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The top of the jumper was a light blue, similar to Langa’s hair, the bottom half was an off white. Reki imagines that it must have been pure white once upon a time. It had an emblem of a dude doing a trick on a snowboard with English words around it. There were a few more patches on the sleeves and another opposite to the one on his chest. On the back, Langa’s last name was written in blocky letters. He only knew that after getting a headache after staring at Langa’s messy handwriting and noticing they always wrote their last name in English.
The interesting thing about this jumper was the fact that Langa always had it on them. Folded neatly in their school bag or under the school jacket when it got cold. Which wasn’t often in Okinawa, to Langa’s standards anyway, Reki was always fucking cold and it sucked. The only perk was being constantly cold meant he never had to be with his hoodies for long. Covering what his binder didn’t.
Right now the jumper was lying on Reki’ bed as both of them did their homework. They had dumped their school bag on Reki’s bed looking for the crumpled up piece of paper that was his social studies homework. It had fallen out and had been sitting there ever since. Reki keeps finding himself looking back at the clothing. Wondering how the old thing was so good of a jumper it was brought everywhere with them. The inside didn’t look too fluffy from the angle he was at.
Langa groans and smacks their head on the desk.
“You okay?”
“No.” Is the muffled reply. “I can’t focus and all the words are just swimming in my brain. It's like soup.”
Reki stands up and sits on the floor next to them, leaning his head on Langa’s thigh. Their hand makes its way into his hair and they tangle their fingers in it. Reki has always been a sucker for people playing with his hair, it calms him. Langa looks down at him lovingly, their eyes dropping slightly.
“You tired?”
“Burnt out is the correct expression, I think. Work, S, School and just existing has been hard.”
Reki cups his partner’s face. They lean into the soft touch, letting out a small whine.
“This is why we have mothers. I’ll go ask mama for some food and we can put on a movie. One you like and we can watch it in English. For my partner, I’ll suffer reading.” He stands up and presses a soft kiss to Langa’s forehead.
They nod. Reki picks up his homework and dumps it on his desk. He’ll do it eventually, maybe once school ends. Langa gets off the chair and sits on Reki’s bed, pulling the jumper over his head and lays down. Reki notices they stick their nose under the collar.
Reki kisses their forehead again and hands them the laptop. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
He leaves the room and shuts the door behind him softly. Heading down to the kitchen. There were no dishes clanking or smells drifting through the house. Guess he’d have to make do on his own. He peeks into the lounge to see his mama watching some children’s show with his sisters, she’s probably not even watching and having a few moments rest. He wanders back into the kitchen. Guess Langa would have to settle for some snacks and leftovers. They wouldn’t mind Reki guesses. All they need right now is comfort and Reki can give that to the best of his abilities.
He hears quiet footsteps approaching, stopping at the entry. Reki turns to see Masae watching from the doorway, the rattle of him in the fridge must have summoned her.
“I’m guessing you’re not making us all a nice dinner.”
Reki shakes his head. Closing the fridge behind him with his foot.
“Langa’s upset. We’re gonna watch a movie and I'm grabbing them some snacks.”
Masae frowns. She had a soft spot for them especially when it came to their mental health issues. She tried to help them as much as she could and even asked Nanako if there was any way she could help.
“That poor boy. Tell him, excuse me.” She clears her throat. “That poor child. Tell them that if they need a hug I’ll be happy to help.”
She smiles happily at herself after she corrected, Masae tried very hard with pronouns. She had been very harsh on herself when Reki came out. Now she was careful to restart her sentences and make sure she would get Langa’s pronouns correct.
“I will. Love you.”
Reki almost gets all the way back to his room. He's basically pushing the door open so he can get back into it.
“Reki Kyan, you make sure all those plates come back to the kitchen. I’m tired of losing them all then finding them in your room.” So close.
“Koyomi never gets in trouble for her cup issue.” He calls back.
“Cause I have one or two! You have the entire cupboard of plates in your room.”
Reki rolls his eyes and goes back into his room. Langa is curled up with a paused screen up, their nose still tucked into the jumper. He sits down on the bed placing the plates of leftovers and the bowl of mochi they had made together yesterday and forgot to eat. They had gone out skating while letting it set and didn't come back until late in the night, leaving the sweet for another day.
“Food to eat, a movie to watch and a boyfriend to cuddle. You are living life right there.” Reki says.
