Work Text:
“How many times do I have to repeat myself?! You are not allowed outside the lair right now, Raphael!” Leo’s voice is shaking with the forcefulness of his words. He’s been feeling badly for days now, the exhaustion and frustration growing and developing within him. Yet another fight isn’t helping his mental state at all.
His eyes escape towards the door of the dojo for a mere second. He knows that somewhere outside this room his two younger brothers are listening to their screaming contest, which pushes him even more towards the edge.
He and Raph have been on it for the past thirty minutes. Both Leo’s patience, as well as his determination, are wearing off way quicker than he would’ve anticipated. It’s hard to admit even to himself, but he is close to giving up the conversation and just storming off, the way his immediate younger brother always does when he’s done with eldest’s lectures.
“I can handle myself, Leo, ya don’t hafta always fuss over me!” Raph is audibly annoyed, almost to the point of anger. “And why would I even listen to ya?!” He’s clenching his fists tightly as if trying to keep himself from starting throwing punches. The one thing Leo has noticed recently, for which he was silently grateful, was that his younger brother was really working on controlling his attitude. However, that is not the case as much right now.
“I’m the leader of this team, but more importantly, your older brother,” Leonardo spits out, blinking rapidly, which the other turtle doesn’t seem to perceive. “What would it take for me to convince you that I’m just trying to keep you safe?”
“Go to hell-”
“For once, can’t you just listen to me without an argument-?” The eldest’s tone hitches, his glare falling onto the floor. He stands there silently for a while, trying to calm his nerves, attempting to keep it together for at least a few more seconds. “This one time, just do as I say and stay… Please.” His voice cracks at the last words, to which he reacts immediately, covering his mouth with one of his palms, to stop any further noise from getting out.
One of the few things Raphael and Leonardo have in common is an unwillingness to share their emotions. They both often feel like they are not allowed to have these… these minor breakdowns, to be overly emotional, even if for different reasons. However, Leo seems to have taken this unhealthy habit to yet another, sick level, where he feels guilty for feeling anything, for not handling his thoughts and emotions. For, the way he sees it, his younger brothers’ sentiment is their strength - meanwhile, his own is the weakness that can be manipulated by anyone.
The longing silence that follows Leonardo’s last statement is probably more unnerving than the argument itself. Neither Raph nor the latter say anything, not sure how either of them should react. This is probably the first time the events of the night took this sort of turn.
Raph’s staring in shock. He finally finds the courage to take a few steps forward, closing the distance between him and his brother. He gulps, then takes in the sight again.
“...Leo?” he mutters, his own voice now trembling ever so slightly. He’s used to the eldest yelling at him or lecturing him during their rather regular fights. But he would never expect the eldest to just break down like this. “Hey… C’mon, what-” The words die in his throat as he observes Leonardo wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
As if it couldn’t get any stranger.
“Are you-” He sees a tear slowly making its way down the latter’s face. Raph blinks in surprise, then wets his lips, before proceeding to continue. “Hey, don’t… Don’t cry, I didn’t mean-” He’s not able to get even one full sentence out of his mouth.
Giving up the speaking, he decides to move instead. The last meter or two that are separating them, he closes in a mere second, catching Leo by his shoulders, ignoring the small effort the eldest makes to protest. Before he can even begin to wonder what to do next, Leonardo speaks up again with an absolutely wrecked tone.
“Each time… Each time we go outside, the risk of one of us getting injured or killed is getting higher,” he takes a deep breath, trying to regain some pieces of his composure. “Each time any of you is there alone, I’m down here, worried sick, running all the possible scenarios of the outcome through my head.” He sniffs, disregarding Raph’s hand settling at the back of his neck, squeezing it comfortingly. “Me, not allowing you to go upstairs, isn’t because I want to be an asshole, Raph. It’s because I fear that one day you’re going to go out and you… you won’t-” A sob escapes his throat.
The next second he is being pushed onto the other one’s plastron, into a rightful hug. He doesn’t fight it, yet doesn’t answer it either, still too frustrated with his younger brother to do either.
“I’m sorry,” Raphael whispers. “I had no idea this is what ya are going through each time we’re out.” He runs his hand up and down the elder’s carapace. “It’s fine, I ain’t leavin’, I’m stayin’ right here. So… please, calm down, would ya?”
The next thing Leonardo knows, he is pulled downwards, as Raph settles comfortably on the soft flooring in the middle of the dojo, dragging the older one onto his lap. A small noise of surprise manages to escape Leo’s throat. He lets himself fall, trusting Raphael to catch him. Which his immediate younger brother, of course, does.
Neither of the two notices their two remaining siblings slipping quietly into the room, up until Donnie and Mikey are seated in unison on each side of the eldest. Leonardo can’t help but smile a bit through the tears that are now falling uncontrollably from his eyes - he realizes the two youngest have somehow managed to sense his vulnerability, even despite being in a different part of the lair.
Donatello runs his hand up and down the older sibling’s arm, meanwhile, Michelangelo lays his head on his other shoulder. Raphael keeps staring at him with worry… Maybe even a note of guilt. If these actions proceeded separately, Leo would probably be ready to somehow either shrug them off or accept them without getting unnecessary emotional. Yet, right now, all of the attention he’s getting feels overwhelming; he didn’t mean for this to happen. The only purpose he had tonight, as he went along arguing with his immediate younger, was to keep him safe and sound. Instead, he broke down completely, appearing vulnerably in front of his brothers, the very brothers he swore to be strong for, the ones he promised to protect.
He feels his stomach turn, yet still says nothing.
To his surprise, his sobs eventually begin to subside, his chest once again finding its regular rhythm. The other three appear to notice this as well. They finally make their decision and begin to speak, taking turns, keeping their voices calm and soothing.
Definitely not something Leonardo familiarized.
“I think we all owe you an apology, Leo,” Donnie starts hesitantly, his eyes full of guilt.
“Yeah, bro… Neither of us wanted to make you so worried,” Michelangelo joins in, his tone carrying some sadness, but otherwise, still staying cheerful in a way. That’s what Leo absolutely adores about his youngest sibling.
“We’re sorry-”
“Especially me,” Raph cuts in, his voice barely above the whisper. He hangs his head, as in shame, not exactly trying to meet his older brother’s eyes. “I know I can be infuriating an’ a pain in da ass… Sorry, bro.”
Leo is quiet for a few more seconds, stunned. His mind analyses the situation at its own pace, which isn’t the fastest right now as he is still struggling to sort out both his thoughts and what’s happening around him. Eventually, though, he sighs. He takes a few deep breaths, making sure he’s grounded enough, afore pulling from Raph’s chest and looking around, taking in the sight of his brothers, confirming that what he’s heard was truthful.
“Thanks,” he says finally, hating how horse and fragile his own tone sounds to his ears. “I’m- sorry. I didn’t mean to break down like this.”
“Not your fault, dude,” Mikey assures him immediately.
Don smiles at him sheepishly. “It was bound to happen at some point.”
“Jeez, Fearless,” Raphael sounds sort of annoyed, but somehow Leo manages to pick up the fact that he’s faking. “Didn’t scare me half to death.”
“Well, I did achieve my goal didn’t I?” The eldest chuckles, sniffling lightly. “You stayed home.”
The short silence is followed by a grunt.
“Don’t do that ever again, aight?” The red-bandana turtle finally looks him in the eye, his own orbs revealing a slight shade of anxiety.
Leo considers the request for a second, weighing the younger’s current mood. Even though the tear-streaks are still apparent, a cocky smirk manages to materialize on his face.
“I’m not making any promises.”
He chuckles upon hearing an annoyed groan.