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Tommy was used to giving loyalty more than he got it. There was nothing wrong with that, or at least Tommy didn’t think there was. He was used to it. Used to being alone.
He was used to giving his undying loyalty to people whose love was conditional. This wasn’t some tragic plight or cry for help, it was simply just the way he was.
Wilbur, for example, is always a good example. He had stayed for Wilbur when no one else had stayed. When no one should have stayed, he did. Tommy was there at the start and he stayed till the end. He built the walls, saw them being torn down and then blown sky-high.
It wasn’t all bad, L’manburg and his time with Wilbur. There were good days when they would work silently together because they used to do everything better together. Or the days when Wilbur would tell Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy about his childhood. Of playing hide and seek with the Blade, and cooking dinner with the angel of death. If Tommy closed his eyes, he could almost imagine it. The domestic kind of dream he never had. He knows Tubbo did too, he knew the boy long enough to know he did.
Speaking of Tubbo, Tommy knew that both he and Tubbo had made mistakes, that mistakes were part of life. He should’ve been more considerate of the situation he was in. Tubbo should’ve visited. But Tommy couldn’t bring himself to hate the other. Tubbo was the first and only family he had for years.
They’d met on accident. Tommy had been asleep in an alleyway when Tubbo had come running in, throwing himself down next to Tommy, who was behind the bin and going still. When Tommy went to yell out, confused as to why he was woken up by someone his own age throwing themselves on top of him, Tubbo had slapped his hand over Tommy’s mouth and sent him a glare. He had found out later that Tubbo was running from orphanage owners because, and he quotes, “it was fun.” The two had been quick friends, two street kids making the most of the situation they were in. They’d been together and stayed together through it all. When Tubbo’s hybrid features had come in and Tommy had stayed, refusing to leave Tubbo alone. (Refusing to let him die alone, really, since at first since he had no idea what was happening). They’d stayed together when Wilbur had first shown up before leaving. They’d stayed together when Tommy was invited to a new area, to the Dream Esmpeii, and they’d stayed together in L’Manburg.
The point was, Tommy was loyal to Tubbo. To the first person that Tommy had ever called family. And Tubbo had stayed too. Through the long nights in pogtopia where they huddled together for heat and comfort as Wilbur's ramblings echoed throughout the ravine. They’d help and console each other through the nightmares after the 16th. Even after Exile, things were awkward but they were together. They could figure it out. Tommy had really hoped they could figure it out.
In some way, he was loyal to Technoblade. Maybe not in the way Techno had asked of him, but in his own way. The truth was Tommy wasn’t violent by nature, as much as he acted like it. Mischievous? Sure. Rebellious? Definitely. But violent? Not quite. He was by no means a saint but he had rules (sort of). He had hard boundaries he wouldn’t cross. If his plan hurt more people than it helped, then he would abandon it. No matter who was on what side or who believed what.
So maybe that’s why he left Techno in the end. Maybe it was that, or maybe it was the fact that Tommy knew Techno saw him, he saw Wilbur. It wasn’t a big deal at first, and Tommy had mistaken it for guilt. Guilt over pogtopia or maybe guilt because Tommy had shown up half dead and barely breathing and Techno had realised “hey, this gremlin is still a kid, therefore, he deserves to maybe not be in this condition.” But Tommy sees it in the end, his how Techno saw him as Wilbur 2.0. In many ways he was, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be. Wilbur hurt people, he left kids in charge of countries then blew said countries up. Tommy would never lie and leave everyone behind.
He knows, though, that even if Techno hadn’t seen him as a mini Wilbur, or if he hadn’t helped Tommy out of guilt or personal gain, he doubts it would’ve worked out any differently. At the end of the day, they were on opposite paths. Techno wanted revenge, Tommy wanted reconciliation. It was never going to work. Tommy wishes it could’ve ended differently, but it didn’t.
Tommy would’ve also called himself loyal to Ranboo. He literally threw himself under a bus for Ranboo, and he’s glad he did. Exile shouldn’t have happened, but at least it was him. At least he had Ghostbur and eventually Techno. Ranboo was still too new, too fresh in the server for him to have had that same support group (however dysfunctional). He’d been loyal to Ranboo, later. Protecting him against Dream and the newly revived Wilbur. Protecting him and Tubbo’s kid, babysitting and being there for him. Though, he can admit Ranboo took care of him and was there for him just as much.
Truth is there were so many people Tommy was loyal to, so many on the server (too many) but Tommy guesses that's part of his life. He’s too tired (so tried) to name them all now.
He supposed they all have one thing in common, they were all let down by him at some point, and he was let down by them.
He hopes they won’t be sad, he really couldn’t bear it. Even if they hurt him or freed his abuser, he hopes they won’t be.
He doesn’t necessarily want to be forgotten, but he also doesn’t want to cause sadness, unless it's Dream, but he doubts Dream is capable of feeling anymore.
His eyes are heavy.
At least his stomach doesn’t hurt anymore, which he supposes is good. The gash doesn’t burn as it did before, though he supposes he has Dream’s fire aspect to thank.
He hopes his pathetic excuse of crawling (more like dragging) to the nearest river isn’t too obvious. Even if it is, he’s been in this stream for more than 10 minutes so he’s definitely gone further. He doesn’t care where he ends up, as long as his body is gone. Dream can’t revive the memory of a person. He needs a body.
He hopes the people who he was loyal to aren’t sad when they find out he’s dead. He hopes they think he deserves it, that he’s better off. He surely does.
He thinks he’ll just close his eyes for a minute. Just for a second.
[TommyInnit Died Trying To Escape Dream]