Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Roy knew perfectly well that he shouldn’t go to Gotham. For the first time in years, he was doing alright. Not good but decent. To most that wouldn’t sound like much but it was to him. At least compared to the rock bottom he’d crawled out of. Going back was a terrible idea but Roy knew he would do it anyway.

It had been a while since Roy considered himself to be in the know. Heroes and vigilantes were tight lipped as a general rule. Outside of their own circles at least. A recovering drug addict and former vigilante turned occasional mercenary didn’t generally fall into the circle of trust. Which was why Roy was so surprised when Wally reached out to him. Only saying that he wanted to talk.

The moment Roy saw Wally he knew it was bad. There wasn’t the normal smile or bright eyed look to the speedster. Fuck who died now, was all Roy could think. It had to be a former team member for Wally to be there. For a brief second Roy though it was Dick but he knew Wally would look far worse if the were the case.

Roy really didn’t want bad news but he let Wally into his apartment anyway.

“How bad is it?” Roy asked.

Wally sighed. “Jason’s alive.”

“What?” Roy didn’t understand. “Do you mean Jason Todd? Robin, Jason?”

Jason had died a painful death at the hands of the Joker over three years before. People in their line of work were known for coming back to life or not being as dead as people originally thought. Hell, Superman had made a big show of it just a few months before. But Jason’s death had just seemed so final.

“Yeah, that Jason. He ah... Fuck, it's real bad, Roy.” Wally’s face fell and he looked exhausted. “I don’t mean to dump this on you out of nowhere but I thought you should know. You were close to him, as much as anyone at least. Plus I really needed someone to talk to and...”

“Wally, it's fine. Tell me what’s been going on.”

Roy got what Wally knew of the story. Not surprisingly the Bats were being tight lipped about it, even Dick. So details were vague in places. But Jason Todd was alive and apparently had been for some time. Something to do with the League of Assassins. Jason turned up in Gotham as the Red Hood and taken control of a section of the city. There had been a lot of fighting with Bruce and the Joker had gotten involved. It had ended in some kind of standoff that didn’t go Jason’s way.

“Did you hear about what happened at the tower last month?” Wally asked.

“Just that there was an attack. No details. Shit, that was Jason?”

“Yeah, he attacked the current Robin. Hurt him pretty bad. Now Jason’s back in Gotham waging sporadic guerrilla warfare. Dick’s words, not mine.”

Roy felt a twinge of pity. There was no way Dick or Bruce were handling the situation well. If there even was a way to handle something like that well.

“Bruce hasn’t managed to catch him yet?”

“I don’t know that he wants to. I mean he wants to as Batman but as Bruce, I don’t think he does. There’s a lot going on there. And Dick is almost permanently back in Gotham, so I barely see him but the last few times we talked he sounded bad. This whole situation, I think it's killing him. Might end up killing all of them.”

There was so much pain in Wally’s eyes Roy had to look away. Wally loved Dick, all the Titans had because the first Robin was impossible not to love, but poor Wally had it bad for the guy. Had since they were teenagers.

“I can’t talk Dick out of being the self sacrificing type. Not when it comes to family.” Roy said feeling useless.

“I know. None of us can. But maybe you could talk to Jason. You’re the only person I trust to even know this that’s outside the Titans or the League.”

More like the person Jason was least likely to try and shoot on sight. Still, Wally had used the word trust and after being shut out from so much that was all it took to get Roy to agree.

Contrary to popular belief Roy was capable of planning ahead and not only ever diving in headfirst. He did his research before going to Gotham. There just wasn’t much to go off of though. A fair bit of info on Red Hood and his dealing came from Roy’s more questionable contacts but nothing on his conflict with the Bats.

For a few moments, Roy considered reaching out to Oracle but didn’t know if that was another burned bridge or not. In the end, he went in with a general idea of where to start looking for Jason and how not to piss him off.

Blending into Crime Alley was easy for Roy. He had spent a lot of time in places just like it. Although he had to be careful when speaking to people. The West Coast accent was a dead giveaway that he was an outsider. Gothamites were an understandably suspicious bunch by both nature and nurture. That fact was doubly true for the residents of Crime Alley.

