Work Text:
1912/02/24
Shinobu’s tenth birthday present was a brand new peach-colored yukata, one that she had been eyeing for the past weeks every time she passed by Azusa-san’s store in the town square.
“We couldn’t get the matching set since it’s sold out,” Kanae smiled apologetically as Shinobu unwrapped her present. “But we did get you—”
“A butterfly pin!” Shinobu gasped in glee. She scrambled to the nearest mirror and immediately tried it on, her family chuckling as they watched her excitement. Pulling her hair up into a neat bun, Shinobu left only her too-short bangs to frame her face; a hairstyle she’d seen her mother do countless times. The opalescent purple brought forth a layer of shine to her jet-black mane, and Shinobu’s smile widened when the butterfly wings flapped on either side of her head. “Just like the ones you wear, nee-san!”
“We’re glad you like it,” her mother appeared behind her in the mirror, tucking Shinobu’s loose strand back to its place. “We were worried that you might complain since it’s a different color from the yukata.”
“I love it!” Shinobu beamed. She swirled around and hugged her mother, and Kanae and her father soon joined. Shinobu wished she had longer arms just so she could hold her family closer in her embrace. “I love it, I love it, I love it—thank you!”
“And now,” Kanae broke away from the embrace and pulled out a tray of mochi from behind her back. Shinobu’s eyes widened—ten assorted mochis, each with a candle on it! “Your mochis! This year I helped mom make it, so I really hope they taste as good.”
Shinobu yelped, rushing to her sister’s side to admire the desserts. It’s so apparent which ones were their mom’s and which ones were Kanae’s judging from the way they’re shaped, but Shinobu loved them all the same.
“Make a wish!” Kanae nudged her.
A wish, a wish… What could Shinobu wish for? New clothes? Those shoes from the store with the kind light-haired lady who always gave her candies whenever she passed by? Or maybe a brand new chemist set she could play with while she accompanies her father’s appointment?
Shinobu looked up and gazed at the faces of her adoring family: her mother and father, smiling proudly as if turning ten years old were her personal achievement instead of the natural doing of the passage of time. Her sister Kanae’s excited face, who was probably thinking which mochi Shinobu will spare for her.
… Them. If there’s anything Shinobu wanted the most, it’s to have a family like them. But Shinobu had been lucky enough to be born in this life, into this family, that her wish already came true by itself. There’s really no point in wishing anymore, is there?
Still, Shinobu clasped her hands and closed her eyes.
“I wish to buy mom and dad the same butterfly pins as mine and Kanae’s,” Shinobu whispered. Then she opened her eyes and winked. “So we can all wear matching butterfly pins on my birthday next year!”
Her father laughed and ruffled her hair. “That can easily be arranged. Go make another wish for yourself.”
Shinobu grinned, clasped back her hand, and stared at those candles as if they were shooting stars in the sky before they crashed into the earth.
I wish for us to always be as happy as we are right now.
And she blew the candle.
*
1914/02/24
Get stronger. Get stronger.
Shinobu gripped the hilt of her sword. She could no longer feel her arms or legs. The only thing she felt was intense hunger (when was the last time she ate?) and the desperation to slice off that thick boulder Akako-sensei left for her.
And anger.
Coils of anger, bubbling in her chest. The only fuel that kept her going.
Shinobu took a deep breath and prepared herself to do the technique her teacher had taught her. Her lungs still burned every time she tried to do Total Concentration Breathing, but that hardly mattered. What mattered was slicing off that boulder. What mattered was beheading those filthy demons who ransacked houses and stole parents from their children and ripped apart any hope of them ever having a happy future—
—Shinobu raised her sword and lurched forward, letting out a scream as fire scorched her veins, and—
Clang!
Her sword ricocheted off the boulder, the impact left a wide crack in the middle. Shinobu crashed to the ground, her ponytail coming undone. Her vision blurred, and she could taste blood in her mouth as she coughed, could feel her arms and legs limping out, and still…
The boulder stayed unscathed.
The damned boulder stayed unscathed—she didn’t even leave a dent—and Shinobu’s at her limit already.
No.
No, there are no limits. There won’t be a limit if it was a demon you’re fighting—that’s what Himejima-san and Akako-sensei said. They’ll kill you and eat you for dinner, the way they killed mom and dad and spilled their guts right in front of my eyes—our eyes—
Shinobu rose, huffing her hair away from her face, and scurried to grab her sword again. The hilt felt hot against her scraped palms, but she didn’t even notice—she slashed and slashed and slashed, leaving sparks where her metal blade collided with stone.
Still, no matter how much energy Shinobu put into her attacks, the boulder stood strong. As if she wasn’t there at all.
At that, her fury exploded.
