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"I think we should stop this."
Albedo stares at Kaeya with a deadpanned expression as he awaits his reaction.
"Alright," is all that Kaeya says. No questions, no raised voices; he smiles, but Albedo has known him long enough to know that it's a facade. "Anything for you."
And so his experiment begins.
"That concludes our meeting for this week. You are all dismissed," Jean announces to the rest of the captains in the room. A chorus of 'thank you's are heard and the knights stand from their seats, some lingering to speak with each other while the rest make their way to the exit.
Among those people is Albedo.
He doesn't miss the confused look that Lisa and Amber shoot at him as he opens the door, nor does he miss them whispering to Kaeya.
"Aren't you going with him?" Lisa asked, tilting her head towards Albedo's direction.
"No," Kaeya replies weakly, quickly arranging his papers together. He stands from his seat and heads over to Jean without further acknowledging the other two.
Amber gives him a worried glance, "He's been overworking himself too much," she whispered to Lisa. "I haven't even seen him eat anything today, what if he's not taking care of himself?"
"Well…" Lisa hesitates to reply. She knows that, if anything, Albedo has been the one to take care of Kaeya ever since they got together. They have dinners together, take breaks together, sometimes one even sleeps over at the other's office during nights when the work is heavy and they can't get home. Did they fight? Even if they did, it wouldn't have lasted for weeks.
The two women helplessly stare at the now open exit of the conference room, where usually, an alchemist would wait for the beloved cavalry captain with an absent-minded smile on his face. Even if one had to leave early, they wouldn't forget to give each other a brief kiss on the forehead before calling it a day.
But today, it's empty.
Sucrose is a very observant young lady.
She also isn't one to assume. But as she is ordered by her teacher to hand over some documents to the cavalry captain, she cannot help but notice that something is wrong.
For one, Albedo doesn't even mention his name. Kaeya's name is something that has recently made him irritated or uninterested, no matter the context. Any mention of him would make the alchemist stiffen. Rather than becoming embarrassed, he becomes… distant.
Sucrose doesn't dare ask him, so she does as she is told.
That same evening when she reaches Kaeya's office, the knight looks at her with a pained expression, like a puppy who's been kicked for days on end. He's tired, unusually quiet, unfocused and seems like he'd pass out any moment.
Back when the man was still uncertain about his relationship with Albedo, he'd always look conflicted and scared.
Though now, the young lady can only say that he looks broken.
As she explains and reiterates some reports, she dances around eggshells in an attempt to not mention her teacher's name. It feels like if she does, Kaeya would end up as a sobbing mess that no one would be able to fix except for the man who made him that way. Even though neither of them has mentioned anything to her, she knows that something is wrong. She's not even supposed to be here; Albedo is the one who usually carries on this task.
She wants to ask, she really does. The atmosphere feels colder than Dragonspine's mountains and she doesn't like to see her superiors like this—so saddened and drowned in work as if they need to fill a void. They used to be so in love with each other, what happened to that warmth?
Though with a heavy heart, Sucrose leaves the Knights of Favonius' headquarters that night without knowing the answer.
Klee has recently asked her big brothers why they don't spend time with each other anymore.
"We just… need some time apart," is what Albedo replies.
Kaeya simply smiles at her, nothing more.
But Klee can hear him sobbing next to her when she pretends to sleep during his turns to babysit her. She doesn't know why her big brother has a clenched fist over his heart when he does, nor does she know why Kaeya doesn't say Albedo's name anymore.
One night, when Kaeya's crying becomes too much, she pats his head and gently shushes him, just like how her mother used to do for her.
Kaeya doesn't say that she can't tell anyone, but Klee is old enough to know she shouldn't.
It'll be their little secret.
Jean knows.
But for the sake of professionalism, she doesn't mention it.
"A week-long leave to Dragonspine?" the woman repeats as she reads through the processing papers. This isn't anything new to her, though the way she signs and stamps the paper with a little more force than usual seems to be insinuating something.
Albedo stays silent as he watches the Acting Grand Master do her usual tasks—but the air around him is tight, as if a ticking time bomb is about to set off anytime soon.
Jean presses the last stamp rather harshly, keeping the papers into an empty document with quick and experienced movements. "Have a safe trip," she smiles, but it's far from her usual kind demeanour. It's as if she doesn't even want to see him right now.
