Chapter Text
- Jason's signing will be in italicized quotes -
Bruce
Bruce would rather have been sitting through six straight hours of finance meetings than encounter the situation he’s found himself in now. Sarah had just walked through the door five minutes prior with Cassandra and the little boy, but no one had dared to speak since the boy had made his declaration.
He definitely looked like Talia, at least in the eyes.
Everything else was Bruce.
“Bruce,” Sarah snapped. “I’d like to talk to you in the new study. Alone. Dick?”
Dick snapped to attention as his brain registered his sister’s presence. Bruce would never get tired of his eldest son's blinding smile when they were around.
“So…. Damian,” He cheered. “Let me show you around while Alfred tends to warming up some dinner for you!”
Damian’s eyes flickered up toward Sarah - the only familiar adult in the room beside Cassandra - for confirmation before she nodded and gently coaxed him forward toward Dick.
Bruce followed her into the office and shut the door behind him. If Sarah had noticed Jason’s casual slide under the table, she hadn’t noticed and therefore had not pointed it out to spare him his dignity.
He exhaled slowly through his nose as she began explaining the last six months of her travels. This was going to be difficult.
***
Jason
He waited until Sarah’s footsteps disappeared to remove his head from between his knees. Just the sound of her voice had jolted his heart into overdrive and sent him into an anxious, quivering mess on the floor.
Dick didn’t say anything as his and the kid’s faces swam into view. Damian scowled. Dick simply rested a hand on Jason’s leg and slowly worked him through the breathing methods they’d established when Jason got anxious. Healthy coping mechanisms had been few and far between since he’d come back.
The anger had just been easier. Dick had been trying to change that. Surprisingly enough, once he’d caught onto Dick’s intentions, Jason had begrudgingly allowed him to be the overbearing older brother he’d secretly always wanted.
“Jason,” Dick said softly. “You can come out now. She’s not here.”
“Ridiculous to cater to his pathetic nature, Grayson,” Damian snapped. “We both know Todd is-“
Green tinged the edges of his vision as Jason reached out to grab at the kid’s clothes, only to find himself face-to-face with the edge of a katana. A katana engraved with the League of Assassin’s maxim inscribed into the metal.
He knew that blade. It had been Talia’s.
“If you don’t get that blade away from my face, I will willingly gouge out your eyes.”
Before the infighting could really begin, the black-haired girl who had entered with Sarah and Damian emerged from the hallway and pulled the younger boy backward, expression twisted in a scowl as she angrily signed at him. Damian grimaced and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Cain, you saw-“
Cass shook her head again and sharpened her movements for the words, “Cut it out, or I’ll make you cut it out. Leave brother alone.”
Damian acquiesced. If there was anyone he’d willingly listen to right now, it was Cassandra.
Dick sat beside Jason, blocking him from Damian’s view, and used the time that the kids were distracted to ease the frightening shade of green from his eyes. He’d gotten good control of the Lazarus Pit in the time he’d been home. The last thing he needed was for Damian to be the victim of Jason’s anger.
Jason lifted his hands.
“Going to go to the library. Need a smoke.”
Their makeshift library on the floor below had taken nearly all of the time they’d been in the Belfry to make. It spanned across two rooms and held nearly all of the books Bruce salvaged from the Manor, including the favorites his kids had collected since childhood.
It was a nice place to go away and hide.
When Dick did finally allow Jason to flee, the first thing he did was rummage through the pockets of his leather jacket for the half-finished pack of Marlboro Reds. He’d barely said anything to Bruce since coming here but had agreed to open the windows to the balcony so that the books didn’t retain the smell. Jason understood that. He took would want his first edition Jane Eyre to maintain its pristine condition.
Leaning against the railing, Jason lit the cigarette and took a deep breath, exhaling a sigh as the smoke dissipated in the air.
Tim’s birthday was soon. The weather was warm, warmer than usual, and it made him long for the winters when he and Sarah had snuck out in the early hours of the morning to play in the snow.
Those winters, she’d take him to the top of the greenhouse to gaze.
