Archive of Our Own

i. Kai | post s10
(cw ; references to suicide)

Lloyd swears it was a joke. Or well, he thought everybody would take it as a joke and laugh with him

Then again, it was on him for making a joke so insensitive. Seriously, what was he thinking? He may tend to say things without much thinking, it had always been more of an afterthought considering how impulsive he was, but still . This was... this was something else that he's not so sure he can even get out of.

They had just finished a mission -- could it be considered a mission if it was unplanned? Technically, it was more of a retreat, but 'mission' objectively sounded cooler -- and they had all been gathered by the kitchen. Zane was cooking, FSM bless his father for creating him , and, naturally, there was chatter among them. A few jokes, a few laughs, quips and snarks. It was supposed to be uneventful.

It had been Jay who'd started the running joke; of course, it was. Jay's mouth also ran impulsively, but that was because his brain was too full of thoughts and ideas that he had to get it out somehow and, usually, it went through jokes.

"it's like you're a magnet for trouble! Everywhere we go, you attract the big bad as if you've got villain bait in your pockets! You must experience at least like 80 near-death experiences a day!" -- a hyperbole, definitely, but it didn't come out of nowhere. Lloyd did have to agree, whenever they went out, it's like all evil eyes are deadset on either taking his powers or himself. It was terrifying at first, especially when he had first just started becoming a ninja, but, nowadays, it's more of a daily occurrence. Nindroids and snakes? Evil masterminds and past masters? Dead individuals and also just generally manipulative people? Some crazy bitch who wanted to revive his dad? All part of the daily life of Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon.

And, again, he swears it's a joke. He's not even sure he'd said it until a tense silence washes over the dinner table as soon as soon those words slip past his lips.

"It's almost like things are better off with me dead."

Lloyd winces. In hindsight, that was a horribly phrased joke and it was definitely on him.

The silence is deafeningly loud in his ears, ringing mockingly. The grin that had been on his face twitched into a hesitant frown as his friends whipped their heads to his direction, their expressions varying from surprised to downright horrified. He's grateful that his uncle Wu wasn't with them right then, because he would've gotten lectured for an hour straight and probably gotten grounded for life. He lets out a nervous laugh as his hands behind to mindlessly tap onto the wood of the table.

Way to go, Lloyd! One emotionally vulnerable point for you and zero for the ninjas!

Bitterly, he ignores that sour, taunting voice in his head.

"Uhh, forget I said that?" He suggests carefully, though his tone elevates into uncertainty by the end of his sentence. At the bemused faces of his friends, he shrinks and sheepishly shrugs. "No? Bad idea? R-Right, sorry."

Kai and Cole open their mouths at the same time, but they're interrupted by Zane who walks in with a tray of food held between his hands, a pink apron wrapped around the front of his body. Lloyd lets out a silent breath of relief -- FSM bless Zane's father for creating him. Has he said that already? -- and reaches out for an empty bowl. A hesitant silence takes over the room again, nobody dared make a move, aside from a confused Zane who could only turn his head left and right to assess his brothers and sister, but Cole, being Cole, grabs an empty bowl for himself and that at least allows the rest of them to settle into dinner.

A soundless dinner. Lloyd had never had a more unreasonable fear than that.

It was a race against all odds. Lloyd had to finish his meal first so he can run off to his room and never show his face ever again in front of the ninjas for making such a horrible one-liner failure of a joke. He wonders how Jay can come across so naturally witty, because Lloyd sucked at this whole 'being funny' thing. Somehow, he manages to beat Cole to finishing his meal first and darts to the kitchen sink, frantically basks the bowl in water, and runs off to his room.

His hands tap onto his mattress in a familiar rhythm. Despite the constant tapping in his ears, he can still hear the loud thrumming of his veins and the beats against the ribcage of his heart. Maybe this was what a heart attack was like -- he never thought it was possible, but maybe this was what they meant by 'dying of embarrassment' .

When the door opens, he swings his blanket over his head, although he knows it's a little bit too late for that when he hears a familiar voice let out a small sigh.

"Lloyd, I know you're awake, I just saw you put that over your head."

He forces his body to go slack and makes snoring noises. The space beside him on his bed sinks with a weight that he knows belongs to his brother.

"Lloyd, come on, I'm not mad at you, bud. And, also, I am not that stupid to fall for that a second time. I still can't believe you managed to convince me that you were asleep that one time."

Lloyd can't help it -- the memory of him managing to trick Kai into thinking that he was asleep once after he'd spilt a bottle of syrup onto his head to get him off his tail is far too funny to him. He laughs . And, as soon as he does, he slaps his hand over his mouth to stifle what was left of his chuckle.

"Aha! I heard that, Lloyd! Give it up!"

If there was something Lloyd was good at, other than being an impulsive idiot, apparently, was not giving up. He kept his blanket tight and secure over himself.

"That's it! I'm counting to three! One. Two-- "

Lloyd cannot believe it worked.

"Huh. I can't believe that worked!" Kai voices his astonishment as if he could read Lloyd's mind. 

But it obviously did work, regardless of whether or not they could believe it, because he'd popped his head out of the bundle of blankets over himself with wide eyes and stared at Kai. What was he even so scared of? Kai was counting to three for no reason!

Lloyd pouts at Kai's amused grin. This was so unfair.

Kai's grin softens into a patient and sorry smile as he runs a hand through Lloyd's hair, effectively making him relax against his will. This was so unfair!

"So... wanna talk about what you said earlier, bud?" 