Langa doesn’t even let out a small huff. Their eyes are sad and lost their usual happy spark when Reki was around. He felt insanely honoured when he noticed the happy look every time Langa looked at him. Now it was gone. It would be back eventually but Reki would willing to do anything, just so that spark would stay there forever and never leave their eyes. Well, there were a few things he would do with great difficulty but still. He would try his best.
He kissed their cheek and climbed into the bed fully. Opening up his arms and Langa crawled onto him. Using his chest as a pillow, right where his heartbeat was the strongest and gathering a fist full of Reki's hoodie. Their other arm was under Reki. He waits until they stop wiggling and adjusting so he can wrap his arms around them. Pulling them as close as they can be.
"All good?"
They nod. Reki starts to play with their hair as well, like how they had been before. Running his fingers from scalp to tip and then back up again.
“So what are we watching?”
“Dragons.”
Reki smiled. Langa had picked the movie out once and Reki had loved the concept and the artistry in it. He did think the third movie took away from the story in the end but he was still in awe of the visuals and animations while Langa had just smiled at Reki's dorking out. They had planned to watch the series as well but due to their constant skating, they never got around to it despite Reki's itching to find out what happened in between.
“Okay. You can tell me all the fun facts you know about it as well if it’ll make you feel better.”
Langa shook their head. Sniffing a little and Reki frowns. He sits up slightly to play the movie and then gives Langa a kiss to the top of their head. Despite telling Langa they could tell him all the fun facts Reki already knows most of the fun facts. Watching as Toothless skims past on the Dreamworks logo that Langa had pointed out the first time they watched it together, now Reki watched for the dragon every time.
Reki watches the movie entirely while Langa falls asleep halfway. Their hand balled up in Reki’s hoodie and nose tucked deep into their jumper. He lets them sleep and subtly changes the movie into Japanese. He likes it just a little more when he doesn’t have to keep flicking the words than the action on screen. He doesn’t read fast enough for that. The credits roll and he notices the sun has gone down meaning dinner was probably long gone by now. And the leftovers were currently just out of reach due to his sleepy partner. Reki plants a kiss on the top of their head. Brushing their hair with his fingers.
“I love you so much. But I’m hungry.”
Reki shifts making Langa grip tighter. Mumbling something Reki just can’t quite catch. It’s successful however and he can eat as well as pull something up to watch. He could catch up on some of the vines Langa had asked him to watch after they kept quoting a lot of them. All of them had been one’s Reki hadn’t seen in the compilations he watched to catch up. Despite the Japanese translations being a bit dodgy.
**********
Reki has escaped the hold Langa had on his hoodie. Granted he did remove it completely. It’s been an hour and he’s back to doing his homework. He might as well do something before he got tired or Langa woke up again. Which seemed unlikely due to how they were curled in on themselves and clutching Reki’s hoodie still. Their nose was no longer tucked in their jumper giving Reki a full view of their face. Langa always slept with their mouth slightly open drooling all over the place. Dried drool was stuck to the side of their face which plastered their hair to their face as well.
He turns back to his homework. Tapping the pen against the page. The problems weren’t hard and maths was one of his better subjects. His brain just couldn’t concentrate on the worded questions his maths teacher insisted on putting in. Maths was numbers, not words. Don’t even get him started on algebra. He groans and unlines the numbers and rewrites the information on a separate piece of paper. Homework always takes longer because of all this shit.
“Reki.”
He turns around. Langa has curled up tighter around themselves. Their eyebrows are pulled tight together. Reki notices his hands are gripped so hard in the hoodie they’ve turned white. And the shaking. Their entire body is shaking and curled up so tight it must be painful from the movements. He walks over to the bed and gently lays a hand on their shoulder. Squeezing instead of shaking them.
“Langa. Wake up.”
They gasp and their eyes snap open. Reki takes his hand off them. Letting them come back to their senses before he starts to comfort them. Langa blinks and looks around the room wildly before latching onto Reki. Almost making him fall off the bed. They start to sob loudly. Tears run down Reki’s back as he just holds onto his partner. Langa’s nightmares got worse when they were burnt out and tired. They had never told him what they were about he could only piece together from the small whimpers he could catch before the screaming and thrashing would start. When Reki was with them, he tried to wake them up as quickly as possible before the worst parts would kick in. Meaning he knew virtually nothing apart from his partner was scared and it would leave them disorientated and crying sometimes even crying for their dad.
