Work Text:
16 Years Ago
Musutafu, Shizuoka Prefecture, Japan
Saturday, April 18, 2228
Approximately 6:24PM
Hizashi Yamada, first year student of Class 1-A in U.A. High School and the class’s literal loudmouth, was currently walking across the hallway of the office wing of the main building when a very suspicious noise grabbed his attention.
Deciding to go and investigate since his cleaning duties were done and he was about to head home, he put on his ‘ Detective’s Glasses™ ’ (Which were basically his usual shades but dark-tinted) and went snooping along and decided to abandon hanging out with Aizawa and Oboro just this once.
Now, before we move on with the story, we must first take a step aside and address the further connotations of this story; you see, about ten years ago, several freshmen of U.A., according to an urban legend that was passed on by a support course student of the time, Higari Maijima, claimed that they went insane when they peeked inside of Principal Nedzu’s office. Now, to the credit of the legend’s validity, Maijima claimed to be part of the group, but he bailed at the last second due to needing to use the bathroom and when he came out, he was the one to discover the rambling messes that were his classmates writhing on the floor.
Mic, having heard of the legend the other day by his new friend and upperclassman Nemuri Kayama, wanted to actually see if there was any truth to this, hence why this story is unfolding and being written.
Hizashi actually managed to find a way up into the vent system of the school, and made his way over to where he guessed that the vents went to the principal’s office.
What he saw when he managed to find it was something that no mortal being’s eyes should have seen.
“Look Nezzy, all I’m saying is that if we strike now, we could finally take over this world and feed upon its energy for millenia!” Azathoth, the Blind Idiot God spoke in perfect Japanese as he absorbed the essence of the tea in the cup that was given to him by Principal Nedzu.
“And I say that we will not destroy this work, Uncle Azathoth. I didn’t escape from that awful experimentation lab and bring the HPSC onto its knees just to let my Aunts and Uncles subjugate this world for all eternity!” the furred chimera said, before taking a sip of his favorite green tea blend.
“Why even let the world keep on going at this point. These apes are only a sand grain in comparison to the great annals of the universe, they won’t even go on for another quarter of an eon before they’re gone,” Hastur, the King in Yellow said, adopting an avatar’s body and sitting down on a rather comfortable chair in the office.
“And remind me who was almost beaten by a drunk with a Scottish accent and fake parrot, Uncle Hastur?” Nedzu asked the Great Old One, who just mumbled to himself about that man from over 200 years ago that nearly caused his demise.
“Why do you even still care about these primitives? You’ve seen what cruelty they are capable of,” Cthulhu, the High Priest of the Great Old Ones said, before crunching on the plate of biscuits he was given by his favorite adoptive nephew.
“Because I have also seen what care they can bring, Uncle Cthulhu. I want to give them chaos, but not pure primordial chaos. That would be far too cruel by my standards,” the intelligent rodent squeaked, trying to not loose his composure around his adoptive family.
“Look, Nedzu dear, we all love you, but we’re starting to get bored! We haven’t had anything too exciting happening ever since we gave that New Englander fellow nightmares for practically his whole life! We need some form of entertainment,” Shub-Niggurath, Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young said, sipping her tea the most politely out of all her relatives.
“But I just don’t have the inspiration, Aunt Shubby! I can’t find anyone to mess with! And besides, it isn’t like they won’t appear out of my vents when I need them the mo–” and just like that, Mic dropped out of the vents and into the middle of the room. “Ah! Yamada-kun! I was wondering when you’d finally get curious!”
Mic, on the other hand, was babbling like a lunatic at being faced with four eldritch cosmic horrors in the same room that would drive any sane person to madness.
“One of your students, Nedzu?” Cthulhu asked, his face tentacles wriggling in curiosity.
“Correct, uncle. Yamada-kun here is among Class 1-A’s finest. Though, with him seeing you four here, he may not last very long mentally,” the furred principal said, starting to look more and more worried at Mic’s progressively incoherent ramblings.
“Don’t worry, give me a second here,” Azathoth said, before he shot an arc of electricity that connected to the rambling student’s forehead, causing him to go limp for a few moments before he shot back up.
“W-w-w-what th-th-th-the f-f-fresh f-fuck a-are th-those?!” the blonde shouted, scrambling up to his feet.
“Technically, we’re various eons old, Yamada-kun. I’m by far the oldest here, but, eh, semantics,” the Daemon Sultan of infinite age shrugged, taking another essence of tea.
“W-what??” the loudmouth stuttered in sheer terror.
“These are the Great Old Ones, Yamada-kun. They are cosmic beings that would be considered as gods to us, though their powers are much more than what is given. They are also my adoptive relatives,” Nedzu said in a tone that was far too chipper to match the atmosphere of the room.
“Huh???” Hizashi couldn’t exactly fathom what was going on.
“Have a seat and we will explain what you need to know about us and our relationship with your principal,” Hastur said, before a chair manifested out of nowhere and
the dumbfounded blonde took a seat.
Later on
“And so you see, that’s why we haven’t decided to subjugate this planet, as Nedzu here is providing us a good enough reason to not do it,” Shup-Niggurath finished, taking another sip of her tea.
“Oh trust me, Aunt Shubby, the reason will come around soon enough. But for now, we just have to wait,” the furred principal said, waving his paw off at his adoptive aunt.
“So… you’re just waiting for the successor of All Might to come along and help you pull pranks?” the blonde asked, his demeanor having calmed down a bit after fourty minutes of the gods and goddess telling him stories about them and their personal lives (or the closest things that would be called lives for these deities).
“Correct, Yamada-kun! And don’t worry, we will only pull pranks that cause mostly harmless chaos all around,” Nedzu squeaked.
“Well… this has been an interesting day… I should probably head back to my apartment now,” the blonde said, throwing on his backpack and leaving the office.
“Farewell, Yamada-kun! I do hope that you could keep this to yourself,” Cthulhu asked him, with Hizashi just throwing him a smile back.
“Don’t worry, no one would believe me otherwise. See ya later!” he said, exiting out of the room.
“What a swell lad. I do hope we could see him again sometime,” Azathoth said.
“I wouldn’t imagine so, Uncle Azathoth, but he will likely always be thinking about you,” Nedzu said, “Anyways, same time tomorrow, family?”
“Indeed. We shall see you then, Nedzu,” Azathoth said, before he and the three other Great Old Ones vworped out of the room.
“Ahh… the joys of being in an extended universe,” the chimera principal said to himself, sipping the last of his green tea.
16 Years Later
“I don’t know why you’re complaining, Sho! This is the best thing ever!” Hizashi said as he stuffed a mouthful of popcorn into his face while he watched the chaos unfold between Sir Nighteye and the students.
‘ I wonder what those four are thinking of… ’ he thought as he took a sip from his soda.
Elsewhere, At The Same Time
“Hah! This is the best entertainment ever! You’ve done yourself proud, Nedzu!” Azathoth laughed as he peered through the cosmic void and watched the chaos unfold. He would have to get to know Sir Nighteye and Izuku Midoriya sometime after this was all over and give them the proper appreciation that they deserved for making this as entertaining as it was.