Lloyd groans and shoves his face into the covers of his bed. Yeah, it was fair for him to ask about it, that didn't make it any better . Compared to talking about it, he'd rather die-- or maybe he shouldn't use that expression. Regardless, if he didn't talk about it, then he would be leaving his family to make their own conclusions, and he fears those conclusions might not be all too great.

Lloyd lets out an indignant huff. "It... it was just a joke. I swear I didn't mean anything by it!"

Kai gave him a clearly unbelieving look, but Lloyd's stubborn determination was relentless. Besides, he didn't mean anything by it, and that was the simple truth! Sure are times in his life when he wants to be free of the responsibilities of being the green ninja, or times when he wished he'd been born a different person, but, FSM no, he would never wish to die. To think that he'd gotten his family to think that he was suicidal with some dumb joke --God, that was an awful thought. So he keeps his gaze certain as he stared back at Kai, eventually giving in and talking. 

"There are many things in my life I wish I were and weren't, Kai," he starts off small, his voice quiet and muffled through his blanket. "I wish I had been born with a more loving and committed family, sure. And I wish I hadn't been destined to be the green ninja, sometimes, yeah. But I promise , no matter what happens, the one thing I will never , ever wish for is to be dead."

Kai finally seems to relax at his words, his shoulders visibly no longer tense as he continued to play with Lloyd's hair. "And I believe you, bud, every word you say. I just wanted to make sure you meant nothing by it."

"I know," Lloyd says in a whisper, but it's genuine and honest and Kai, without a doubt, knows it is. " I know. "

"Alright then, no more sappy shit! It's bedtime for you!" Kai grabs Lloyd from under his blanket and throws him up onto the surface of his mattress, startling Lloyd, but he's quick to relax and sink into the comforts of his bed as Kai tucks him into bed, flattening out the wrinkles on his covers. Brushing Lloyd's blonde locks away from his eyes, Kai gives him one last look of endearment before he gets up from the bed and makes his way to the door.

He stops halfway through, turning back towards the younger boy.

"And, by the way, Lloyd," he begins softly, smiling at him. "You may not have been born with the most loving family, but you have us now. And we care for you, kay? You're the best of all of us. Love you, bud."

Lloyd is too stunned to respond back to him and Kai is already out of his room by the time he's recovered.

Damn.

He could get used to this.

ii. Nya

Nya was... a lot like Kai. Only, she was far more responsible and highlighted the things Kai lacked as a ninja, in exchange for her definitely (and equally) far more stubborn and admittedly sour attitude. 

Out of all of the ninjas, Nya had been the first to warm up to Lloyd. But that was mostly because she had been excluded from most missions at first and so was he. Though there were more excuses on his part than on hers.

They didn't instantly get along. Nya had been just as bitter as the rest about letting a former enemy stay with them, much less train and live at their place, but who were they to object sensei Wu's orders? He was their master and they were to listen to his advice and commands.

Nya never planned on liking Lloyd -- he was a brat and a trouble-maker and, for some reason, he was destined to be the green ninja despite his history. Yet, somehow, that blonde gremlin managed to wrap everyone around that green finger of his. There was just something about that scoundrel that tugged on their heartstrings. It was all so domestic that Nya would’ve gagged. 

Nya had always been the youngest. And being the youngest sucked, because she was already being underestimated enough for being a girl, she didn't need another factor to add to that! Not to mention the fact that almost everyone in the group always babied her! Sans for Jay, but that was for other reasons and it'd be weird if he treated her like a baby. She didn’t need any of that, she was very capable of handling herself, thank you very much.

But, now that she has a younger brother, she can testify that it is indeed primal instincts to baby them. Lloyd is older now, kind of , but she still sees him like a baby bird who'd just been born. He is young and hotheaded and impulsive and stupid, but he's brave and kind and passionate and considerate. Nya is a lot like Kai, because it runs in their blood, but Lloyd is a lot like both of them, because they’re siblings, though through bond.

Lloyd, unlike the other ninjas, didn't slack off quite as much. If he wasn't training, he'd be running around the ship trying to help Wu with whatever simple tasks he was doing -- Nya once walked into the bizarrely humorous sight of Lloyd trying to feed Wu a cookie, and it was only by a miracle that she had managed to escape her master's wrath. Lloyd has a lot of energy, he's always up and going and moving and he never stops to sit down. 

Nya is proud when she sees Lloyd. Her heart swells with joy and pride whenever he does something great; actually, it always swells in joy, even if Lloyd was doing something as simple as passing a bowl over to Wu. And she totally understands the looks that Kai always sends her way; he's not trying to be condescending or pitying, he just wants her to know that he loves her without saying any words. And that thought makes her heart swell with joyful love and pride. She does the same for Lloyd, or she tries to, but Lloyd never seems to pick it up. It's different from her, though. He's not offended when he catches her looking his way, he's just... confused. At least Nya had the liberty of her sensei Wu and whatever small bits and pieces of memories about her parents to make drawing a conclusion easier, but Lloyd didn't have... he didn't have anyone. Not his uncle Wu, not his parents, and certainly not any siblings.

So Nya is confident to make sure the boy knows she loves him. 

In her... own special way.

She leaves candy and chocolate bars by his room, tags them with a "from me to you! - Nya" card. 

She is always the first one to offer him any assistance, she never hesitates to take whatever burden there is off his shoulders.

When Zane isn't around, she's willing to cook and teach him new recipes so that he'll never feel hungry. Though she has learned not to let Lloyd near a stove when he is upset. He can grate cheese when he’s moody.