Albedo has never seen her so angry.
"Thank you…" he quickly dismisses himself, afraid that if he lingered even a second longer, Jean would no longer show him mercy.
It's the dead of night when Albedo leaves his chambers with a bag of supplies in hand, sneaking out of the city as if he were some lowly criminal.
But just as he passes by a lonely street, someone grabs him by the arm rather forcefully and leads him to a dark alleyway. Albedo would be scared if not for the fact that the person dragging him has a head of flaming red hair.
"Diluc?" Albedo whispers, hesitantly following the man—it's not like he has much of a choice with the absolute strength that he possesses.
The blond's back is suddenly slammed to the cobblestone wall, making him groan in pain. Before he can register what's happening, a fist lands on the structure, narrowly missing his head. The wall cracks, but Diluc isn't fazed nor does he look hurt.
Albedo flinches.
The redhead looks at him wide-eyed, holding a wave of unspeakable anger within. "I don't like to meddle with Kaeya's affairs, but whatever it is that you're doing, you've clearly gone too far," Diluc stated, making the alchemist look away guiltily. "If he did something to make you suddenly hate him, tell him, or I'll choke the words right out of your mouth and tell him myself," he removes his hand from the now fractured stone wall and shakes the debris off as if it were nothing. The glare he gives sends shivers down Albedo's spine.
"Fix this," Diluc demanded, leaving the alchemist to feel his heart sink as he thinks of how exactly to do that.
Albedo passes by Sister Rosaria on the trail up to his lab in Dragonspine.
The woman merely looks at him, no words exchanged between the two, but Albedo doesn't need any to know how much Rosaria wants to give him a taste of his own medicine.
He doesn't need words to know how much he messed up.
The trudge up the snowy mountains feels like torture to Albedo's legs, but it can't possibly compete with the guilt that dwells in his heart.
Even when he reaches the entrance to his cave, his footsteps still feel heavy. It's like he doesn't even have the energy to do anything. When was the last time he ate? Or when he slept? Has he even been thinking about anything else other than this stupid 'experiment'? No, a mistake is what it is.
Just as he sets his things down onto a vacant desk, he spots a figure bundled in blankets in the corner. His heart drops when he realizes who it is.
"Kaeya?" Albedo calls out. The name somehow feels foreign to him now.
The figure sits up, but it doesn't seem like he was asleep at all. A red and puffy eye meets Albedo's gaze.
"Hi," Kaeya greets. He still smiles at him, though it's not as bright as it once was.
Albedo freezes and stares at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Jean forced me to take leave, said I was doing more harm than good. Home didn't feel like home, so I… ended up here," the knight simply explains. He shivers when a gust of wind blows into the cave, wrapping the blankets around him tighter. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't even be here but I—"
"No," Albedo interrupts him. A small pile of snow builds at the side of his boots as he shuffles in place. "Please, stay."
Kaeya stares back at him, then his gaze drops to the ground. "Thank you," he whispers, voice soft and vulnerable.
A moment of silence fills the cave as if they weren't even there to begin with. Then Albedo speaks up, voice no louder than a whisper.
"Can we talk, please?"
"Sure," the knight sits up, although weakly, to give him his full attention. "What is it?"
Albedo doesn't dare look at him. What if this makes Kaeya hate him? He deserves it, he knows, but what if he selfishly seeks Kaeya's forgiveness? "I'm sorry," he says, unsure if he was heard because of the silence that meets him.
"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I hurt you, I really am. This was stupid of me, the dumbest thing I've ever done. Please believe me when I say that I miss you," he fidgets with his fingers, pinching at his gloves in an attempt to feel something. "I didn't realize how much you changed my life until you weren't there anymore."
"Albedo…" Kaeya calls out, his tone still gentle and loving since the day he fell for the alchemist.
Albedo finally looks up to meet his gaze. "I don't know why I did this, but it was my own foolish intention to carry on this experiment and I—"
"Experiment?" Kaeya repeats the word, looking at him with creased brows. Tears begin to flow out of his eye in an instant, shaky hands on his chest as he stares at Albedo. "Of all experiments you could do, you decide to—" his voice cracks, choking back a sob.