Shinobu cried out and turned to the trees and grass instead, slicing everything in her path, ripping leaves into nothing more than dust. Even the bugs knew to leave her alone, or else they’ll be minced to pieces.
Precision. Speed. Momentum. A heart ignited with pure, unrelenting rage. What the hell was she missing?
Strength.
All of those couldn’t give the force strength brings.
Shinobu gritted her teeth and charged deeper into the woods, ignoring the blood trickling from the multiple cuts on her face.
Her petite body used to be one of her favorite features of herself. Her father’s patients used to call her adorable—cute little doctor Kocho—and doted over her when she pretended to use her father’s stethoscope and check on them as if they were her patients. And the aunts, her mother’s friends, would let her try their prettiest dresses, their most elegant yukatas, and take turns in styling her hair. Then her mom would show her off around town.
Look at my beautiful daughter, she’d boast. Look at her small hands, her small face. She’s made to be loved.
Now, those small hands felt like a curse. Now, her face was too often tainted with crazed wrath and blood to be considered pretty or adorable. Now, she’s not made to be loved, not anymore, not when she desperately wanted to kill that useless girl she once was. Whatever beautiful fate she was destined for was long gone. Whatever sweetness she used to have was now replaced with an unadulterated desire to destroy.
My sweet Shinobu, her mother’s voice rang clear as more flying wood chips sliced her cheeks. Shinobu didn’t even notice the tears dripping down her face. You’re meant for a lifetime of happiness.
Shinobu screamed and screamed, her mouth salty with tears mixed with blood. Her legs threatened to collapse the moment she halted, so she changed the trajectory of her directions and rushed back to where the boulder was. Surely, all those chopped trees were good enough practice already. Surely, she would’ve gained enough momentum by now.
More, more, Shinobu thought as she pushed her legs to run faster. Do more. Endure more. Be something more than the weak little girl who cowered behind her sister as she helplessly watched their parents being slaughtered.
How long has it been since her world was so brutally ripped apart by those wretched demon claws? How long has it been since she and Kanae made that oath to sacrifice their future to hunt down demons? How long has it been since they sought out the stoic slayer who saved them?
How long has it been since Shinobu vowed to become more of a killing machine than a girl?
“Shinobu.”
At the sound of that gentle voice, Shinobu reverted into that trembling girl with unsoothable nightmares.
Shinobu turned around, and there she was: her sister, standing amid the mess Shinobu had made, with a bag slung across her shoulder and a candle in one hand.
Then Kanae smiled, and all that anger inside Shinobu melted away into anguish. Kanae set the candle down and opened her arms, and Shinobu tossed away her cracked sword and rushed to her sister, hugging her as tight as she could.
Kanae smelled of wisteria and matcha. Shinobu would’ve noticed if her nose wasn’t filled with too much snot.
“Nee-san,” Shinobu sobbed into Kanae’s chest and wailed louder when she felt Kanae’s hand soothed her unruly hair. “Nee-san, I can’t do it—I know we promised each other but how can I kill demons when I can’t even cut a stupid boulder? I’m not strong like you, I’m not.”
“Shinobu,” Kanae whispered, gently pushing Shinobu away to look at her tear-streaked face. “Sit down with me.”
And so they sat down, cross-legged in the middle of a forest with a candle flickering in front of them. For a while, they sat in silence. Kanae let Shinobu cry, let her lean into her shoulder as she patted her back.
Then Kanae suddenly spoke. “Do you know what day it is?”
Shinobu looked up at her sister. Her mind was still too murky to think, so she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Monday?”
Kanae chuckled and tucked Shinobu’s bangs into the back of her ear. Then she reached into her bag and handed out a tiny straw box.
Shinobu’s heart dropped when she opened it.
A matcha mochi, with exactly twelve sesame seeds sprawled on top of it.
“It’s your birthday.”
Birthday. Right. Shinobu had forgotten what it felt like to celebrate life.
“Now, come on,” Kanae gave her a nudge. “Old traditions mustn’t die. Make a wish.”
“I wish to die and meet mom and dad again—”
“And leave me all alone?” Kanae asked, smiling softly as she reached out and wiped the blood and tears from Shinobu’s cheeks. “Make another one. Come on.”
“I just want to be stronger, nee-san,” Shinobu whined. “It hurts when I try to do Total Concentration Breathing. I don’t think I could ever do Flower Breathing like you and Akako-sensei. I’m not strong enough to even cut a boulder, and Himejima-san said that demons’ necks sometimes are tougher than rock. I don’t think I could do it,” Shinobu huffed and leaned back into her sister’s embrace. “I wish there were other ways to kill demons.”