Yet, nothing had really changed. Despite all her efforts, it's like he still feels unloved, and Nya is split between feeling concerned and a little bit offended. Mostly concerned though, because, of course! Of course, he felt unloved. He doesn't know what being loved feels like and her small actions won't be enough to tell him that, because nobody has ever done that for him. She needs to say it to his face, and so she will.

It's late at night and the ninjas have just returned. She hadn’t been able to join because Pixal needed her to help out with some machines, so Zane stayed with them too. They look exhausted and there are wounds all over their bodies, but the grins on their faces are victorious and happy, so Nya couldn't not be proud of them. Usually, she would immediately walk over to Kai and Jay and congratulate them, but she decided if she was planning to be blunt about her appreciation and adoration for her baby brother, she might as well say it to his face -- and, also, it's too late into the night for any celebrations.

So she simply walks over to Lloyd, pulls him into a hug, pats him on the shoulder and smiles softly. "Good job out there, lil bro! Go get some rest, alright? Love ya'!"

It's all she says before she leaves the dock of the ship and goes to her room.

Though distantly, she can hear Jay and Kai squabble while Lloyd lets out a startled noise every once in a while.

A smile lights up her face and she's pretty sure Lloyd would be smiling too.

(And he was. He really loved his big sister.)

iii. Jay
(tw ; references to attempted noncon on a minor)

Jay is expressive, really. He's never afraid to show his raw emotions at face value. If he pretends to feel something he didn't, then he'd be a coward not to face how he actually felt. He could only ever think positive if he accepted that he felt negative — it just worked like that!

Jay has no issue expressing his concerns over issues, but, when those issues are less obvious or not as blaring, he keeps it to himself until he figures it out fully. He is expressive, but not necessarily confrontative.

Lloyd has a sweet tooth. And that was very apparent. After all, his first crime was influenced by his want for candy. 

But, recently, Lloyd has been… how does Jay phrase it without making it sound like Lloyd and sweets were a couple falling out? Lloyd has been more tentative with sweets, when he used to snatch them at any given moment. Whenever he’s given sweets, he winces and hesitates to take them. Whenever he’s about to eat candy, he closes his eyes shut as if there’s a monster in front of him.

However, Jay knows it’s not a big enough issue to bring it up in front of the rest. What was he gonna say anyway? “Oh, Lloyd lost his sweet tooth and now he doesn’t need candy anymore, I need help!” – yeah, no. If Jay wants the rest to help, he’ll have to figure out what happened first.

Jay is astute and observant. He notices the small little things that others may not, but only takes a course of action when his instincts tell him it might be threatening. Candy should be the least of his concerns, really, but it’s Lloyd , and that instinctual feeling in his gut told him to take care of his baby brother (who wasn’t really much of a baby anymore, but whatever). 

A day home was a blessing to all of the ninjas. They loved training and going on missions, sure, but proper rest and entertainment were important for normal humans too. Jay loves spending time with his family. A day to relax is a day Jay won’t complain about.

Except it’s hard to fight off the concern burning in his gut when Lloyd is thrashing his hand away after he’d offered a candy bar.

It’s silent as Lloyd recovers, his chest rising and falling with every breath he exhaled. Jay can only stare, slowly retracting his hand back to show that he meant no harm – because why would he mean harm by giving his brother candy? It's almost so ridiculous that he would laugh, but the humour in him dies pretty fast when Lloyd's breathing begins to pick up.

"Hey, hey, calm down," Jay says, tossing the candy from his hands away and rushing over to Lloyd's side, careful not to touch him. "What's the matter, Lloyd?"

Lloyd shakes his head and clenches his fists. "N- Nothin-g , I just... Give, give me a moment."

"Okay." It's all Jay can offer as an affirmation. He's expressive, not an empath , so he can't help Lloyd now even if he wanted to. He just had to be there for him and care for him as a proper older brother should.

It's silent again as Lloyd tries to control his breathing. When he's calmer, Jay takes the space beside him on the couch, though he still keeps his distance just to be sure. 

Jay can see the way Lloyd's hand is clenching against the couch aggressively, the way his entire body seems to be shaking and all of his exhales are unsteady. Jay isn't sure what to do. Jay's affection is mostly physical, but he knows better than to touch someone who was panicking, even if it was an attempt at comfort.

A frown forms at the tip of his lips. "What's going on, Lloyd? Talk to me, please. "

Silence.

"He... he used candy."

What?

"What?" Jay voices out his confusion, tilting his head. "What are you talking about? Who used candy?"

Lloyd made a visible gulp, recoiling back into the couch with a grimace on his face. "He, uh... he gave me candy and told me that-... that we could be friends."

Uh, oh. Jay did not like where this was going. Every time some random guy told Lloyd they wanted to be friends, they always end up as the opposite -- and , wow, what a horrible curse that was to live with.

"I was, like, um... 8, maybe?" Lloyd's hand begins to tap against the cushion, creating a palpable rhythm that Jay knows is supposed to calm himself down. "I didn't know how to fight yet. I forgot about it. I- I think my brain made me forget, but, uh... I saw him on the news last week."

Jay's frown deepens into an uncertain scowl. Someone had hurt Lloyd when he was eight? Sure, he used to be a brat who promised demise to innocent people, but he was still eight, defenceless and harmless. And, yes, he's aware that's a lot coming from him as he and his friends had basically bullied him, but neither of them was dangerous enough to end up on the news. If Lloyd notices the way Jay's jaw tightens, he doesn't say anything about it, only continues to stare at his hands as he speaks.

"He, uhm."

