Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He should’ve known no one would show up. Apparently, he was the only one who still cared about their friendship seeing as he was the only one standing at the corner spot where Sam had seen himself on the front of that bus, the spot where they promised that they would meet up at in a few months. He was the only one who had shown up in the pouring rain because he was the only one pathetic enough to remember about their plan because he had nothing else going on for himself.

Mercedes was too busy signing autographs and releasing hits left and right in LA, Sam was back in Lima going to community college and co-coaching the football team at McKinley, Artie was busy with film school, Rachel was busy hiding away from the public eye since her attempts in starring in a TV show failed and Blaine… well that was a whole other story.

He messed up, he knew that now but how can you un- mess up something like that. He had told Blaine he didn’t want to marry him, therefore telling Blaine that he didn’t love him. When he was pretty sure that he did love him or at least wanted to try loving him. It had been stressful, living together by themselves. Before when it was 5 to 6 of them in that loft there was no time to spare thinking about their pet peeves and then Blaine moved in with Mercedes and Sam so they weren’t around each other as much but then all of a sudden they were living together alone and… well not to be rude to Blaine but he was not the man he thought he knew.

They fought over everything and instead of growing even stronger, their bond grew weaker. They picked out every flaw the other one had and they tore each other apart. Blaine was the strong one, the glue that kept trying to hold them together and he was the one to mess everything up by blowing up at him that day when they went out to lunch. Yes, he knew he had been harsh and overall Blaine didn’t deserve his outburst but he had been holding all his feelings about their relationship in, and well… he hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true. 

He didn’t want to marry Blaine, that was for one. Sure his rendition of “All You Need Is Love” with all the other show choirs in Lima was beautiful and heartfelt but he needed way more than love and Blaine had failed to see that each time. Why he had said yes… well how could he have said no? All his friends, people he had known for years were there along with all the Warblers, the deaf show choir, and Vocal Adrenaline, how could he have said no without seeming like a douche in front of them? So maybe he hadn’t been thinking about what saying yes to Blaine’s proposal meant for them in the long run but he wasn’t the only one who hadn't been thinking. 

What was Blaine thinking when he asked him to marry him? They had just gotten back together less than a week before he proposed after he had cheated on him after being away from him for 2 weeks. He couldn’t go 2 weeks without needing some kind of attention and seeking it elsewhere when he was about to come visit him anyway and had cheated on him. So how did he expect them to be engaged while he was in New York and he stayed in Lima if they couldn’t even date while being apart from each other that way? 

But he said yes, thinking that maybe Blaine had learned from his mistakes and was different now. And yes, he was different in regards to the cheating thing because he hadn't cheated on him after that (that he knew of) but another thing was that Blaine didn’t give him enough space or independence. The way Blaine saw it was that he was the man of the relationship and he was the woman , which was not how it was going to go down at all. And when he had established that it wasn’t going to work that way, Blaine made him into the bad guy. 

There was the fact that Blaine had persuaded the dean of NYADA, Carmen Tibeduax to put him in all of his classes for one. Then he had gone into his apartment and moved his stuff around without his permission and yes, they were supposed to be working on sharing their space with each other but in baby steps and the step Blaine had taken crossed his line. Then he had turned the situation on him by bringing up his relationship with Elliot which had nothing to do with anything but it was Blaine and apparently anything he said made sense.

But they had gotten over the boundary issue when Blaine found out for himself that he was just friends with Elliot and then decided that it was best for them to take a step back and for him to move out of the loft and in with Mercedes and Sam. But then a new problem arose for them after he had gotten beaten up for trying to prevent some men from picking on some guy. 

He was finding who he was in New York and one of those factors was that he was stronger. So what he had started working out more and started eating healthier? So what if he had gained some muscle and definition, a quality that Blaine had seemed to be losing? So what if he was the hotshot at NYADA just like Blaine had been at Dalton and McKinley? It wasn’t like he was going to cheat on Blaine like he had done for him, it was just some harmless flirting that didn’t mean anything to him (sound familiar?) and Blaine had just been jealous because the attention wasn’t on him. But that was no reason for Blaine to blame him for his self-esteem issue because the whole dynamic had been shifted and he was afraid that he was going to wake up one day and realize that he didn’t love him . What a bunch of…

Well, he was kind of right about the last part, only it hadn’t been a realization that just came to him out of the blue, he had been thinking about his feelings for Blaine for a while now and over time they had faded out. He had fallen out of love with him and yet… he still wanted to love him. 

And it was frustrating because, besides the two scenarios he had already thought about, there was the lying to him about the showcase and then the constant bickering and blaming him for all their problems and you would think that after all of that, he would be done with Blaine for good but he was the only thing that was constantly on his mind. He woke up and thought about how he used to wake up with Blaine right by his side every morning. He went to work and thought about how he missed the kiss on the cheek that Blaine would give him before they parted ways going on to do their own things for the day. He went home… to an empty loft and thought about how the loft used to be full of people and happiness. But now his life was dull and boring and… depressing.

And it was all his fault. He had tried to get over Blaine. After breaking up with him, he waited a few months out of respect for him before he started dating again. He went on blind dates with people he had met on those god-awful dating websites but they were all weird and they just weren’t Blaine . He had been on a total of 9 dates, each with a different guy, and every time he left early or scared the guy off and the date was deemed unsuccessful. 

So ultimately he had ruined his one chance of having a happy ending. Now he woke up every morning feeling depressed and alone. Everyone had forgotten about him and he honestly didn’t blame them. If he could forget about himself he would. 

Why he had given this one more chance, he didn’t know but alas, here he was, sitting in a cafe, waiting for his date to show up. It had already been 10 minutes and the guy was a no show, so he was contemplating whether he should just give up and go home or if he should wait it out. He had ultimately decided on waiting a few minutes just because he had gotten stuck in a spiral of thoughts, thinking about the day he had come to the cafe with Blaine, the day he had broken up with him. 

It was raining outside, raining hard and Blaine was late… again. And he would probably have some excuse about how he was doing something that involved their wedding… their wedding, he didn’t like how that sounded. But that was a reasonable excuse for why he had been late for their date and yet he wanted to make it so that Blaine was wrong. He wanted to say that it wasn’t okay that Blaine was late because he shouldn’t be planning their wedding because he was pretty sure he didn’t want to marry him.

“Hi,” Blaine greeted him sympathetically, putting his hand on his while he set his coat behind his chair. He had spooked him which only irritated him further and he couldn’t hide it. “Sorry. I know I’m a little late but it’s really coming down and I also had to stop by the Mercer kitchen just to check on something, you’re never going to guess.”

His rambling was insufferable. His chirpiness was mocking his annoyance and making him burn up in flames of anger. That was his excuse, he had to stop by the kitchen for something that he didn’t even want. 

“So, it turns out that they are totally available on Labor Day for our wedding,”

Our wedding. Meaning it was for both of, that they were marrying each other . That he was going to be attached to Blaine for the rest of his life. 

Blaine walked away to get a menu from the waiter and before he could tell himself to bite his tongue, he decided to address how he felt.

“Why am I always the first one to arrive?” He asked Blaine bitterly. 

“Umm did you not hear what I just said?” Blaine asked him back, oblivious to his mood still chipper. “They’re available for the wedding on Labor Day,”

“L-let’s just order, I’m starving,” He seethed, breaking eye contact with his fiance to look at the menu. He could feel Blaine’s attitude change, he could feel Blaine staring at him with a confused expression but he didn’t care to look back up.

“I don’t want to fight about this but I really feel like the whole wedding planning thing, it’s just all falling on me,” Blaine confronted him. He set the menu down and straightened his posture, folding his hands together and placing them on the table. He gave Blaine a steady look and narrowed his eyes at him like his statement had been obvious.

“What’s the matter?” Blaine asked, his face scrunching up like he was about to cry, his voice laced with desperation. “Tell me, are… are you having second thoughts?”

“Have you noticed how exhausting it’s been ever since you moved back in?” He questioned Blaine, who was starting to resemble a sad puppy that had just been kicked. He didn’t feel bad, there was no point in stopping to spare his feelings. “The other day we got into a three-hour fight because I used a towel to wipe off my mouth while there was still toothpaste on mah face ,”

“Well, how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that?” Blaine queried him

“Living together is supposed to be a trial run and I gotta tell you I think we are failing it,” He told Blaine, raising his voice.

“Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where’s that guy been, huh?” Blaine fumed. “Where’ve you been, you’ve been completely aloof and totally remote and distant . It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. I feel like you’re just silently judging me. What do you even want anymore? Do you even want this wedding? Do you even want to marry me?”

“Maybe I don’t,” He blurted out, instantly regretting what he had said. He took a deep breath and watched as Blaine’s facial expression went back to puppy dog eyes. He had always hated that expression of his.

