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When someone asks Keith, he says he had a normal childhood growing up; his mom loved him through scraped knees and silly fights over bathtime, his father cherished his hunger for discovery and fought off monsters and scary dreams, and he had the best friend in the entire world, Takashi.
He grows up just as happy and fulfilled as any other kid, surrounded by support and community, that he would never know that he was any different.
When they move to the neighborhood after his mom’s promotion, they find themselves in a small suburb with the elderly Shiroganes and their young grandson.
The boys hit it off immediately, and Keith holds nothing by admiration for the older boy.
Takashi is in 3rd grade, compared to his 1st grade, plus he plays soccer and can score goals from far away from the goalie!
Keith has so much fun playing with him at his grandparents’ house, adventuring like pirates on the high seas or space explorers searching for other life forms, or sometimes they just watch cartoons until they fall asleep, like that one about the cat and dog that are attached and live in a fish-shaped house.
But the best part of being Takashi’s friend is he doesn’t make fun of Keith’s name. Not even once.
When they first moved in, he remembers his parents talking with Jiichan and Baachan about how they did things differently in their house: they didn’t tell Keith he had to be one way or another, they didn’t make him dress how he didn’t want, and he had been able to tell them that he didn’t like his name when he was little and they listened.
Sometimes other grownups will try to ‘correct’ him about his name.
“Oh, what beautiful eyes you have, sweetheart. You’re gonna be a looker when you grow up.”
“You’re going to be breaking all the boys’ hearts!”
They tell him such a pretty girl shouldn’t have such a yucky boy name, and it makes Keith want to hurt them like they hurt his feeling.
Momma tells him he can’t kick people anymore, though.
Still, it's nice to have someone like Takashi who is his age, not just another grownup, who will stick up for him, and correct people when they say things wrong. It’s a little surprising that someone who is usually so quiet and controlled would interject on his behalf, but he loves his friend all the same.
~-~SK~-~SK~-~SK~-~
By the time Keith reaches middle school, he’s come to understand that while his childhood might not be uncommon, it’s most definitely not standard by any observation. He was allowed to be as he was inside, but that doesn’t stop time and nature from coming.
Takashi tries to help him as best he can and keep their friendship going, even though he’s about to head off to high school and has been working out a lot lately to get ready for tryouts for the school team, but it’s been getting harder for them to hang out lately.
He has new friends, Matt and Allura, who are in his classes and he has clubs with, and he’s gotten so much taller than Keith. He’s even kind of popular now.
“Sorry, Keith, I told Matt I’d help him with his science project. Maybe next time?”
“Oh, I’m sorry Keith, I didn’t realize Takashi hadn’t told you. He took Allura to the 8th-grade dance tonight and then they’re going out with their group of friends. But he’ll be home tomorrow morning. Did you want to call back then?”
It's seeing the growing distance between him and his best friend and the cementing social circles and expectations between his classmates that start to crumble away at Keith.
Other kids are talking about their crushes and their older siblings going on dates and their excitement about wearing makeup and kissing people and Keith’s been fighting off panic attacks about everything that’s coming.
The idea of his chest growing any larger? Of his hips getting wider than this? Of actually getting a period????
Keith cries into his mom’s shoulder one night, thin frame wracking with the force of his sobs as he pleads with her to make it all stop.
“Please, momma, please! I don’t want this! I don’t want to be a girl! I don’t want to! No no no!”
“My heart,” Krolia whispers fiercely, combing fingers through soft raven locks, so much like her own. “I love you in all forms and I ache for your pain. You know my people have always believed in the power of the spirit over the body, and the knowledge it holds. I will do everything necessary for you. You are my brave, beautiful, strong son.”
Tex, who had been watching quietly and a little helplessly from the doorframe of the room, falls to his knees and wraps his family up in his arms, vowing to call his son’s doctor the next morning to start whatever needs to be done.
At his later appointment, Keith’s doctor leads them through discussions of puberty blockers, eventually moving to hormone therapy and possible surgery, and Keith soaks it all up with deep relief.
It feels like a balm to his soul, to know that this doesn’t have to be his future.
It’s not a quick or easy process with insurance and the state involved, though. It still takes him time to get his prescriptions, and once he does get everything, it's not like things change overnight.
Keith starts seeing a therapist in addition to his doctors more routinely, just to have a little more support.
So many things are changing in his life, both for the better and maybe for the less good (Shiro), but it's nice to have someone to talk to who isn’t his mom or dad.
His therapist encourages him to talk to his classmates, maybe just ones who are a little lonely like him. And though he’s loathed to admit it, it's a grand success.
By the time he moves onto high school, he’s found himself a very tight-knit group of pals that he probably wouldn’t have trusted himself with otherwise.
He finds Pidge late in the 6th-grade year when trying to do his science homework and they had pointed out every observation he’d botched over his shoulder. Keith had meant to turn and yell at the person who dared to invade his space, but as soon as he saw them, he’d known that they were a kin flame.
