Work Text:
The first text had been a non-sensical key-smash, and so KJ barely glanced at it before flicking away the notification, not even bothering to check who it was from. It could be from any number of internet acquaintances she had met over the years, and she didn't have the energy for a meaningless conversation right now. It was late and she wanted to finish this section of code before heading to bed. It was the second text that really captured her attention. Two emojis, the kissing one with the small red heart and then one with wide, pleading eyes. She pinched her eyebrows together in confusion and opened the notification, and her breath caught in her throat for a moment.
Raze.
It had been weeks, months even, since Raze had texted her, and even then it had been nothing more than a work thing. It just seemed that they had no reason to talk anymore, and so they didn't, hadn't. The two of them had become friends through work, when KJ had joined under tech support, and Raze had quickly initiated it into something more when she realised that KJ was interested. The breakup had come about a year or so later. KJ couldn't remember exactly what had caused it, only that they'd been having more arguments than usual, and that both work and home had been becoming more tense, more separate. At the time, it had seemed the only sensible solution. And KJ hadn't given herself the time since to wonder if it had been the right decision.
They had tried to stay friends afterwards, but circumstances and differing schedules had driven them even further apart, until it reached the point where they barely spoke anymore. Working for the same company, it was inevitable that they would have to bump into each other occasionally. But since KJ's promotion, their departments had become so drastically different, Raze working on the ground floor on the days that she was even at those buildings at all, and herself way up in one of the top floor offices, that it happened less than you might think for an enterprise employing less than fifty people.
She read the first text again, but it was still just as unintelligible. If it had been that alone, she would've dismissed it as pocket dial and assumed Raze never meant to text her at all. But the emojis were a conscious choice surely? She stared at them for about a minute, wondering how to respond, as they had not been followed up by anything else, and eventually decided on a single question mark.
Not ten seconds later her phone lit up, a light buzzing coming from the device. Her mouth went dry. Raze was calling her? At this hour? KJ glanced back at her computer screen, at the code she had been working on. She thought about how this was how she spent her nights now, alone at her computer screen. Always working and never relaxing, never having fun. And if there was one person she knew that knew how to have fun...
What the hell.
She swiped right on the accept call button and held it up to her ear, forcing her voice to stay level and calm, not wanting to betray her nervousness to her ex-girlfriend. Even if they weren't exactly on bad terms, she didn't want Raze to think she was desperate to hear her voice.
"What do you want Raze?"
There was a short pause before Raze's loud, vibrant voice came through the phone, causing KJ to cringe away for a moment, holding the phone at arms length.
"Killjoy! You answered."
KJ rolled her eyes and switched the phone to her other ear as she saved the lines of code she had using her right hand, not wanting to continue with it while distracted and risk messing it up.
"Raze, you know that's not what KJ stands for."
"I know. But it's funny. All that nerdy coding shit would drive me crazy, its so boring."
KJ exhaled heavily through her nose and lent back in her chair, putting her feet up on the desk.
"Something you needed?" she asked, tone laced with impatience.
She sensed the hesitation on the other end of the phone, and she knew already that she probably wasn't going to like what Raze had to say next.
"I uh. Want to ask you a favour."
KJ sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.
"Why me? Haven't you got anyone else to bother?"
There was a long pause after this, and KJ narrowed her eyes, intrigued, as she would've sworn she heard Raze laugh through her nose.
"Well... not really. And besides, I knew you'd be awake. Wasn't so sure you'd answer though."
KJ noticed, as her ex-girlfriend continued to ramble, that Raze seemed to be having trouble with her words. Not necessarily with getting them out, as in the right circumstances Raze could talk for Brazil, but they sounded odd, slurred almost. And with her already heavy accent, it was hard to make sense of most of what she was saying.
"Are you drunk?" she asked, cutting across her.
Another short pause.
"Maybe."
KJ sighed again. She knew from experience that a drunk Raze was an unpredictable Raze. Well, more unpredictable than usual.
"Then no wonder you ended up calling me."
Raze definitely laughed this time.
"You're so smart KJ."
Wanting to cut this off before Raze dragged her into another line of pointless conversation, KJ got to the point, using her stern voice by way of making sure Raze was listening to her.
"Listen Raze. You need to get yourself a drink of water and get yourself home okay? If you're at the point where you're calling all your exes, I don't think-"
"Can I come over?"