Jay has to stop himself from saying anything that may come across as irritated, not wanting to alarm the blonde, unsure as to how he might react if he makes his anger and concern all too clear.

"He made it so that the candy made me... I dunno, sick?" Lloyd's voice was already soft and quiet before, but now it was a meek mumble. "I couldn't see or think or move and he... He ..." Lloyd's voice cracks as he trails off, tears prick at the edge of his eyes and his breathing picks up again.

"Hey, calm down, take your time, buddy," Jay reassures gently, inching closer to the younger boy. He's curious and concerned, he definitely wants to know, but he won't force it out of his baby brother if it hurts him this much. He'll make sure whoever did this would hurt even more though. Lloyd shakes his head. His voice has inched into a whisper. "No, it's fine, I just... It's embarrassing."

"What--?"

"He... He touched me."

Kai is the ninja of fire, not him, but Jay can feel something blaze aflame in his gut, his anger morphing with his concern and dread. No, no, nono. Tell him he's misreading the situation, tell him that his little brother didn't- didn't...

"He touched me everywhere, Jay," Lloyd sniffs out, crying into the palms of his hands, his face burning with embarrassment and shame and Jay just wants to punch whoever it was to death. "He-... he didn't do... anything. S-Someone caught us before he could, but it was so scary. And it's so embarrassing and--"

"Oh, Lloyd..."

"I- It's just that... I saw him and now I can't-... I'm scared that... I mean, logically, I know that you won't try to hurt me, but-" Lloyd winces at his own words and shrinks further into the couch. "Sorry, nevermind. I'm just- being stupid--"

"Lloyd, buddy, no..." FSM, what can Jay say here? He wants to voice out his concerns but he's scared it might end up making Lloyd feel even worse. Comfort isn't his area of experience - it's usually him that needs comfort. But Lloyd... For him, he'll at least try. "Can I touch you, Lloyd? Just- just the shoulder."

Jay really doesn't know how to go about this, he really doesn't. Yes, his brothers come to him with problems, but none of them have been like... this. Trauma comes with the job, unfortunately so, and it's normal for one of them to have nightmares or fears of certain things after a mission, but Lloyd's current fear of candy didn't come from a mission, it just came from his normal life as Lloyd Garmadon. And, as terrifying as the thought is, Jay isn't sure what to do about it other than give him a hug, beat up the guy who dared lay a finger on his brother, and send him off to bed. 

But he knows it's not as simple as that. It never is, never will be; not when their lives were like this.

At Lloyd’s slow and unsure nod, Jay carefully pulls him by the shoulder into a side hug. It’s a pleasant surprise when the younger boy leans into the touch, but Jay isn’t about to complain about it.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed.” And he shouldn’t. Jay knows it and he wants Lloyd to know. “It’s okay if you get tense around us. We mean no harm, we never will, but it’s normal for you to still be unsure and scared of these things.”

Lloyd shifts in his hold and shrinks. “But it happened when I was eight. I’m older and… and I forgot about it for some time, so why can’t I do it now? I don’t wanna be scared of candy . That’s stupid!”

Jay’s jaw clenches. Fuck, people Lloyd’s age shouldn’t have to deal with something like this – actually, people of any age shouldn’t. “It’s not stupid, Lloyd. You need time to adjust again and that’s fine. We’re here for you.”

Lloyd sniffs, pulling his legs onto the couch and hiding his face into his knees. “I know. It just… I don’t know why I’m so embarrassed…”

“Hey,” Jay calls with a small frown, rubbing at Lloyd’s shoulder comfortingly. “You don’t have to justify anything here. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. Fears are fears, you’re allowed to be scared.”

“But... I’m the green ninja.”

Jay huffs out a laugh, but there’s no humour to it. “Green or golden, you’re still a human. Face your fears, sure, but it takes time. Now, if you could tell me, which you don’t have to ,” he clarified, raising his hands into the air to show that he wouldn’t force Lloyd to do anything against his will. “Who did this?”

Lloyd’s eyes widened a significant amount before he smiled in amusement at his brother’s empty threat - or was it empty? “Jay, you can’t hurt people–”

“Sure, I can. He hurt my beloved brother,” Jay says while puffing out his chest, his tone is joking but what he’s saying is serious. He will hurt this guy for touching his brother. Lloyd laughs again and Jay thinks he can get used to being the comforter. 

“If I tell you,” Lloyd says quietly, a grin on his face as he leaned closer into Jay as if they were elementary students trading gossip, “You have to promise not to hurt him. Or tell anyone. Remember, Jay, you’re a ninja.”

“And he’s a bad guy. We beat up bad guys all the time,” Jay shrugs, though his voice has a tint of jesting in it.

Lloyd opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and laughs when he realises he has nothing to argue against that. “Touche. But he’s already in jail, that’s why he was in the news.”

“Good. He deserves worse.”

Lloyd laughs again. “I guess he does.”

“And, for the record, it’s fine if you don’t want candy.”

“I… I do! But… uh, probably not for a while.”

Jay hums with a nod, bringing out a hand, burying it in Lloyd’s blonde curls. “It’s all good. Just know it’s not stupid and we’re not mad.”

“It’d be a dumb reason to get mad at me over,” Lloyd mumbles, earning an amused laugh from Jay.

“Yeah, it would be. But we’d never get mad at you, ‘cause we love you, bud.”

Lloyd doesn’t say it back and he’s quiet for the rest of the night.

