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Language:
English
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Published:
2022-03-10
Updated:
2022-05-19
Words:
22,834
Chapters:
9/19
Comments:
58
Kudos:
105
Bookmarks:
18
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1,853

Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Co.

Summary:

Welcome to Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Company, Mondstadt's best (and only) funeral parlor!

Our founders, Diluc Ragnvindr and Kaeya Alberich-Ragnvindr, definitely know how to run a funeral home without fucking everything up, forever. Our staff are perfectly competent and don't at all put themselves constantly in life-threatening situations thanks to their own stupidity.

There is nothing going on in the basement. Absolutely nothing. Why do you ask?

Don't ask about the other department.

 

A black comedy about a funeral home run by the Mondstadt Genshin cast. Chapters are short peeks into the life of the funeral home that all sew together into a larger narrative. If you squint.
Rated T for swearing and morbid situations not taken seriously.
Updates every Friday. (On a brief hiatus due to my exam season).

Notes:

This is my first foray into writing something lighter and funnier. I hope you like it :)

I wouldn't be me if I didn't add just a sliver of plot, but this is 90% comedy. Bite-sized pieces really to help me practise.

Dedicated to Toumei, who is the whole reason I'm trying this in the first place.

I humbly welcome you to Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Co.!

Chapter 1: Call The Ragnvindr Brothers Today!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Welcome to Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Co.!

Have you recently experienced any of the following:

  • A death in the family?
  • The death of a friend?
  • The loss of someone who deserves a better burial than those fuckers at the Wangshen Funeral Parlour could ever give them?
  • Worries about your own funeral proceedings?
  • Have you, yourself, died?

The Ragnvindr Brothers are here to help.

We are a family-owned business prepared to undertake all your funerary needs.

OUR SERVICES:

Embalming

Funeral proceedings

Coffins

Grief counselling

Religious rites

Financial aid available upon request.

ABOUT US:

The founders, Diluc Ragnvindr and Kaeya Alberich-Ragnvindr, have been in the mortuary business for years. When their father dropped dead under unexplained and dubious circumstances, they knew instantly that cadavers were their calling. They handled the funerary proceedings all by themselves at eighteen years old. Testimony from attendees describe it as "the most entertaining funeral they had ever been to."

We at Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Co. would be happy to take charge of your funeral.

 



Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Co.


For tombstones and cinders, call the Ragnvindrs!

 

 

 

Barely visible in the corner, in minuscule text:

RAGNVINDR BROTHERS MORTUARY AND CO. IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE LOSS, DAMAGE, OR THEFT OF ANY COFFINS, BODIES, OR OTHER FUNERARY ARTICLES. REFUNDS ARE NOT AVAILABLE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY NEED OF OUR SECONDARY SERVICES, PLEASE KNOCK THREE TIMES ON THE BACK DOOR AND LEAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER IN THE MAIL SLOT. WE WILL CONTACT YOU SHORTLY.

Notes:

Leave me a comment telling me what you think!! ^^