“What changed?” Blaine asked him, his voice breaking while he shook his head. “Was it something that I did… because I love you, I love you so much and I know that we can make this work,”

Yes, it was something he did, it was everything he had ever done and Kurt desperately wanted to tell him that but this time he bit his tongue. He may not want to marry him but he still cared about Blaine’s feelings and by expressing his own thoughts and emotions, he was helping Blaine.

“I love you too,” Kurt admitted to him slowly, taking another deep breath before he spoke. “But we’re kids ,”

Blaine sat back in his seat and tore his eyes out of his glance as if he didn’t want him to see him cry. He already knew though, he had watched as the tears welled up in his fiance’s, now ex -fiance’s eyes.

“Look, we had a great run but let’s… just call it quits before we completely hate each other,” He suggested, thinking that maybe hate was a strong word. He didn’t hate Blaine, he still had compassion for him but he was right. They were tearing each other apart and he was the only one who had noticed so he was going to address it and put it to an end.

Blaine’s face scrunched up even more and he looked down, letting his tears roll down his cheeks. Oddly enough, Kurt wasn’t crying. He didn’t feel sad and all his anger was gone, he was numb. He looked down at his hands, unable to watch Blaine cry.

“I will never forgive you for this,” Blaine spat at him after having taken a deep breath from crying. His words stung when he realized that they would probably be the last words that Blaine ever spoke to him. He guessed he deserved Blaine’s resentment, it was only fair that he got to dish out his feelings like he had done to them.

Blaine got up and left the restaurant, leaving him at the table alone. The waiter came to take his order a few minutes later but he got up and told the server that there was a change of plans and that he had to go. He felt bad for bothering the waiter when he wasn’t going to order any food so he tipped him anyway before he left the building.

And here he was, back at the same restaurant, waiting for a different man. Tears had come to his eyes but he had been too lost in thought to wipe them away when they ran down his face.

“Kurt Hummel?” A man asked him, snapping him out of his trance. He looked up at the man and realized that he was supposed to be on a blind date, not reminiscing about his failed relationship with the man he still thought he wanted. The man was handsome enough but no one compared to Blaine.

“Hey, I’m Ricardo. Sorry to keep you waiting, my spin class ran late,” Ricardo explained to him while they shook hands and Ricardio sat down. That only reminded him of Blaine even more, reminding him that Blaine had been late on their last date, the date when they broke up. That was just one sign that this date wouldn’t end well.

“Uh… are you okay?” Ricardo asked him and he realized that he was still crying and that his date could see his tears. He gasped softly, choking on his words. He didn’t know what to say and he froze.

“I-I’m, I’m sorry, I have to go,” He stuttered lightly, gathering his things together and standing up from his seat. 

He quickly jogged to the door and heard the bell above the door ring as he walked out of the cafe. He gave out a sob and tears rolled down his face as he quickly walked down the sidewalk with his face down, trying to cover up the fact he was crying as much as possible from strangers. He walked behind the alleyway at the end of the row of buildings that the cafe was a part of and slid down the wall, giving out on himself and crying in a ball on the dirty ground next to a dumpster. 

He was so stupid , why would he throw away his only chance of having happiness? How could he sabotage himself so much? He had lost all his friends, no one showed up at the corner spot, he lost the love of his life and now he was trying to put his life back together but he was failing. He wasn’t the same Kurt he had been a few months ago when everyone was still in New York. That Kurt was sassy and lively and happy, he had his life together but this Kurt ? He was a mess. He was mopey and depressing and boring. All he ever did was go to school and work and attempt to find love again when he wasn’t going to find it with anyone else but the person he let go of.

But wait a minute… this was no way to think. Why was he feeling sorry for himself? If he wanted Blaine back so bad then why didn’t he do something about it instead of trying to deny his feelings for the guy and trying to move on? Where was the Kurt that spent so long pining over Blaine his junior year? Sure he had embarrassed himself a few times but he still got the guy in the end. Or where was the Kurt that Blaine had spent so long pining over after he had cheated on him? Where was the desirable Kurt that everyone wanted to be with less than a year ago? He needed to get himself back to normal before anything else got back to normal. He needed to stop pitying himself and instead… he needed to get Blaine back.

Chapter Text

He took a deep breath as he got out of the taxi that drove him to his parent’s house and stopped by the trunk to get his things. He had only packed the essentials, some clothes, his skin stuff, his laptop, and supplies for school. It was a spur in the moment kind of thing, after he had finished his crying session in the alleyway he went straight to the loft where he booked a last-minute flight and packed his things before he left for the airport. 

While he waited for his plane to arrive, he sat down in a chair by himself in the waiting area. It was very late at night by now and he should’ve been exhausted, what with the day he had had but he wasn’t. Instead, he was wide awake, sipping on a cup of coffee. There weren’t many other people waiting for a plane which he was grateful for because he wanted as much space as he could get.

He worked on sorting things out with NYADA and Vogue. He didn’t want to quit school and his internship because he wasn’t planning on being away from New York for too long. He had emailed Isabelle, asking him if he could work away from the office for a while due to personal issues (he wasn’t lying) and she happily agreed. He knew compromising with Carmen, the dean of NYADA wouldn’t be as easy but thankfully he didn’t have to speak a word to her. He could work away from school due to a third-year, work-study program that they had there. Just a simple email and an application and he was all set.

He couldn’t sit still while he waited for his plane to be announced. He bounced his laptop on his knee and tapped his fingers in rhythm on the keyboard, typing random letters onto the screen. He didn’t know if his hyperness was due to nerves or excitement or maybe his fifth cup of coffee that night but he figured it was a mixture of all of the factors.

His plane was ready 2 hours later and before he knew it, he was on a plane from New York to Ohio. He hadn’t told anyone in his hometown that he was coming back. He honestly had never intended on coming back to the place that he had suffered in for 18 years and he knew that everyone else knew how much he hated his hometown. Yet he was doing it for love and for happiness. And he had heard that it was homecoming at McKinley soon so he would be able to catch up with Mercedes and Quinn and the rest of his old friends. If they were still that to him because he hadn’t talked to anyone in the past few months but still, if they weren’t friends they were at least family. And if they weren’t family… well he knew his dad and Carol would be happy to see him.

He had fallen asleep on the plane since the effects of his coffee were waring off and when he woke up, he was on the ground of the Ohio airport. Then he was in the lobby of the Ohio airport before he got into an Ohio taxi cab and gave the driver his pay and directions to his house. Which leads to how he was where he was now. The taxi driver drove off and he inhaled the scent of freshly mowed grass and listened to the sound of chirping birds. He was home.

He decided at that moment that he would just pull off his arrival as a surprise. He calmed his nerves and gathered his courage as he walked up the steps of his old home, feeling nostalgic. He bit his lip and reached his hand out to knock on the door but then brought it back to his side, thinking about what he was about to do.

What if Blaine was there? He knew for a fact that Sam had moved back in with his dad and Carol when he came back to Lima and Sam and Blaine were best friends so obviously Blaine would hang out with him a lot. And even if it wasn’t with Sam, he was pretty sure that Blaine and Finn had a solid friendship going on and his dad liked Blaine too, what would he do if Blaine was there. He looked behind him to see that there were three cars parked in the driveway, Finn’s, Sam’s, and his parents’. No sign of Blaine was in sight but that still didn’t mean he wasn’t there.

He rolled his eyes at himself for being so scared. It was his house, well it had been his house and his dad had always told him that he was welcome back anytime time he wanted to visit. They were his parents and it was his brother and it was his guest and it used to be his house so he shouldn’t have to worry about Blaine. Of course, his ex had always had a problem with taking control over situations or spaces that weren't his. He was reminded of the times when he let Sam crash on the couch in his loft for four months without his permission and then rearranging his furniture, also without permission. But if he was going to make this work and get Blaine back then he needed to be more understanding and open to what Blaine wanted and how he felt and… god he just needed to man up.

So without thinking, he quickly reached out his hand again, balled it up in a fist, and knocked on the door. He shifted his weight back and forth on his legs and continued to bite his lip as he looked down at the welcome mat on the ground. He heard shuffling footsteps coming from inside and he thought about running but the idea seemed silly and childish to him so he stayed put.

“Hello?” Sam, who had appeared in front of him, asked when he opened the door. Sam was a bit taller than him but only made him feel smaller when he had to look down at him to see that it was him who had knocked on the door. Sam gave him his usually huge, dopey grin before swooping him into a giant hug. 

“Hi Sam,” He greeted him softly, embracing him back. It had been so long since he had had a hug.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Sam teased him when he let him go. “I haven’t seen you since…”

“New York,” Kurt finished for him, wondering if Sam felt a tiny bit of guilt for not coming back. He wondered if Sam had even remembered about their agreement.

“Yeah,” Sam said happily, rubbing the back of his neck. It seemed like he had forgotten which made Kurt’s heartache. “New York, how’s it going up there?”