He'd ask about it but most of the time they would say they didn't want to talk about it. Which was perfectly fine in Reki's book so he would leave it be. He liked just being there for them instead of acting like a therapist and trying to pry it out of them.
“It’s okay. You’re alright,” He rubs their back. “I’m alright as well. Everyone is fine.”
Langa lets out a huge sob, arms getting tighter around Reki's neck. He wants to cry as well. Langa was in so much pain after every bad dream and it wasn't like being in pain from skating. That could be fixed with bandaids and kisses. Both of them would laugh at each other's misfortune and help each other up. Unless there was blood then it would end differently because of Langa's discomfort with it. Even after the race between Reki and Adam, Langa had looked very pale and woozy after they had made sure Reki was safe. On the way home, they almost passed out. Reki figured it was something from Langa's dad's death that made them uncomfortable with blood. Making them panic at the tiniest cut.
Reki didn’t get trauma. His brain made everything worse than it actually happened most of the time. He had nightmares about when Cherry almost was murdered. He didn’t even go see the dude in hospital and dreamed about his skull being cracked in and bleeding out in the dirt and dust with a bloodthirsty Adam standing over him. Reki can't even imagine what goes on in Langa's mind, if Reki didn't even see Cherry's accident what did Langa see when he was actually there for most of his nightmares?
He shakes the memories of the nightmares from his thoughts. He needs to focus on Langa at this moment. Not some stupid reoccurring nightmare that fucks him up for the rest of the day. He cringes at himself slightly after that.
“Come on. How bout we lie down.”
Langa stiffens and shakes their head. “No please no.”
“Guess we’re staying sitting then. It’s okay, just take a deep breath and try to match my breathing okay?”
They shudder as they gulp in air. Reki copies the breath more steady and holds it for a second then breaths back out. Making sure it’s dramatic enough that Langa’s can feel it. The force of it makes some of Langa’s drool matted hair move. Reki doesn't comment on it. Just keeps repeating the harsh breathing and letting his partner calm down. It takes a little while but soon they’re breathing normally and their grip had loosened a lot.
“Feeling better?”
“A little. Thank you.”
“Anything for you.” He kisses their scalp.
Langa unwinds themselves. Their face and hair were a mess and tears still plopping steadily into their lap. Reki wipes a few away, then offers them his hoodie from earlier to dry their face. It was getting on the gross side anyway what was a little bit more mess on it? After they wipe their face they sit in the bed looking down in their lap. An uncomfortable look on their face. Like there was something sitting on their chest. Reki reaches out to cup their face and they flinch away. It hurts a little but he draws his hand back. Choosing to keep it where they can reach if they want to be touched.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
The question hangs in the air for a little bit. Langa sits unmoving before they answer.
“Yeah.”
Reki is taken back. Most of the time he either doesn’t ask that or when he does he’s met with a small no and Langa remains quiet while Reki blabber on about something. He doesn’t mind in the slightest when it happens but this is a first. It’s like he’s honoured to finally know what goes on within Langa’s mind. That sounded weird.
“Okay. If you want to stop then it’s fine.”
Langa nods. “I know… my nightmares are always different. Most of the time they have similar themes but they're never quite the same. I dream about the race but sometimes I die instead of going down the mountain. Other times," They sniff. "You die and it's always because of Adam and I always have to watch helplessly."
Reki is taken aback a little bit. He's had a similar dream as he watches Langa tumble down the cliff while he's stuck in place. Never able to get to them in time after he finally gets free of the invisible bonds that hold him back. Langa's body is always twisted at a strange angle with blank eyes lying in the biggest pool of blood Reki's brain can imagine. With a victorious Adam with blood splattered across his skateboard and face. But that's the only dream he has, he can't imagine how Langa feels.
“He pushes you, that cliff stunt goes wrong cause he copied you like he did for me, the full swing kiss or whatever it’s fucking called gets you. So many times. Then I’m back in that goddamn hospital room looking down at you.” Their voice breaks harshly. “You’re always next to my dad’s body. Then they cover you in the sheet and the blood comes through. Or soemtimes I die or-”
They stop and Reki knows exactly what they're referring to. Now he wants to cry even more about it. His sweet Langa shouldn't even be worried about something like that ever. No fucking person should be. He wants to hug him but he doesn't know. "You can stop. You don't have to tell me anything." He says.