Jason didn’t actually exist anymore, being dead and all, and Red Hood was difficult to find. The initial plan of figuring out where Jason was holding up and approaching him as civilians got tossed after a week. Roy switched to hanging out in spots Red Hood was known to frequent and hoping to bump into him.

The first time Roy saw him was... unexpected. Jason had died at sixteen. The last time Roy had seen the kid was at his last birthday party. Nearly four years had passed since then. Jason had certainly grown up. It was hard to tell with the helmet and at a distance, he looked maybe six foot, and even under the leather jacket, Roy could tell he was solid muscle. He was smaller than Bruce, not as bulky but still far bigger than the kid Roy remembered. Roy couldn’t help but wonder deeply what he looked like under the helmet.

That first night Jason had been surrounded by a few other men. Roy knew he would have to approach Jason alone to have even a chance of talking to him. It took a total of three weeks before Roy finally got his chance.

Jason was patrolling a stretch of road popular for picking up sex workers. Under Red Hood’s reign, they had become a protected group and he often kept a special eye on their safety. It wasn’t a surprise when Roy spotted Jason on a rooftop watching over things. Roy didn’t dare approach him. Instead, he found a rooftop of his own where he was sure to be noticed and waited.

“Who the hell are you?” Jason demanded his voice mechanized by the helmet.

It was a shame too as he really wanted to hear Jason’s voice. Roy intentionally had gone out in plain clothes. There was a kevlar vest under his hoodie because he wasn’t stupid but his face wasn’t covered and he was, mostly, unarmed. Roy raised empty hands and offered Jason a smile.

“Aw come on, it hasn’t been that long has it,” Roy took a few steps closer, “or am I just looking that rough these days?”

Roy was expecting a gun in his face, was bracing for it even. However, Jason staggered backward as if he’d been pushed. The both of them froze, stunned by the reaction. It didn’t take long for Jason to regain his composure.

“What are you doing here?”

“Chasing a rumor,” Roy said lowering his hands.

Jason huffed which sounded a little funny through the voice modulator. “And what rumor would that be?”

“That a friend came back from the dead and didn’t even bother to come say hi.”

“You were Dickhead’s friend, not mine.”

Something in Roy deflated a little. “Thought I was both once.”

“Is that who fucking sent you out here? He and Batman tired of failing so they sent someone new to try me?”

“Not likely. I’ve talked to you more in the last few minutes than I have to either of them in the last few years.”

“You and Dickiebird have a falling out or something?”

Getting shot might have been preferable to having that conversation. But Roy figured the fact that they were still talking was a good sign. Everything that Roy’s research had turned up said Red Hood was a shot and stab first kind of person.

Roy shrugged. “Nothing that dramatic. People just drift apart sometimes.”

“Fine, let's say I believe you. I’m alive. Rumor confirmed so you can get lost.”

“How do I even know that it's you?”

It was a dumb ploy and Roy didn’t think it would work. But then Jason was reaching behind his head and there was the sound of clasps clicking. He lifted the helmet away. What Roy saw both was and was not Jason Todd. His face had thinned out but still had much the same shape. A domino mask hide his eyes so it was impossible to know if they were the same sharp blue. The most noticeable difference was the few locks of white hair hanging over his forehead.

“Oh, Jaybird,” Roy said breathlessly. “It’s really you.”

A stunned look came over Jason before he pushed it away. “Yeah, it's me.”

Without the voice modulator, Jason sounded tired. The closer Roy looked at him the more he saw exhaustion etched into his body language. Also, Jason was noticeably favoring one leg over the other. suggesting he might have been injured.

“It’s really good to see you.” Roy’s voice sounded a little wet.

A shy smile flickered on Jason’s face. It was quick enough Roy wasn’t sure he’d seen it. Yelling from the street below interrupted that though. Both of them moved to the ledge of the building they were on. Roy noted that Jason was limping on one leg.

“Sorry to cut this short but duty calls.”

Even with worry brewing inside him Roy barked a laugh at that. He watched Jason put the helmet back on and descend to the street below. Watching, Roy took stock of even more potential injuries. The right leg for sure, the left arm too, maybe his left ribs, Jason was careful not to lean or twist to his right. He was also just slow. Good enough to beat the shit out of a guy who had been harassing some women. Not good enough to have been giving the Bats the run around for months.

When Jason left the guy a crumpled mess on the pavement Roy followed. It wasn’t hard to catch up to him.