Jay doesn’t mind the silence. He doesn’t mind it when Lloyd falls asleep on him.

iv. Zane | post s11

Admittedly, next to Nya, Zane was one of the first ninjas who had accepted Lloyd into their team first. Of course, he still had some bitter feelings when he saw the demonspawn that was Lloyd Garmadon standing in the bounty, but he was willing to accept and trust his master’s judgement.

“The best way to defeat your enemy is to make them your friend.”

And Zane, to his credit, tried to do just that. He attempted to make small talk, tried to get to know him, tried talking to him in multiple instances. But Lloyd never really had much to talk about – he said that his childhood wasn’t so much as a childhood as it may have been for normal kids. He doesn’t have interesting things to talk about other than this one comic series, Starfarer, or his horrible experiences at Darkley’s.

Zane felt a little sorry for him. It must’ve sucked to have been neglected as a kid for so long. While he didn’t have his memories about his father himself at first, he eventually found him and got his answers. And he had the liberty of being raised by Wu. Lloyd did not, for the most part of his childhood.

So there wasn’t really much Zane knew about Lloyd at first, despite his best efforts at befriending the child. He just… didn’t have much to talk about. His life was all just trauma and more trauma with the addition of candy stealing and then some more trauma.

But one thing that Zane knew, for a fact, actually, was that Lloyd loved all types of sweets. Whether it be candy, chocolate bars, desserts, ice cream. Lloyd’s sweet tooth is almost horrifying. He would eat anything as long as it tasted sweet. 

Lloyd really liked muffins. It was the one thing that was consistent in their lives, it never changed once. When they first found him and practically adopted him into the bounty, when he’d used the tomorrow’s tea and ended up growing older than his original age was, when Chen had tricked them into a tournament, after Morro possessed him, etcetera. You get the point. Lloyd had always liked muffins and it was something Zane had learned to perfect in his free time.

It had been a few weeks just after they’d returned from the Never-Realm. Lloyd was still resting his body, said that he’d been tossed around so much in the Never-Realm that he’s pretty sure he fractured at least 9 bones in his ribs and 7 in his legs (which had not been true, much to the ninja’s relief), and it made Zane more than guilty to know that it was mainly because of him, although technically it hadn’t been him. It was all Vex’s fault. Technicalities were complicated and that said something since he was a nindroid, for FSM’s sake. 

Still, that guilty part of him couldn’t help but want to compensate for all he’s done. Freezing an entire realm, freezing the people of that realm, capturing people and throwing them into dungeons, fighting Lloyd in multiple accounts, whether it be through the dragon, his servants or he himself. There’s a lot. He’s almost embarrassed, but logically he knows he shouldn’t be. So he isn’t . He’s just guilty and wants to make Lloyd feel better. And what better way to do it than to give him the one dessert that he loved so much?

Lemon raspberry was Lloyd’s favourite. Jay used to poke fun at him for that, until Kai retorted back at him that he had no room to talk because his favourite was ‘pizza muffins’ . Jay had argued very weakly, though he shut his mouth immediately because even Nya had agreed with Kai – and, despite being siblings, Nya and Kai rarely ever agree on anything! You either eat a pizza or a muffin, they’re not supposed to be mixed .

Zane still doesn’t quite understand humans. If you liked both things, why shouldn’t you mix them? Perhaps it was a strange quirk that some people had. Who was he to know? It wasn’t like he’d grown up around an entirely human environment. 

Fanning off the heat from the freshly-baked muffins, he set them all in a small tray, putting a cup of mango juice on the side. Lloyd loved that too. He liked juice in general. Orange, apple, lychee. Anything other than grape juice. He’d learned that the hard way and has since then sworn to never give Lloyd any grape juice.

Entering Lloyd’s room as quietly as he could, he was surprised to see that the green ninja was already awake, albeit he still looked very bedridden and just a whiff away from passing out. Zane set the tray of food on the bedside table, noticing the way Lloyd’s eyes widened and beamed with interest as soon as he noticed what was on it. Zane couldn’t help the grin that evaded his lips.

“Oh my FSM, Zane, you’re my favourite now,” Lloyd says through his muffin, mouth stuffed full with it. He was eating it rather sloppily, but, considering his sluggish state, Zane doesn’t reprimand him to be cleaner. And also he just said he was his favourite. He wasn’t about to let the boy take it back until he could show it off to the rest of the ninja. 

“You are welcome, Lloyd,” Zane says through an amused chuckle as Lloyd reaches for another muffin, moaning in delight as the taste fills his mouth, face littered with muffin crumbs. “Zane, you absolute genius! You should audition for Hell’s kitchen. You would literally beat all of the contender’s asses, oh my god. FSM bless your father for creating you.”

Oh, to think that the green ninja has been reduced to a blubbering mess because of a muffin. Zane laughed again, ruffling with Lloyd’s hair as he does so. “Thank you, Lloyd. I love you too.”

Lloyd has to chug down half the cup of juice when he eats too fast. Zane couldn’t stop laughing.

v. Cole | post s13

Cole is not exactly the most open with his emotions. He tries to front himself as this steady and sturdy person, the one ninja that never crumbles, and that was why nobody really knew much about his dad back then. He didn’t feel like talking about it because it made him feel weak and he hated feeling weak. 

Though in the end, it was all resolved. He and his father are on better terms. He doesn’t get bothered about art schools or performances anymore and his dad is very supportive of everything he does. And, in recent events, he’s gotten to connect with his mother in a way too. He’s more or less satisfied with the way his life has gone. His family issues may not just disappear like that, but they were getting there, and his other family, the ninja, were there for him. 