It was Raze that cut across her this time, and KJ was slightly stunned for words before she bit down on her lip, clear apprehension in her tone.
"Raze..."
"Please KJ. I don't have any money for a cab and your apartment is the closest I can think of to where I am. Plus I... I wanted to see you." Another pause. "I missed you."
KJ closed her eyes for a moment, taking in a steadying breath.
"Okay. But only for hour or so, alright? Then I'll call you an uber to get you home."
And that was how, twenty minutes later, KJ ended up with her visibly drunk ex-girlfriend deposited ungainly on her kitchen floor, eyes closed and forehead pressed against the cooling outside of the fridge. KJ eyed her somewhat irritably as she stepped over Raze's outstretched legs and opened one of the kitchen cabinets.
"You want a drink? Water, coffee?"
Raze looked up at her through half-shut eyes and somehow managed a tired grin.
"Another beer would be nice." She scrunched up her face, wincing. "Though, do you have an icepack or something? I'm burning up here."
KJ raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'are you serious?'
"Well why don't you take off your sweater first?"
"Huh?"
Raze looked down at herself as if having only just realised that she was wearing a hoodie. It was the same yellow hoodie she had worn all the time when they had been dating, and it was covered in small scuffs and holes from the scrapes she was forever getting into. KJ remembered all too well the green and black jacket that Raze had had to throw away after ripping it beyond repair.
"Oh, right."
Raze ducked her head under the neckline, disappearing from view, and KJ watched with passive amusement as she struggled to pull her sweater up and over her head. But as she tugged at one sleeve, it caused the shirt underneath to rise up and expose her stomach and the underside of her sports bra. KJ averted her gaze hastily, cheeks burning.
"If you still need an icepack, there should be one in the freezer drawer."
Raze, who thankfully had now dropped her shirt down to cover her abs, shook her head.
"No, I'm good."
About to ask her something else entirely, KJ stopped, eyes zeroing in on the back of Raze's light orange shirt, that had been dyed a considerably darker colour in one specific spot.
"Is that blood?"
Raze's eyes widened, looking down at her shirt, confused.
"Huh, what?"
She began twisting round, trying to see where KJ was indicating, and eventually KJ lost patience with her and rested a gentle hand on the small of her back, pulling her shirt up and ghosting her fingers along tan skin. Although it was skin that was now bruised and scraped, a large graze from some sort of fall KJ would've guessed.
"Here. On your back."
Still not really able to see it, Raze looked back up at her for an answer.
"Is it bad?"
"How did you do it?" KJ questioned instead.
Raze rubbed the back of her neck as KJ let her shirt drop once more.
"I was at the skate-park before this. I must've gotten it there."
KJ folded her arms over each other and raised an eyebrow.
"You were at the skate-park at one in the morning?"
"I'm broke. Where else do you think I got the alcohol from?"
KJ frowned, not pleased by this admission. Raze's association with the often less-than-law-abiding partygoers that hung out at the skate-park after-hours, and been the focus of many of the arguments they had had before breaking up, and it made her heart hurt to know that she was still getting herself mixed up in such a bad crowd. But it was not her place, girlfriend or not, to tell Raze what she should or should not be doing, or who she should or should not be hanging out with.
"Could you not feel it?" she asked, avoiding that particular line of conversation.
Raze shook her head.
"Not really."
"Must've been the alcohol in your system. Numbed you to the pain."
She straightened up, and Raze developed an expression not dissimilar to that of a puppy, anxious about being left on their own.
"Let me go and fetch some gauze okay. Don't move."
Leaving Raze on her kitchen floor, she headed upstairs to the bathroom to go and search for medical supplies. Digging about in the cabinet above the sink, she found a bottle of antiseptic, some cotton wool and a couple of squares of gauze. She rarely had the need for such things herself, but Raze had gotten into scrapes so often when they were dating that she- well. Let's just say, she still had a plentifully stocked medicine cabinet. When she got back down to the kitchen, Raze was touching the wound on her back, picking at the skin around the edges.
"Don't pick, you'll make it worse."
Raze lifted her head, looking suitably guilty.
"Sorry."
Uncapping the bottle of antiseptic, she turned it upside down, stoppering it with the cotton-wool, then swiped at the graze, trying to clean out all the little pieces of dirt and grit that had gotten caught on the wound. Raze winced and pulled away.