“You’re still here?”

“You’re hurt,” Roy said back.

“Happens,” Jason replied dismissively.

Roy moved in front of the man so he stopped walking. “Any fighter worth their shit could take you out right now.”

Even with the helmet, Roy could tell Jason was glaring at him. He hadn’t meant it as a threat but that’s how it was received. Jason swung at him but Roy dodged easily. Sidestepping around to Jason’s left and using the injury to his arm Roy had the man pinned on the ground in no time. It felt shitty but was the best way he could think of to keep Jason from hurting himself more.

“Get off of me,” Jason snarled.

“Not until you tell me where I can take you to rest and get patched up.”

Jason tried to pull loose but just managed to hurt himself. The Bats were all stubborn to a fault. It wouldn’t have surprised Roy if that was part of what allowed Jason to give death the middle finger. That didn’t mean it was helpful at the moment.

“Damn it, Jay, I’ve only known for sure you’re alive for like ten minutes. I’d like that to last a little longer,” Roy growled.

Under him, he felt Jason go slack. “Fine, I have a house.”

It didn’t take long to get there. Jason insisted on riding his motorcycle back. Since Roy had been out on foot he hopped on the back.The entire ride Roy was waiting for Jason to try and knock him off. Thankfully that didn’t happen. They parked the bike in a little garage next to a rundown looking brownstone. Neither of them said a word as they entered.

The first room they came to was the living room. It was bare, just a TV and an old couch but clean enough to meet even Alfred’s standards. Jason collapsed onto the couch tossing his helmet to the side. “So you playing doctor tonight or are you going to be decent enough to leave me alone?”

“Not a chance. Please tell me you keep a medkit around here?”

“Bathroom. Down that hall on the left,” Jason explained pointing.

“See, was that so hard?”

Roy walked behind Jason as he went. Meaning it to be playful Roy put his hand on top of Jason’s head to ruffle his hair. Jason tensed instantly at the touch making Roy freeze. Then Jason melted a little, his shoulders dropping as he leaned into Roy’s hand. Still surprised and a little confused Roy ran his fingers through Jason’s hair, pulling a few tangles out as he went.

“I’ll be right back, Jaybird,” he said gently. “Then we’ll take care of you alright?”

A quiet hum was Jason’s only response. The sudden change in demeanor had Roy freaked and was setting off alarm bells. He hadn’t expected Jason to be in a great place mentally but it was looking worse than he had thought.

Overall the med kit was lacking. Roy hoped that the Red Hood’s operation had a base with better supplies but it seemed doubtful. With a sigh, Roy carried the kit back out to the hall. He had made do with worse in the past. Plus Jason wasn’t bleeding out so he could make a run if needed.

Before he went back to the living room Roy found the kitchen. That was much better stocked. Roy rounded up snacks and found some bottled water in the fridge. Managing to carry everything with one arm he also grabbed a chair. With a deep breath, he made his way back to Jason trying to mentally prep himself for what came next.

Jason hadn’t moved from his spot but the domino mask was off. When Roy came into the room Jason turned to look at him. Those eyes were still the same blue. Roy would have been struck by how pretty they were if it weren’t for the distant half glazed look in them. Another thing to make him worried.

“You with me?” Roy asked setting things down. Another hum and a slight nod. “What’s hurting?”

Sitting forward Jason shrugged his jacket off and started to remove his shirt. He couldn’t quite get it and Roy had to help him. There was a patchwork of bruises across his torso all in different stages of healing. More concerning than that was a gash just above Jason’s left hip. It had been stitched up but was done poorly. While it was in a slightly awkward spot Jason should have been able to do a better job. There was going to be a nasty scar from it.

“I’m going to try and clean this,” Roy said prodding carefully around the wound.

“It’s fine,” Jason insisted.

“Yeah, if you want to die of an infection.”

There was no reply. When Roy started cleaning the injury Jason didn’t try to fight him. As he worked Roy’s mind wandered. He knew what a suicidal vigilante looked like. Had been one at one point. They went out more than was reasonable, neglected their basic needs like food or sleep, ignored injuries, picked fights they had little to no chance of winning. Just at a quick glance, Jason was checking a few of those boxes. Roy handed him one of the waters and pain meds from the kit.

“Drink this and take these,” Roy told him, hoping his tone left no room for argument.

