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Laudna was staring at Imogen, who was sleeping close to her, her face inches from her own. She seemed calm, younger. Laudna was a bit jealous.
She tried to sense Her, tried to see if she was listening, silent but awake, but Laudna felt nothing. It was common, she’d noticed, for Delilah to disappear for a while after one of her episodes, which had become more frequent. Apparently possessing a whole dead woman took a huge toll on the neceomancer, and Laudna would feel good about it, if it weren’t for what happened that day.
Delilah had taken over her again, this time with enough power to strike against her friends. She didn’t remember (she never did) but when she woke up she saw what she had done.
No, not me, she reminded herself. Delilah.
Orym, sweet strong Orym, was unconscious on the ground, Fearne and FCG hovering over him. He was okay, Imogen had told her when she sat up, just a bit hurt. But Laudna had seen the tear tracks on her cheeks, the nail marks on her throat, and the way Chetney was staring at her warily, chisel in hand.
“Imogen,” she’d said. “What did I do?”
She had tried to sugar coat it, saying it wasn’t that bad, saying they took care of it. Saying that they were on the way to fix it, to fix her, and they wouldn’t stop until they did. But Imogen didn’t need to say it out loud for Laudna to know what had happened: Delilah had gotten out again, and she had tried to kill her friends.
They set up camp, deciding to rest and continue their trip in the morning. Orym had woken up and, though a bit groggy, had assured her he was okay. Imogen had taken her usual place next to Laudna and fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted.
By the light of the fire, the nail marks on Imogen’s throat stood out greatly, and she saw a slight purple bruising starting to form, where her own fingers had pressed, hard and unmoving.
Laudna stood up and walked towards the fire. Ashton, having volunteered to take the first watch, was staring at it, their back towards her. The glass hammer shone brightly, reflecting the light of the flames.
“If you’re a crazy necromancer lady trying to kill me,” they exclaimed, “I’m really in the mood for a beating.”
Laudna laughed. “Sorry to disappoint.”
Ashton smiled at her when she sat next to them.
They had become quite close in the time they’d traveled together, and Laudna was grateful everyone else was asleep. Besides Imogen, they were the person she trusted the most. The only one in the group that didn’t start treating her differently after Delilah started manifesting
She dreaded what she was going to ask them to do
“You’re thinking too loud,” said Ashton after a while. “You’re gonna wake up Imogen.”
Laudna spared one look towards the sleeping form of the most important person in her world. Her purple hair framed her face like a halo. It almost hurt to stare at her for too long.
“I almost kill her today.”
She hears Ashton exhale roughly. “Bullshit.”
“I almost kill all of you.”
“No. Lady Briarfuck almost kills us. Not you.”
“But it was me. It was my blast that hit Orym. It was my hand that choked Imogen when she tried to…”
She couldn’t finish the sentence. She couldn’t even fathom the possibility of hurting the people she cared about. But she’d done it. Possessed or not possessed.
“This can’t happen again.” She finished.
“And that’s why we’re heading to Whitestone. To figure out how to remove the crazy bitch from your head.”
“Ash…”
Ashton looked at her, and the look in their eyes told her they knew what she was thinking. She was almost sure all of them thought about it at some point, but didn’t dare to say it.
Well, all of them except Imogen.
“If I lose control again…” she started.
“Get the hell out of here with that.”
“If it gets as close as it did today you need to promise me that you will end it.”
Ashton looked at her with fury and sadness in his eyes. “End you, you mean. Fucking kill you.”
“Well, when you put it like that-“
“No fucking way.”
“Ashton…” she pleaded.
“Don’t ‘Ashton’ me. You’re tired, you’ve just been possessed by a dead woman, you’re not thinking clearly.”
“It’s the clearest thought I’ve had in a while.”
“Have you talked to Imogen about this? Cause I’m sure she’d have some words-“
“She wouldn’t accept it! You know that!”
Laudna was begging now, tears prickling at her eyelids. Ashton noticed it, but they didn’t seem to be backing down.
“She loves fiercely and she loves selfishly, and I love her for that, but right now it’s not what I need. And even if she did accept…she wouldn’t be able to do it.”
Laudna knew she wouldn’t, if their situations were reversed.
“And what makes you think I will?” asked Ashton a bit calmer.
Laudna smiled sadly. “Because you’re the only one who understands.”
And that was the thing. The unwritten rule they’d almost died for. The rule they still believed in, as long as it was them who got to take the fall. They never thought about it the other way around, they couldn’t. But they knew Laudna was right and they knew that, if they were in her shoes, they would’ve expected the same from the others.
And she knew that they knew that.
They didn’t like it. Hell, they hated it. They hated how she was right. They hated the notion of having to end their friend’s life. And most of all, they hated that little whispering bitch that made them agree to this horrible plan.
Ashton didn’t say anything else, but Laudna knew she had won. She felt relief, but also guilt. Guilt at having to ask this of Ashton. Relief, knowing they wouldn’t let her hurt her friends again.
“You know, if I have to end up doing it,” said Ashton, looking at the flickering flames again. “Don’t go away too fast, I’m gonna meet you there.”
“Why?” asked Laudna, her eyes not leaving their face.
“Cause Imogen’s gonna fucking kill me.”
This elicited a laugh from Laudna and a small smile from Ashton.
They put an arm around her and she lay her head on their shoulder, hoping the promise they made that night wouldn’t have to come to fruition.