“It’s… great,” He stammered, unsure of how to answer the question, with the truth or with a lie. “I just.. you know, needed a break from the city?”

“You?” Sam asked him in disbelief. “I thought you’d rather burn your entire wardrobe than step foot back in Lima?”

“I was being dramatic,” Kurt admitted to him, nodding his head. He really hadn’t been but sometimes you had to do the things you didn’t want to do, like now. “But I was wondering… if it was okay with everyone here… if I could move back in?”

He didn’t really understand why he was being too hesitant but Sam just gave him an even bigger smile and stepped aside to let him in the house. He adjusted his grips on the two bags he had and walked into the house.

“Everyone’s in the kitchen,” Sam informed him, closing the door as he walked in after them. “You’re just in time for breakfast,”

“That’s… great. Umm… when you say everyone… you mean who exactly?” Kurt asked him, setting his bags down and starting to fidget with his hands as he felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He wasn’t that hungry, if Blaine was there then maybe he could just straight up to his old room.

“Blaine’s not here,” Sam told him, sensing that that’s who he was referring to. Sam had a disapproving tone to his words and seemed like he was smelling the word Blaine and that Blaine didn’t smell good. He wondered what had happened between the two of them, if anything had happened. They were such good friends.

“Oh,” He said, feeling a little lighter. “Well… I wasn’t asking about him but… that’s fine,”

He walked into the kitchen to surprise his family before Sam could give him a look that made him know that he knew he was lying about Blaine or before Sam could question him.

“Surprise!” He exclaimed, standing in the doorway to the kitchen with his arms out. Just like he had assumed, Finn, Carol, and his dad along with Puck were sitting around the kitchen table, all eating together. The smell in the room was heavenly, pancakes but he wasn’t very hungry at the moment. 

“Princess!” Puck exclaimed back, rushing up from the table along with Finn and going over to him to hug him. The both of them practically tackled him to the floor but he was able to stand his ground so he could hug them back. 

“God, let me breath,” He teased his brother and friend when they pulled away from him. Puck ruffled his hair, making him roll his eyes but he was so happy with all the hugs and actual human contact that he didn’t bother to fix it.

“What are you doing here kid?” His dad asked him, hugging him next. “I haven’t seen you in ages,”

“It’s been six months, dad, don’t be dramatic,” He laughed, giving his dad the tightest hug. Sam appeared back in the kitchen and smiled at the family reunion that was occurring while he went to go and hug Carol.

“So I know it’s been a while,” He told everyone when he pulled away from Carol. He found that he was smiling the first real smile he had smiled in a long time which made him smile even more. “And I know this is really last minute and all but I was hoping that everyone would welcome me back with warm arms and that I could… move back in for a few weeks,”

“Are you kidding Kurt?” Carol asked him, enthusiastically. “Of course, you can, we’ve missed you around here,”

“Any reason for wanting to stay here?” His dad questioned him, giving him the knowing look he know he deserved. “I thought you’d rather…”

“Burn your entire wardrobe then step foot back in Lima,” Everyone said together in a mocking tone. He playfully rolled his eyes at his family and crossed his arms.

“I had no idea I was so predictable,” He smiled at them, shaking his head. “But no, there’s not much of a reason for me coming back here except for the fact that I missed all of you. Besides, I still have Vogue and NYADA so I won’t be staying for too long,”

“Well you’re always welcome here, honey,” Carol assured him. “Now come sit down, I’ve missed feeding you,”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Kurt told her, politely declining her offer. “I ate breakfast before I got here and trust me, you’ll have plenty of time for me to taste your wonderful meals,”

“What are you planning on doing while your back in town?” Sam asked him, almost in an accusing way. He seemed innocent enough though, looking up at him while he chewed on some bacon.

“Oh you know,” He waved his hand, coming up with an excuse as to what he was going to do to keep busy. He felt bad for lying to his family and friends the way he was, telling Carol he already ate, telling Sam that he wasn’t back in town for Blaine, telling his dad that he wasn’t back home for any particular reason but it would be easier if he just went with the flow. As long as he stayed calm, things would work themselves out. “The usual,”

“Which is?” Finn questioned him. “Hey, I know, you should totally come hang out with us at McKinley,”

“Coach Beiste made Finn head coach and I’m his assistant,” Sam informed him, updating him on what everyone was up to these days.

“Congratulations,” He addressed his brother and friend before turning to Puck. “And what are you up to these days Noah? Staying out of trouble I hope,”

“Of course,” Puck scoffed, as if there was no reason for Kurt to think he wasn’t. “In fact, I’m on my way to becoming a director. I’m working on a script with my boy Artie for a movie,”

“Artie?” Kurt asked, confused. “I thought Artie was in film school,”

“He came back,” Puck shrugged. “He said that college wasn’t for him and he dropped out,”

“Really?” Kurt rolled his eyes, wondering why Artie would leave his dream school. He got that college wasn't for everyone but he had known Artie forever and it wasn’t like him to abandon something like his education. He dropped the thought though but not before he thought about how Artie had been the only one left in New York after Blaine moved back to Lima. Not that they had talked much in the first place but he still felt abandoned. “Interesting. Who else is back here? Don’t tell me Quinn dropped out of Yale,”

“What? No,” Finn assured him. “It’s just me, Sam, Puck, Artie, and Rachel,”

“And Blaine,” Puck added in, making Kurt wince a little. He noticed Sam kick him from underneath the table while Finn shot him a look but Puck didn’t seem to get their behavior. “What? He is back here,”

“Rachel’s here?” Kurt asked them, ignoring the mention of Blaine.

“Yeah, she’s working on getting the glee club back together,” Finn told him, seeming relieved that he didn’t say anything about Blaine. “Sue’s giving her a run for her money but you know Rachel,”

“Yes I do,” Kurt sighed, thinking about his best friend. “Has anyone recognized her from her show?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, laughing a little. “Principal Figgins was working at the Lima Bean since Sue got him fired and recognized her. He called her out in front of everyone and before we knew it, everyone knew about her being here,”

“Her show is hilarious,” Puck smirked. “I don’t understand why there was only one episode,”

“I do,” Kurt smirked back at him. “But yeah, of course, I’ll come with you guys,”

“I have your old car at the shop kid,” His dad informed him, looking at his newspaper. “You can drive with one of the guys and maybe stop by later to get it,”

“Oh I completely forgot about that,” Kurt gasped, remembering his baby that he had had to leave behind. Parking in New York would’ve left him out on the streets, so he had to pick a house over his car. “Yeah, I’d love to come and get it,”

“So while you guys are eating, do you mind if I go and put my stuff away?”He asked everyone at the table. 

“Go ahead,” His dad told him. “Take as much time as you need,”

“Got it,” He smiled, turning to walk out of the kitchen. 

“Kurt?” His dad asked him, making him turn back around to face his dad.

“Yes, dad?” He asked him.

“I’m glad your back son,” His dad told him, smiling. He hadn’t seen his father so happy in a while (granted he hadn’t seen his father in a while) and he smiled back. 

“I’m glad I’m back too,” He told him before he continued walking out of the room.

Chapter Text

He was sitting in the choir room, waiting for Rachel with tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, then again when did he ever want to cry, but there was something about being in that room that made him sad. His emotions reminded him of the emotions he had felt his junior year when the bullying and harassment was at its worse. He was always on the verge of a breakdown and had been lonely, waiting for someone to swoop in and save him. And someone had because Blaine had saved him. Blaine had made him happy. He was hoping that he would do the same again.

When he arrived at McKinley he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do there. Finn and Sam were on their way to the locker room to get ready for football practice (even though it was 9 in the morning on a Saturday) and Puck was going with them. Finn told him that Rachel usually didn’t get there until 10 which gave him an hour of nothing to do. He would’ve tagged along with the guys but there were too many bad memories in the locker room for him. Apparently, the memories weren’t only in the locker room. 

So he told them that he was just going to walk around some and try to resonate in some of his good McKinley days. Sam, Finn, and Puck all shrugged and smiled at him before they walked off together. He was glad he still had them as friends and that they were still the same goofs that they were in high school. Some things needed to stay the same.

There were no students there that day so he was free to go as he pleased. He thought about going to talk to Sue, seeing that she was the principal now but when he went to her office, she wasn’t there. His next thought was to go and see Mr. Schue but then he remembered that the whole reason he was there was because Rachel was going to be there since she worked at the school now as the glee club director because Mr. Schue was no longer there, working at Carmel High instead. He wasn’t close with any of the other teachers at the school so he decided to spend some time alone.

He didn’t like being alone though and after a few minutes, he couldn’t take the isolation after he had just felt so much love and comfort from his family. He contemplated sucking it up and going to the beefy-scented sweatshop known as the McKinley High boy’s locker room and telling his brother that he changed his mind but he didn’t.