Jason stared at him for a few seconds before he took what was being held out to him. As he drank Roy checked the injured arm. It didn’t seem broken just bruised and maybe sprained. Anytime Roy let his touch linger Jason would lean into it.

“Jason, what’s been going on?”

“The usual. Running a crime empire and patrolling the streets. Sometimes beating the shit out idiots who step out of line.” No mention of fighting with Batman or Nightwing.

“When’s the last time enough sleep?”

“I got a few hours earlier today or was it yesterday...,” he trailed off eyes fluttering closed.

“Looks like you need a lot more. Have you been eating?”

A bit of focus sparked in his eyes and he gave a sharp nod. That was good at least. Also not surprising. With how food insecure Jason had been growing up it seemed unlikely that he would go without if there was a choice.

“I’m glad to hear it.” He would leave the food for later then. “Not let me take a look at that leg.”

“You’re just trying to get me out of my pants,” Jason said with a half hearted chuckle

Roy scoffed with fake offense. “Hey, I’m supposed to be the funny one.”

When Jason moved to get up Roy pushed out of his way. Roy tried not to stare but it was difficult. Despite the bruises, Jason was absolutely gorgeous. Or maybe that added something, too much time spent as a vigilante had fucked with Roy’s perspective on many things. In a twisted way, he was grateful for the wound on Jason’s leg. It was another deep cut like the one on his side but thinner.

“Bullet wound?”

Jason’s lips thinned. “Batarang.”

“I’m going to clean it and bandage it.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say?” there was a hint of anger but mostly Jason just sounded tried.

“I’ve got plenty to say. Mostly about how you’re trying to kill yourself but I’m a guest in your house so I was trying to keep that to myself. Right now I’m just trying to get you patched up and off to bed. We can worry about the rest later.”

Jason didn’t say anything to that just stared at Roy again. There was no clear emotion behind it which didn’t sit right with Roy. He kept waiting to get yelled at and told to fuck off. Jason had always hated being told what to do or having someone hover over him. The lack of arguing only made Roy worry more. After a few beats of silence, he set to work on the wound. Even without looking up, he could tell Jason’s eyes were on him the entire time.

“Is there anything else I should look at?” Roy asked when he was finished.

“No,” Jason said quietly.

Roy stood up and held out his hands. “Good, you need some sleep.”

“You don’t need to stick around. I’ll be fine.”

“I wish I believed that but you’re in a bad place, Jay. I’m not going to just leave you like this.”

It was a terrible idea. Roy had just reached a point where he could reliably take care of himself. Trying to help someone in as bad a place as Jason could end up with Roy hurting himself. But there had been so many times Roy wasn’t there for his friends when they needed someone. He hadn’t even been around for Dick when Jason died. Helping Jason wasn’t going to make up for any of that but he didn’t want to add another person to his list of regrets. There was also gut wrenching certainty that if Roy left Jason would die again. And that would likely kill Bruce and Dick. Setting off a chain reaction of grief that made Roy shiver to think about. Staying was an obvious choice to make.

Jason didn’t take Roy’s hand but he did get up from the couch. The hint of stubbornness was a little comforting. As they walked up to Jason’s room Roy wondered how long it would be before he got tossed out. It would depend on what kind of person Jason was when he was rested and not in pain. For that night Roy would crash on the couch or in a spare room. The rest he would tackle as it came.

By the time they reached Jason’s room, he was shutting down. He started swaying bad enough Roy had to guide him to the bed. From there Roy had to help him get dressed in a loose shirt and pants. “Stay with me a little longer and we’ll get you comfortable.”

“You really going to stay?” Jason asked in a whisper.

“Yeah, I’ll go sleep on the couch but I’ll be here if you need anything.”

“No,” Jason grabbed his wrist, “stay here. Please.”

His voice was broken as he spoke. Roy wanted to do what Jason asked. He wanted to stay right there. To bundle Jason up and hold him until he fell asleep. But Jason wasn’t in a clear state of mind, it felt too much like taking advantage.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

The grip on his wrist tightened. “Stay. I don’t... just stay. Please, Roy.”

The sound of his name in Jason’s shaking voice finally broke Roy. He would never clam to be the most strong willed person. “Alright Jaybird, I’ll be right here but you have to get some sleep.”