Lance and Hunk were both in his 7th grade English class and had been paired on a project with him, and though there were times when he thought he might strangle Lance, Hunk is a nice damper on the volatile energy they shared.
And that’s how he enters high school, backed by his new friends and a little more confident for the future.
~-~SK~-~SK~-~SK~-~
Mid-way through freshman year, they get a transfer student to the school.
Keith doesn’t notice it until the cheerleaders who usually walk during PE mile runs start to gossip about a hot soccer player who just came.
“Do you really think he’s that hot? Like he has an 8 pack? Or are they all exaggerating?” Lance gripes, gripping his hair in panic. “How am I supposed to compete with that!”
“Like you get any dates now.” Keith snickers, shoving Lance so that he knocks into Hunk who yelps too.
“Like you’re any better, mullet!” Lance shouts, gripping onto Hunk’s jacket, trying to right himself and his dignity. “No one wants you!”
It stings a little since his only friend he’s ever had other than these guys hasn’t talked to him in years, but it's fine. He’s not that interested in dating, and he’s still not finished fixing his body anyways, so he’s not sure what kind of guy would even be into him anyways.
“Yeah, whatever.”
They don’t talk about it again until lunch a few days later when Pidge brings up how excited Matt is that his best friend is transferred to their school and has been over at their house every day since then.
“It's so gross; they always smell so bad in his room and they’re so loud and rowdy and it’s always ‘Shiro this’ and ‘Shiro that’ and, ugh, it's like he doesn’t even care about science anymore, just his newfound popularity and girls who are talking to him and working out to look good for them. It’s awful!”
They’re just picking at their lunch tray, pushing rice around so it looks like they’ve eaten something, but it’s obvious from their demeanor this is getting them down.
“Hey, dude, you’ve still got Hunk and Keith. They still do science-y things.” Lance points out, trying to cheer them up.
He’s only half paying attention to them, though, as he tries to scout the lunchroom for this newcomer.
“What did you say he looks like again?” Lance asks.
“He’s like really tall, black hair with like white bangs? I dunno, I don’t think he’s that attractive.” Pidge mumbles unhappily, flinging their fork down and pushing the tray away, crossing their arms over their chest.
Keith perks up at that, because he hadn’t heard such a specific description until now, and that’s a little too specific to let go of.
“Oh, I think I see him guys!” Hunk shouts excitedly, pointing to the cafeteria doors where he can see Pidge’s older brother and the mysterious transfer student. “And is that Allura I see, Lance?”
Lance ducks and hides behind Keith as Keith tries to hide behind Lance, causing them to headbutt and cry out in pain. They’re grappling and gritting out accusations of whose clumsiness is to blame when the group reaches them.
“Hey, kids, what’s up?” Matt greets, smiling wide and relaxed. He’s taken to calling Pidge a kid now like he’s somehow aged 10 years overnight with the popularity.
He places a hand on their head and ruffles their hair, to which they loudly protest and reach out to fight back.
Their antics are normal to Keith and the rest of the group, so they’re easy to brush aside.
‘Shiro’ is a lot less easy to ignore.
He’s as tall as they say. Wide, muscular, and embarrassingly handsome – Keith can almost feel his face heating up as he sizes up the new boy. It’s not a new reaction for Keith to have, at least, not to a boy; but to this boy, he’s not sure he’s ready to acknowledge it.
It seems ‘Shiro’ is Takashi. And he’s looking right at Keith.
“So Pidge already met him, but this is my best friend since middle school, the greatest soccer star we’ve ever seen in our school history, and all-around cool kid Takashi Shirogane, AKA Shiro.” Matt announces like this is some kind of show-and-tell. “He just came back to town after a few years away, which we will NOT be discussing, but it’s okay, buddy, I forgave you and we’re still friends.”
Matt leaps to hug Shiro during his speech and Shiro graciously accepts the dramatic ‘cling and weep’ charade his friend plays out for a few moments before addressing the group himself.
“Hey, um, I’m Shiro. I just moved back to town. I grew up here, so I think I recognize some of you guys.” He smiles pleasantly, but uncertainly, making eye contact for just a brief moment to chill Keith once more.
“Yeah, so you already know my kid sibling Pidge,” Matt drawls and points with a lazy finger.
“I’m three years younger than you, asshole!”
“Right, I see them all the time at the Holt house.” Shiro acknowledges and smiles. “And I remember you, Lance. I think your class used to come to join ours for the little buddies program in elementary school, right?”
Lance flushes and slumps in his chair, smiling in embarrassment, but he pops back up with his usual pep and immediately rejoinders.
“Yeah, you look great, man! What’s your workout routine like? Do you want a workout buddy? Coz, I’m looking to get my gains on.” Lance flexes his thin biceps in a show. “I’ve also got great luck with the ladies if you need any help there.”
Shiro lets out an awkward laugh at the double finger guns Lance tries to reassure him with and raises his palms outward in a placating motion.
“Sorry, I’m not really into girls like that. I mean, I’m gay.” Shiro smiles lightly at his own expense.
