. He knew he messed up more than ever before, even if all he meant to do was protect his beloved.
Eren Yeager knew he had gone against the world and become a monster.
-
Months passed since the battle of Marley, as well as the death of Armin.
Mikasa hadn’t talked to Eren since that day, the pain too much for her to handle. She never had a chance to clear things up with him. She knew he blamed himself because of her reaction to the scene, but he was wrong. Mikasa had been angry at the fact that Armin had died, not at Eren. But she knew he wouldn’t accept that. He blamed himself for what had happened, not allowing anyone to tell him otherwise.
However, she hated being away from him like this. She still loved him with her entire heart. It hurt her to do this, but she knew it was better for both of them. She also knew that the opposite of what he believed was true.
Eren Yeager was not a monster.
Eventually, as Mikasa had finished her training for the day, she spotted him walking towards her. There was no color- no life, even- in his eyes, which had dark bags under them. His hair that he usually kept in a bun was now kept down at his shoulders, as though he were hiding his face from the world.
“Hi, Mikasa,” he said, voice low and rough.
“Hi,” she replied, her heart breaking at the sight of him.
“Can we talk?”
Mikasa nodded, causing Eren to take her by the hands.
“I never meant for things to happen the way they did,” he began.
Mikasa sighed. “Of course not. You would never purposefully kill Armin.”
“Exactly. But I also know that it would take so much more than I can ever do for you to forgive me.”
“I already have forgiven you.” That was only half true. She never blamed him in the first place.
Eren shook his head. “I don’t deserve that. You shouldn’t have to worry about me losing myself again. Or losing any of our friends again.”
“We live in a cruel, miserable world,” she reassured. “Anything could happen, but I will always care about you.”
“And I’ll always care about you. But we can’t be together.”
Mikasa nodded. “I understand.” She let go of his hand, placing it on his cheek. “I still love you, though.”
She gave him a small smile, knowing that although it was hard to accept, Armin’s death was an accident caused by obsession.
“Come back to me when you’re ready.”
“Don’t smile at me like that, Mikasa.” Eren suddenly said, turning his face away, but not before Mikasa could notice the tears filling his eyes.
“Why not?”
“Because it makes leaving you forever even harder.”
It was like an arrow pierced her heart the moment the words left his mouth. Her breathing became heavy as his words immediately replayed in her mind. Leave her forever? It couldn’t be true. Of course, she knew it was better for him to leave than to continue his descent, but she didn’t think it would mean forever.
“Do you truly mean forever?”
Eren nodded solemnly, tears now rolling down his cheeks. “I do.”
That wasn’t what Mikasa wanted to hear. She imagined hearing those words coming from Eren on their wedding day, not the day she would be losing him.
“What happened to loving me as long as the world allowed you to?”
Eren let out a soft laugh, though there wasn’t a single bit of joy in the sound. “I guess this was the world’s way of putting an end to that since I tried to take over. Who knows who might suffer next because of my love for you?”
He pulled her body against his own, though Mikasa only felt an infinite amount of space between them.
“I’m sorry, Mikasa.”
Stop it, Eren!
Tears now fell from her eyes as Eren hugged her tight. She gripped his shirt as she sobbed, feeling his tears hit the top of her head.
“I have to go now.”
Not forever, she begged in her mind. She knew vocally pleading to him wouldn’t change his mind. I can’t do this without you. Don’t leave m-
His lips met hers in a final kiss, ending her silent pleas. Every emotion the two felt poured out into each other the second their lips collided. The fear, regret, and heartbreak, along with the love, memories, and joy. Mikasa knew that everything she was feeling, Eren experienced as well. Neither of them wanted to let the other go.
They wished this moment never had to end.
Because once it did, their lives together ended as well.
The moment he pulled away, Mikasa noticed the way Eren shook, from his hands to his legs. Leaving was killing him as much as it was killing her.
Eren took the scarf in his hands once more, slowly wrapping it around her neck. All Mikasa could do was be reminded of the way things used to be, wondering why it had to end up this way.
“Goodbye, Mikasa. I’ll…” he paused, drawing in a deep breath as his thumb wiped the tears from her eyes before continuing. “I’ll always love you.”
“I’ll always love you, too,” she whispered, the pounding heartbeat in her ears making her unsure if her voice was even audible. “I’m sorry, Eren.”
As he turned to walk away, Mikasa’s mind was flooded with regret, causing her to only watch in silence until it hit her how far he already was. Everything in Mikasa’s body was screaming at her to follow him. Yet she knew she couldn’t. She had to let him go.
“Thank you…” she began, knowing Eren could no longer hear her. She squeezed her eyes shut, hand flying up to her scarf before beginning again, yelling as loud as possible. “Thank you, Eren! For wrapping this scarf around me!”
A single tear rolled down her cheek once again as she gripped her scarf tighter, eyes focused on him until he was far enough to no longer be visible. Burying her face into the material, she began to sob, slowly swaying until she fell to her knees. Eren was officially gone, and there was no chance of him coming back. She didn’t know where he was going- she didn’t think Eren even knew. But she was certain about one thing.
Eren had truly loved Mikasa until the world no longer allowed him to.