While Kanae mastered Flower Breathing in only a little over six months, Shinobu struggled to even do the simplest first form. She tried and tried, but it always hurt so much that she needed to stop before she permanently damaged her lungs. And even after all that hurting, she still wasn’t strong enough to pass half the obstacles Kanae excelled at. If it wasn’t for Kanae’s assistance, Shinobu would probably have taken way longer to reach her current state.
And even her current state was still weak. Sometimes Shinobu felt like an insect leeching off her sister’s beautiful flower bud.
“Shinobu, do you know what this is?” Kanae asked, pointing to the candle beside her.
Shinobu frowned. “Of course. Wisteria candle. Himejima-san had those all over his house, it started to smell like a spa.”
“I heard these flowers grow year-long at the foot of Fujikasane Mountain, where the Final Selection is held,” Kanae said. “To keep off the demons. They can’t stand it, it’s poisonous for them.”
“Okay. So?”
“So, maybe there are other ways to kill demons.”
“But how?” Shinobu exasperated. “It’s not like I can go up to the demon and force-feed those flowers to them when I enter the Final Selection. I’ll die before I can even reach their stinky mouth.”
“I don’t know, Shinobu,” Kanae sighed. A small tired smile tugged on her lips when she looked at Shinobu. “But a hornet doesn’t need to hand-feed its prey its poison. It just needs its stinger.”
Shinobu wanted to complain. She didn’t have anything as effective as a stinger attached to her body. All she had was a weak set of arms and legs.
And a sword.
… Huh.
“Anyway, forget about that tonight. We’ll figure it out tomorrow,” Kanae quickly said when Shinobu grew quieter. “Just enjoy your mochi and let’s head back, okay? It’s really late. And I bet you haven’t bathed today. You stink.”
Shinobu chuckled and shoved all thoughts about the wisteria and insect’s stingers to the back of her mind. She’ll look more into that, first thing tomorrow. But for now, she clasped her hands and closed her eyes.
I’ll be better. I’ll be so much better. Even if I don’t slice off that boulder, I’ll pass the Final Selection, no matter what it takes.
It was more of a promise than a wish. Kanae would probably complain if she knew.
Shinobu ate her mochi anyway.
*
1916/02/24
Shinobu woke up with a face hovering over hers.
On instinct, she punched the looming personal space invader as hard as she could. Even though her full strength hadn’t returned yet, the person still fell to the floor with a muted thud. Shinobu resisted the urge to stomp on them when a burst of laughter came from the other side of her bed.
“Tomioka, you should’ve seen your face!” a voice, strangely similar to Shinazugawa’s, howled.
Shinobu peered below and saw a tired-looking Tomioka sprawled on the floor, the side of his cheek red from where Shinobu’s knuckle landed. That’s going to swell, for sure. She almost felt bad. Almost. “Shinazugawa, you said Kanae asked me to check if she’s breathing…” he rasped.
Shinazugawa snorted. “You could’ve just put your finger in front of her nose.”
“What a marvellous display of strength, little Kocho!” another voice boomed. Without having to look, Shinobu already knew it was Uzui’s. No one could sound that loud and annoying. “I see we have nothing to worry about!”
“I’m not little,” Shinobu rolled her eyes. “What the hell are you guys doing here? Where’s Kanao?”
The last thing Shinobu remembered was going on a mission with Kanae and their new sister they’d just adopted over a year ago, Kanao. Shinobu proposed to take Kanao with them to train her to face weak demons so she’d be more prepared for her Final Selection. But halfway through, a Lower Moon and its band of weaker demons unexpectedly came. Kanae told them to run, but there was no way Shinobu would be willing to abandon her sister.
So Shinobu stayed and fought, all while fending for Kanao who was still too inexperienced to face one of the Twelve Kizuki. Even if it was only a Lower Moon Five.
Shinobu had confidence in herself, but she overestimated the effectiveness of her poison. The newest poison she brewed, while a few times deadlier than her old ones, wasn’t perfect and still took quite some time to truly immobilize the demon. In between the time the poison took effect, the demon took its chance to attack Kanao, the weakest link of the three… And Shinobu interfered.
The next thing she knew, she was laying on a bed in the infirmary of the Butterfly Estate. With so many weird faces surrounding her.
But they’re not just any weird faces. They were Kanae’s coworkers; Shinazugawa, her sister’s close friend, though Shinobu never really understood how they even became friends, considering their contrasting personalities. Tomioka, the quiet one Shinobu liked to tease even when her rank was lower than his. Himejima, her kind old mentor who still liked to cook her and Kanae noodles from time to time. Uzui, the loud ones with the pretty wives Shinobu had befriended. And Rengoku, who had just been appointed a hashira a few months ago, and the one she liked the most because he brings food for the Butterfly girls sometimes.