“Jason, Jason-“ Sarah yelped as Jason grabbed the collar of her coat and yanked her away from the edge. “If you don’t stop making me laugh like that, I’m going to fall off this roof!”
“Is it such a crime to say you have the cutest red cheeks and lips and it makes me want to kiss you?” Jason deadpanned, grinning when she narrowed her eyes in defiance against him. “Plus, I can keep you warm if you do fall into the snow. I happen to be aware of your opinions of the cold-“
She’d pushed him off then, gasping for air as he screamed - too much like a female, Sarah would come to note later - and fell into the very high snowbank against the wall of the greenhouse.
He’d never forget the sight of the tears on her face from how hard she’d laughed.
Jason reached into his pocket and ran his thumb across the edge of the drive. Ever since he’d finished watching its contents, he’d taken it with him everywhere. It reminded him of a version of Bruce he had desperately longed for.
‘’Those things will kill you, lover.”
The drawl of her voice was enough to make him instinctively want to turn and run toward her, but Jason’s number one fear since he’d allowed Dick to drag him back here was how she would react to how much he’d changed in such a short amount of time. Was it a good thing? Was it something she’d be proud of? What if he couldn’t keep the rage of the Pit under control, what if he hurt her-
Jason started signing before he could stop himself. It was easier. Not talking and risking breaking was infinitely easier than this.
“I already told you before, can’t kill what’s already dead.”
Sarah snorted and shut the library door before locking it behind her. She ran her fingers through her hair and loosely tied it atop her head, using her newfound sight to take in the entirety of the library. “Nothing compared to the original,” She mused. “But it’s a good start. As long as there’s a make-out spot like there was when you were fifteen, it’s good in my book.”
Jason was so caught off guard by her statement that he nearly inhaled the wrong way and choked on the smoke. Once Sarah recognized the fact that she’d managed to catch Jason off guard, she beams and tucked herself into the armchair in the corner proudly. Being one of the very few to catch the infamous Red Hood off guard was an accomplishment she’d never stop rubbing into other people's faces.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with the kid?”
“Bruce is with him now,” She said softly. “Trying to get some answers to some questions without overwhelming him. Damian is a little hellion, but I can tell that underneath the facade he’s just a kid who got robbed of his childhood too by being made into the League’s best assassin.” Sarah yawned and stretched her legs out across the mahogany coffee table just in front of the chair. “I came down here to check on you. I didn’t think that Dick would be able to convince you to come back.”
Jason scowled. He obviously couldn’t let her know how much of an effect Dick had on him, so he played it off. He removed the thumb drive from his pocket and tossed it at her. “Wasn’t him. Found that after you snuck it into my utility belt. Clever move.”
Her whole expression shifted into something sadder, something familiar - like Sarah hadn’t once forgotten how devastated his death had made her - as she slowly approached him. Almost like approaching a wounded animal that could strike out at any moment.
“Jason?” His nod is all the confirmation she needs to continue. “Look at me.”
Jason can’t find it in him to do so. He sits there, leaning against the railing, the smoke from the cigarette burning in his lungs and his eyes heavy from lack of sleep.
“Jason.” She implores, moving to kneel in front of him just a foot away from the balcony doors. “Look at me.”
When he finally does, Sarah is nearly in tears. He hates that. Hates that he reduced her to that.
“Don’t,” He warns. “Don’t tell me. Whatever it is, I don’t deserve it.”
“There hasn’t ever come a time where I could move on from you, Jason.” She whispered. “I’ve loved you since we were kids, and I loved you when you were in the grave.”
“Even then?”
“Even then.” She said quietly.
“I must’ve had quite the impact on you then, Princess.” He mused, stepping back inside the library and flashing that goofy, half smile she’d come to love so long ago. It’s reminiscent of the boy he used to be. The boy he may never be again, but he still lingers.
It was so nice to be able to see him as he was. Not the Knight, not Red Hood, just Jason Todd and Sarah Grayson-Wayne finally together again. As they should’ve always been.