"Hey, quit it. That hurts."
"Oh shush, it's just a graze."
"Yeah..." Raze whined. "But I couldn't even feel it until you started prodding and poking at me. Now it's stinging like a-" She inhaled sharply through her teeth. "Cadela-"
"It'll be over soon, no need to make such a fuss."
Raze grumbled unintelligibly and Killjoy almost felt like pinching her, a playful sort of jibe she had been used to doing when they were together, getting her back for being rude or teasing her.
They weren't together though.
She hastily finished wrapping up the gauze and she pressed gently along the edges, making sure the whole wound was clean and covered before straightening up.
"All done."
Raze twisted round as far as she could, bunching her shirt up in her hand as she inspected the patch up job KJ had done on her. She then turned to her with a smile, showing her white teeth.
"Obrigada médico."
Shaking her head in tired amusement, KJ headed over to the fridge and reached her hand to the back of the top shelf, withdrawing two cans of beer from the untouched six pack she had stashed there who knew how long ago. Throwing one down to Raze, she opened her own can and then settled herself next to her, head resting back against the kitchen cabinets.
"Easy on that now," she warned.
Raze smiled.
"I'll sip."
KJ followed suit, swallowing the first mouthful of beer she had had in a long while, and resting back on her hand to face Raze more naturally as they talked.
"How you been?"
KJ tilted her head to the side, dismissive.
"Same old."
Raze made an odd sort of gesture into the air.
"What's it like up there on the skyline?"
KJ took the bait, playing into the drunk ministrations of her ex-girlfriend.
"Oh you know, better office chairs."
Raze raised her eyes in mock excitement.
"Worth."
They talked for a few minutes more about work, voices low and steady, any rise or contradiction in tone unnecessary and feeling almost imposing. The moment they were sharing now was a quiet and simple one, and needed no change in mood or conversation to keep it flowing naturally.
"So. How's it been going with- uh, damn. What's her name? The woman from your office?"
KJ raised an eyebrow.
"Sabine?"
Raze pointed at her with an unfocused gaze.
"Yes, Sabine." She smirked. "Hot supervisor Sabine. I heard you had a thing going."
KJ scoffed.
"Get real. That was never going to last."
Raze chuckled and lent her head on KJ's shoulder.
"Sabineee..."
KJ scowled and pushed Raze hard in the shoulder, dislodging her and causing her to fall back against the kitchen cabinets, laughing.
"Yah. Don't make fun."
"I'm not..." Raze drawled, a lazy grin her face. "I was just surprised when I heard. I always figured she was out of your league."
KJ shook her head.
"That woman could get literally anybody she wants. She's not going to waste time on me."
Raze took another sip of her beer, a playful look dancing across her face.
"Shame. You missed out on a real catch linda."
Killjoy looked at her, examining critically, trying to get her head round that word. She wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but she recognised it as one of the many things Raze had called her back when they were dating. She had done that a lot, slipping randomly into Portuguese and seemingly delighting in her lack of understanding, more often than not just laughing softly and dismissing her when she asked what it meant. She realised then that her eyes had become unfocused, staring at Raze's face but not seeing, and when she came to once more, she noticed that Raze was smirking at her.
"What?"
"You're a cheap drunk KJ. Always have been."
KJ scowled but didn't respond to this besides a muttered; 'shut up', knowing that she had no leverage. Raze was right, she'd never been able to hold her drink well, and she imagined her face was probably flushed red and eyes glazed, judging by the way Raze was looking at her.
"No, it's cute. Muito adorável."
KJ nudged her hard in the ribs with her elbow.
"Watch who you're calling adorable."
Raze didn't respond with some witty comeback like KJ had been expecting, and it caused a distinct air to form between them, that was comfortable and tense all at once. For KJ felt more secure in Raze's presence than she ever did in anyone's, something that hadn't changed since they day they had first met, even though it had been months since they had gone their separate ways. But at the same time, there was something caught between them, something preventing the easy back and forth, the flow of thoughts and emotions that had previous moved so naturally between them. And it was Raze who was the first to speak the unspoken.
"What happened to us Klara?"