In short, the hashiras. But why would they be here? Unless…
“Kanae—” Shinobu sat up hastily, wincing when pain flared up her body. “Kanae—where is she—”
“Take it easy, Shinobu,” Himejima said, tears streaking his face. “Your sister is—”
“Shinobu!” Kane suddenly barged in, cutting Himejima’s words. Relief washed over Shinobu upon seeing her sister, squeezing herself in between Uzui and Rengoku and throwing herself on Shinobu, hugging her tightly. “Shinobu, you’re awake!”
Shinobu hugged her back. “I am,” she replied. From the parted gap between Uzui and Rengoku, she saw Kanao peacefully sleeping on the bed beside her. It’s a miracle she wasn’t woken up with all the commotion.
So everyone’s okay. The hashiras weren’t there to deliver the bad news, then. That’s good.
That also meant it was time for her to go back to work. Her last poison was… disappointing. It was nowhere near good enough—she cursed herself for giving that demon a window of opportunity to attack her and her sisters. Shinobu needed to brew a deadlier poison, one that won’t take too long to reach the demon’s hearts. Then she needed to catch more demons—even the weaker ones would do—and use them as her experiment. See if her newest inventions are good enough. How else was she supposed to get better?
But to do that, Shinobu first needed to get up, up and go to her laboratory—she felt momentarily grateful for Kanae’s hashira status that allowed her to build a lab in their estate so she wouldn’t have to borrow Himejima’s kitchen all the time—and get to work.
“Kanae, I’m okay, so will you please let me go?” Shinobu asked.
It wasn’t just her need to work—now that her relief had subdued, Shinobu felt a bit awkward with so many eyes watching her. She chose to look at Rengoku, who had the warmest eyes of them all, and he smiled brightly at her as their eyes caught each other.
“Are you alright, Kocho! We have mochis for you!”
Shinobu smiled back. “Thank you, but why—”
“Rengoku, that was supposed to be a surprise,” Kanae sighed, releasing Shinobu from her embrace and sitting on the stool right next to the bed. “Nevermind that, Shinobu—”
“Wait, that was for her?” Shinazugawa blurted. “I ate two. Sorry.”
Kanae gasped. “Shinazugawa!”
“What? No one says anything about it being her birthday prese—”
“Shinazugawa!”
Uzui laughed. “Shinazugawa, you dumbass—”
“Tomioka ate three!” Shinazugawa pointed at Tomioka who was still dishevelled from his fall.
Tomioka looked like he’d rather be pecked on by crows than to be in the room. “Please leave me out of this.”
Shinobu really didn’t feel like dealing with these clowns so early in the morning. They could eat a dozen mochis, for all she cares. “Kanae, can you tell them to go?” Shinobu pleaded as the hashiras fought over who was going to buy a replacement mochi for her. She felt a bit jealous of Kanao who was still sleeping and didn’t have to hear any of it. “Why are they here, anyway—”
Before Shinobu could finish her sentence, the room fell into a hush. There was someone at the door, and all the hashiras immediately dropped to their knees, including Kanae. Shinobu shifted her eyes at the door, and—
Her jaw almost dropped.
Standing there was Kagaya Ubuyashiki, the leader of the Demon Slayer Corps himself, along with the two little children who always accompanied him. The room that was rowdy just a second ago was now filled with peace and tranquillity upon his presence.
Shinobu didn’t know what to do. Should she kneel, just like others? Or kowtow, since her rank was the lowest?
As if reading her thoughts, Ubuyashiki gave her a smile and held up his hand, indicating that Shinobu didn’t have to do anything. Then he offered the same smile to the other hashira, and they stood back up, one by one.
Ubuyashiki sauntered over to Shinobu’s bedside, with his two children in tow.
“Kocho Shinobu, how are you feeling?” Ubuyashiki asked. “Are you well?”
“I… Yes. I’m well,” Shinobu answered. Now that she looked at him up close, she felt like she was the one who should be asking him that, what with the scars creeping on his face. What was that? “Thank you for asking, Oyakata-sama.”
“I’m glad,” Ubuyashiki smiled again. “You and your sister have grown so tremendously these past few years. I’m so proud.”
“Oh…” Shinobu felt lightheaded. Was this a fever dream? What the hell was she supposed to say to that? “It was mostly her, though.”
Ubuyashiki chuckled. “Your sister has told me about your modesty. But you should be proud. I haven’t met anyone who can design such a wondrous poison, other than my old friend from Asakusa, before. Your mind is a force to be reckoned with.”
Shinobu’s cheek heated from the praise. “Thank you, Oyakata-sama.”
