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“You’re gay.” Lennon says, loudly.
She walks, quickly, into the kitchen. Charlotte is hunched over a textbook, as she says,
“Uh, thank you?”
Lennon looks at her younger sister in astonishment, like she can’t believe she doesn’t understand.
“It’s pride tomorrow, we need to go.”
“We go every year. We have two moms, and I don’t know if you know this, but they’re also gay.”
“Who told you?” Beca asks, feigning surprise as she walks into the room.
Charlie shrugs, “Just a hunch.”
Lennon rolls her eyes and leaves the room. Beca pours herself a cup of coffee. She’s been busy in her at-home studio working, but she knows that’s about to go out the window when Charlie sighs.
“What’s wrong?”
She looks like she doesn’t want to answer. Her voice is quiet when she finally speaks.
“I don’t think I want to go this year. I think I’m a little…”
“Scared?”
Charlie shrugs.
“I know it’s dumb.”
“It’s not.” Beca says, sounding so sure it helps Charlie relax a little bit. “I get it. And we don’t have to go if you’re uncomfortable.”
“You shouldn’t miss it just because I don’t want to go.”
“Eh, I mostly go because mom likes to.”
“She can take Len, since she’s so excited about it.”
Beca nudges her, “She’s proud of you.”
Charlie scrunches her eyebrows together.
“It takes a lot of courage to tell people who you are. Even if she doesn’t say it in so many words, Len might be the proudest of us all.”
“Why? It’s not like being around an out gay person is anything new for her.”
“True. But with me and mom, she’s never known us any other way. She didn’t watch what it took to come out. She didn’t see the confusion that comes with realizing what it all means, or the bravery it takes to tell people about it.”
Charlie takes a deep breath. It feels like it stops at the top of her stomach, and it hurts a little.
“She watched you struggle, so now I think she’s just excited to celebrate it with you.”
“I just don’t think I’m ready to celebrate yet.”
“That’s okay, she’ll be there when you are. We all will.”
Charlie closes her eyes to keep the warm tears from falling. Her eyes feel hot, like the tears are boiling behind her eyelids. She can’t understand it; no matter how hard she tries. She’s happy, happier than she’s ever been.
But there’s a sadness unlike anything she’s ever felt. Maybe not sadness, it’s more like guilt. She’s watched, her entire life, while her moms have loved each other so big, and so loud, that it didn’t matter who said what. At least, that’s what she always thought, now she knows differently. Now she knows the truth and it hurts.
The next morning, Charlie rolls over in her bed and opens her eyes. She startles when Maggie’s face is right in front of hers.
“What the hell are you doing, weirdo?”
Maggie giggles. She hops onto the bed and bounces up and down a couple times.
“You’re seriously not coming today?”
Charlie realizes now that Maggie is wearing a shirt with a rainbow on it. She had almost forgotten, somehow, about the parade. She rubs the sleep from her eyes with the heels of her hands before she sits up.
“No, not this year, Mags.”
Her little sister seems to understand. Maggie has always been filled with such joy, but she’s also the most empathetic person Charlie has ever met. So when her tone turns serious, she knows she won’t push her, the way Lennon would.
“Okay, well Mama said to wake you up.”
“Why?”
“Don’t know. We’re leaving now, too, if you want to say bye.”
Charlie nods. She lifts a hand up and Maggie gives her a high-five. But Charlie catches her hand and wraps it up in her own. Maggie’s eyes look into her own and she gives her usual bright smile; it looks just like their mom’s and it helps Charlie’s insides feel a little less tangled.
She forces herself out of the bed and to the kitchen. Lennon and Chloe are waiting for Maggie, both dressed with little colorful accessories. Chloe opens her arms and Charlie walks into them. She kisses her temple before she speaks, quietly, just between the two of them.
“One last chance.”
Charlie doesn’t answer verbally. Chloe has done this since she was small. She knows Charlie is stubborn, the way Beca is, but she has also seen time and time again, that the snap decisions she makes out of anger or fear can sometimes turn around. When she feels her shake her head, she knows her mind is made up; it isn’t going to change today.
“Alright, my love, we’ll see you tonight. Have fun with Mama today, okay?”
“Kay.”
She watches them all go and then sets off in search of her Mama. She finds her up in their bathroom getting ready for the day. Even in the house, Charlie can feel how brutally hot it is outside.
“Hi Mama.”
“Morning, bug.”
“What are we doing today?”