***
Dick
Dick knew Damian was going to get restless the moment the second hour passed. He’d been goading Cassandra for the first thirty-five minutes until Bruce walked into the room, and then it was like everything he’d ever learned during his time in the League of Assassins came rearing its ugly head once Bruce entered the room again.
It was clear the kid wanted to impress his father and meet the expectations that only Batman could have.
He would learn very quickly that most of those expectations were unreachable.
“Dick,” Bruce chided gently. He hadn’t even realized their father had taken their youngest brother out of the room until well past the hour-and-a-half mark. Jason and Sarah still had not shown their faces. “I think your brother would greatly appreciate it if you could take him into our newly finished gym to give him a much-needed sparring session.”
“Father, surely there are more adequate partners-“
Damian stilled and tipped his head down shamefully when he caught the opposite end of Bruce’s scolding. “Your brother is more than an adequate partner, Damian.” He chided gently. “And we have more to discuss later once Sarah and Jason come out of the Library. I want to give them both plenty of time.”
Dick watched Bruce’s eyes flicker between the children who remained on the topmost floor of the Belfry. Tim and Alfred seemed to be in deep discussion about the remaining gangs spread across Gotham’s underworld - a subject most likely to be tackled on that night’s patrol - while Cassandra had taken the free space in the game room to clear herself a spot to dance.
Another thing to learn about his new sister: She loved dancing. And she was rather good at it.
Barbara was elsewhere, most likely with her nose buried in her computer, which only left Dick and Damian. It would be a good opportunity to learn the kid’s limitations.
And also… no kid ever was insane enough to turn down a Grayson hug.
“And plenty of time we’ll give them!” Dick cheered. “Weapons or no weapons, Dames? I’ll even let you use your katana.”
Damian snorted.
“A fight with your escrima sticks and armor against my own and my mother’s katana? That is a fight you cannot win. Not with my skills.”
Dick extended his hand. “I will take that challenge,” He challenged. “And you will love the torture you receive when you lose.”
***
Sarah
Jason had not stopped shaking violently against the outermost bookcases for the last ten minutes. Sarah had made the mistake of touching him before he was ready, and he had immediately recoiled both because of his fear of The Pit and his fear of himself.
Was he ready for this? Was he allowed to have this?
“Jay,” Sarah whispered. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you first before I touched you,” Fiddling with her fingers in her lap, Sarah lifted her eyes to gaze at him through the fractured beam of moonlight filtering through the window above Jason’s head. “But I know you felt that. The way I long for you. It hasn’t changed. My desire to be near you, to touch you, to love you… none of that is different.”
Jason’s hands shook as he angrily replied, “I have changed! And you don’t seem to want to accept it!”
“Accept what?”
“That I’m not good! I’ve never been good!” If he could be shouting, he would be. It was a good way to release the year's worth of pent-up anger and guilt and grief Jason had never learned to let go of or control. “You’re sitting here expecting me to be who I used to be, and I’m not. I can’t meet your expectations.”
Sarah frowned. When had she ever said she had expectations?
“Jason, I don’t have expectations of you. I have always told you there was nothing about you I would change,” She traced her fingers around her eyes and pointed back at Jason, indicating the bright shade of green she’d seen several times since they’d reunited. “We’ll learn how to help you control The Pit because you have people now. Me, Dick, Barbara-“
Jason went quiet before he replied, “Tim.”
Sarah stilled. That was the first time she’d ever heard him call Tim by his name. There had been a lot of resentment there for a lot of different reasons. She didn’t know what happened, nor did she want to. Something drastic must’ve happened in the six months she was gone to make Jason look at Tim differently.
“Yes,” She said quietly. “Tim, and even Bruce.”
Jason wasn’t sure he believed what she said about Bruce. Not yet. He was going to have to prove it first by reconciling all that happened.
Not until Jason was ready.
He lifted his head to look at her again. Sarah was angled away from him, knee bent against her chest and dark hair spilling over her shoulder. She wasn’t looking at him. She wasn’t looking at him but he still knows every detail of the blues of her eyes.
