Chapter Text
They didn't know.
Honestly, it wasn't even their fault, but the pain still wouldn't leave his chest. His throat was dry and clogged. It all hurts. Their words stung. Their taunts and laughter at him all broke his heart. It felt like no one truly cared. Would they even chase after him if he left the team? At this, the memories of the coach's words hit him. What was his worth? Did the team really need him there? Even after learning the low outside pitch and getting over the yips, did they honestly cared about him?
Sawamura didn't know.
He honestly did know. And it hurt that he couldn't truthfully answer.
Sawamura smiled through it all, and yet he could never truly fall into it. It felt fake, but perhaps it's because it was false in a sense. No one on the team seemed to notice. Miyuki Kazuha certainly didn't. But really what hurt was that Haruichi and Furuya also couldn't see through him. Kuramochi might've caught on to Sawamura's mood swings, but he definitely didn't care much enough to bring it up between them. Kanemaru still seemed to not care about Sawamura, as he was always yelling at him. Toujou might care. He always asks if Sawamura was well, but it felt more like it was out of pity from when he had the yips.
It hurts. His chest burned with fury and anguish at the thought.
Why? Was it because they thought he was annoying? Obnoxious? Loud? It's not his fault. It was just who he was. Did they hate him for it? For being who he was?
Tears rolled over Sawamura's eye and snot clogged up his nose. Ashamed of the noise he was making, Sawamura quietened his cries and used his sleeve to wipe his eyes. Looking into his makeshift mirror, a vending machine, he saw how puffy his eyes were. How long has he been here? Crying. All alone. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be a happy day. Sawamura tried his best to smile through the insults casted towards him. The insults were seen as playful and meaningless to others, but to him it hurt.
The third years were coming to meet up with the Seidou players to check up on the new third and second years, and potentially meet the new first years. It was discussed that they would meet up at an open stadium, and could therefore play with each other. It was supposed to be a great day, Sawamura would be able to see Chris, his teacher. He was the one that helped Sawamura get over the yips, the one to teach him the much important low outside pitch. All while he was ignored by Miyuki. Ignored by the rest of the first string and pushed out of practice by the coach all because he was worthless on the team, but Chris was there. He was there to help Sawamura through it all.
But the day was completely ruined when everyone told Sawamura the wrong directions. They brought him to the wrong stadium and he was lost. Lost in Tokyo all alone. He should've known better. The side glances thrown at him. The giggles. But he paid no mind to it. Too happy to see Chris again. But why did they do this? Even his friends, Haruichi and Furuya, tricked him. He believed in them. He put his trust in them. But it was all for naught. Was this supposed to be a prank? Was it supposed to be a small joke? That they would bring him back to the right place after some time? Then why? Why has he been all alone for hours? It was morning when he left, so then why is the sun starting to go down? Why?
It hurt.
Glancing back at the window of the vending machine, Sawamura sat there in silence. He didn't know what to do. Go back to Seidou somehow? Was that what the team expected from him? He was known to be terrible with directions, especially in Tokyo where he had no clue how to get around. Sit there and wait for someone to come? Well who would even come help him? Weighing his options, the first choice seemed the most productive. At least then, he would be doing something and hopefully get somewhere. Sitting and waiting for help that might never come seemed terrible, and plus his legs needed to start moving.
He was tired from sitting for so long, so when he stood up, his legs almost caved. Luckily he caught himself by grabbing onto the side of the vending machine. Embarrassed by his potential fall, he looked around the area he was sitting at, and to his surprise, despite the many people walking by and around, none seemed to care enough to even glance at him. However, this worked in favor of Sawamura as he preferred it if no one bothered him in this state. He didn't think he could muster up the courage and effort to at least pretend to be fine. His tear stained eyes wouldn't have helped him at all.
Looking around, he didn't really know where to start or to head to. There were plenty of buildings and the streets were bustling with people ready to head home. Ah, it must be traffic hour then. Work was off for everyone. That explained the increase in the number of people around. Looking at the buildings, one caught his eye, a sports shop. Maybe he could go there and hopefully there would be baseball equipment and such to quell his numb heart. Baseball was of course the one thing he loved the most despite all the trouble that revolved around it.
Heading to the store proved to be more difficult than Sawamura would imagine. The streets were filled with people who were heading to their destinations with much rigor. This meant it was hard to cross by people without showing to be an annoyance to them, which Sawamura was beginning to try not to be anymore with this newfound understanding of the feelings others had towards him.