With a slow nod, Jason moved further onto the bed. In the end, he didn’t lay down so much as collapse. Roy’s heart broke even more to see it. He covered Jason up and made sure his head was comfortable on a pillow. When that was done Roy grabbed a change of clothes and another blanket. Once changed he climbed into the bed sitting with his back against the headboard.

“Can you... my hair again,” Jason muttered his words slurring.

Roy got the gist of it though. Gently he ran his fingers through the wavy black and white hair. Jason rolled a little so his back was pressed up against Roy’s side. Then he melted into both Roy and the bed. It was good to see him relax, he clearly needed it. But Roy wondered when the last time Jason was given any affection.

“Sleep Jay,” Roy cooed softly. “I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Chapter Text

Jason woke up hurting but far less he had gotten used to. He was warm too, bordering on hot. He shifted and bumped into something solid behind him. Turning slowly the first thing he saw was the bright orange hair. Oh, his groggy mind thought, that wasn’t a hallucination.

The previous night hadn’t been the first time Jason had seen Roy. Usually, though he showed up after a fight with Nightwing and always yelled at him for hurting Dick. Thinking back Jason should realized it wasn’t a hallucination. The Roy he met on the rooftop hadn’t been sure Jason was alive. Even asked for confirmation. A figment of his twisted imagination wouldn’t have needed that. Also, Roy had been happy to see him. None of Jason’s hallucinations were ever happy he was alive.

Carefully and biting back a groan of pain Jason rolled over. The pain meds must have worn off. Shit, Roy had gotten him to take pain meds. Jason tried to wrack his brain for the last time he’d taken any but had to give up. He was still tired and warm so sleep was trying to overtake him. Logically he knew he should get up and try to make sense of things but he really didn’t want to.

The next time Jason came to it was because the bed was moving. Right, Roy was there. Jason opened his eyes and saw the other man sitting up. A hand reached out and brushed lightly through his hair. Shit, he had practically begged him to pet his hair the night before. He knew he should have felt ashamed of that but couldn’t work up the energy to do so. It didn’t help that the touch made his mind go a little fuzzy.

“I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

When the fingers left his hair Jason sighed and let himself drift off.

“Jay, wake up. You need to eat and drink something.”

Roy was rubbing his right arm instead of shaking him awake. It was, nice. With a deep breath, Jason opened his eyes. Next to him, Roy sat cross legged on the bed. When their eyes met a tiny smile tugged at Roy’s lips.

“Can you sit up?”

For the first time in maybe days, Jason considered his body and what it was capable of. The aches and pains were worse but not so bad he couldn’t move around. Wordlessly he shifted and sat up. The smile on Roy’s face grew bigger. A fluttering feeling ghosted through Jason’s chest at the sight. It was an old sensation he hadn’t felt in years. Not since he’d been a stupid kid with a crush on his older brother’s friend.

“Here. I wasn’t going to try and cook so I just grabbed a bunch of stuff from downstairs.” Roy held out a variety of granola and protein bars. “I’ll order a real meal for lunch.”

He was planning to stick around longer? Jason looked at him for a moment. Cashing a rumor, that’s what Roy had said. That was his reason for coming to Gotham. Jason had told him to leave but, Damn it Jay, I’ve only known for sure you’re alive for like ten minutes. I’d like that to last a little longer.

A chocolate protein bar looked like the best option so Jason took it. “Thanks,” he muttered.

“Of course. You should take some more meds for the pain. The stuff from last night has to of worn off by now.”

They had but what did that matter? “I’m fine.”

“We both know that’s not true.” Roy held out a few pills and a bottle of water. “Take them.”

Hearing Roy be stern was just jarring enough to make Jason comply. Once the pills were down he finished the food and just looked at Roy. Part of him still wasn’t convinced this was real. That in reality he was dreaming or the hallucinations were getting more vivid.

“Do you want anything else to eat?” Jason shook his head. “Alright, lay back down. You still look exhausted.”

Slowly Jason did just that. “You’re really here huh?”

“Yeah, Jay. I’m here.”

It took him longer to fall asleep but as the medication kicked in Jason found himself pulled under.

“What’s good for delivery around here?”

“There’s some menus in a drawer downstairs,” Jason didn’t have strong opinions on food anymore as long as he ate. “All of them are good and the delivery people probably won’t try to mug you.”