“Sarah.”
And it’s remarkably satisfying whenever she turns to meet his eyes. Her gaze is wide and alarmed. “Did you-“ Sarah paused and swallowed the knot in her throat as she blinked away tears. “Did you just say my name?”
It had been so long since Jason had talked. So long.
“Sarah,” Jason whispered, and she was so overjoyed by the sound of his voice that before he knew what was going on, Jason Todd had armfuls of his girlfriend buried against his chest.
His breath caught as she leaned back and gently rested her hands on his face. That touch alone could’ve made him weep. It had been so long since someone had taken the time to regard him with such gentleness.
“Jason.” She whispered.
Jason doesn’t remember much of what happened next. Everything became warm. Hot. He was straddled at the waist by Sarah as she leaned down to press kisses to the places she could reach. The tension bled from his body as she continued. His forehead. His nose. His chin. When she finally reaches the destination of Jason’s scars, her reverence is evident in the way she traces her kisses with her fingers afterward like she’s trying to commit them to memory.
It’s impossible not to smile. Jason feels ridiculous but this is unlike anything he’s felt since he woke up.
Her eyes are bright and her lips are swollen by the time she pulls up to meet him. “Remind me of our first time in the snow together,” Jason said hoarsely. He really needed to refrain from long sentences. His throat still ached. “You’re all red.”
Sarah scrunched her nose. “Jason, I really would like it if you could kiss me right now,” She breathed. “Like you did that first time in our nook.”
Right, their nook. That sacred little haven in Wayne Manor that no one, not even Dick, dared to enter.
His hands were shaking as he dragged her forward to finally close the gap between them. It’s so hard to keep himself in control, to not drag her underneath him and have his way with her like he’s dreamt of doing for so long.
He’ll settle for this though. The little sounds she makes when he kisses her just the right way, the way that Sarah presses herself deeper and deeper until there’s no space left between them, and all Jason can feel is the pounding of her heart.
He knew what she was doing. Sarah was trying to kiss all the things he hates about himself away. To run her hands through the curls he refuses to cut and tell him with her actions that he’s divine and that she still loves him.
At least that hasn’t changed.
***
Bruce
Night had fallen by the time Jason finally emerged from the library. Most of the kids had retreated to bed or had gone out on patrol, albeit his two who hadn’t left the Library in nearly four hours. Sarah was fast asleep tucked into his arms whenever they nearly ran into each other in the hall.
Bruce waited a moment to speak. “I assume things went well then?” Jason opened his mouth to reply but found himself frozen, unable to think of a single coherent thought to convey his conversation with Sarah in the library. “Well, either way… Welcome home, Jaylad.”
Something melted in Jason when Bruce clasped his shoulder. “Thanks, B.” He said quietly.
Bruce froze at the sound of his son’s voice. His real, genuine voice sounded eerily reminiscent of the boy he’d lost in Ethiopia. His baby. His son.
“Get some sleep. I’ll tell the boys not to disturb you.” He paused. “Including Damian.”
Bruce was having enough difficulty trying to come to terms with Damian being his blood son. He’d taken the boy into his office after Sarah had disclosed what she knew and handed him all of the records that Nyssa had kept since Damian was born.
Even the blood tests rang true: Damian Al-Ghul was Bruce’s son. His blood son.
There were so many things to think about that but most of them circled to the same line of thought, which was that Talia should’ve told him. If he’d had the time to mentally prepare himself for having to be a father to a boy who never had one… Bruce believed that he would’ve been able to do a better job.
Dick seemed to believe he’d be able to do well now. Now that he’d taken extra care to do the same with his eldest children.
Jason froze as Sarah stirred in his arms, whimpering softly in her sleep before she let out a sigh and settled back against his chest. “We’ll be in my room,” Jason whispered. Nodding to Bruce, he turned his back to him and began back down the hall to the dorms.
Something felt right again for once. What it was, Bruce didn’t know, but he was desperately hoping that it would lead toward reconciliation with his son.