Langa shakes their head. “I get so scared after those ones. I have to lock my windows and doors and get under the cover like a scared little kid. And sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm asexual and- an- Reki."
They lean forward and Reki catches them in a hug. Shushing them gently. Langa is full-blown sobbing again, while Reki tries his best to not start crying.
“It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re safe here and he’s never going to hurt you again. If I can’t fight him I’ll get Joe to beat him up in five seconds. He’s got a lot of muscles and rage towards Adam he’d turn him into a skateboard wheel. I’m sorry this isn’t working is it?”
“It’s okay-” They sniff.
“No don’t you dare comfort me. I need to do the comforting.” Reki says.
It gets a small huff out of them. He kisses the side of their head. They lean into him a little bit more.
“I love you.”
“I love you too. So so much. You don't have to talk anymore, okay? It's doing you more harm than good I think. How bout I talk about something?”
"Is it okay if I talk about something?" "No more sad stuff," Reki says. He's worried Langa will be more upset. "No, I wanna talk about my dad. He's a mostly happy memory."
“Of course. if it'll make you feel better talking about him. Tell me about the infamous Oliver Hasegawa."
Langa leans back from the hug. Taking Reki's hand to hold and fiddle with, the action was calming to the both of them.
“He was the most important person in the world to me for so long. When he died I was a mess and it still messes with me. He died so quickly and I was there when he did die so it fucked with me more and I just hung on to everything of his I could. Snowboarding was the big thing but it lost all meaning after he died, I didn't hate it but that's how it felt to me. When we moved we had to chuck or donate a lot of his things too. That did not help so I started taking his jumper everywhere. It made me upset but it made me feel better at the same time. Still does it.” They look down sadly at the jumper.
The jumper makes sense now. It was like Langa was carrying a small bit of their dad with them at all times. Much like how Reki always wore Spannergon cause his dad got it for him. Granted Reki’s dad was on the mainland and not dead and buried in a different country halfway across the world.
“Damn, dude.”
“Yeah. But you and skating made it so much better. I'm still pretty messed up and miss my dad but skating made me feel like myself again. And you especially you.” Langa smiles.
“Then Adam ruined it for you.”
“Nah, Adam could never ruin my love for skating. It made us Langa and Reki. I could never not love it after you. You’re my star that made me feel better. Even if a lot of the time I feel shit you always make me feel just a little bit better. Skating with you is the best therapy.”
Reki laughs.
“I think actual therapy is better. It’s like when you said you couldn’t be sad because you had the Goatman’s bridge video. You were sad still.”
Langa laughs. Leaning in to give him a soft kiss. Reki smiles even if it does taste a little salty too and he’s sure that Langa is still hurting and shaken up from the dream and what they just told him.
“Can we go skating?”
“I have to finish my homework.”
“You’ve skipped class to go skating. Don’t you dare become a good example now.”
Reki laughs and pushes them away. Langa’s face is still streaked with tears, hair a mess and eyes red-rimmed. But they’re still pretty with the soft look on their face and brilliant blue eyes Reki had never seen in person before. He loves their eyes, how expression they were and the colour was so mesmerising that he thought of Langa whenever he looked at the ocean. Water and snow was always what brought Langa to mind every time. Langa snowboarding through the white and when they were at the beach and giggling before the heatstroke kicked in. Then it took Miya and Reki fanning him for a while for him to act normal again. They had a headache the next day and it probably didn’t help with their adventure.
“Alright then. We can go skate. And before you ask yes you can hold my hand.” Reki grabs his hoodie and pulls it over his head. Forgetting all about the snot and tears that had been wiped on in. He goes to take it off again.
Before it’s back over his head, Langa pokes his side making him yelp.
“You’re a motherfucker.”
“Hey, I’m sad don’t be mean to me.”
Reki gets his head through the hole and tackles them. They yell loudly and Reki starts tickling. Making them laugh and kick. He’s mastered the art of staying out of the way of the forbidden sibling move so it’s quite easy to avoid. Langa is gasping through laughing.
“Parley! Parley!”
Reki keeps tickling as they screech.
“I hate you! You have no respect for pirate law!”
“What?”