It was the longest string of words he’d put together all day but it was also the most awake and coherent he’d been.

“Well, that’s good to know,” Roy muttered rolling his eyes.

Saying nothing else Roy slid out of bed and then bounded into the hallway. The burst of energy made Jason snort with amusement. He listened to the sound of heavy footfalls echoing back as Roy went downstairs. As the sounds faded Jason realized he was smiling just a little.

It was nearly one in the afternoon and he hadn’t left the bed at all. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d just laid around all day. When Roy came back in with the menus Jason sat up. The level of seriousness Roy was giving the decision made Jason laugh again, a little louder than before. Roy looked at him a little startled. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jason said with a slight grin.

“Bullshit,” he hissed but then turned his attention back to the menus. “How does Thai sound?”

That was perfectly fine with Jason and forty minutes later the two of them were eating in bed. Normally Jason would have never done so but Roy was only letting him out of bed to use the bathroom. Usually just sitting around would have driven him insane but Roy was distracting enough to prevent that.

“How did you find out about me?” Jason asked.

Neither of them had been talking much. That wasn’t a terrible thing. Silent company was actually preferable to Jason but it hadn’t felt like that between them. It felt a lot more like avoiding the several elephants in the room.

“Do you really want to know?” Roy asked not looking up from his food.

The night before Roy had insisted that Dick wasn’t the one who sent him. Jason really hoped that wasn’t a lie. “Just tell me.”

“Wally was the one who told me you were alive. Gave me a rough idea of what’s been going on.”

That had not been who Jason expected at all. It made a certain amount of sense. Wally and Roy had been close for a long time. Even if Dick and Roy weren’t speaking Wally was likely still close with both of them. “Huh, he and Dick face ever start dating?”

“What?” Roy gaped. “Dick is straight.”

It was Jason’s turn to call bullshit. Had Roy even seen half of that man’s costumes? “Sure he is. I must have just imagined the time I accidentally walked in on them hooking up at the manor.”

The expression on Roy’s face had Jason laughing hard enough it hurt his bruised ribs. He watched as Roy had to reprocess his view of the world around the new information. Which he took as a no on Wally and Dick ever dating. A weird conversation to be had everything considered but it chased a lot of the tension out of the room. But it wasn’t the end of the things they needed to discuss.

Jason could see the scars on Roy’s arms. He wasn’t making any effort to hide them. None of them looked new and Jason was giving Roy the benefit of the out as to whether he was still using. After everything Roy had been doing for his it seemed the least. But there was the matter of Jason’s largest single source of income.

“You said Wally gave you a rough idea about what’s going on. Did he mention the work I’ve been doing?” Jason asked slowly unsure how to phrase things.

“He just said you’re basically the new crime lord in this section of the city. I assume that means you have your hands in a bit of everything.”

“Not exactly, I have direct control over Crime Alley but when it comes to the drug trade I have arrangements with all the major players in the city. There are rules they have to follow if they want to operate.”

A focused look came over Roy as he considered what was said. It surprised Jason how nervous he suddenly felt. Was what he was doing better or worse than what Roy had originally thought? To most vigilantes, it didn’t matter one way or another. But Roy had known some of what was going on and shown up anyways. That was a good start and Jason didn’t want to make Roy think any less of him.

“So nothing is here in the house?” Roy asked. “Drug wise I mean.”

Jason shook his head. “Nothing stronger than those pain meds. And this is my private residence. No one that works for me even knows about it so there is nobody to bring things in.”

“Good. That’s good,” Roy rubbed lightly at his right arm. “I’m almost two years sober. I have every intention of keeping it that way.”

A smile broke out on Jason’s face that he didn’t try to hide. “That’s great, Roy.”

Roy looked up at him surprised and then Jason watched his face redden. A shy smile that was aimed at him made Jason’s heart beat a little faster. Neither of them said anything else about it and settled into a much more comfortable silence.

The afternoon wore on and Jason was able to convince Roy to let him take a shower. As he underdressed Jason remembered Roy having to dress him for bed the night before. Right before Jason asked Roy to stay with him while he slept. The exhaustion had apparently won out. Jason decided that’s what was truly to blame. It hadn’t helped that all the physical contact had disabled whatever Jason had been using to keep himself going.