***
Sarah
It was soft, at first. Just a barely perceptible whimper swallowed in the back of his throat because he didn’t want to wake her. It was an unconscious thought. Keeping quiet meant others were unaware of what you were trying to hide.
It grew gradually louder. Once Jason started shaking was when she finally woke up.
By the time her eyes had adjusted to the dark - there was no other light than the fractured beam of moonlight breaking through the window on the right side of the room - and caught Jason’s form, he was arching his back off of the bed and digging his fingers so tightly into the sheets that his knuckles had begun to turn white.
She knew better than to try to touch him. That would end up with a black eye.
“No, no-“ He cried. “Sarah!”
The sight of Sarah’s eyes, damaged by the tainting of the Lazarus Pit, disappeared as Jason shot up and gradually began to wake up from the throes of his nightmare. He recognized this room. It was the room Dick had given him once he’d moved back into the Belfry.
Bed. His sheets. His smell. His books. His room.
There was another warm body to his right. One with bright blue, concerned eyes that were currently focused on him but had yet to say a word.
Sarah.
“That was a bad one,” She said softly. “Would it be okay if I touched you now?”
That was just another reason why he was so drawn to her. Sarah always asked. She tried not to breach boundaries he’d set for himself. If she did, it was always unintentional.
Jason nodded and wrung his hands in his lap as she scooted closer, wrapping her arms around his own to then lay her head on his shoulder.
Things were quiet for a while. His body was still burning, burning burning burning like it did when he woke up in the Pit, and he couldn’t seem to shake that unsettling warmth that prickled across his skin. Not even with the windows open and the fan on across the room.
Stupid summer.
“Tim’s birthday is soon,” Sarah said. “I think we should throw him a party. He’d love that. Something small.. just with us and that Kent boy that Bruce said he’d met. I know you two aren’t on super even ground yet but-“
“Sounds like a good idea. Will the kid be old enough to drink?”
Sarah rose a brow and tilted her head up to meet his gaze. “What, are you going to use all of that crime lord money to go out and buy Tim the best possible alcohol one can imbibe when they become legal?”
Jason smirked. He knew exactly what she was doing, but it was a welcome distraction from the nightmare he’d had for most of the six months she’d been gone. The Pit. The green, the never-ending green, the Joker’s laugh, and the damned crowbar and the bomb- “Would you expect anything less?” He motioned to the bottle at her bedside. “Hand me that.”
Copious amounts of water were necessary now. It would take time for him to be able to get used to talking again.
Dick would probably keel over the moment he heard Jason talk again. He’d never be able to get out of the ensuing hug.
He slowly drank most of the contents of the bottle. “I learned while I was gone that having a weighted blanket usually helps people with anxiety and PTSD,” She replied. “I’m not saying a body would work the same way, but a body would work the same way.”
Before Sarah could continue her argument, Jason laid back down in the bed and tugged her over him to settle against his chest. She eased herself down and wound her arms loosely around his chest before tucking her head under his chin.
His fingers tangled in her hair almost immediately. Being able to thread them through her hair, gently scraping his fingernails against her roots before coming back down to settle at her nape was a great way to ease the heaviness that settled on his chest.
“Sarah?”
She was nearly asleep when she said, “Jay?”
It took nearly every ounce of strength she had left to keep her eyes open and pay attention to what he traced against her skin underneath her sleep shirt.
I
L o v e
Y o u
Sarah Wayne fell asleep with a smile on her face that night. For the first time in years, she slept peacefully. There were no nightmares about all the times Jason hadn't been able to save her during those particularly difficult nights on patrol where she ended up alone. No nightmares about bloody warehouse floors in Ethiopia, a grave underneath a lone oak tree, a bedroom shut and locked after a little boy never came back to it.
Jason Todd too fell asleep to no nightmares, an overabundance of that warm feeling that now felt like acceptance and the weight of a warm body that he never wanted to leave.
He knew exactly what he was going to do when he woke up that morning before Sarah did and spent over an hour just watching her sleep.
He was going to marry her.
And she was going to be Sarah Todd.