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It was a normal day until Kaoru stepped in Sia la luce and realized Valentine’s day was approaching. Many heart shaped decorations were hanging from the ceiling and at the centre of every table. There were flowers too. It’s not like Kaouru hated it but Valentine’s day made his skin itch, he just didn’t get why so many people loved it. “Maybe it’s because I’m ace and gay” he thought “or maybe because I’m alone”. The sight of Kojiro brought him back to reality before he got lost in his thoughts.
‘’Hello four eyes, wanna eat something?” said Kojiro, he was wearing his stained chef clothes and his hair were a bit messier than usual.
‘’Sure gorilla. Why would I be here otherwise?” Kaoru was starving.
“Maybe you missed my pretty face” said Kojiro with a smirk on his face.
“Pretty? Since when? “he just couldn’t avoid to make a joke.
Kojiro laughed “Come in the kitchen, I was trying to make something new” then he said, and Kaoru followed him.
The kitchen had the usual aspect, Kaoru was glad there were no heart shaped decorations there. He felt good in that kitchen, it was a bit messy but warm and welcoming, just like Kojiro’s heart. He always felt at peace there with Kojiro cooking for him, paying attention only to him and the food, no loud customers, no Joe’s fans. Valentine’s decorations would have ruined that peace.
“So, what are you making? What are you going to let me try?” said Kaoru while watching Kojiro putting something on a plate.
“I’m making something special for Valentine’s day. Here!” said Kojiro giving the plate to Kaouru “Try.”
An “oh” slipped through Kaoru’s lips.
“What? Does it look bad?” Kojiro sounded alarmed but also a bit sad.
“NO” he said immediately “it looks good and makes me hungry” he took the fork “what the fuck are you doing Kaouru, act normal” he thought.
“Good.’’
On the plate were cannelloni pasta, stuffed with salami and tomato sauce mixed with ricotta, so the sauce looked more pink than red, covered with tomato sauce and a basil leaf. A little heart made with the sauce decorated the plate. It was actually cute, Kaoru had to admit. He tasted it and it was amazing.
“Oh my god Kojiro it’s so good, I love it” said with his mouth full, unable to stop eating.
“Really?” Kojiro smile was so big and bright and made Kaoru feel bad for the oh that have slipped before.
Kojiro watched happy Kaoru finish his dish.
“You look very happy” said Kaoru. He loved Kojiro when he was this happy.
“I’ve been working on this dish since this morning, I’m glad you like it. I wanted to make something good that everyone will love for the valentine’s day menu”
Kojiro was still smiling, like a baby, so Kaoru felt a little bit bad when he asked “Why? Your regular food is just as good.”
“Thanks but people and couples come here with their loved ones on feb 14, I want them to have something special” answered Kojiro.
“But all your dishes are already special, I don’t get it why you should be doing more just because it’s valentine’s day. It’s stupid, it’s not even a proper holiday. And you look so tired...”
“It’s not. I want to. People deserve to celebrate this beautiful thing that’s love and I can help them with food” said Kojiro a bit irritated.
“But …”
“No, it’s not stupid. You think it is because you don’t like love” Kojiro regretted that words right after saying them.
Kaoru was speechless “I think I should go now” he said and left in a hurry. He was used to hear that kind of words from people all around him. Every time feb 14 was approaching and he wasn’t able to control his thoughts, the skin itching and the bad feeling growing in his body he would unconsciously say something bad making people go against him. But he didn’t expect Kojiro, the one who knows him the most, to do the same. “I should be more careful with him too” he thought.
---
It was valentine’s day, two days since Kojiro last saw Kaoru and talked to him. He didn’t text back that morning when he tried to check on him and invite him at Sia la luce. He was a bit worried to be honest, he knew Kaoru sometimes liked to isolate himself to relax but that time he had a bad feeling. Maybe the thing he said hurt Kaoru more than he expected. “I should apologize” he thought.
He waited until the restaurant was almost empty, Kaoru still hadn’t text back, then left his employees to run the place. He took some food, he doubted Kaoru ate a proper meal, and bought flowers on his way to Kaoru’s house. It was a bit late but he didn’t mind. Kaoru’s house has always been open for him, whenever he wanted to spend time with his best friend, with the only person he actually cares spending time with.
