Work Text:
Don't wait a moment longer
Stand up and turn the doorknob
And I'll tell you my secret
If you will tell me yours
“I’m gay.”
The words come out easier than Alex had expected, disproving all the constant anxious thoughts about the words choking him to death rather than be released to the world. There’s not even a big, dramatic build up. Luke and Reggie are talking about their celebrity crushes while waiting for Bobby to tune his guitar, and when Alex is asked to weigh in, the words just… come out.
After a moment of staring in stunned silence, Reggie asks, “Sooo…. Luke Perry?”
Alex huffs out a relieved laugh. “How’d you know?”
“You have his poster above your bed, dude,” Reggie says. “Plus, he’s a good looking guy. I’m straight, not blind.”
“So… you guys are okay with it?” Alex asks.
“Dude, of course!” Luke cries, tackling Alex in a hug. “I’m so proud of you!”
“Yeah!” Reggie agrees. “Thanks for telling us!”
The sudden twang of a guitar string breaking draws their attention over to Bobby, whose face has gone pale.
“Sorry,” he mutters. “Sorry, I— That’s great, Alex. ‘M happy for you, I just…” He sets his guitar down and starts towards the door. “I just remembered I had to help Mom with dinner tonight, so…”
He slips out of the garage, leaving three confused bandmates behind him.
“The fuck is his problem?” Luke asks.
A horrible, burning panic starts to creep up Alex’s throat. “Me?”
“No,” Luke says firmly, shaking his head vehemently. “Bobby wouldn’t . He loves you, dude.”
“Yeah,” Reggie nods, “he’s probably just got his own Bobby stuff going on.”
“Don’t worry about it, bro,” Luke says, clapping Alex on the back. “I’m sure he’ll be back to his weird-ass self in no time.”
Bobby definitely is weird in the following weeks, but it absolutely surpasses his usual levels of weird.
He seems normal enough during rehearsals and when Luke and Reggie are around, but as soon as they leave, Bobby vanishes without a word to Alex. He moves his seat in chemistry so that he doesn’t have to sit next to Alex anymore, and he spends lunch periods devoutly ignoring Alex’s contributions to the conversation and seldom making any himself.
And it’s fine. It’s fine , okay, no matter how many concerned and borderline pitying looks Reggie and Luke send Alex’s way. Alex has faith in his friend. He knows Bobby loves him. Bobby doesn’t like change, is all. Alex can understand that; he doesn’t like it either. Bobby just needs some time to adjust, and they’ll be back to normal in no time.
Except three weeks after Alex’s confession, Bobby takes the concept of “normal” and blows it out of the fucking water.
“Movie night tonight?” Alex suggests as they’re packing up after rehearsal. He tries not to aim it too obviously at Bobby, tries not to sound so desperate for any amount of time with his best friend, but he’s not sure how well he succeeds.
“Hell yeah,” Luke cheers, already bouncing over to Bobby’s bookshelf full of VHS tapes.
Reggie scurries over to join him. “Ooh, can we watch Star Wars?” He turns back to look at Bobby, who is finishing packing up his guitar. “Bobbers, you in?”
“Can’t,” Bobby grunts. “You guys can use the garage though.”
“What do you mean you can’t?” Luke demands. “Where are you going?”
“Got a date.”
“With who?” Reggie asks.
Bobby snaps his guitar case shut and looks Alex dead in the eye. “Karla Smith.”
Alex reels backwards. Bobby makes eye contact for the first time in three weeks and it’s to make sure Alex knows he’s going out with a girl? There’s no way that wasn’t an attack.
Before Alex can fully process it, Bobby is gone. His presence is replaced by a sick anxiety creeping up Alex’s throat, threatening to choke him. His best friend is homophobic. His best friend hates him and won’t even say it.
The thought of Bobby’s cowardice causes the anxiety to boil over into rage. Alex has had enough of this half-assed “acceptance,” the “of course we love you but we just can’t love that part of you.” Alex thought that Bobby—who may as well be a part of Alex’s soul, or at least he was until three weeks ago— was better than that. Why can’t Bobby just own up to that?
And why, under all that rage, is Alex jealous?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex barely sees Bobby outside of rehearsal for the next several weeks. All his spare time is spent with Karla , a name that fills Alex with blind rage every time he hears it.
They don’t even seem to like each other, is the thing. Every time Alex sees Bobby and Karla together at lunch—because Bobby doesn’t eat lunch with them anymore— Bobby always has his nose in a book while Karla chats with her friends. It only stokes the fire in Alex’s guts more. Why the hell would Bobby date her if he’s not even going to pay attention to her?
But as much as Alex hates it, as much as he hates Bobby right now (or as much as he tries to hate Bobby and he really really tries but his goddamn name is printed on Alex’s heart), Alex only has one place to go when he needs to get away from his parents: Bobby’s garage.
Alex is trying and failing to get through The Grapes of Wrath for his book report when the garage door swings open and Bobby steps in. He promptly freezes upon spotting Alex.
“Alex?” Bobby asks.
“Oh, look,” Alex snarks, “he knows I exist.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry,” Alex says, “I didn’t know your open garage policy only applied to heterosexuals.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Alex snaps his book shut, throwing it down onto the coffee table. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re not fucking subtle, Bobby.”
Bobby rolls his eyes and turns back towards the door. “I don’t have time for this shit.”
Alex leaps up and flies across the studio, grabbing Bobby’s wrist. ”No, stop,” he demands. ”You don’t get to run away from me this time. Not until you tell me what the fuck your problem is.”