He tried to shake the thoughts away and stepped into the shower.

The hot water hurt like hell but in a good way. Some of the tension in his muscles melted out and even his breathing seemed to get easier. The shower took a while because he had to do everything one handed. Jason was surprised Roy hadn’t offered to help but also tried not to think about how he’d been a little disappointed the offer wasn’t made. Roy was waiting outside the door though. Jason could see the shadow under the door gap.

When he was done Jason managed to get himself dressed. As he did he felt the exhaustion creeping in. Once he combed out his hair he stepped slowly and carefully into the hall. Roy was right there helping to keep him steady. A hand on his back and another gripping his shoulder. It makes him feel secure, as if he were safe. Jason knew he needed to get to bed before his lowered inhibitions caused him to make more of an idiot out of himself.

Roy woke him for dinner which turned out to be pizza.

“You’re aware I can cook right?” Jason asked.

“I am but you need to rest. Maybe in a few days, you can try. I’ll run to the store later and get some stuff I can make without burning the house down.”

Jason swallowed as he read between the lines. “You’re planning to stay that long?”

“Um, yeah. I am.” Roy started to bounce his leg nervously. “Don’t get mad when I say this but you can’t exactly be left alone right now.”

“I’m just banged up. I’ll heal.”

Roy let out an irritated sigh. “Don’t give me that. We don’t have to talk about it right now. Just don’t lie to me or act like the shape you’re in isn’t a big deal.”

“I... sure.” Jason barely managed to get the words out.

Jason took another bite of pizza to give himself time to think. He liked the idea of Roy sticking around. The idea of being made to just lay around for days, however, made his skin itch. He had work to do. So what if he was a little tired or bruised.

“I can’t just disappear for days. Things will go to hell around here.”

“You need to rest until at least tomorrow night. You can put in some appearances but you need to lay off fighting for a while.”

That was perfectly reasonable. Jason knew that but that made it no less irritating. He couldn’t start an argument though. Roy was there, he was giving a shit and Jason couldn’t ruin that. He’d ruined enough things already.

“If I can’t fight I’ll need back up.”

The smile Roy gave him was absolutely beaming. “I’d be honored.”

The flutter in Jason’s chest was far more than faint. He had to look down at his food to hide the heat growing in his face.

“But you’re still going to make me lay around for another twenty-four hours?”

“Yep, and you can only go out for a few hours a night too. At least until you’re all healed and getting a decent amount of sleep.”

“And why am I letting you boss me around?”

Roy lowered his head to meet Jason’s eyes. “Because under all you’re stubbornness you know that I have a point.”

Maybe that was part of it but Jason knew it was more. Mostly because Roy was resting a hand on his knee and Jason felt the muscles in his body slowly turning liquid. Jason drew in a deep breath. If things kept going the way they were he wasn’t sure how long he’d manage to stay sitting upright.

But then Roy’s hand was gone. “I should go get my stuff before it gets much later.”

The soft loose feeling in Jason’s body vanished in a blink. As Roy got up and cleared the bed Jason watched him. A sinking feeling in his stomach made him afraid he would throw up.

“I’ll stop by a store on the way back. Get some things for meals. I should probably take a look downstairs again to see what all you already have.” Roy was talking more to himself than Jason. It was kind of endearing. “Take a nap and I should be back before you know it.”

The sinking feeling grew more intense. Jason’s skin even started to feel cold. Everything was fine, he told himself several times. Roy would be back, so it was fine.

“You can take the bike if you want,” Jason offered. “The keys should be downstairs.”

Roy blinked with surprise then smiled. “Thanks, that’ll make things way faster. Do you need anything before I go?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Even if Jason had needed anything he wouldn’t have been able to think of it. Roy was changing back into his own clothes. As much as Jason tried not to watch he wasn’t very successful. Thankfully Roy was facing away so he didn’t see Jason’s eyes linger. Of all the things that caught his attention were the freckles that were flecked across the redhead’s shoulders and neck. And Jason couldn’t help but think he wanted to leave some marks over them.

When he realized how fast his heart was going Jason finally turned away. He laid down with his back to Roy. “You might want to still wear the kevlar.”

“Do I have to worry about any other gun wielding crime lord/vagilities?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “It’s Gotham.”