“I’m sorry to hear that your sword was snapped into two. I know how hard you try to bargain with the swordsmiths to make such a unique one like that. I hope they didn’t give you too much trouble,” Ubuyashiki apologetically smiled.
Shinobu suppressed her grimace—she was the one terrorizing the swordsmiths to make her special sword. But maybe Ubuyashiki didn’t need to know that detail.
“So I hope you’ll accept this gift from me,” Ubuyashiki continued, pulling out…
… A sword. With a butterfly-shaped handle, and the same specially designed blade as her previous sword. This time, Shinobu couldn't stop her jaw from dropping.
“I hope you’ll accept this gift from me. It’s your birthday, I hear.”
Shinobu had to rub her eyes to make sure that the sword was real when Ubuyashiki laid it down on the bed in front of her. Her heart warmed—it’s been four years since she got a birthday present, wrapped with a bow and all that. She’d forgotten how nice it felt.
Shinobu had heard of the Demon Slayer Corps’ leader’s kindness, but this was beyond her expectations. She never thought he was this attentive and caring as to personally gifted a brand new sword for a low-rank slayer. She definitely didn’t deserve this kind of treatment.
“Oyakata-sama, this is an honour,” Shinobu thanked. “But if I may ask… Why did you come here? Why did everyone?”
“Well, it’s just the time for our semi-annual hashira meeting,” Ubuyashiki answered. At that, all the hashira perked up. Tomioka straightened his haori. “This time, the meeting is particularly important, since I have crucial news about the sighting of an Upper Moon. So I want all of us to be present… Even the one who still needs her rest. I hope you forgive the intrusion.”
Shinobu frowned. “But Kanae could just go. I’m good here, I can take care of myself.”
Ubuyashiki only gave her a knowing smile. When he didn’t explain further, Kanae spoke up. “He means you, Shinobu.”
“... What?”
“Your crow came to me last night, asking for reinforcement,” Shinazugawa piped in. “When I arrived, the Lower Moon demon and its cronies already died from your poison.”
“And?”
Shinazugawa grinned. “That was your fiftieth kill.”
Fiftieth kill.
Shinobu looked at everyone’s faces, taking in their expressions. Shinazugawa’s approving grin. Tomioka’s small tugged smile. Uzui’s wink and his thumbs up. Himejima’s tearful low chuckle. Rengoku’s wide eyes and bright face, beaming at her.
And Kanae’s proud smile, taking Shinobu’s hand into hers. If Shinobu looked closer, she might see a flash of concern and the barest hint of fear in Kanae’s eyes,
Fiftieth kill. That meant…
“Let us begin our meeting,” Ubuyashiki announced. “And welcome, Insect Hashira, Kocho Shinobu.”
*
1919/02/24
Shinobu almost laughed when the two demons appeared in front of her.
She stopped herself when no one else did. Ubuyashiki didn’t—his usual serene expression was replaced with concern and a slightly apologetic look. The female demon didn’t—she only stood there, her expression unreadable, and Shinobu didn’t want to look at her longer than she had to. The boy demon with weird hair only stared at with annoyance radiating from him, and if it wasn’t for Ubuyashiki’s presence, Shinobu would’ve had ended him right then and there.
“Is this not a joke?” Shinobu tilted her head. Keep smiling, keep smiling, she tried to soothe the anger bubbling in her chest. Kanae once said that the key to being polite is to smile and speak at a moderate pace with a pleasant intonation, so that’s what Shinobu did. “Oyakata-sama, surely this is a test?”
“I’m afraid not, Shinobu,” Ubuyashiki shook his head. “She’s the friend I told you about.”
The one from Asakusa, yes, Shinobu recalled. Ubuyashiki had mentioned it the day she became a hashira, and again when she came to him for counsel after hitting a particularly rough roadblock in her poison-making. She was trying to brew one that would be enough to kill that damned Upper Moon who took his sister away from her, so when Ubuyashiki mentioned that his friend might be able to help, Shinobu was ecstatic.
Shinobu hadn’t realized that the friend Ubuyashiki spoke of was a demon. Even coming from the respected Demon Slayer Corps leader himself, Shinobu had a hard time believing it.
“When you said friend, I assumed you meant human,” Shinobu said, keeping her smile etched on her face. “I didn’t know demons have it in them to interact with humans they can’t eat. Let alone be friends with them.”
The demon boy’s face reddened as his anger exploded. “Shut your mouth—”
“It’s alright, Yushiro. Maybe it’s best if I introduce myself first,” the she-demon cut. She took a step forward, and on reflex, Shinobu gripped the hilt of her sword, preparing to unsheathe it. But the demon wasn’t fazed in the slightest. “I am Tamayo. I’ve lived for over five hundred years, during which time I’ve spent my waking hours plotting for Muzan’s demise.”
