Chapter Text
Loud music poured out of the door across from Jem’s. She had been waiting for the music to shut off so that she could go ask what was, well, a bit of an embarrassing question. She didn’t know how long she had been waiting. Probably nearly an hour by this point. How long did it really take to finish getting ready after a shower?
She shifted her weight nervously, standing outside the door. Her hand hovered for a moment as she weighed the pros and cons of just knocking on the door. She figured it would be hard to hear the knocking over the bass line, so waited just a bit longer until the song was over. As the final chord resonated, she took a deep breath before pounding twice before opening the door, just as she always did.
“Karen, I need to ask you something-” Jem began before being cut off.
“Jem, get out!” Karen screamed at her sister, jumping behind the canvas she had been working on.
“Karen-” Jem tried to beg.
Making a noise of frustration, Karen shouted. “Get out, Jem!” she ordered harshly.
Frozen by her sister’s harshness, Jem’s lip began to tremble. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad, Karen, I just... I just...” she began to cry.
Karen sighed, eying the bed where the flannel she had laid there with the intention of wearing later was. “It’s alright Jem, you can stay, just... Just turn around a second, ok?” She told her, waiting to see her sister’s back. “Ok, I’ll be just a second.” she said, pulling it over her shoulders.
“Why is your bra so weird looking?” Jem asked, just as one would expect a curious 9 year old to blurt out.
Karen quickly wrapped the shirt closely to her. “I told you not to look, Jem!” she hissed, throwing a glare at her younger sister.
“I didn’t!” Jem defended herself, whipping around. “I didn’t look, Karen, I swear I didn’t!” she told her. “I just saw you when I came in and I just wanted to know...” she practically whimpered, again on the verge of tears.
Karen sighed. “Come here, Jem...” She reaching out and pulling her sister in her arms. “I’m sorry I yelled, ok? Please don’t cry...” she told her, hugging her tightly. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to come in, ok?”
Jem sniffed. “Did I do something?” she asked. “You’ve never been mad at me for coming in before, I thought you said if I ever wanted to I could...”
Karen drew a deep breath, feeling the homemade binder squeeze around her ribs just a bit too tight as she slid a bit away from her sister, looking her in the eye. “Jem, I’m sorry, I know I told you that. You didn’t do anything, I just didn’t want anyone to see me.”
“Why not? Because your hair is all up like that? And you have that weird thing on?” Jem asked her sister. Karen’s eyes grew wide as she whipped the hat off that held her hair on the top of her head, concealed. “I mean, I like your hair like that. It’s cute.” she told her, trying to cover the previous comment.
Karen couldn’t keep a stern look for long after that. A small smirk crossed her face before a chuckle came out. “Gee, thanks, Jem.” she laughed, nudging her younger sister who started to smile again.
“No problem, sis.” Jem returned with a laugh. They sat on Karen’s bed next to each other, smiling. Karen hugged one of the pillows to her stomach, facing her sister as they each laughed, Jem mimicking her pose.
“Hey, stop that, copy cat!” Karen laughed, leaning forward and tapping Jem playfully on the nose. When she sat back up, she blushed to see that her flannel had gapped down a bit, again exposing what she had been trying to avoid discussing with her younger sister.
“Hey, Karen?” Jem asked tentatively. Karen hummed questioningly at Jem, waiting for her to continue. “What is that, anyways?”
A lot of thoughts crossed her mind. She could lie. It wasn’t like Jem would know anything about that sort of stuff anyways. She could just make something up, say it was for her painting or something, Jem would believe that. Jem believed everything she said. Jem had so much faith in her older sister, looked up to her so much, and Karen knew that. That’s why she knew she couldn’t lie.
“Jem, I... I need to talk to you about something really, really personal. Please don’t tell mum and dad.” she tried to sound confident, though her voice almost broke. Jem’s face sobered, looking Karen in the eye before nodding. “Jem, I don’t think... I don’t think I’m a girl.” Karen finally spat out, lip quivering. “It just, it doesn’t feel right, Jem, and I don’t know, I feel better like this, and with my hair... And...” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she dropped her head.
Years later, Jem wished she would have given her older sibling a hug, promised that everything was ok, and promised that she would love them no matter what. Little did she know, what she did next was worth all that and more. “Does that mean you’re my brother?” she asked, curiously. “Because I’ve always wanted a brother.”
A laugh found it’s way through the tears streaming down Karen’s face. “I suppose it does, Jem.” he told her, a smile crossing his tear streaked face. “I love you, sis.” he said honestly, reaching out to hug her.
“I love you... Bro.” Jem replied, making her brother’s smile grow ten fold.
---
It was hard for Jem not to excitedly tell everyone that she had a brother. She had to remind herself that it was his choice to not tell people yet. She understood, but made a point to always call him bro when they were alone. It was her little way of assuring that he knew she cared about the fact that he was in fact her brother, not the sister she had long called sis.
One day while he was off with Rick, Jem got to thinking about names. Karen wasn’t exactly a convincing boys name, she decided. She frowned, suddenly wondering what she should call her brother since Karen is certainly a girls name. She had friends named Karen, all girls. Her brother might look like a girl sometimes, but he wasn’t if he said he wasn’t.
When Karen got home, he walked up to his room, seeing that the light was already on. He was a bit surprised, until he saw Jem sitting on his bed. “Hey, Jem, what’s up?” he asked, shutting the door behind him and shrugging off the jacket he had on.
Jem crinkled her nose momentarily. “Did you and Rick steal his dad’s fags again?” she asked, coughing at the strong scent that overwhelmed her when he sat next to her.
“Shit, can you smell it that bad?” he asked, smelling his shirt. “You can’t tell mum and dad, ok Jem? We’ve just done it twice, I don’t even like it. Rick’s the one who thinks it’s cool, swear I only have one. He has a bunch more, that’s why I smell, ‘cause of him.” he defended.
She still regarded her brother oddly before reaching out her pinky to promise the way they always did. Karen smiled a thank you to his sister when he took her finger.
“So, why were you in here?” he asked, looking around. “Snooping around my music?”
Jem shook her head. “I was thinking... Karen’s a girl name.” she said simply. “If you’re my brother, shouldn’t you have a boy name?”
Karen tried not to laugh. Jem was being so sweet, and yet it was pretty amusing to hear the young girl’s reasoning behind it. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Think that Kieren would be good?” he asked her, revealing the name he had been secretly referring to himself as for some time now.
Pausing for a moment, Jem hummed as she thought. “Yeah, I like it!” she finally told him. “And it’s enough like Karen so we won’t get confused!” she smiled. “Kieren...” she said, seeing how it felt.
Kieren let out a long held sigh of relief. He didn’t know how incredible it would feel to tell Jem that. He never could have imagined how incredible it would feel to have Jem use his chosen name instead of his birth one. He couldn’t help but smile at how in stride his little sister took his first steps of transitioning. If everyone was like Jem, this would almost be easy.