She had spoken it so softly, that had it not been for the reverence in her tone, KJ could almost have convinced herself that she hadn't said it at all. It felt odd to hear her name on Raze's tongue, as so few people ever called her by that name, or even knew it in the first place. But it was a secret she had relented so quickly to her, coaxed by her smile and her easy Brazilian charm. Raze was about the most personable individual she had ever met, and their time apart had not served as of yet to prove this untrue.
Reaching down, she squeezed Raze's hand, fingers curling under the multicoloured braided bracelet she always kept tied around her wrist. Not once when they had been dating had she taken it off, not even to shower. KJ remembered asking her about it, some few weeks into their relationship, rubbing the coarsely braided material between her fingers as she rested her head in the crook of Raze's neck. She had told her it was from Brazil, and had not elaborated any further, and she had not felt at liberty to pry.
"We were in different places, Tayane."
Raze lifted her head and looked at her, eyes wide but serious.
"We're in the same place now."
KJ shook her head, almost irritably.
"That's not what I m-"
She was cut off when Raze suddenly leaned in to kiss her, and she could do little in her surprise but just stay still and let her. The angle had been slightly off, and so Raze had nudged her glasses up so that they sat askew across the bridge of her nose, something she noticed immediately upon pulling back. She grinned, reaching out a hand to push them back down.
"Sorry."
Raze's smile faded somewhat when she realised KJ wasn't smiling back, and her tongue darted out to press, apprehensively, against her bottom lip.
"Raze, I..."
"Sorry I- I should've asked first."
KJ shook her head insistently.
"No it's not- it's not that."
Raze tilted her head forward, pushing for an answer.
"Then what?"
KJ despaired for an answer that would make sense to Raze.
"I just. I don't know if we should do this."
Raze's eyes were sad as she responded in turn.
"Can't we try it again?"
KJ's expression was pained, the sort of expression somebody had when delivering bad news to someone they didn't want to give bad news to.
"We're drunk."
Raze turned her face away, eyes downcast.
"I feel this way when I'm sober too. I'm usually just too scared to call you."
KJ watched as Raze fell silent, a rarity in itself, fiddling with the ends of her bracelet as she rested her hands in her lap. And it was as if it had been in that very moment that she realised. She missed Raze. Missed her smile, her laugh, her beautiful Bahian accent that flowed so easily between English and Portuguese. And as reckless and stubborn and down-right infuriating as she could be, KJ realised that Raze was the only person she could never stay mad at, could never stay away from. Could never stop thinking about. Raze was always on her mind, whether she admitted it or not. And it was about time she did something about it.
"Why don't you..." She trailed, troubled over her words. "Stay the night?"
Raze looked startled, as if this had been more than she could've hoped for.
"Really?"
KJ didn't know what to say, didn't know how to react to the hope in Raze's face. And so she didn't say anything at all. She kissed Raze intentionally, knowing this time that it was coming, and touched her fingers gently, apprehensive, to the soft hairs by her temple. Though her eyes were closed, she felt Raze reach up a hand and take her wrist, though far from guiding her away, she coaxed her hand to more firmly cup her face, leaning into the kiss. Spurred on by this, she wrapped an arm around Raze's waist to pull her closer, but broke the kiss suddenly as Raze winced into her mouth.
"Shit."
She pulled away as Raze's hand went to her back, instinctively running her fingers over the source of the pain as if to attempt to soothe it somehow.
"Sorry. I forgot."
"No, it's okay."
Keeping a cautionary hand on the bandaged area, Raze stood, using the fridge as her support. Pushing back against the floor, KJ stood with her, taking the empty beer can from her hand and placing both on the sideboard. She bit her lip, not quite able to meet Raze's eye. What had happened tonight had been the last thing she had expected to be doing this Thursday night. Or rather, she supposed, this Friday morning.
"I guess we should turn in," Raze suggested. "I don't want to keep you up."
KJ nodded in agreement, somewhat annoyed at herself for having ruined the moment. She wouldn't have minded kissing Raze for just a few seconds longer, if only to assure herself in what she wanted to do with her tonight. Stretching her arms above her head and restraining a yawn, Raze turned to walk away, but KJ stopped her with a quick touch to the shoulder.
"Where are you going?"
Raze tilted her head to the side.
"Living room?"
KJ shook her head softly and took hold of Raze's wrist, leading her towards the stairs.
"This way, kleine maus."