The demon spoke Muzan’s name. Shinobu waited for her to implode, the ways demons do when they accidentally speak their master’s name…
… But she never did. She continued speaking instead.
“As you can see, I might be the only demon in existence who managed to break free of his curse. But all that aside, I’m a chemist and a doctor. A very skilled and experienced one at that, if I may say so myself.”
“The best!” the boy piped in, looking at Tamayo in adoration.
“We’re similar, you and I,” Tamayo continued. The corner of Shinobu’s mouth twitched, her smile threatening to slip off. Had it been anyone else comparing her to be similar to a demon, Shinobu would’ve accidentally sprinkled some cyanide almonds to their drink. “We both practice the same science. We both seek knowledge. And we both wanted to live in a better world where that wretched man doesn’t exist. We can help each other. And that’s what should matter, don’t you think?”
As much as it pained Shinobu to admit… Tamayo had a point. Shinobu could tell Tamayo was erudite in chemistry and whatever other craft she meddled in, having practiced for hundreds of years. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity—what better way to understand demons than to work with one?
But Shinobu didn’t want to answer. Shinobu didn’t want to have anything to do with Tamayo. If Kanae was here, she would scold Shinobu for being so stubborn. Kanae would even advise her to give Tamayo a chance—hell, Kanae would probably be friends with Tamayo, the way Ubuyashiki was, somehow.
But Kanae wasn’t here. Shinobu’s better half was gone.
So she turned to Ubuyashiki instead, smiling even wider than before.
“With all due respect, Oyakata-sama. I’d rather plunge this sword you’ve gracefully given to me into my stomach and disembowel myself than to work with a demon.”
That’s what Shinobu had said, just less than a year ago.
But now, after months of failed experiments and disappointment, Shinobu found herself in the heart of Asakusa’s busy street, tracking down the demon called Tamayo.
Shinobu quickened her pace, even though she had no real destination in mind. She knew that finding Tamayo wouldn’t be easy, especially when she had concealed herself for hundreds of years, so Shinobu’s plan was to… Wander the streets aimlessly until she encountered a demon.
Any demons would do. Whether it was Tamayo or some random demon, it didn’t really matter, since both would produce productive outcomes anyway. If it was Tamayo, Shinobu could get straight down to business, right after swallowing whatever pride she had left. And if it was a random demon, she’d easily kill them and reduce the number of demons lurking in the area, then go home to the comfort of her house. Maybe then she’d forget ever being mad enough to seek out a goddamn demon to help her, and she could go back to her work.
What Shinobu found instead was the two-toned-haired demon boy: Tamayo’s traveling companion.
Shinobu spotted him inside a clinic, buying medicine and bandages. The demon disguised himself as a human, but Shinobu could smell his demon stench from a mile away—and what kind of human has talons for fingernails? Such a lazy attempt at disguise. It’s a miracle the clinic lady didn’t notice.
Shinobu trailed the demon boy for a while, hoping that he’d show her the way to wherever he and Tamayo lived. But all the demon did was walk and walk, going from one store to another, buying groceries and desserts and fabrics for who knows what.
When the boy entered yet another store—really, does Asakusa ever sleep? How is it still operating even at this ungodly hour?—Shinobu had had enough. She didn’t come all this way to stalk a demon going on a shopping spree.
So when the demon boy walked far enough from the city’s center and reached the edge of a desolate forest, Shinobu took her chance and ambushed him.
“Take me to Tamayo,” Shinobu threatened, whispering in the boy’s ear from behind as she pressed her blade into his neck. “Or I’ll slit your throat and let her fetch your rotten body.”
“Demons disintegrate after you behead them, idiot,” the demon gritted his teeth, trying not to sound deterred even as cold sweat beaded his forehead. “Oh, wait—you wouldn’t know, would you? I heard the Insect Hashira isn’t strong enough to cut demons’ necks.”
Shinobu forced out a giggle, her voice dripping with false sweetness. “I was trying to be merciful! But if you’d rather have my acid melt your insides until you’re too scrambled to be recognizable, or have your flesh being scorched to ash by the sun, then be my guest—”
“Maybe after you emptied your stomach—”
“No need for such violence,” a soft voice interrupted from behind.
Shinobu turned around, still with the demon in her grip… And there she was: Tamayo, standing there in the middle of the road, in her floral kimono and her hair styled up using the same pin that she wore the first time they met.
Somehow Tamayo looked more elegant than before.
Tamayo approached, and a faint floral scent wafted in the air. Shinobu had to stop herself from gagging, masking her disgust by forcing her mouth to smile even wider.
“Kocho Shinobu, it’s been a while,” Tamayo greeted. “Please let go of Yushiro. He’s scared.”