There was only one light coming from Kaoru’s house. Kojiro rang the bell to Kaoru’s apartment.
“What are you doing here?” Kaoru opened the door.
“Happy Valentine’s day my beloved four eyes” said Kojiro showing the flower right in Kaoru’s face.
Kaoru looked tired, he was wearing comfy clothes and had dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and his hair were loose and looked so soft.
“I don’t like love, I don’t celebrate it, remember?” said Kaoru.
Kojiro knew he fucked up “I have food too so please let me in” he said.
Kaoru sighed and let Kojiro come inside. He accepted the flowers and searched where to place them. Kojiro put the food he brought on the table, then watched Kaoru admiring the little cherry blossoms in the bouquet. The house was a bit messy for Kaoru’s standards, there were a couple of cushions on the floor and some garbage on the couch, proof that the hadn’t had a proper meal.
“Kaoru, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“What?” said Kaoru still watching the flowers.
“That you don’t like love” said Kojiro watching the floor.
“No it’s alright, that’s true, I don’t like it. I like to be alone.”
“That’s a lie.” Kojiro was now watching Kaoru.
Kaoru felt immediately angry “NO. It’s not.” he said, a little louder than he spoked before.
“But you smiled watching the flowers earlier” whispered Kojiro, his eyes again on the floor.
“Kojiro. Why are you here?”
“I told you, I bought you food and flowers and …and company” answered Kojiro, this time watching him.
“I don’t need them” Kaoru sounded angry and sad.
This situation was irritating Kojiro. Why Kaoru had to be so stupid and stubborn? It’s alright if he didn’t like valentine’s day and he’s already apologized. Why couldn’t he just accept now Kojiro’s care and company?
“Oh you do. I see the trash on the couch, you only ate snacks today, didn’t you?” said Kojiro.
“So what?” Kaoru was in a rage.
“Why are you acting up like that?” Kojiro’s tone was loud but firm.
“Why are you doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Care for me.” Kaoru shouted.
Kojiro faltered. What kind of questions was that?
“You came here, brought flowers and food and you’re checking on me and it’s bloody valentine’s day and you should be with one of your girls!” Kaoru was now venting and shaking.
“Why?” Kojiro stepped close to Kaoru.
“Because that’s how things are supposed to go.” he said “Me alone and you and…and Adam…” the last words whispered in the air, almost inaudible. Kaoru was shaking more, Kojiro stepped closer but without invading Kaoru’s personal space.
“Oh…. So that’s about him” stupid stupid Kojiro, why hasn’t he thought about that.
Kaoru realized the name that had slipped through his lips “No…I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.” A tear falling from his eye.
“What are you apologizing for? It’s alright. Can you sit with me please?” Kojiro took Kaoru’s hand and guided him to the couch. They sat. Kojiro still holding Kaoru’s hand and Kaouru watching the floor, scared of looking Kojiro in the eyes.
Kojiro grabbed gently Kaoru’s face, already wet with his tears “What happened then, what happened with Adam, doesn’t mean anything. You deserve love not loneliness, alright?” he placed a kiss on his forehead and spoke again “It’s alright if you need to cry but come here”. Kojiro hugged Kaoru then he slowly settled him, Kaoru’s head on his chest, his body safe between his legs, Kojiro’s hands on Kaoru’s back. Just a few minutes and Kaoru was crying again.
“I was just a kid Kojiro” his hands were grabbing tightly Kojiro shirt “just a kid” said sobbing.
“I know” Kojiro was holding him still, trying to calm his shaking, drawing circles on his back. Kojiro’s hands were warm, thought Kaoru.
“It’s not fair” said Kaoru after another sob.
Kojiro felt his shirt getting wet but he didn’t mind “no it’s not” he said.
“It’s not supposed to be like that.” he wept “I should have been happy and silly and in love”.
“I know, love, that’s true” said Kojiro while gently caressing Kaoru’s hair. Then he spoke slowly “now sleep, my dear, I’m staying here, not going anywhere, watching over you” Kaouru sobs had stopped, his breath was regular and his eyes closed, he was falling asleep, the next words were just a whisper “like I always did”.