Work Text:
What is it like to live in a world where dreams and wishes actually come true?
Shinichi stares at the words in the book, none of which registers in his mind. His thoughts just spiraled back to the conversation he had just hours ago in the neighboring house to his own—real home. (Is it really his home if it’s a place where he stayed alone for years… and somewhere not lived in for more than two years already?)
He wonders if he still has the right to call it home.
"Kudo-kun… I’m sorry.”
“What is this about Haibara?” The shrunken sleuth didn’t need all his detective prowess to know that whatever the scientist would say was a serious matter.
“I’m…” Haibara worried her lip but seemed determined to tell him this at the very least. Shinichi felt that he already knew what this was about. He knew that his chances had been very slim since the first experimental pill he used (and he’s used so many since then and the pain from each transformation became almost unbearable). “I’m unable to create an antidote that will make you stable enough in your adult body. I’ve tried… Kudo-kun. I’ve tried so hard to keep the damage from you going back and forth, but this latest test result confirmed my fears.”
“... I see. Thank you for telling me Haibara,” Shinichi gave her a smile—an utterly broken one, if the scientist’s face was any indication.
“I am so sorry…”
“Don’t. I understand. It’s not your fault. Thank you for trying to cure me. It was a pipe dream in the first place.”
He hears a soft click from the window on the second floor, and Shinichi can’t feel anything more than a passing interest. There’s only one person crazy enough to sneak into the Kudo mansion using the library’s only window, and the detective can’t bring himself to care much about his presence.
Shinichi tries to read his chosen book—Sherlock Holmes: The Sign of Four—, but the familiar words in it deny him the comfort he sorely wants.
“Here I was, ready to continue our battle of wits… yet my favorite critic was nowhere to be found.”
He ignores the moonlit thief who probably just finished doing his nighttime villainy. Come to think of it, there was a scheduled heist tonight, huh. It was the reason why he went to the professor’s house in the first place (to create an alibi for himself while he chases the thief). Shinichi really is out of it if he missed the event, but… he’s just past caring at the moment.
“No words for me, Tantei-kun?”
Shinichi can hear the pout in his tone, even if he can’t see it. The thief takes matters in his own hands by taking the precious book from the detective’s hand. Shinichi just stares blankly at his free hands, still not acknowledging the magician who seems too eager to mess with him tonight.
He’s not in the mood to deal with other people right now.
He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. But the choice to interact is made for him by Kaitou KID—still in his overly tacky white uniform—who just sits across from him, frowning. Since when does KID frown…?
“What’s wrong, Tantei-kun?”
…
Shinichi doesn’t have the energy to tell him to go away—to leave him alone. He doubts the phantom thief will even accept his demands. Nothing really goes his way when he desperately wants it to. One of his wishes is already shattered by his own desperation to be with Ran even for a few minutes.
Now that dream is forever out of his reach.
He really should call Ran and tell her that Shinichi would never come back. That she’s waiting for nothing but a ghost. That she should move on from her stupid boyfriend who got himself killed.
But… he’s just… so tired. He’ll deal with it later…. Now… he just wants to curl up in his library’s safe haven and get away from the depressing thoughts. Even for just a little bit…. Let him have his moment of peace….
Only... KID doesn’t seem to care what the detective wants. The thief plops down beside the shrunken detective, watching him carefully as if any sudden movements will break him. Like he’s fragile as glass. Shinichi wants to scoff, but doesn't. He isn’t made of glass. He knows he isn’t… but… all he can feel right now are the shattered remnants of his former life. He’s…
“I won’t be good company…” the words are out before he even registers them. Shinichi doesn’t even turn to his rival? Friend? What is KID to him?
It’s so unlike Kudo Shinichi; normally solitude brings him comfort... but being alone makes all the dark thoughts he tries to escape from resurface. KID’s presence changed something. He didn't really want anyone to talk to, so much as he just missed the comforting presence of another human being sitting nearby.
“Doesn’t matter. I can entertain myself just fine,” KID shrugs beside him and Shinichi knows that the words are true.
The thief thankfully falls silent after his declaration and gives him back his favorite book. The detective carefully opens the worn pages and starts reading again—this time he can see the words.
The silence doesn’t feel as oppressive as earlier.
Shinichi can’t help but think this may be what having a real friend is like. Someone who knows when silence is what he needs. Someone who will stay with him despite his continued dismissal. Someone who can possibly understand the pain he’s in.
For now, Shinichi will let himself be vulnerable. Later… he will pick up his shattered pieces and pull himself together to face the world again.
He can only move forward.