“I’m not scared, Tamayo-sama!” the boy demon, Yushiro, exclaimed. “I’d die for you!”
Neither Tamayo nor Shinobu heeded Yushiro.
Shinobu hated this—hated her, hated him, hated this whole situation. The longer she looked at Tamayo, the more nauseated she became. How could a demon end up like this—kind and smart and sympathetic? How could Shinobu, a demon slayer, a goddamn hashira, end up seeking a demon’s help? She’d rather have Tamayo be wicked and evil like every other demon so it’d be easier for Shinobu to hate her. They could fight until daylight. Then Shinobu could either die by her hands or return back to her lab, to her work. That’s what Shinobu had known. That’s what she had signed up for when she pledged herself to the Corps. That’s what was familiar.
Not this sickening potential alliance.
Shinobu released Yushiro, thrusting him towards Tamayo. He scurried to her side, and Shinobu lowered her sword, unsure of what to do now.
Help me make a poison that could kill even the most powerful ones of your kind, she wanted to say. You know them best. Show me.
“I hope you don’t mistake this as an olive branch for friendship,” Shinobu said instead, her smile still plastered on her face. “What I’m proposing is simply a business exchange. You help me. And I’ll help you. That’s it. Shouldn’t be too hard, since we have the same goal.”
Tamayo nodded. Her eyes flickered to the forest behind Shinobu and she quickly said, “Let’s talk about it at my house—”
Really? Just like that?
“No,” Shinobu denied. How naive did Tamayo think she was to follow her blindly? “We’ll do this at the Butterfly Estate—my mansion.” Where I can keep an eye on you.
“The sun’s coming up soon,” Tamayo pointed at the sky, bleeding with hues of the faint orange of a sunrise. “Yushiro and I can’t walk in the sun, in case you’ve forgotten. And my house has my laboratory, all of my knowledge. I assume you sought me out because you found nothing in yours.”
Shinobu gritted her teeth. She hated that Tamayo was right.
“How do I know it’s not a trap?”
“You don’t,” Tamayo shrugged. “You don’t have a choice but to trust us. The way we don’t have a choice but to trust this is not a trap set by the Corps to ransack our house as soon as you discover its location.”
Shinobu kept quiet.
Right. If things go wrong, she could immediately activate the wisteria bomb she’d prepared the day before. Even if it wasn’t enough to kill Tamayo, at least it would immobilize her enough to give Shinobu a chance to escape. Plus, she had told Shinazugawa that she’d be in Asakusa, and if she hadn’t sent him a crow by morning, he would come to hunt Tamayo down.
“We need to go,” Tamayo announced as she walked away. “Just follow us, if you want.”
Shinobu watched as Tamayo and Yushiro entered the forest, thick with trees that acted as a shield against the sun. Then she threw one last glance at the sky, watching as the dawn broke on a new day.
The first ray of the sun, on her first day of being seventeen.
Kanae, I’m sorry I couldn’t be by your side this year, Shinobu thought. Her body warmed as the light slowly basked her. Please give me the strength to do this. And forgive me… For whatever that might follow.
Shinobu took a deep breath, took a step away from the light, and trailed after the two demons that had disappeared in the dark woods.
I’ll visit you as soon as this is over. And don’t worry. I’ll bring mochi.
*
1920/02/24
When the barest hint of light showed in the sky, Shinobu downed a vial of wisteria poison as a celebration.
She had just turned eighteen now. Which meant she had outgrown Kanae.
Shinobu’s plan to die before this age had failed.
But at least things were looking up. The tide of the fight turned when the Kamado siblings arrived. No one spoke about it, no one really acknowledged it, but Shinobu could feel the shift: there was hope stirring in everyone’s chest. Kanroji talked and ate more, and Iguro was noticeably less grumpy—more cheerful, if Shinobu dared say—for having been invited to so many lunch dates. Uzui became louder and more annoying, always talking about the future family he’s going to build with his wives. Tomioka looked like he didn’t mind living for once—he was the one who first discovered and saved the Kamado siblings, after all. Rengoku, the most hopeful of them all, always talked about how he’s going to take the Kamado boy, Tanjiro, under his wing as a tsuguko, oblivious to Tomioka’s sullen gaze whenever he talked about it too much. Even Kanao seemed much brighter.
But still, Shinobu wondered how many birthdays she’d have to endure until all of this is over.
“I thought I’d find you here,” a voice interrupted Shinobu’s train of thoughts.
Shinobu didn’t bother to smile. She could spare herself the facade on her birthday. And somehow, in front of Sanemi, it was harder for her to keep her mask up than in front of anyone else.
“Where else would I be?” Shinobu sighed. “What are you doing here, Shinazugawa? Don’t you have a brother to look out for?”