Beca smiles, she watches Charlie quirk an eyebrow behind her through the mirror. Beca has always loved the mornings, when her girls are sleepy and squishy and soft, this morning is no exception. When she turns Charlie walks over and gives her a hug; she knows she’s going to need a little extra love today. She squeezes her tight.
“I have a little surprise. Go get dressed and we’ll head out.”
They drive for over an hour before Beca gets off the highway. Charlie hasn’t asked any questions. She trusts her Mama, she knows that whatever she has planned for them is meant to distract her from all of the feelings swirling around inside of her, but right now they feel much too big to push away.
“We’re here.” Beca says, putting the car into park.
“Where is here, exactly?”
Beca scoffs, “Come on, I’ll show you.”
Charlie follows her through the open field, over to where a small temporary stage has been set up.
“Beca Mitchell.”
They both turn and see a tall guy, standing with his arms crossed.
“Long time, no see. How are you, girl?”
“I’m alright, I figured I stop by and see what sad state you’ve allowed this to fall into, guess I was right.”
He lets out a chuckle and shakes his head.
“We’re just getting started.”
Charlie gladly lets herself fall into the background of their conversation. She looks around. There are families, some with small kids, some with kids closer to her age. Almost all of the families look similar to hers and she knows what this is.
“This is my daughter, Charlie.”
“Hi Charlie,” He says, reaching his hand out, with a kind smile, “it’s nice to meet you, again.”
“Again?”
“We met a few times before but you were probably about this tall.” He says, gesturing to around his knee. “I’m Carson.”
“Hi.”
Beca places a hand on her back.
“The show should be getting started pretty soon. We’d love a surprise appearance from the one and only.”
“I don’t know.” Beca says, with a shake of her head.
He shrugs, “Just let me know, you’re always welcome, you know that.” He turns back to Charlie, “And it’s nice to have you back here too.”
Something in his tone makes her feel like he means it. He rushes off; he’s clearly in charge of, whatever this is. Charlie looks around again. With each passing minute more people come into the park.
“Mama, what is this?”
“Just a little concert. Nothing like the city, but I figured we decided to have a little fun too.”
They stay toward the back of the area, Beca knows Charlie didn’t want to feel overwhelmed today. Carson walks up onto the stage and speaks, loudly, into the microphone.
“Hello everyone!”
He’s met with cheers and claps.
“Welcome, I’m so glad you all could join us today. As some of you know, this is the twentieth anniversary of this little concert and we couldn’t be more proud. Pun intended.”
Beca rolls her eyes but there are some genuine laughs from the crowd.
“We started this thing with just a couple of singer-songwriters and a wish that music would continue to be a uniting factor in this world.”
Charlie looks over at Beca, a questioning look on her face. She’s met with a shrug, then a little nod.
“I am happy every single day to be who I am, as I hope you all are too. So today we are here to celebrate that. We are here to sing, and dance, and enjoy the idea that, even if the in-between days are hard, we have days like these. We have people to share all of our days with. We have people who love us for who, and what, we are, for all it’s worth.”
Charlie reaches over and takes Beca’s hand in her own.
“So, let’s get to the music.”
Charlie watches every performance, completely entranced. Beca can’t seem to take her eyes off of her. Charlie has always been a wonder, since the time she was born, but watching her grow into a teenager, watching her realize these big things about herself has been one of the biggest joys of Beca’s life.
“So, all of these people are queer?”
Beca nods, “Pretty cool isn’t it?”
Charlie looks back up at the band on the stage. It’s a couple. They’re playing guitars and dancing around, they look like they don’t have a care in the world and it makes Charlie’s chest feel like it’s constricting; but somehow it feels good.
She’s been forcing her thoughts away more often than she’s been allowing them to sit in her brain. For so long, she thought if she just ignored it, it would go away.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what, baby?”
Charlie turns and looks into Beca’s eyes. She swallows, it’s thick and almost impossible. She speaks, just barely loud enough to be heard over the music.
“I always thought it was so easy for you and mom. I just thought that you loved each other so much that none of the other stuff mattered.”
Beca gives her a sad smile.
“Sometimes it is like that.”
“But it’s not.” Charlie says, with a knowing tone that Beca isn’t sure she’s ever heard.
“No,” She shakes her head, “we’ve done a really good job of surrounding ourselves with people who love and accept us. But we both know, and have known for a long time, that there are always going to be people out there that don’t get it; people that don’t want to understand.”
Charlie nods.
