Work Text:
THINGS THAT TUBBO B "BELOVED" UNDERSCORE IS N O T ALLOWED TO DO AT ANY POINT IN TIME EVER NO NOT EVEN ONCE AND MOST CERTAINLY NOT "FOR THE LOLZ"
a comprehensive list by me, XD, AKA Actually Fucking God.
#1: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to make any more nukes or similar weapons of mass destruction.
#2: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to bend the laws of physics to his will, nor is he permitted to use light-speed travel technology to arrive at the location of Tommyinnit the second he senses a "disturbance in the force" and feels the need to do so.
#3: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to challenge Eryn Cyberonix to trial by combat, duel by dawn, The Pit or any other form of gladiatorial combat.
#4: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to hang Wilbur Soot from the gallows, not even as a joke(though it would be pretty funny.)
#5: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to call Eryn Cyberonix any of the following: a fiend, a bitch, a cunt, a whore, a flip-lid dumb motherfucker, a two-faced bitch, a deserter, a liar, a lazy bastard, a waste of skin who was better off far far away from Tommy, a no good scoundrel, a wrongin' or a pleb. This list may grow with time.
#6: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to place any form of GPS tracking device onto Tommyinnit.
#7: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to keep Tommy as his "willing prisoner" in whatever cave he finds and deems as a suitable "den of protection and certified good vibes."
#8: Tubbo Underscore may not threaten to divorce Ranboo Beloved when it's his turn to spend time with Tommyinnit.
#9: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to hold Michael Underscore Beloved Innit XD as ransome for his share of "Tommy Time."
#10: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to teach Shroud Underscore Beloved Innit XD swears, profanities, petty insults or similarly foul-mannered speech. He also isn't allowed to make Shroud Underscore Beloved Innit XD use his "spidy eyes" to garner sympathy from Tommyinnit.
#11: Tubbo Underscore isn't allowed to possess flint and steel or similar fire-starting tools.
#11.5: Tubbo Underscore's access to scented candles should be kept at a minimum, both for his sake and that of those around him.
#12: Tubbo Underscore may Not plarp anyone's bees except for his own.
#13: Tubbo Underscore is no longer allowed to use his 15 minute breaks from work to engage in one-sided "psychological guerrilla warfare" against Ranboo Beloved.
#14: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to take Tommyinnit to scene locations or exotic locals without a week's notice, all of which are to be filled out and probably signed by yours truly before being submitted for peer review and representative approval.
#15: NO MORE PRANK WARS WITH ERYN, HOLY FUCK, HOW DID YOU EVEN FREEZE CHARLIE, YOU HAVE FIRE BREATH NOT ICE!!! FUCK!!!
#15.5: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to access any ice-based elemental magic.
#16: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to try and eat Ranboo Beloved's particles. Not even if they look tasty and think it's funny.
#17: Tubbo Underscore and Lani Sparklez are no longer allowed in McPuffy’s. Those poor employees do not deserve the additional trauma.
#18: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to steal Capitan Jordan Sparklez's magical artifacts. This is the 3rd time this week. How do you keep doing this shit, goat child, and where is the dealer of your audacity?
#19: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to accompany Tommyinnit to work without permission.
#20: Tubbo Underscore is not allowed to edit or alter the contents of this list at any point whatsoever.
This list can and likely will expand with time.