Sometimes, Cole does think about his mother. How different it would be if she was still alive. How it would’ve affected everything that happened after she’d gone. Would he have even met Wu? Would he have met anyone at all? 

He doesn’t really have an answer to that. And if he did, he’s not so sure how to feel about it.

Cole wasn’t the only one with a lack of a mother figure. There was Kai, and by extension Nya, and there was Zane, and, of course, Lloyd, though the green ninja and the Smith siblings did have theirs return eventually in their lives, they were gone enough for a prominent time of their lives for Cole to consider them as absent. Kai and Nya grew up without their parents, Lloyd was practically abandoned, Zane had no recollection of his, and Cole only had his previously unsupportive dad.

Cole wouldn’t have ever guessed it would’ve taken his other family to mend his first family’s issues. Turns out it would always be that way. Jay with his parents, Lloyd with his parents (though his relationship with his father was very strained and complicated), Zane with his father as well. Nya and Kai still had a few bumps with their parents, but they didn’t outright hate them and so Cole thinks it’s… a decent enough relationship.

Maybe it was the lack of a mother figure that had made him so maternal when Wu became a baby. Remembering it made him laugh. Whenever Jay or Kai talked about it, it was almost so hard to believe that he’d actually babied their sensei. And he likes to think he made a decent parent, in comparison to everything else that the ninjas have personally dealt with. He wasn’t hated.

Except hate was a very strong word and emotions weren’t simple. There were always the ‘what-if’s and the ‘but they’s. Expressing how you felt about someone will always be complicated. It’s like slam poetry but take out the beauty of it. It’s just slam. 

Cole and Lloyd were never really the closest. They talked a lot, of course, they did, they lived in the same monastery, but, compared to Lloyd’s relationship with Kai or Cole’s relationship with Jay, they weren’t close – then again, those seemed like horrible comparisons since each duo practically grew together by the hip over the years. But you get the point. They weren’t the closest. Close enough, maybe more than it, but not the closest.

So Lloyd admitting something that he never mentioned to Kai was new. 

It had been a normal evening. They had just finished training. Cole was snacking his way in the kitchen, hand stuffed in a bag of chips, when Lloyd flopped over on the couch with a grunt. Immediately, Cole eyed him weirdly, chewing on his chip obnoxiously loud so that the green ninja would turn to face him.

“What’s up with you?” he asked through his snack, taking another chip out. Lloyd groans and threw his arms in the air. “Kai won’t lay off about my stupid issues. He said I should take a break or whatever, but how could I do that? After the whole deal with Aspheera and the Never-Realm and then the whole stuff with queen Vania, you would think that he’d know we shouldn’t slack off.”

Ah. Here was Lloyd with his prominent issue of putting others before himself. Cole gave him a half-smile. “Taking a small break isn’t the end of the world. You’re allowed to relax, you know.”

At that, Lloyd goes limp and sinks into the couch, crossing his arms when all the fight in him dissipates. “Yeah… I guess you’re right. Even mom was starting to tell me to rest.”

Cole froze a little. That… That sounded a little bitter. The way he’d said ‘mom’ . Identical to the way he used to refer to his dad, even. But that made no sense. Perhaps he was still mad at Kai. But that seemed so... personal. Like it was beyond that. 

Turns out, Cole was a pretty easy person to read. Lloyd recognised the question in his eyes as soon as it appeared and he let out an annoyed, strangled sound. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Cole blinked. “Like what?”

“Like you’re curious!” Lloyd groans. “My mom and I did not have a fight, if that’s what you started theorizing in your earth ape brain.”

“Oh, that’s good– wait, hey! ”

Lloyd let out a snicker of amusement, but his smile didn’t quite reach his ears and it made Cole uneasy. There was more to this, he shouldn’t pry, but he wanted to at least attempt to get Lloyd to talk about it. He knows from experience to talk about it. So he gives Lloyd that look. The look he gave Jay whenever he started fumbling in front of a table and hiding something in his hands that smelled like ozone with a sheepish grin on his face. The look he gave Kai when something smelled strangely of acrid and he was whistling about. The look he gave Nya when his entire room looked like it had been flooded by a tsunami. The look he gave Zane when the nindroid was caught sneaking around the monastery late at night.

It was the look that said “explain right now or else i’ll pummel you to the ground.”

And despite how much Lloyd tried to fight it off, he couldn’t help but answer. Seriously, was he a kid? First with Kai and him counting down to three, now with Cole staring at him. Cole, on the other hand, only smiled victoriously, a smug look overtaking his glare.

“I don’t hate my mom,” Lloyd admitted in a mumble, wrapping his arms around himself. “I love her. It’s just… complicated.”

And Cole knew all about complicated family relations. He ushered Lloyd to go on. Reluctantly, the blonde does as requested.

“I’m just… not over her dropping me off at Darkley’s so easily,” he mutters, before shaking his head. “I mean, it’s been years and I know I should get over it, but… I just… sometimes, I’m mad that she so easily slid back into my life. I want her to be here, but sometimes I don’t. Because, y’know, at least dad had an actual reason for not being there for most of my childhood. And now he’s the one who can’t be there for me. I mean, seriously, is it so much to ask for a family member who doesn’t just straight up abandon you? Even mom doesn’t stay with us that much! She’s mostly here for Wu more often than she is for me. Can you believe that? My mom is in love with my uncle, it’s so bizarre, I want to scream.”

Cole smiled in amusement at the last part of Lloyd’s rant, but he understood the rest just fine. He rubbed circles on Lloyd’ back, barely acknowledging the quiet ‘sorry’ that Lloyd whispers as soon as he’s done. 