Bobby wrenches his wrist free. “I don’t have a problem,” he growls, his face as stupidly stoic as ever.
“The fuck you don’t,” Alex says. “You’ve been avoiding me ever since I came out. If you have a problem with me, just say it. You don’t get to pretend to still be my friend if you can’t love all of me. I get enough of that shit from my parents.”
There’s a tense beat where they just stare at each other, Bobby’s face betraying nothing.
And then a tear slips down his cheek.
Alex steps back, panic spiking in his chest. He’s never seen Bobby cry. “Bobby, are you—“
Bobby turns his back, roughly swiping at his eyes. “I’m fine.”
Alex reaches out for Bobby’s shoulder. “Bobby—“
“Don’t!” Bobby rips himself away, then turns to face Alex with wide, scared eyes, the tears flowing freely now. “I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I’m sorry, it’s not— I don’t— I don’t hate you.”
“Okay,” Alex breathes. “Okay, Bobby, I’m sorry I yelled at you. Can you just breathe for me?”
Bobby shakes his head, his back hitting the wall. He sinks to the ground and curls up into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his face in them. All the anger floods out of Alex at the sudden reminder that for all Bobby acts like an adult, he’s actually the youngest of them all.
“I can’t,” Bobby sobs. “I can’t.”
Alex kneels down beside him. “Can’t what?” he asks gently.
“I can’t,” Bobby says again. “Can’t breathe, can’t–can’t do this —”
“Do what?” Alex prompts.
“I can’t keep pretending that I’m— that I’m not— I— I—” Bobby lets out a frustrated groan that almost sounds more like a scream. “I can’t even say it!”
“It’s okay,” Alex says. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to tell me. But I’m here for you if you do.”
Bobby lets out a strangled whimper. “I’m so scared, Alex.”
“It’s just me, Bobby,” Alex whispers. “You don’t have to be scared of me.”
Bobby looks up at him, eyes red and terrified. Alex tries not to let his own eyes reflect the same fear. Bobby needs him to be steady right now, no matter how off-kilter the world feels with strong, stoic Bobby curled up and crying.
“It’s just me,” Alex repeats.
Something settles in Bobby’s eyes, and he slowly brings a hand up to cup Alex’s jaw. Alex only has a brief moment to register what’s happening and go through the rollercoaster of feelings about it, but he settles on acceptance right as Bobby’s lips meet his. He kisses Bobby back, soft and steady, hoping Bobby can feel all the love he has for him through it.
Bobby pulls away first, letting out a sob as he rests his forehead on Alex’s. “I don’t hate you,” he whispers.
Alex gives a soft laugh. “Yeah, I kinda worked that out myself when you, you know… kissed me.”
Bobby laughs, but it’s half-hearted at best. “I was so scared,” he huffs, squeezing his eyes shut. “I thought you’d see right through me. That I’m… like you. That I… like you.”
“You can say it Bobby,” Alex says, placing a hand on Bobby’s cheek. “You don’t have to, but it’ll be okay. The world won’t end.”
“I…” Bobby takes a deep breath to steel himself. “I’m gay.”
Alex surges forward to place another kiss on Bobby’s lips. “I’m so proud of you.”
It takes them a bit longer to separate this time, Bobby kissing back more intensely than either of them dared the first time.
“I like you too, by the way,” Alex says when they finally pull back.
Bobby laughs and buries his face in Alex’s chest. Alex wraps his arms around him, holding him tight.
“You know you can tell the boys, right?” Alex asks after a moment. “You don’t have to, obviously, but you don’t have to be so scared. You saw how they handled my coming out. You were the one who took it the worst.”
Alex means it as a joke, but Bobby pulls back and looks at him with red, stricken eyes.
“I’m so sorry—” he starts.
“Bobby,” Alex cuts him off. “I get it. It’s terrifying.”
Bobby nods, casting his eyes down to the floor. “After I saw what your parents did to you… I just got so scared. My parents are going to hate me if they find out. They won’t let me stay. And then you guys won’t have anywhere to go, and you won’t need me anymore and—”
“Woah, Bobby, stop,” Alex says firmly. “Who says we won’t need you?”
“I mean,” Bobby shrugs, “I probably won’t be able to keep the van either, it’s not in my name, and without that…”
“Without that, you’re still our best friend,” Alex says. “We will always need you. I will always need you, Bobby.”
Bobby searches his eyes for a moment, looking for the lie, then pulls Alex in for another kiss.
“I don’t just want to be your best friend,” Bobby whispers.
“Do you…” Alex studies Bobby for a moment, biting his lip. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
“I really do,” Bobby nods, “but I’m not ready for anyone else to know yet.“
“That’s okay,” Alex promises. “They don’t have to. We’ll take it as slow as you need.”
Bobby takes Alex’s hand and gives it a squeeze. “I love you, Lex.”
Alex’s breath hitches in his throat. It’s far from the first time they’ve said this to each other, but it carries a whole other meaning now.
“I love you too, Bobbers.”
Bobby grins as Alex presses their lips together one more time. Then, almost as quickly as it started, the kiss ends when Bobby pulls away.
“Ah, shit,” he frowns. “I’m gonna have to break up with Karla, aren’t I?”
“Oh, definitely,” Alex nods. Then he adds, “Can I watch?”
Bobby laughs and gives him a playful shove. “You asshole.”
“You love it.”
“Yeah,” Bobby grins. “I really do.”