“But the most important thing we’ve ever done, and I want you to hear me when I say this, the most important thing that we’ve ever done is create a home where no matter what you or your sisters tell us, no matter who you end up to be, you know that you will always, always, always have a place with us. There is absolutely nothing in this world you could do that would make me stop loving you.”
Charlie lets the tears slip out. Finally. Beca pulls her into her chest and squeezes her tight. She lets a couple of her own tears loose.
“Thank you.”
“Always.” Beca repeats.
Charlie pulls away and wipes at her eyes and cheeks. Her face is a little red now, with tear tracks staining her pale skin.
“We actually have one of our founding musicians here with us today.” Carson’s loud voice comes through the speakers again. “Beca, where are you?”
Beca turns and shakes her head before shouting,
“No way.”
“Don’t pretend to be shy. Let’s go.”
She gives a look to Charlie, who now has a beaming smile on her own face.
“Go Mama.”
A little of the reluctance leaves Beca when she sees how much she wants her to do it. She walks across the grass and up onto the stage. She sighs and slips the guitar strap over her shoulder.
“Are you going to help me out, or what?” She asks Carson.
“What are we singing?”
Beca thinks back to one of the last times she came here with her girls; Maggie wasn’t even a year old yet, which means the other two were only three and five. She can picture them swirling around in the grass, laughing like maniacs. She regrets ever letting this tradition fade.
“Follow my lead.”
She strums a few chords before Carson’s face lights up and the band follows. Beca looks out, across the field, Charlotte is watching her with that same full face smile, as she begins to sing,
You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free
Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you
It feels good to sing like this. The words have never rung so true. She continues on, hoping desperately that Charlie hears what she’s saying,
You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free
In the final lines of the song she feels like she could burst into tears again. The band falls away and she strums, gently, like she did the first time she sang this same song, right here, watching her girls spin around without a care in the world. Even back then, she knew one day she would have a day like this one; a day that feels so simple but means so much.
You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free
The crowd cheers. Beca hands the guitar back over to Carson and lets him wrap her up in a sweaty hug.
The rest of the evening goes by faster than either Charlie or Beca would like it too. Their ride home feels much different than their ride there. Charlie is chatting away, about some of the musicians and the songs they played.
“I can’t believe you helped start that, it’s so cool.”
Beca shrugs, “It is, isn’t it?”
“Why did we stop going?”
“I don’t really know.”
“Can we go again next year?”
“Sure, if that’s what you want to do.”
“Definitely.”
Beca smiles, mostly to herself. She loves that she’s one of the few people that gets to see Charlie like this. She’s so often reserved, or even grumpy, around most people; she supposes she knows what Chloe was always talking about when they were younger.
When they walk through their front door, they are met, immediately, with noise. Maggie is laughing, Lennon is talking a mile a minute to Chloe, who is sitting at the kitchen island, listening intently to whatever story is being shouted at her.
Beca walks up behind her and kisses her cheek. It startles her, only a little, before she turns and gives her a proper kiss.
“Hi, my love.”
“Hi there, seems you ladies had a good day.” Beca says, with a smirk.
Chloe looks exhausted, but the kind of tired that only comes after a day full of fun things. She’s grateful.
“Mhm, how did it go on your end?”
The same smile that’s been on Beca’s face all day, returns, and she shrugs.
“I think it was a good call.”
Chloe sneaks a look around Beca’s shoulder, where Charlie is listening now to Lennon’s story and rolling her eyes. But her smile matches Beca’s and Chloe knows it’s true.
“Thank you for doing that for her.”
“I’d do anything for these jerks.”
“I know you would and that’s so much of why I love you.”
Beca leans back down and kisses her again, gentler this time.
“Am I allowed to tell you guys that you’re being gross, even if it’s pride?” Maggie asks, coming over and sitting in the empty seat next to Chloe.
Chloe pinches her side, which makes her laugh and Beca says,
“Nope, it’s against pride rules. You can tell us we’re gross tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Beca looks around the room. She wonders, every day, how she got this lucky. She never thought, in all of her time growing up, that she would ever have anything even close to this. There are still days where she allows the doubt to get to her, she worries that something terrible is going to happen and it’s all going to be taken from her, or she’ll wake up and the last twenty years of her life will somehow have been a dream. Today isn’t one of those days, especially as Carson’s words come back to her,
...enjoy the idea that, even if the in-between days are hard, we have days like these. We have people to share all of our days with. We have people who love us for who, and what, we are, for all it’s worth.