“I don’t really understand your story from your point of view,” Cole admits honestly, but he offers Lloyd the best sympathetic smile he can muster. “But it’s totally fair to not fully accept your mom yet. Even if it takes 6 years or more, we’ll support you wholeheartedly as your second family.”

“Honestly? You guys are more of my first family than she is,” Lloyd confesses quietly, crossing his arms with a huff. “At least you guys were there all the way. I don’t… hate her. But sometimes I just get frustrated by her efforts. Sometimes, it feels like it’s too late for her to try anymore. I dunno. It feels forced to call her family.”

Cole rubs at Lloyd’s arm reassuringly, using his other hand to mess with his hair. “And that’s perfectly fine. You don’t owe her your acceptance. She’s trying her best but that doesn’t mean you have to accept her efforts or her apology. And I’m glad you feel that way about us, Lloyd. We love you, buddy.”

Lloyd squeals out a laugh when Cole's hand shifts to his stomach, tickling him on the side. “Stop! Cole! Stop, you b–!” His yell dissolves into a string of giggles before anything else. 

+ i. Lloyd

Kai is no stranger to irregularities. Being a ninja, whether through stealthily hiding in the shadows, or defeating the big bads who were gonna take over the world—though, more than often, they targeted Ninjago city (why was that? It was as if it attracted misfortune and bad events!)—Kai has seen a lot of weird stuff in his life. It came with the job.

But the job is something he is willing to take. Protecting Ninjago meant protecting his friends and his family; his sensei, his brothers, and his dear sister.

Kai has always been a family guy. He cared for anyone who he considered a sibling, and it didn't matter how long they knew each other, because, as long as Kai has that desire to protect, he will .

(And nobody has successfully proved him otherwise, though many have tried.)

Sometimes, there comes a voice scratching on his skin mindlessly; it warns him of incoming danger, it tells him to prepare himself and protect his loved ones. Sometimes, the warning is not enough, a bad gut intuition is barely anything to make sure he could shield his family.

Lloyd gets hurt a lot. It’s in his daily life as the green ninja, really. Every month, there’s always some guy who shows up and tries to kill or take Lloyd. Sometimes that protective side of him wants to run wild, but he knows better than to do that because, well, that was just the rational thing to do. 

But this time… this time was different. It wouldn’t be the first time Lloyd has almost died (as horrifying as it was to admit), but it was the first time it’d happened right in front of their faces. They saw him get stabbed, saw the knife lunge through his stomach and out, the dagger was pulled out as soon as it had gotten in. They saw his blood slowly ink onto green. They saw the other enemies appear from the back and attempt to get closer to Lloyd despite him already having been stabbed . And Kai, Kai only saw red, lunging at the attacked with rage he didn’t know he had in him.

The guy was down in an instant, he barely put up a fight. Honestly, the only reason he’d even managed to stab Lloyd was because that idiot was too trusting and kind, he’d opened his arms as an attempt to offer peace, but look where that got him! That’s right! Bleeding on the floor of streets!

Kai didn’t have much time to be mad though. The sight of his little brother bleeding out was enough to turn that rage back into panic and Zane reprimanded the villain. Kai could feel his heart racing rapidly, his pulse increasing with every breath that Lloyd took. Distantly, he can hear Nya and Jay yell at Pixal to hurry up and get the bounty over to them, and then there’s more fighting in the background, but their voices are nothing more than a blur to him. He can’t focus. Not when Lloyd is phasing in and out of consciousness, not when red was all over his clothes, not when his eyes were glazed with uncertainty and pain. Kai had laid Lloyd’s head on his lap, brushing the platinum blonde strands out of his face to try and make it more comfortable for his little brother, though to no avail.

Seeing him like this hurt like it never before. Kai had promised to look after him. After the volcano, after Morro, after everything. The bad guy hadn’t even been all that bad, not compared to the other people they’ve faced off! It was just some guy who wanted a nindroid army all to himself; he was not worth getting a stab wound over. He really will give Lloyd an earful if– when he gets better. He’ll consult him and chew off his ears like master Wu would.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a weak tug on his sleeve. So weak that Kai barely noticed it was there. Lloyd stared up at him with faded green eyes, his skin pale and hands shaking. Even then, he was still smiling at him. Kai let out a choked noise, feeling tears build up in his eyes and he pulls Lloyd upwards, burying his face into his blonde curls.

“You’re alright, Lloyd,” he manages wetly, pulling Lloyd even tighter when the boy lets out a pained grunt. “You’re gonna be alright. Pixal is on her way.”

“K– Kai, ” Lloyd calls in a whisper, letting out a weak chuckle. Kai’s heart shatters at his voice. This stupid kid and his stupid tendency to get into so many stupid problems and get stupidly stabbed. This stupid kid who had him crying over him calling his name. “Kai… I love you.”

Kai’s world froze entirely.

He snaps his head upwards and pulls away from Lloyd. “What? Buddy, no, no. ”

“I love you and the rest of the team. Tell them I love ‘em, Kai,” he slurred, his eyelids slowly dropping lower. Kai couldn’t stop the small sob that left him as he started to shake his head. “No! You can tell them that yourself later! Shut up!”

“Kai–” “Shh, Lloyd,” Kai shushes instead, losing all the anger in his body. He could only feel despair. Despair and pain and panic and fear; Emotions that were all so overwhelming that he nearly doubled over himself and Lloyd when an enemy was thrown to a wall. Cole and Nya looked at him with concern, their eyes widening when they saw the tear stains on his face and, fuck, that didn’t help at all.