"Kaeya…" the blond reaches a hand out towards him, but it's swatted away.
"Do you know how empty I felt? Even after that, I still looked at you like you held my heart and my world—and you broke everything for a little experiment?" he laughs, a pained smile slowly forming on his face.
Albedo's heart aches at the sight. The sound of Kaeya's broken voice makes him feel like tearing up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"
"Didn't mean what?" Kaeya blinks harshly, staining the blanket wet with his tears. "Did I not love you enough? Is that why you needed to test me? To see if I'd move on as if you didn't just…" his fingers feel cold as he digs them into the snow, but his face is warm, warm like the kisses they used to share.
The alchemist kneels in front of him. "Kaeya, please," he whispers, but he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know what he wanted from this. Why did he think of it in the first place? "I know now that it was stupid of me to do that, I'm really sorry. I never once thought that your love was not enough. Nobody else loved me like you did," hesitantly, he places a hand on Kaeya's cheek. His glove becomes damp with tears, but he doesn't care.
"I spent so many nights wondering what went wrong. I prayed to whatever archon that would listen to me to give me another chance. Do you—" Kaeya drops his head, gasping for air. "I couldn't even look at you without wanting to cry. And no matter how much I tried, I could never bring myself to hate you. If anything, I started missing you. Our nights together, our dates, your kisses, your smile and…"
Albedo gently shushes him as he puts their foreheads together. A single tear rolls down his cheek, the wetness making him shiver due to the cold wind. "I'm sorry, Kaeya. I've missed you too," he whispered, tenderly cradling the man's face in his hands.
Kaeya's tears don't stop. "You can't just… take away something so precious to me just like that," cold fingers are suddenly placed on the alchemist's wrists, but neither pull away. "Albedo, please don't…" he leans in to the other's touch and drops his head onto his shoulder, quiet sobs escaping him.
"I'm here, I won't leave you. I promise."
The knight is left to grip Albedo's coat with shaky hands. The sound of sniffling fills the silence of the cave as Kaeya slowly calms down. He feels Albedo stroking his hair, his free hand gently interlacing their fingers together; he misses this, they both do.
"I know I've hurt you a lot, Kaeya. And I understand if you still can't find it in yourself to forgive me," Albedo whispers, holding the man tighter. "I'll do anything to make up for it, please. No matter how long it takes."
Kaeya nuzzles his face into the other's neck. He's still trembling, but he feels much lighter than he has in weeks. "Kiss me... please?"
Albedo doesn't question nor hesitate. "Anything for you, my love," he said, giving Kaeya a chaste kiss on the lips. He continues to leave featherlight kisses on any place that Kaeya lets him; on his forehead, the tip of his nose, his tear-stained cheeks. He's never been so gentle with the knight before, but he finds that he doesn't mind if he had to do this forever.
"Kaeya?" Albedo calls out in a soft voice after a few minutes have passed. The knight doesn't reply, instead, his breathing has steadied and his body is relaxed as he leans against the alchemist. He's fallen asleep, it seems.
Albedo tries his best to lie the knight on a nearby makeshift bed without waking him up. Once he's comfortable, the blond walks around to retrieve a lantern and a few pillows. He sets the light beside them, just far enough that requires him to stretch should he need it.
He puts the pillow under Kaeya's head, then snuggles into the warmth of the blanket. "I love you, Kaeya," he whispers, letting out a shaky breath as he feels his heart swell. He misses having someone to occupy the empty space, someone who he can wrap his arms around while he listens to a steady heartbeat to drift to sleep.
"I was stupid to do that to you when it was completely unnecessary. Maybe I was having doubts—you're my first and only—but that's no excuse for what I've done. Please forgive me..." he blinks hard when tears suddenly block his vision. He's in no place to cry, but the tears just come naturally when he realizes how much love Kaeya had given him, and how he was so foolish for throwing it away. "I still love you, Kaeya," he breathes, desperately hoping that the knight still does too.
Half-awake, Kaeya places his lips onto the blond's forehead in a tender manner. His eyes feel heavy, but his heart doesn't anymore when he wraps his arms around Albedo, fingers soothing the small of his back. He can't help the little smile that appears on his face as he's reminded of the familiar warmth. His heart swells, and finally, it's for all the right reasons.
"I love you too, Albedo."