Instead, he went to his old locker that he had gotten special permission from Sue (who threatened ex-Principal Figgins to let him do) to make into a time capsule, sp he could easily remember his good times in high school. He opened it and found that most of the pictures or tokens in the locker were from his senior year, probably the best year of his entire life.

There was the picture of Blaine in his Warbler blazer with the words collaged underneath it, spelling out the word courage . He remembers that after he had had the courage and stood up to Karofsky just for him to kiss him that he was angry with the words and Blaine. Having courage had gotten him nowhere and he wanted to take his anger out on something. He took Blaine’s picture and the words out of his locker and deleted Blaine’s texts to him but then Blaine offered to come with him to confront Karofsky and he felt better, having the courage to stand up to his bully with someone by his side. He put the picture and the words back up in his locker the next day and they stayed there ever since.

He also had several of Blaine’s bowties pinned up in the space along with pictures and tickets and show choir pamphlets from all his competitions. There was a picture of Finn in glasses from when they did Rocky Horror. A picture of him and Mercedes when they performed their first and only Cheerios performance during Madonna week in the glee club. There was a picture of the entire glee club during his sophomore year after they won Sectionals. Then his prom queen crown that he proudly displayed in there the morning after prom. There were other miscellaneous items such as his Vote Unicorn pennant and a Wicked playbill and he sighed happily, reminiscing in the good memories. He only wished there were more and that he could have some in the present moment.

He didn’t know how long he had been standing there, staring into the locker when he snapped out of his nostalgic trance. He could’ve sworn he had been hearing cheers while red and white confetti flew in the air but now… the hallway was quiet and empty. He sighed. He knew his depressive state was his own fault and it was his job to fix the mess he had made.

He suddenly felt the need to get away from the memories that were dragging him back into the past. He shut the door to his old locker and walked away, starting to make his way to the choir room. He knew it would be even more painful there since he had most of his happy memories in that room instead of the hallway but Finn had told Rachel that he was expecting him and she would be arriving soon.

He felt hesitant when he reached the closed choir room door. Looking in from the window he could see that the room was empty and dark except for the faint light that shined through the small windows on the back wall. He remembered looking through the widows before class started with various people. He thought it was a strange thing to remember, looking out a window but he held onto the thought anyway as he opened the door.

He remembered when he heard the news that the glee club was disbanding. He remembered going to celebrate the 100th and final lesson. Back when he was engaged to Blaine and was living in New York with two of his best friends. Back when things were okay because he wasn’t alone and the room he was currently in was full of music and laughter. Back when he was contempt with his life and happy with himself.

That’s when he first felt his eyes getting classy. He sat down in front of the piano and let the tears sit in his eyes, unafraid to show how fragile and vulnerable he was because no one was there to see him cry and become emotional. He didn’t exactly why he cared so much about showing emotions in front of people. He came to the realization that he probably still wasn’t used to people caring about him. He had spent more than half of his life so far being told that he was nobody and that no one was ever going to care about him. More than half of a year being told that you were nothing and you had to learn to make yourself emotionless so no one saw how they got to you. He hadn’t learned that it was okay that he wasn’t always strong.

Which led him to the present… sitting in his old show choir classroom in his old high school alone while he cried. And that’s how he was found by Rachel. She walked into the classroom and he could hear her walking fast, an indicator that she was excited. Her pace slow downed when her eyes landed on him but he couldn’t look up to meet her eyes. He was too ashamed of himself. Even now he couldn’t let down his guard so instead of letting it fall involuntarily, it was slipping on its own.

“Hey Rachel,” He greeted her quietly when he knew he was going to have to make the first move. He wondered if Rachel even knew what had gone down between him and Blaine since she had been hiding out of the public eye for months, avoiding contact with all her friends.

He didn’t know what he was expecting her to do but he definitely didn’t think that she would come over to him and hug him. Rachel always seemed to be Blaine’s number one fan, it was something he had accepted when Blaine transferred to McKinley. He didn’t blame her, everyone had instantly fallen in love with Blaine, including himself. He would've thought that if she knew that he had broken up with Blaine that she would be angry with him, unable to show an ounce of sympathy towards him and his situation. Understanding Rachel wasn’t something he was used to. Yet it was nice to see his friend, to know that she was actually alive and wasn’t just a figment of his imagination or gone from his life forever. So when Rachel embraced him, sitting down next to him at the piano he felt safe enough to break down.

No, it wasn’t his usual sort of crying he did when he was alone. The ugly type of crying where he screamed into a pillow. The type of crying that left him with blotchy cheeks, a stuffy nose, and a headache. But it was still crying, just soft tears while he gave small, shallow breaths every now and then to keep himself from completely freaking out. And Rachel held him through all of it until he had cried as much as he thought he could and was able to wipe his eyes without more tears falling down.

He gave her a small, sad smile and sighed, shaking his head. He knew he would have to explain himself to her. Why he was back in their old town, at their old high school, in their old choir room, crying. He didn’t really know where to start. He didn’t think he would be able to start with Blaine so he started somewhere else, something that equally hurt him.

“I showed up,” He told her sadly, fidgeting with his hands while he avoided eye contact with her. “6 months ago you said that we would all meet up at that spot outside the loft because no matter what our friendships were the most important thing,”

He couldn’t help getting a little choked up again as he remembered standing at that spot all by himself. He had waited in the rain for 3 hours and had probably made himself look like a fool. He sure had felt like one when he finally left and went back inside the loft, soaking wet with both rain and tears.

“Well I was the only one who showed up,” He told her, not able to hold make the snippiness in his comment. “And you were clearly in the midst of a nervous breakdown and… well Blaine… well I blew it. I blew the best thing that ever happened to me,”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you’re lonely?” Rachel asked him, reaching out to hold his hands. “I mean New York must feel pretty empty without all of us there,”

“No,” He replies firmly, shaking his head. “Blaine’s the love of my life. I started seeing this therapist who said that I have this thing with love. You know, men fight as a way to stay connected but Blaine wasn’t like that. He wasn’t afraid of intimacy,”

He was. He was afraid of letting down his guard so Blaine could see how he really was. Of course, he had only talked to that therapist once or twice before he decided that talking about his problems did more damage. Talking just made him feel more like a failure than he already had felt. And if he couldn’t even talk about his feelings with his fiance or his friends then why did he think he could talk about them with a stranger who was supposedly more qualified to help him because they had a degree?

“H-Has he said anything?” He asked her quickly, stuttering over his words.

“He seems to be in a good place about it,” Rachel told him.

“That’s great,” He exclaimed, smiling through his tears. “Well, maybe I can fix it. Do you think you can arrange a meeting between him and I in a neutral place somewhere here in Lima?”

“I-I’m confused,” Rachel admitted to him. “How do you plan to fix things in long-distance?”

“Well maybe he doesn’t have to be long-distance,” He explained to her. “Look, I-I want to be here with you guys. You’ve got to help me. Maybe we can have our redemption here together,”

He could see the idea processing through Rachel’s mind and was relieved to see her smile and nod her head, obviously having come up with the perfect plan.

“I think I have the perfect idea,” She told him, a mischievous smile spreading on her face. “I’ll see what I can do about setting up a meeting between you and Blaine but in the meantime… what else are you thinking about doing here?”

“Well… I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it,” He told her, thinking back to earlier that morning when Sam asked him the same question. He took her facial expression into account and smiled back. “Why?”

“Well I’m sure Finn already told you this but I’ve gotten permission from the superintendent to start the glee club back here,” She squeaked. “And… well I’m having some trouble getting some members. I’ve tried talking to Kitty Wilde, the Quinn-wannabe from last year…”

“Yes I remember,” Kurt scrunched up his nose in disapproval, remembering how much of a bitch the girl was. 

“Well, she doesn’t want to rejoin,” Rachel informed him. “And I doubt Sue would allow it either seeing that she’s mad I went behind her back and got approval without her permission. And then I asked the guys about maybe promoting the club to the football team seeing that that eventually worked for us when we were in the club but no one wants to join there either. It’s like these kids have been so brain-washed into not believing in the arts Kurt, it’s disappointing,”

“That’s horrible,” He frowned, thinking about how much the glee club had done for him. “But what does this have to do with me?”

“Kurt, as two out of the five original glee club members it is our job to revive this club,” Rachel told him with determination. “Without this club… we wouldn’t be where we are today. Sure our lives aren’t where we would like them to be but we still got into NYADA,”

“And you went on to star on Broadway,” He added to her.

“And it’s not just us,” She said. “Quinn wouldn’t have gone to Yale, Santana wouldn’t have come out of the closest, Mercedes wouldn’t be a famous pop star and we wouldn't even have the family we have today. We owe it to everyone to start this club up again so maybe… maybe we can help other diamonds in the rough break out of their mold and find people like them,”

“I completely agree,” He assured her. “So what are you exactly asking me to do? What do you need help with?”