“Fair point. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

“‘m sure you will, Speedy.”

“Fuck off!” Roy yelled as he left the room.

Then Jason was alone. He listened to the small sounds of Roy moving around the house below him. When he heard the front door open and close Jason curled up a little. Nothing was making him stay in bed. Except for how heavy his body felt. Which was overly frustrating. He had slept most of the day and shouldn’t have still been tired.

The idea of sleeping wasn’t a pleasant one. It hadn’t been since he returned from the dead. Nightmares had always been an issue. They had started getting worse since his big confrontation with Bruce had gone to shit. The day of peaceful sleep he’d had was practically unheard of. As Jason started to drift he hoped Roy would be back soon.

When he dreamt of the grave it was never what actually happened. In the dreams, he often couldn’t dig himself out. Or if he could he would become trapped in the dirt unable to escape. All he could do was scream and cry for help forever. Usually, he called for Batman first. Then for Bruce, Dick, or Alfred. Sometimes he would call for Catharine or Clark and Diana. He’d never called for Roy before. And no one had ever answered him.

“Jason,” Roy’s voice called him awake, “you’re safe. Open your eyes.”

Jason’s eyes snapped open to dim light. His heart was hammering in his chest and the urge to move was surging through him like electricity. But he couldn’t make his limbs respond. Even awake he was still trapped.

“Breath. I promise you’re alright.” Roy’s voice was calm, cutting through some of the rising panic.

Fingers brushed hair away from Jason’s forehead and eyes. Jason sucked in a deep breath then another. The bed under him shifted as Roy sat down next to him. It caused Jason’s body to shift and seemed to break whatever caused his body to lock up. Without thinking he moved closer to Roy until they were touching.

Roy put a hand on Jason’s back rubbing small circles between his shoulder blades. “Nightmare?” Jason nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Generally, no Jason didn’t like or want to talk about his nightmares. Hadn’t liked to talk about that kind of stuff in his first life and certainly didn’t feel more inclined to in his second one. But the room had fallen quiet and he really couldn’t stand the silence.

“I dream about waking up in my grave sometimes,” Jason said plainly.

“Did um... did that happen?” Roy asked his voice sounding choked.

Startled by the sound Jason looked up at Roy. Deep worry was clear on Roy’s face as he gazed back down. Jason couldn’t for the word to answer so he looked away and nodded again. The rubbing on his back stopped and the hand pulled away.

A lump formed quickly in Jason’s throat. That had been the breaking point, huh? The point where Roy realized he was too fucked up. At least it was a pretty understandable one. Jason couldn’t be mad about it. But understanding didn’t stop the sting of tears in his eyes.

“Jay, can I, can I hold you?”

The words registered but didn’t quite process. The question didn’t make any sense. Not that much of Roy’s behavior had made a whole lot of sense. When Jason didn’t respond he felt Roy move away from him. Just like the previous night, Jason grabbed his wrist. He didn’t want Roy to leave. Even if he was being bossy and wasn’t making much sense.

“Yeah,” Jason finally answered, “I think it’ll help.”

“It's not too weird?” Roy sounded nervous and Jason didn’t like that at all.

“Not weird at all,” Jason assured him. “At least not compared to everything else going on.”

Jason released Roy’s wrist somewhat reluctantly. Roy moved again this time to lay down so the two of them were facing. Being careful of Jason's injured side Roy put an around him and pulled the two of them together. There was a bit of awkward shuffling to get comfortable. Jason ended up with his forehead on Roy’s chest. Roy’s chin rested on the crown of his head. It was an odd sensation up Jason could feel the slight movement each time Roy smiled.

“Is this alright?” Roy asked.

He still sounded nervous. Which seemed insane. It was far more than alright. Things were better than they had been since... Well, Jason couldn’t really remember when things had been better than right then. But his mind was also starting to go fuzzy again. Before he drifted too far Jason knew he had to assure Roy. The man had come out of nowhere and was doing so much more for Jason than he ever deserved.

Jason nodded slightly against Roy’s chest. “This is perfect. Thank you, Roy. For everything.”

He felt Roy take in a deep breath that shuttered a little. The arm across Jason’s back pulled him in tightener.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay for a while.”

The warmth that grew in Jason was like nothing else. Face hidden he didn’t fight the wide smile that came over him. “As long as you want.”