“Oh, nice, Keith’s gay, too,” Lance says lightly, motioning over to his friend who sits stock still at being drawn into the conversation like this.
Shiro turns to him and smiles, offering a polite hand out like he’s offering a handshake?
“Hey, that’s awesome. Are you on any of the sports teams? I feel like that’s where high school usually finds us homos and lezzies, right?”
It takes a moment to register his question, but it doesn’t take more than half a second for nausea at the implication of being misgendered to set in.
How dare he!
“I’m a guy, you transphobic fuck!”
Keith doesn’t mean to shout as loud as he does or to throw his chair back with the force of his need to stand up, but it practically ignites within him anger and hurt he’s never known. How dare this person before him wear the face of his best friend and deny him his identity! The identity he’s held for more than half of his life! The one Shiro fucking helped him to forge!
He runs from the room without another look back.
~-~SK~-~SK~-~SK~-~
Keith skips class the rest of the day, hiding out in the bathroom first, then running to one of the portable outbuildings when people get too close to finding his whereabouts.
He’s ashamed of his actions and embarrassed that he’s still can’t pass after all this time. It’s not his fault, and he knows passing isn’t the point of being trans, but he feels betrayed by every safety net he’s ever had and all the knowledge he’s ever known.
How could Shiro just do this to him! Was he so easy to forget?
He feels rung out by the end of the day. He’s done nothing but mopes and hides in the shadows and corners, but its done nothing to remedy the situation.
And above all, Keith feels bad.
Maybe he misunderstood? He didn’t even let Shiro get more than a sentence out, and he just went on the attack.
His stomach churns again at the self-disgust and embarrassment.
The Takashi he knew had protected him and bolstered him when he felt unsteady in the world. Could that boy have changed so much in a few years?
Keith abruptly punches in the pin code for his phone and pulls up the phone app, desperate for the call to connect.
“Pidge!” He practically yells down the line.
They don’t answer right away, and Keith pulls his phone from his head in a panic to check that he hasn’t disconnected the call.
“Hey, bud.” They say softly. “How’re you doing?”
Keith groans. “I’m not okay. I made a scene at lunch with the guy I grew up with and he’s all of a sudden hot and I don’t even think he was trying to be a jerk and I think I really messed up this time.”
“Mmhm, I’ll sure say,” Pidge responds, not giving him any room. “Shiro was stunned, dude. I told him my friend Keith was this cool guy who was good at science too and would maybe want to workout with him.”
Keith groans louder in protest, trying to get them to stop recounting this all over again. “And I went and had a huge freak out on him for no reason, basically.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
Silence sings over the line for a minute and Keith simmers in his discomfort. He just needs to fix this. He needs to fix it now! He can’t lose his chance to reconnect to Shiro now that they’re finally in the same place together again.
“Please, Pidge, if Matt knows where he lives can you just ask him to tell me! I just need to talk to him!” Keith shouts. He presses his palm sharply into his eye socket to keep himself from crying. Jeez, not in public.
His throat burns as he waits in silence with halted breath.
When his friend speaks, the tears fall anyways.
“Yeah, I have it. I’ll text it to you right now.” They say quietly through the line. There’s no judgment in their voice, though, and Keith’s so thankful again to have a friend like them.
~-~SK~-~SK~-~SK~-~
Keith goes to apologize to Shiro later that day for snapping at him, much less in public. He rings the doorbell and wrings his hands as he waits for someone to answer.
It feels like an eternity, just hanging out in the open like this, vulnerable. It would have been easier to text Shiro and make sure he was even home, but Keith hadn’t texted him in years and didn’t even know if his number was the same anymore. He just got lucky that the address Pidge sent him was close enough he could bike to it.
When the door finally opens, Shiro stands there in a tank top and sweatpants with a surprised look painted across his face.
Keith can’t handle the absolute gorgeous picture he paints, even casual like this, and panics and blurts everything out.
“I’m sorry I freaked out on you, but I’m not a girl, I’m a guy, and I don’t wanna be a girl just for you or someone else to like me! I’m fixing it so I don’t have to be a girl ever again, and if you don’t like it, we can’t be friends!”
The other boy’s eyes grow wider at his old friend’s outburst, but it’s clear he’s not alarmed, just awestricken.
Shiro smiles softly at his friend and walks onto the porch so he can pull Keith in for a hug.
“I’ve never doubted you, Keith. I’m sorry that I let you think otherwise.” He says, mushing his face into the top of Keith’s short head. “I just didn’t know if you were out to your friends yet, and I didn’t think it was my place to say anything. I haven’t seen you in years and I just didn’t know what to say.”
Shiro pulls away, loosening his hold on Keith just enough to readjust to his elbows to get a better look at him.
“I guess I should have been honest, though. You’ve gotten so handsome.”
Keith clenches Shiro’s tank top and glances away from Shiro’s earnest smile.
“Takashi…”
“I missed when you called me that,” Shiro confesses.
Keith pulls him back in for another hug and clings tightly to his friend, feeling whole once more.