“Well first we need to recruit new members,” Rachel explained to him, going over the list in her head. “And we of course need to find some really good songs to sing for the competitions and lessons for ideas,”

“Rachel?” Kurt asked her, his jaw dropped open. “Are you asking me to help you coach the glee club?”

“Only if you want to,” She told him. “But it would mean a lot to me if you would,”

“Oh my god, of course,” He exclaimed, bouncing in his seat. “Rachel, I’d love to,”

“Great!” She exclaimed along with him. “This is perfect, we’re going to redeem ourselves together Kurt. We’ll get a group of talented kids in here, get them ready to compete, go to Nationals and you’ll get back with Blaine…”

“And we’re going to get you back where you belong to,” Kurt assured her. “Broadway,”

“I missed you, Kurt,” Rachel told him, tears of joy welling up in her eyes.

“I missed you too,” He told her simply, giving her a tight hug. “Thank you,”

Chapter Text

“Just be cool. Keep your words as straight as an arrow,”

He felt like he was going to jump out of his skin at the moment. Rachel had kept her word and arranged for him to meet up with Blaine later that day…at Scandals. Not what he meant by a neutral setting but he wasn’t complaining. He was surprised that Blaine had even agreed to come and see him, seeing how they had left things off. The last time Kurt had even seen him was when they broke up at the restaurant. When he had gotten home later that night, all Blaine’s stuff was gone.

He was trying not to think about all the bad times they had had together like the cheating and accusations and arguments. Instead, he was thinking about when they first met and being together at Dalton, Sectionals, and Regionals, their time at McKinley together, and the time they spent together while they were engaged. Positive thinking led to positive actions and that’s all he was hoping for. He didn’t know whether to just come out and admit to being wrong and that he wanted Blaine back or if he should watch how Blaine acted and plan out his actions accordingly.

“Hi,” Someone greeted him happily. He would’ve recognized the voice anywhere. He turned around in his seat at the bar to see no one other than Blaine, gelled hair, bowtie, and all. He hadn’t changed a bit since they had last seen each other. “I hope you weren’t waiting long,”

“Oh… no,” He told him, stuttering a bit. Blaine had caught him off guard and his words got jumbled together. “H-hi,”

“Hi,” Blaine said again and Kurt could sense the awkwardness and tension between them. He thought Blaine was going in to hug him, seeing that they were past kissing at the moment but he felt how Blaine was actually planning to kiss his cheek. He only increased the awkwardness between them by dodging Blaine’s kiss and instead hugged him back. They exchanged a few more hi’s and hello’s before they parted and Blaine sat down in front of him while he laughed nervously.

“I appreciate you coming to see me,” He told Blaine, figuring he’d start off with that. “I would understand if you told me to screw off,”

“No, no, no,” Blaine assured him, shaking his head a little. “I wanted to see you,”

“Well I’m here to get you back,” He admitted to Blaine. Way to be subtle . He rephrased his words while placing his hands on top of Blaine’s. “I don’t mean to blurt it out like that but for the sake of clarity you should know that first I’m going to get your forgiveness an-and then I’m going to get your heart back,”

So apparently he wasn’t going to beat around the bush. He got nervous when Blaine stared down at their hands hesitantly before he gently took his off the table. Blaine looked up to him with his jaw dropped a bit, like he was going to tell him some bad news but didn’t know how to put it. Kurt wanted to tell him to spit it out but he bit his tongue, telling himself to be patient.

“Umm… I’m seeing someone,” Blaine informed him slowly.

“Don’t cry,”

He felt his heart shatter and then the small pieces dropped to the bottom of his stomach. He felt like crying and could feel the small smile he had slowly vanish off his face. 

“Be cool, smile. Oh god, I’m going to be sick,”

“And I-I wanted to tell you in person especially because you know him,” Blaine explained to him and Kurt could feel him trying to be as generous and soft as possible but it wasn’t helping. He felt like a baby instead. He felt like Blaine was thinking that he would react harshly to the news and that only upset him even more. Blaine thought he was a bad person he didn’t want him to be happy but he did want that for Blaine. He wanted Blaine to be happy… with him.

“Please don’t say, Sebastian Smythe,”

“Hey Kurt,” He heard someone say from behind him and felt a shoulder pat him on the back. He flinched slightly at the touch and turned around to see Blaine’s new boyfriend. It wasn’t Sebastian… it was someone worse… David Karofsky. No wonder he flinched at the touch, it was always his instinct reaction when he was around a former bully (only he hadn’t been around one since his junior year of high school.)

Karofsky smiled at him and Kurt watched, horrified at the scene that was playing in front of him as David turned to Blaine and bent down, kissing Blaine on his cheek. He couldn’t help but 

 raise his eyebrows and widened his eyes in surprise, now dropping his own jaw but in shock instead of hesitation. This had to be a dream.

“Karofsky?” He said shakily and he noticed how Blaine had his head bowed down like he was ashamed of himself.

“I knew this would be a little weird for you,” Blaine told him.

“It’s a living nightmare,”

“What, no,” He lied to the men in front of him. He could tell he wasn’t very convincing. “No, it’s not weird at all. No, h-how you’d two meet up again?”

“Well umm it was actually just a few months ago,” Blaine informed him and Kurt could see the picture of Blaine and Karfosky meeting up with each other clear as day in his head. “Right here as a matter of fact. I was a little bored so I decided to come to Country Bear Night here at Scandals and there was Dave, doing the Electric Slide,”

He could picture Blaine staring at the dancers, watching David specifically. He could imagine David jumping around so that his eyes landed on Blaine and he could see David nodding at Blaine while Blaine smiled a sad smile back at him. He realized that their meeting was his fault.

“Fun,” He laughed nervously, shifting in his seat.

“Yeah,” Blaine said, smiling over at David Karofsky who was his boyfriend now. That was weird to say inside his head. “We got to talking but mostly-mostly about you. I was just so angry at what had happened and it was just me venting about the break-up,”

It was all his fault.

“Yeah but… I reminded him about, you know, how much you helped me during that dark time in my life and you forgave me for all the crap I put you through,” David told him.

He nodded his head slowly, putting on the appearance that he was paying attention when really, he was trying to put the puzzle pieces together in his brain while focusing on breathing and not throwing up all over the table.

“And we got to talking and hanging out and… Blaine made a gesture with his hands and body. “Here we are,”

“Here we are,” David repeated him, laughing and putting his arm around Blaine. “Yogi and Boo-Boo. That’s his nickname for us cause I’m his big bear and he’s my little cub,”

Ugh, I’m gonna be sick. I’m gonna throw up. And when did Blaine start liking bears?

“I know this is wasn’t you wanted,” Blaine told him. “And I know this isn’t going to be easy but I just wanted all of us to be able to be adults about it,”

Blaine thought he was a baby.

“And I’m hoping we could be friends. Ya know, we can all hang out and stuff,” David added.

“Sounds like fun,” He laughed passive-aggressively through gritted teeth. He didn’t mean to sound rude but he was starting to get an awful feeling inside of him and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sit there much longer, watching the two of them together, happy while their happiness was making him miserable. He knew that made him a bad person but this was going to ruin his whole plan. This made it so coming back to Lima and leaving New York was all for nothing. And it was all his fault, he still couldn’t get over how he had messed up that much. 

“Umm, if you’ll excuse me I have to use the restroom,” He said quickly, getting up from the table. He ignored them both, not wanting to see David’s happy expression while Blaine gave him pitiful looks.

He was trying to stay calm but everything was happening around him so fast and it was overwhelming him. The music. His ex-fiance. His ex-bully. The bar. The drinks. The dancing. The people. He couldn’t breathe. He was trying to, trying to breathe air in and then out slowly but it wasn’t working and he could feel his heart begging to beat out of his chest.

His technique quickened as he slipped into the bathroom and then into an empty stall. He locked the stall door and rested his forearm on the bathroom wall, turning around and sliding down to the floor as he let the tears escape his eyes. He held his hand over his chest as if that would help him breathe with more ease but it didn’t help at all.

Blaine, his supposed high school sweetheart , was dating Karofsky, the man who had threatened to kill him after he had assaulted him. It made no sense, it was a slap in the face, an insult but it was still his fault. No matter how many times he told himself that or that he should be happy that Blaine was happy even if it wasn’t with him because if he really loved Blaine then he wouldn’t care who he was with as long as he was happy with his life. 

He closed his eyes. It was all a nightmare, a bad dream and if he could just wake up then maybe he would still be in New York. Then he could rethink his plan and decide just to let Blaine be. Then he would know that Blaine had moved on but he wouldn’t have made a fool of himself by actually telling Blaine that he wanted him back. He felt so stupid. 