“Don’t give me that shit,” Sanemi grumbled as he sat down across Shinobu, on the opposite side of Kanae’s grave. “I came to see my friend.”
Shinobu let Sanemi unwrap his satchel and put his offering on Kanae’s altar. She gave him a moment to pray… When suddenly Sanemi put a small straw box in Shinobu’s hand.
“Happy birthday.”
Shinobu didn’t have to guess what was in the box. She opened the box anyway, and found a strawberry mochi sitting inside.
“You don’t have to keep doing this, you know,” Shinobu replied, a small smile escaping her lips.
“Yes, I do,” Sanemi grinned. “Kanae would smack me to hell if she found out that I didn’t.”
Shinobu chuckled. “Thank you.”
Sanemi never once forgot the promise he’d made to Kanae all those years ago: to give Shinobu mochi every year on her birthday. Kanae had said it as a joke, but Sanemi took it seriously and actually went through with it. He had been giving Shinobu mochi for four years now: black sesame on her fifteenth birthday, chocolate on her sixteenth, red bean on her seventeenth, and now, strawberry on her eighteenth.
And every time, Shinobu's heart always gave a gentle tug. It was nice of Sanemi. If only he gave his brother the attention he gave Shinobu, maybe she wouldn’t feel so guilty.
“How many of those have you drunk?” Sanemi suddenly asked, pointing at the empty poison vial lying next to Shinobu’s feet.
“Not enough.”
“Not enough?” Sanemi blurted. “You reek of those flowers already, you start to smell like Himejima’s house. I won’t be surprised if your poop came out all purple.”
Shinobu snorted. “That’s disgusting.”
“Have you told Kanao?”
“Not yet.”
“She’s gonna freak out, you know.”
Annoyance rose in Shinobu’s chest. Of course Kanao’s going to freak out—the girl would probably offer herself to do the same thing if she knew. Which was why Shinobu didn’t want her to know until it was the absolutely crucial time to do so, until it was too late for Kanao to mimic Shinobu’s death warranty. Sanemi didn’t have to remind her that she’d have to have that conversation soon.
“Don’t lecture me, Shinazugawa—you talk to Genya first about the real reason you don’t want him joining the Corps. At least I have plans to actually talk to Kanao,” Shinobu jabbed. “Eventually.”
At the mention of his brother, Sanemi kept quiet.
Silence engulfed them for a moment. Shinobu didn’t mind. This was exactly the way it used to be whenever she, Sanemi, and Kanae just finished a particularly exhausting joint mission. They’d sit there in silence, soaking in their own blood and sweat, savoring the exhaustion and relief for having lived to see another sunrise.
Except for this time, the heart of the group was gone. In her place was a cold tombstone instead.
“Things surely are changing, huh,” Sanemi said, breaking the silence.
So he felt it too.
“Yup,” Shinobu agreed, fiddling with the straw mochi box in her hand. “Hopefully it changes fast enough so that next year I won’t be here anymore—”
“Hear that, Kanae?” Sanemi interrupted, leaning on Kanae’s stone monument. “Your little sister’s planning on suicide—”
“It’s not planning if it’s already happening,” Shinobu mumbled. “Just biding my time.”
Sanemi shook his head, then ruffled Shinobu’s hair. For once, Shinobu didn’t mind. She was going to miss this, for sure. “Kanae would berate you so bad once she sees you again.”
“I think she’d understand.”
“Understand what?” Sanemi scoffed. “That her beloved sister’s eating poison every day so she could be a demon’s juiciest, tastiest dinner?”
“Understand that I’d do anything to avenge her,” Shinobu stated. “To see her again.”
“Can’t you see her much later? After when you’ve lived a full life, maybe?”
Shinobu turned to look at Sanemi, trying to understand why he couldn’t understand. Trying to see why Sanemi couldn’t understand the reason Shinobu sacrificed herself to be a living, walking poison container for a demon to devour. Why Sanemi failed to see how desperate Shinobu was, even after seeking out help and working closely with a demon this past year.
Then it hit her: Sanemi still had Genya, his brother. His tether to this world.
Most of Sanemi’s family had perished, yes, but Sanemi had killed his demon. And Genya’s still here; living, breathing, thriving under Himejima’s care. Sanemi’s drive now was to protect his brother, though he would never show it.
Not to avenge him.
Shinobu took Sanemi’s hand and clasped her own hand over it.
Since Shinobu had nothing else to wish for, she’ll spend what she hoped to be her last birthday wish on Sanemi. As a thank you for all the mochis and the laughter and for being a friend, both to her and Kanae.
“I wish, Shinazugawa, that you’ll never know what it feels like to lose a sibling.”