“‘m sorry for getting stabbed,” Lloyd says, and that earns him a laugh of absurdity from Kai. Only Lloyd would ever apologize for getting stabbed. But that laugh is short-lived when Lloyd goes unexpectedly slack and Kai begins shaking his body, patting at his face in an attempt to keep him awake. “No, no, buddy, you gotta stay awake, see? If you can stay awake, I’ll… buy you the new Starfarer comic. As many as you want.”

“Promise?” Lloyd responds, his voice quiet and wavering, but it’s there and that’s all Kai needs. The fire ninja nods his head desperately, hoping that the topic will keep him awake for long enough until Pixal arrives. “Yes, Lloyd. Why don’t you tell me more about the comic, huh? I’ve only read the first 5 that I borrowed from you.”

“Oh… Well, it starts off with this guy named Fritz Donnegan,” Lloyd says slowly, a shadow of a smile on his face as he talks about it. Kai’s hands are still trembling, he can still feel tears building up in his eyes despite how much Lloyd goes on and on about this stupid comic. He can’t believe the fate of the green ninja lays on how much left he had to talk about this franchise until Pixal would be there to save his life. Kai wants to scream, maybe even laugh. 

Thank FSM, and Kai means that , Pixal had arrived as soon as Lloyd stopped talking about it, trailing off into a pained whine when Kai realized he’d accidentally grazed over his wound. The fighting had stopped at that moment, every ninja running over to them to assess Lloyd.

“Is he alright?!” That was Zane.

“Lloyd!” Both Nya and Jay called out at the same time.

Cole instead rushed over to Pixal, helping her pull out a stretcher from the boat. Thank God that Cole was so emotionally tacted. He was able to do all of that despite the chaos and panic in his veins. Kai would want to help out, but his heart was still racing violently as he profusely apologised to Lloyd for accidentally touching his wound. Lloyd wasn’t even responding anymore. How could he not panic?!

They make it in time, by some miraculous but definitely appreciated chance. Lloyd is still breathing by the time they inspect his wounds and tend to them on the bounty. Lloyd is still breathing by the time they arrive at the monastery and carry him to his room. Lloyd is still alive, he’s still alive. 

Kai lets out a silent breath of relief. As soon as he does, he lets out a choked sob, feeling Nya latch onto him immediately. “He…”

Nya sushes him then, rubbing his back comfortingly. Kai shook his head, his body still trembling in fear, as though Lloyd had actually died. This happened too much, FSM, this happened too much . That boy was going to send him into cardiac arrest one day. Kai isn’t so sure he can take another near-death experience. “He said he loved us, Nya. He thought he was a goner.”

Nya’s face tightens and, she could hide it as much as she wanted, but Kai grew up with her, he knew the signs of when she was about to cry. Kai shook his head again. “ I thought he was a goner,” he admitted in a whisper, before breaking down into silent cries. “He stopped talking and I thought he was gone , Nya.”

“It’s alright, Kai, he’s alright,” Nya reassures, despite her voice wavering with every word. “He’s not gone.”

“I know,” he mutters, rubbing at his eyes. “ I know. And I’m so grateful.”

Kai doesn’t know when, but he ends up falling asleep after a while. Nya is draped over his shoulder too. Like old times. Times when they used to think back to their parents and end up crying over each other with snot running down their noses. Times when they used to watch stupid disney movies and cry over the dumbest turn of events. It’s nice. It’s comforting, for a second after he wakes up. And then he remembers why they’re like that in the first place and he jumps up in panic, waking up Nya in the process.

“Brother–?” “Lloyd!” He says, immediately rushing out of his room to go to Lloyd’s. “Lloyd! Are you alright–!?”

And there he was, in all his glory. Still wearing the blood-stained green gi, his entire torso was covered with bandages, cuts and bruises all over his body. His eyes were green; green and alive and his face had colour and he was breathing and no longer bleeding and– 

Kai pulls him into a hug before Lloyd can say anything, rocking him back and forth in his hold. The blonde sniffs, though he opted not to say anything in the silence. 

Kai lets out his own little sniff.

“Don’t say shit like that after you got stabbed! I… I thought you were…” he trails off, unwilling to finish the sentence, as if he hadn’t said it millions of times before. That never made it better though. Lloyd returns the hug slowly, squeezing his older brother tight. Kai distinctively realises the other ninja are there, by the doorway. Either woken up by the commotion or were already awake to begin with. Neither of them interrupted the hug.

“Sorry, Kai,” Lloyd manages through a wet laugh, shoving his face further into the fire ninja’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too, buddy,” Kai responds back, shoving his nose into Lloyd’s hair. Hair that was no longer stained with blood. He squeezed a little tighter. “I’m never gonna let you die.”

Lloyd laughs again, but this time it chokes off into a quiet sob.

“I hope I don’t.”

Kai sniffs again. “Good.”

Hesitantly, he ushers the rest of the team to join in on the hug. At first, Lloyd is a little bit startled by the extra weight, but once he realises who they are, the surprise on his face turns into adoration. He shoves his face into Kai’s chest and mutters, “I love you guys.”

He’s already said it before, but this has to be the first time he’d ever said it out loud and to their faces. Their lips all twitch into a soft smile, hugging him just a little bit tighter until they can’t anymore. Kai runs a hand through his blonde locks, managing a weak smile as he does so. “I do too. We all love you, Lloyd.”

"You still owe me that Starfarer comic you promised, Kai."

"God damnit, Lloyd, I'm broke."