He thought back to early that morning when he was talking to Rachel. He remembered how hesitant she seemed when he started talking about wanting to get back together with Blaine and more puzzle pieces clicked inside his head. Rachel was Blaine’s best friend, his number one fan. Of course, she knew that Blaine had moved on and was dating David. Why hadn’t she told him? Was it because she thought he needed to learn on his own or was it something eviler? Maybe Rachel wanted him to make a fool of himself in front of Blaine as revenge for hurting her friend? But weren’t they friends as well?

He felt dizzy and could see spots in his vision when he opened his eyes. He stopped crying and wiped his tears. The only emotion he felt now was numb and he didn’t know if that was better or worse. He wasn’t exactly sure how he should feel but he didn’t really even want to feel anything. He didn’t want to be sad or mad because that wasn’t fair to Blaine but he didn’t want to be happy either because he didn’t think it would be possible. Just like he had admitted to Rachel he had ruined his only chance at happiness… and now he had just learned that he couldn’t fix it.

He wanted the feeling to go now. He had spent so many months alone in New York, feeling the same way he was feeling now and he was sick of it. He found himself thinking how he thought three years, that maybe he didn’t deserve to be happy. It made him sick, he was going to be sick. At least he could feel pain and sickness as he knelt in front of the toilet and gagged throwing up. He had only had coffee and a salad from lunch earlier that day with Rachel since he had been out all day so the taste in his mouth was not very pleasant.

Tears burned in his eyes again but he refused to let them flow down his face and wiped them out of his eyes angrily before he sat down against the bathroom stall walls. He was out of breath and ripped a piece of toilet paper off the roll to wipe his mouth off before closing his eyes again and leaning his head against the stall. He didn’t know how long he had been spaced out, sulking on the bathroom floor of a bar (there was something he would never have thought he would find himself doing.) His phone dinged and he snapped out of his trance, taking his phone out of his pocket and reading a message.

From Blaine

To Kurt: Hey Kurt

  I hope you’re okay, you’ve been in the bathroom for a while now

  Anyway I’m just texting you to tell you that David and I are heading home now

  It was nice seeing you and once again, I hope you’re okay

  Thanks for being so supportive of David and I as well

    I know we kind of let things off in a bad place but I still consider you to be a good friend

    Have a nice night and get home safe :) - Blaine

He sighed sadly to himself. At least Blaine was happy. That should make him happy… but it didn’t. He needed something to take his mind off his crappy night and the fact that his future was also sadly looking even crappier. That’s when he remembered when he was in a bar. He pushed himself up off the bathroom floor, feeling like he was able to breathe better, and unlocked the bathroom stall, thankful that no one had walked in on his breakdown.

He walked over to the bathroom sink and washed his hands and rinsed out his mouth, looking at himself in the mirror. His face was red with beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his nose was running while his face was stained with tears, he looked like a mess. All he had to wipe his face was a rough paper towel from the dispenser in the bathroom and he put some water on it before he wiped his face. He focused on making sure his breathing didn’t get out of control again and by the time he was done cleaning himself up, he looked decent enough to go back out to the bar.

He walked out of the bathroom and just like Blaine had said, the table where he had been sitting at was empty. He rolled his eyes, trying to make himself feel annoyed instead of upset, and went to sit down at the counter where the bartenders were.

“Hey cutie,” A handsome man greeted him happily. He was tall and lean but muscular with blonde hair, spiked upward with hair gel. His hair looked better with gel than Blaine’s did, Kurt noted. “What can I get you?”

“Something with alcohol,” He said dryly but told himself not to take his anger (no annoyance) out on cute, innocent bartenders. “I’m sorry that was a bit rude. Surprise me,”

“That’s all right, I got it,” The bartender winked at him before rushing off to make his drink. He watched some men dancing on a TV in front of him and before he knew it, a drink was placed in front of him.

“One surprise me for the cutest man I’ve ever seen,” The bartender whose name was Henry, according to his name tag said, obviously trying to flirt. He didn’t see the harm in flirting back even though it wasn’t his best skill. He decided to just try and be nice.

“Thank you,” He nodded, taking a sip of the drink in front of him. It was surprisingly good, fruity. He noticed that Henry had also given him a pink umbrella. That reminded him of something from the past but he couldn’t fully picture the memory.

“That’s very good,” He smiled at Henry. 

“Thanks. So are you here alone?” Henry asked him, leaning his arm on the counter and smirking.

“Sadly yes,” He sighed. “I was hoping I wouldn’t be but… well you don’t want to hear about my problems,”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind,” Henry shrugged.”I sure do hear a lot of things I don’t want to hear. Lay it on me,”

“I just… made a really stupid decision, completely in the moment without any thought whatsoever and… well it came and bit me in the butt tonight,”

“Heartbreak?” Henry guessed.

“Bingo,” Kurt told him, taking another sip of his drink. 

“Who did the breaking?” Henry asked him.

“Both of us,” Kurt admitted. “I did first. I broke up with my now ex -fiance. Then I came here tonight to try and get him back, I haven’t been doing that well the past few months without him but… well he’s doing fine without me . He’s moved on and he’s happy and I’m… not,”

“That sucks,” Henry told him sympathetically. “For you and for him, he doesn’t know what he’s letting go of,”

“You’re sweet,” Kurt told him, rolling his eyes playfully. 

“Like candy,” Henry quipped back. Kurt had to admit, his response was kind of cheesy but he pulled it off. “I have to take more orders but stick around cutie,”

“Well do,” Kurt nodded, watching Herny walk off to serve another customer. He was really going to need another drink soon so he hoped he didn’t stay away for too long. He turned his attention back to the TV and lost himself in a trance again. Not too long after he was snapped back into reality by a voice… another different voice that he would’ve, very sadly, recognized anywhere.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” He heard them tisk behind him. He internally groaned and rolled his eyes. Thankfully for him, henry had come over to him with another drink while he was lost in himself and he took the opportunity to chug it all down so he could make it out of the inevitable greeting with some of his sanity.

“Sebastian,” He stretched his lips into a tight, thin line and turned around. Thank Gaga he was on his third drink now. Just as he would’ve guessed, Sebastian was standing in front of him with a devilish smirk and a drink in his hand. Of all the things that could’ve changed, it couldn’t be this? “Crazy seeing you here, isn’t it?. Oh, that’s right, you’re always here,”

“Now that wasn’t very nice,” Sebastian teased him, sitting down next to him to his annoyance. “If I have to be nice then so do you,”

“I hardly doubt you’ve kept your word,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “Weren’t you the one who stole the New Direction’s Nationals’ trophy along with Hunter?”

“Yeah, but your cousin did most of the work,” Sebastian admitted.

“So he must talk about me quite a bit for you to know that we’re related?” Kurt assumed.

“Never really shut up about you for the first few months he was at Dalton,” Sebastian shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. “So you really drank all of that just to be able to suffer through this conversation? I didn’t think your tolerance was that high,”

“I’m full of surprises,” Kurt told him. “And speaking of drinks, I need another one,”

“Well I advise that you slow down,” Sebastian suggested. “I don’t need you puking on my shoes. They’re expensive,”

“First of all, my shoes are expensive too, you aren’t the only one with money Smythe,” Kurt spat at him, his temper rising. “And second of all, if you don’t want to risk getting vomit on your shoes then leave,”

“What are you doing here anyway?” Sebastian asked him, seeming unfazed by his outburst. “Blaine told me that you never wanted to come here ever again and that he wouldn’t come here without you when I asked him to go out again,”

“It’s none of your business,” Kurt muttered. “Go,”

“Have you been crying?” Sebastian asked him, calmly and Kurt hated to think that Sebastian was actually feeling sympathetic for him.

“It’s none of your business,” Kurt repeated to him, harsher hoping that Sebastian would sense he wasn’t in the mood to be teased. Where was Henry…?

“Because drinking doesn’t solve your problems,” Sebastian explained to him. He sure was one to talk.

“Then why do you drink?” Kurt asked him.

“Because it’s fun,” Sebastian smirked. 

“Why do you care if I’ve been crying or not?” Kurt questioned him. “Last time I checked we still hated each other,”

“Correction,” Sebastian pointed out. “Last time I checked, no one hated anyone. If you still hate me that’s on you but I’ve turned over a new leaf. Don’t you remember seeing me at your proposal? It was I who approved the idea of the Warblers participating,”

“Have you heard from Hunter lately?” He asked Sebastian, trying to change the subject. The proposal was a sore subject for him… and he was pretty sure Sebastian knew that.

“Uh… yeah, I just got lunch with him and Niff earlier today,” Sebastian told him. “Why are you acting so weird and… depressing? Don’t tell me you’re suicidal, we’ve already dealt with one of those situations,”

“How insensitive can you be?” Kurt asked him angrily. 

“I’m not being insensitive, I just asked you if you were okay,” Sebastian told him.