Upon walking into the store, he was greeted by the ringing of the door, music from popular bands Sawamura didn't have much knowledge or interest in, and the welcome from an unenthusiastic worker that paid no mind to him. Walking farther into the store, he saw a section for baseball and he quickly walked towards it. Sawamura saw an abundance of baseball equipment from both cheap and expensive brands. More familiar with the cheaper brands because of his low funds due to not wanting to bother his family for money, his curiosity of brands he was unfamiliar with grew and he looked towards the more expensive types of equipment.
The price was of course more than he could afford, but the quality of the equipment was brought to his attention. These could last double the lifespan of his normal equipment. Despite his care for his lefty mit, it most likely wouldn't last as long as these ones. And if the owner had the amount of care for their mit as Sawamura did, then it would definitely last for a long time. Nonetheless, the equipment Sawamura had were all in good shape and he didn't require anything new, so he left the aisle and headed deeper inside the store.
There were plenty of aisles dedicated to many different sports, ranging from swimming, basketball, to even equipment for beach volleyball. But none of them enticed Sawamura much since he only had his eyes set on baseball. Despite his previous sour and upset mood from being seemingly abandoned by his teammates, he felt normal, fine even. It seemed that going to this store had helped to calm his nerves and relax his pulsing headache. Most likely due to crying so much. Rubbing his eyes, he continued to browse through the store.
"Seidou's number 18?" a hauntingly familiar voice called out to Sawamura from behind.
Sawamura's mind was blank. Who was this? Who was calling out to him? In a panic, Sawamura frantically turned around to be met with a pulsing headache. Before he could register who had called out to him, he knelt down and shut his eyes closed to calm his head. His head was filled with confusion and pain. What was going on?
Before he knew it, a hand touched his shoulder. Gentle and lightly, as if scared to frightening Sawamura. As if Sawamura was a fragile price of glass. Not used to the touch, Sawamura flinched. Making the owner of the hand freeze. Ah, Sawamura didn't mean to be an annoyance again. This person must've thought something was wrong with him. He was part of Seidou, yet he was so far away from the school. They must've been confused and called out to him. Only to have Sawamura have a mini breakdown. How embarrassing.
Relaxing his head and focusing on talking to the person, did Sawamura finally realize who had called out to him. It was Inajitsu's Narumiya Mei.
Oh.
Oh.
He made himself a fool didn't he? Would Seidou be ashamed of what he was presented as here? Weak?
A bit tentatively, with an uncertain expression, most likely due to not knowing how to deal with Sawamura, Mei asked, "Are you okay now?"
"Oh," was the pitiful response Sawamura could muster up before, "Ah. Please excuse me. I- … I um…"
With a raised brow, Mei calmly answered, "Take your time."
Looking away, Sawamura couldn't look up and reach Mei's eyes. He felt so ashamed of himself. How could he ruin Seidou's image like this? Much less to their opponent. Ah. But Mei didn't consider Sawamura as a threat. Much less as someone to even recognize. This thought made Sawamura deflate.
Remembering he had to respond to Mei, lest he make himself more of an embarrassment, he quietly replied, "It was nothing. I didn't mean to bother you."
Crossing his arms - why was he crossing his arms? - Mei countered, "Doesn't seem like nothing. And bother? Wasn't I the one to call out to you?"
Was Mei waiting for Sawamura to respond? Before Sawamura could attempt to formulate words into his mouth, Mei added, "Anyways, where even is your team? Why are you here all alone?" After Sawamura had looked towards Mei, Mei realized the state of Sawamura's face. He had taken a more proper look at Sawamura's puffy, swollen eyes, and Mei's face scrunched up in confusion. What happened to Sawamura? However, Sawamura seemed to have not noticed his expression.
Where were they? Sawamura didn't know. Should he even tell Mei what happened? And what gives with the attitude Mei was giving him? He was taking credit for things he didn't really have to and was nothing but gentil. Wasn't Mei known to be more- more… well not… this?
Could Sawamura tell him?
He guessed it wouldn't be too much of a big problem. It wasn't like he was going to give out any team secrets. The only issue would be that he would be calling out himself to be weak and lonely, but he was so tired of all this. He wanted at least someone to talk to. To let out the steam, and to calm the storm brewing inside him.
And so, with a bit of hesitance and quietness, Sawamura meekly answered Mei's question, "They kinda… how should I phrase it… they abandoned me I suppose?"
The sound of a bag dropping to the floor echoed throughout the store.