“No you didn’t, you’re exact words were why are you acting so weird and… depressing ?” Kurt reminded him.

“That’s me asking,” Sebastian laughed. “I didn’t say it was easy being nice… especially to people like you. I’m surprised I didn’t find you earlier, that outfit is a bit much Hummel. And let me remind you we’re in a gay bar,”

“Your quips are repetitive and unoriginal,” Kurt pointed out. “Can’t you make fun of me without it relating to my choices in clothing?”

“Well at least your showing more skin,” Sebastian told him. “It’s nice to know you actually have an ass,”

“You make me sick,” Kurt glared at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m not the only one,” Sebastian told him, innocently. “Haven’t you seen all the guys in here checking you out? Why do you think that Henry’s giving you free drinks? And why did you think I came over here to talk to you?”

Kurt didn’t answer him.

“I came over here because I knew you were upset,” Sebastian continued. “I don’t know why but I saw you go into the bathroom and you looked like you were having a breakdown and I assume you were because you were in there for 36 minutes, that’s right sweetcheeks, I kept track. And when people are upset they do and say things they don’t mean to do or say. Now you’re in a bar with a bunch of gay, elderly men, and let me tell you how perverted these men can be. And as we both know you’ve been drinking so you really aren’t thinking straight not that you ever were before, you’re the definition of homosexual, when someone looks the word up they see you. So I came over here to see just what kind of state you’re in and let me be honest with you sweetie, it ain’t pretty,”

“Oh fuck you, Sebastian,” Kurt snapped at him. “Like you care,”

“If I didn’t then I wouldn’t have been watching you since the second I saw you,” Sebastian reminded him and Kurt hated that he had a point.

“So what are you saying then?” Kurt sighed. “That you suddenly care about me? Because we haven’t seen each other in a year and we haven’t talked to each other in two. I may believe that you’re trying to be good but that doesn’t actually mean that’s what you’re actually being,”

“But I’m giving it my best faith effort,” Sebastian told him.

“So if I’m to trust you, which I don’t , then what do you want to know?”

“Why were you crying?”

“Because I was upset,”

“Why were you upset?”

“Because I have no serotonin left,” Kurt snipped.

“Real funny Hummel,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Be serious,”

“I’m surprised you don't already know,” Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. “Well for starters, you and the Warblers wasted your time helping Blaine out with the proposal because I called it off,”

“Okay,” Sebastian said, frowning a little. “I was not expecting that,”

“Well believe it,” Kurt mumbled. “And I came back here, to Lima because I heard Blaine was back here and I wanted to tell him that I still love him and that I still wanted to be with him but…”

“He’s taken,” Sebastian finished for him. “Was it the guy he cheated on you with?”

“No, it was… wait a minute, how do you know about that?”

“Lima’s a small town, news travels quickly. I heard it from Hunter when we were trying to get Blaine back with the Warblers,”

“Typical,” Kurt said. “I tell that idiot one thing and he can’t keep his big mouth shut,”

“Well anyway, who was it?”

“David Karofsky,” Kurt told him sadly. 

“Wasn’t expecting that either,” Sebastian admitted.

“I shouldn’t be upset,” Kurt vented. “I should be happy that Blaine’s happy because he wasn’t happy when he was with me but… I want to be happy too,”

“Oh god, don’t make me feel sympathetic towards you,” Sebastian said sarcastically.

“I thought you already did?” Kurt asked him.

“You’re right,” Sebastian threw his hands in the air. “It’s probably because I’ve had a few drinks though. Sometimes I tend to get emotional,”

“That’ll be a sight to see,” Kurt smirked a little.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you except you should’ve listened to me,” Sebastian advised Kurt. “Blaine was too good for you, should’ve left him sooner. Then maybe you’d already be over the heartbreak and would be able to move on with your life,”

“That’s rude,” Kurt frowned.

“It’s also the truth,” Sebastian told him. 

“Well if I can’t have him then I guess it’s better late than never,” Kurt thought aloud.

“So what are you going to do now?” Sebastian asked.

“Stay in Lima for a few weeks and then make an excuse that I have to go back to New York. I’ll say that I’ll visit again soon but I really won’t come back here ever again,”

“What if you had a reason to come back?”

“What, like if someone died?”

“No, something good,” 

“Well, I doubt that would happen,” Kurt told him, wondering why he was smirking again. He sure did smile a lot. “But… I guess I would come back then. Why?”

“Just something to consider,” Sebastian said, setting his glass on the counter and standing up, holding out his hand for Kurt to take. “Care to dance m’lady?”

“With you?” Kurt asked him, surprised. “No, gross,”

“Oh come on, I don’t bite,” Sebastian teased him.

“Would you believe me if I told you I don’t believe you?,” 

“Stuck being such a priss and get up,” Sebastian instructed him. “Dancing will get your mind off of things,”

“So does drinking,” Kurt told him, referring to the bar.

“We’ll do both,” Sebastian assured him. “Come on Princess, I’m trying to do some good here,”

“Alright, I guess you can have the pleasure of dancing with me ,” Kurt told him, standing up and taking Sebastian’s hand. 

“Yeah, I sure am lucky,” Sebastian grinned, leading him onto the dance floor. Kurt was aware that there in fact were many men staring at him and he wished they wouldn’t. It made him feel uneasy.

“I must be pretty drunk already if I’ve agreed to do this with you of all people,” Kurt told Sebastian as they started dancing together.

“Are you drunk enough to not remember the first time we went dancing?” Sebastian asked him.

“Correction. You invited my boyfriend to go dancing and I tagged along because I don’t trust you,”

“Didn’t,” Sebastian protested. “You didn’t trust you,”

“I wouldn’t say I trust you now,” Kurt shrugged. “I'm just choosing to trust you,”

“Why is that?”

“Because I believe in giving people second chances,” Kurt admitted. “I would appreciate it if people gave me second chances when I need them so I’ll do the same to others,”

“So what does this make us?” Sebastian asked him, taking his hand and spinning him around.

“Acquaintances,” Kurt stated plainly.

“You sure do play hard to get,” Sebastian told him.

“Oh trust me , Sebastian. You aren’t getting anything from me,” Kurt assured him. Sebastian started laughing and eventually, he started laughing as well. It felt good to laugh even if it was with his former enemy instead of his ex. Maybe the night wasn’t so bad afterall.

Chapter Text

“Finn,” Kurt groaned, throwing the blanket over his head when he heard his brother come into the room. He was shuffling through his …drawers? He was making a lot of noise in the process and he couldn’t tell if Finn was actually being loud or if his headache just over-exaggerated the sound. He couldn’t even think of why his headache was so bad with the volume of the shuffling. “Get out of my room,”

But Finn didn’t listen and kept doing whatever it was that he was doing, making him wonder why he was in his room in the first place. He thought his brother respected his space and knew that coming into his room was crossing the boundaries they had in place. The rules hadn’t changed while he was in New York. He would never go into Finn’s room unannounced and then make a bunch of noise (but then again he wouldn’t ever have wanted to go into Finn’s room in the first place.)

“Finn,” He said again, raising his voice and throwing the blanket off of his head. He winced again, thinking that there would be a stream of light flooding through his window seeing that he always kept his blinds open while he slept. Instead, he was surprised to find that there was no light shining into the room and that the blinds were closed. 

He was also surprised to find that he wasn’t in his room.

He understood why he would’ve thought he was in his room at first. First of all, that was usually where he always was when he first woke up in the morning ever since he had been back in Lima (which hadn’t even been a day and he hadn’t even slept in his own room but still). Second of all, the room he was in did resemble his own room.

Both rooms were white and were styled similarly. He had a vanity in front of his bed but in this room, there was a desk in front of the bed instead. He also had a swing chair near his window that he liked to sit in while he read a book or scrolled through pictures on his phone that was not in the room. There were pictures of yellow flowers and other nature scenes in the room whereas he had pictures of broadway plays and music posters in his.

“What the hell?” He muttered to himself, rolling over on his stomach and pressing his face into the pillow. It smelled strongly of cologne which made him nauseous.

“Morning Princess,” He heard someone else mutter quietly and he snapped his head up to see Sebastian Smythe of all people, standing in front of him in a robe with a mug of coffee in his hand. He looked just as horrible as he felt but Kurt felt no sympathy for him. Where the hell was he?

He remembered talking with Sebastian at Scandals the previous night after his breakdown in the bathroom due to learning Blaine was with Karofsky. He had to admit he had had a pretty good time dancing and drinking with him. He had made him laugh and had managed to make him forget about his ex. But now…he was furious. 

Why was he still with Sebastian? Was he in Sebastian’s bed? Why wasn’t he wearing anything besides his underwear and a lacrosse t-shirt? He was wearing Sebastian's t-shirt, wasn’t he? Gross. So he probably was in Sebastian's bed, in his room. He needed some answers.

“What did you do to me?” He asked Sebastian, glaring up at him and raising his voice. “Where the hell am I?”

“You're in my bed first of all,” Sebastian said, glaring back. “Second of all, I didn’t do anything to you. Third of all, shut up. Are you aware of how annoying your voice is when someone’s hungover? It’s like a fucking siren,”

“Screw you,” Kurt snapped at him, hating how right he was. He was even annoying himself with the sound of his mouth “God, I feel like crap,”

“From what you told me last night you’ve been feeling that way lately,” Sebastian told him, sitting down next to on the bed. Kurt shifted over to get as far away from him as possible. He got too close to the edge of the bed though and fell off, hitting his head on Sebastian’s table and landing on the floor.

“Ow,” Kurt moaned, not even bothering to lift his head off the floor. For all he cared he could lay there for the rest of his life, what with the way his head was pounding. He heard Sebastian laughing at him and rolled his eyes again before tightly closing them shut.

“Why are you laughing at me?” He whined, reaching his hand up and taking a pillow off the bed, chucking it at Sebastian.

“Hey,” Sebastian complained, still laughing. “Stop being cute Hummel, you’ll make me puke,”

“Did you just call me cute?” Kurt asked in shock. “How is it cute that I fell off your bed? And why was I even in there in the first place?”

“Not the only place you’ve been in,” Sebastian snorted, laughing hysterically at this point.

“Shut up,” Kurt told him. “Just shut up, it’s not funny and you didn’t answer my fucking question asshole,”

“Someone has a potty mouth,” Sebastian pointed out. “But I guess you don’t remember what happened last night,”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Kurt huffed, sitting up on the floor. He was surprised he wasn’t freaking out at that moment. He didn’t even like it when Blaine woke up before him, seeing that he would always have bed hair. He guessed his hair wasn’t the biggest concern to him right now. “Start talking…now,”

“Well, we were at Scandals…” Sebastian said in a storyteller voice, which pissed Kurt off even more.

“I know where we were idiot,” Kurt grumbled. “What happened when we started dancing?”

“Well I tell you one thing,” Sebastian told him. “I am very impressed with how much alcohol you can hold. Seriously, you didn’t vomit once last night,”

“Makes a lot of sense now,” Kurt muttered, suppressing the urge to vomit right then and there. It would serve Sebastian right though.

“Well we danced and drank and it was pretty fun,” Sebastian explained. “But after a couple of hours, you started complaining that your feet hurt and that you wanted to leave and we were both completely wasted at this point so I called someone to come and pick us up. I didn’t know where you lived and I didn’t think that your parents or whoever you lived with would appreciate you showing up at home drunk so I took you to my place. And well…”

“Well, what?” Kurt asked him, sensing that Sebastian was holding back big, serious news from him. He felt sick to his stomach. “What?”

“Well… like I said we were really drunk,” Sebastian told him again. “And you’re really flirty when you’re drunk so… I guess I started flirting back and… flirting turned into something else and then that something else turned into something else and… well we ended up in bed together,”

“No,” Kurt gasped, starting to understand what Sebastian was saying. It was all coming together now… he slept with Sebastian.

“Uh… yeah,” Sebastian chuckled nervously. “You were… surprisingly good,”

“Are you fucking insane?” Kurt yelled at him. “Are you crazy?”

“Well, it’s not like I forced it on you,” Sebastian defended himself.

“No, no I know that,” Kurt assured him, feeling guilty for making Sebastian feel like he thought that’s what he thought. “I know that it’s just… oh my god, I’m going to be sick,”

“Don’t you fucking dare Hummel,” Sebastian warned him. “I have a fucking bathroom,”

“Where?” Kurt asked him, feeling the drinks from the previous night rising in his throat.

“Oh fuck it,” Sebastian cursed, getting up from his bed and grabbing a trash bin from the side of his table. He walked over to him and shoved it in front of him. “Aim for the bin,”

“Fuck you,” Kurt gagged, vomiting into the bin. His vomit was pink with bits of… cherries in it. Gross, why was everything so gross? He could barely even breathe while he continued throwing up and was hoping Sebastian wasn’t watching him, judging him.

“Great, now I’m going to barf,” Sebastian groaned.

“Not near me you aren’t,” Kurt coughed. “Get away from me,”

“God, look at you,” Sebastian yelled at him. “You’re in my damn room Hummel, give me a fucking break,”

“I hate you,” Kurt told him, tears brewing in his life. “Was this all you fucking wanted from me? The only reason you were watching me last night… it was only because you just wanted to use me because you thought I was easy. You didn’t give a damn about me,”

“That’s not fucking true you priss,” Sebastian told him. “I do care about you,” 

This caused Kurt to look up at him and to his surprise he saw that Sebastian meant it. Great… emotions.

“I need to get out of here,” Kurt said, mostly to himself. He gathered up his bag of… expelled alcohol and took it out of Sebastian’s trash can. He tied it in a knot and looked around, remembering that he was still practically naked and that he didn’t have his bag with him.

“Where are my clothes at?” He asked Sebastian, feeling embarrassed for having to ask that question. Sebastian opened his mouth to answer him but then gagged and ran away into what Kurt assumed was his bathroom. Kurt cringed at the retching sound coming from the room and decided to find his clothes on his own.

They were on the floor in a heap on the other side of Sebastian’s bed. He hastily picked them up off the floor and adjusted them so he could put them on. They were cold and wrinkled and he knew he would have to run home before he met Rachel at McKinley to change. These were the same clothes he had been wearing the previous night after all. He put them on anyway, hoping there was a pair of sunglasses in his bag so he didn’t have to suffer due to the sunlight that was probably shining outside that morning.

He saw his bag on a chair near Sebastian’s bedroom door and started praying to God (if he was really up there) that Sebastian lived alone or at least with a roommate who was sued to seeing his hookups walk in and out of his room. If he lived with his parents, he was pretty sure he was going to die.

“I’m leaving now,” He told Sebastian, peeking his head inside the bathroom. Sebastian was now standing at his sink, wiping his face with a washcloth.

“Wait,” Sebastian told him, reaching out his hand like it would prevent him from leaving.

“What?” Kurt snapped at him, turning around and throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m leaving now. I’ve slept in your bed, I pucked in your trash can, you’ve made me even more miserable than I already was, you got what you wanted,”

“I didn’t want any of that to happen to you,” Sebastian said, sympathetically. For some reason, Kurt actually believed him which was the one thing keeping him from walking out of the room and slamming his door shut. “Well, I didn’t mind the bed thing,”

“I’m losing my mind,” Kurt muttered to himself. “Or you are, you hate me, remember?”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Sebastian asked him angrily. “I don’t hate you, I never even did in the first place. It was just fun seeing you get all bitchy and riled up,”

“Well if you consider this being good then you’ve got to be mentally ill or something?” Kurt glared at him, crossing his arms.

“Will you stop being so defensive?” Sebastian snapped. “It’s like you’ve already forgotten that I slept with you as well as you slept with me. You have nothing to fucking hide from me,”

“Would you stop acting like that?” Kurt raised his voice. “Stop acting like you care about me, you don’t even if you think you do,”

“Look Kurt,” Sebastian said, lowering his voice and getting serious again. “Part of me agreeing to be good was to stop fooling around and hooking up with people. I’ve been trying to at least get to know the people I sleep with and to befriend them or even get closer to them. I don’t want us to leave things off like this, I want to be your friend,”

“There is no us, Sebastian,” Kurt told him sternly. “And they’ll never will be. It was a one-time thing and I’m sorry that my wants go against yours but I didn’t come to here to fool around with an old… well an acquaintance,”

“So this meant nothing to you?” Sebastian asked him. Kurt hated to admit that it did mean something to him but he wasn't lying when he said that he didn’t come back to Lima to hook up with him or anyone that wasn’t Blaine for the matter. It was better for Sebastian if they never saw each other again, he didn’t really feel like having a Blaine repeat if things went haywire again.

“No,” Kurt lied. “It didn’t. Last night was fun but… I think it’ll be just that. A fun, last night,”

He walked out of the bathroom and out of Sebastian’s bedroom before Sebastian could say anything to keep him from leaving. Today was day one of helping Rachel put together a glee club and he couldn’t afford to ruin her day with a mistake that he had made. It didn’t hurt when he told Sebastian what he did, it shouldn’t hurt. It wasn’t like he was in love with him, his heart was only for Blaine. Hell, he didn’t even like Sebastian, they weren’t even friends. It didn’t hurt.

That didn’t stop a tear from slipping down his cheek as he made his way outside of Sebastian’s house (he lived alone from the looks of it.) He stood outside, internally groaning when he realized that if he went home with Sebastian then his car was still in the Scandals parking lot, meaning he would have to find a way back home before he went to McKinley.

That smirky, meerkat was more trouble than he was worth.