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A little before noon, Remus came down from his flat and unlocked the studio, the bell above the door ringing as he opened it. He flipped the sign that hung in the window so that “OPEN” faced the street and waved his wand at the broom in the corner. It sprang to life and swept up any dust that had settled overnight.
The bell rang again, but Remus ignored it and went into the back office.
“You could say hello,” Tonks called after him.
“I saw you two minutes ago,” Remus said as he sat at the desk. She lived in the flat above the studio with him. Most of their waking hours were spent together, either down in the studio working or up in the flat cooking or listening to the wireless together. Sometimes they watched the telly that Tonks had insisted on getting, and lately Remus had spent many mornings playing games on Tonks’s mobile. He would never get one himself—he really didn’t see the point—but he liked having access to hers.
“I missed you.” Tonks stood in the doorway of the office. When Remus looked up at her, he saw that in those two minutes, she had changed her hair colour from neon green to a bright purple.
Remus had always envied her ability to change her appearance at will. With barely any effort, she could transform any part of herself for as short or as long a time as she wanted. She could experiment as much as she liked with no consequences. She had a freedom in her body that very few others did.
It had taken Remus years to work up to doing things that Tonks could do in the blink of an eye. Maybe that meant he appreciated it more, though. Getting his top surgery had been so exhilarating, so profoundly life-changing, so revelatory. Tonks went through changes like it was nothing at all.
Perhaps that was why they each did what they did. Tonks ran the piercing side of their studio, giving their clients something fun and new and flashy but not necessarily lasting. People could take piercings out at will, letting their holes close up and moving on as if they’d never been there.
On the other side of the studio, Remus did tattoos, working with clients on something that was meant to be permanent, something that would stain their skin indefinitely.
“You didn’t miss me,” he said as he pulled out their ledger. “You just missed having someone to annoy.” Tonks reached out to ruffle Remus’s hair. He leaned away from her touch, glaring up at her. “Is there something you need?”
“Oh, so many things,” Tonks said wistfully.
Remus chuckled and batted her out of the office so he could get to work. They’d had a lot of business yesterday, and they’d probably have more today, and he didn’t want to fall behind. Tonks kept pestering him to get a computer and do their finances ‘properly’, but Remus always refused. Shops in the wizarding world had gotten by without computers for a lot longer than computers had even been around. He didn’t see the point. He was good at doing the books, and he liked the tedium.
After a while, he heard the bell above the door ring, and someone came in to ask Tonks to pierce their nipples. He tuned out their conversation as he worked, and he managed to get through most of yesterday’s work before the bell rang again.
Remus looked out into the shop to see Tonks piercing her customer behind a privacy screen and a man lingering in the doorway.
“Hi,” Remus called out. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”
The man nodded and let the door close behind him.
Remus put away his work and brushed off his hands before going out to greet the client properly.
The man wore dark jeans and a leather jacket, unzipped to show off the low-cut shirt underneath. He had his black hair pulled back in a bun, his long neck and sharp jawline on full display. He was tall, thin, built like something out of a poem.
He looked like someone who knew exactly how attractive he was and wasn’t afraid to weaponise it. He was handsome, and in a way that made Remus both want to be him and want to be with him.
He seemed sad, though. He had grey eyes, light and soulful, and he looked like he hadn’t smiled in days.
“Do you take walk-ins?” he asked. He had a smooth voice that was just slightly higher than Remus would have guessed.
“Sure. What are you here for, piercing or tattoo?”
“Tattoo.” He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a worn notebook. Remus figured it was his sketchbook.
“Do you want to come into my office, and you can show me what you’re thinking?”
The man nodded, and Remus led the way to the back. He sat at his desk which was pushed against the side wall, and the man sat at the corner.
“First things first—I’m Remus. How did you hear about our studio?”
“Saw your advert in the Prophet. I’m Sirius.”
“Pleasure to meet you. What kind of tattoo were you thinking of?”
Sirius set the notebook down on the desk. His hand was already heavily tattooed. His ring finger had a tree covering most of it, its roots dissolving over the back of his hand and blending in with the twinkling stars there.
“May I?” Remus asked, and Sirius nodded, so he took the notebook and opened it. It was completely filled, each page a mess of writing and drawings. Some pages had more art than words. The sketches were varied, some fantastical like dragons and some ordinary like teacups.
“It belonged to my brother,” Sirius said quietly. “I want to get a tattoo in his memory.”
Remus glanced up to see Sirius’s gaze focused on the notebook. He looked hurt just from saying those words. The grief must be very recent.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Remus said. “Were you thinking of one of his drawings?” Sirius nodded. “Any particular one?”
“I’m not sure,” Sirius said. “I wanted to see what you could do.”
“I can do any design you like. But it should be your choice.”
Sirius nodded but didn’t say anything else.
“Let’s start with where you want the tattoo. Maybe we can narrow it down from there.”
“My chest,” Sirius said. He clenched his jaw, a muscle twitching in the corner of it.
“Over your heart?” Remus guessed.
Sirius shook his head. He looked like he needed a moment, so Remus returned his attention to the notebook, flipping through a few pages.
“Growing up,” Sirius finally said, and Remus looked up at him, “my brother wasn’t… my brother. At least not that I realised. I only recently found out—through the journal—that I’d had a brother this whole time.”
Remus thought that sounded like a very complicated family situation.
He glanced back down at the notebook and saw the word ‘girl’ written several times, all of them crossed out. He turned the page and saw a girl’s name written as well, also crossed out.
Maybe it wasn’t a complicated family situation.
“You thought you had a sister?” he asked.
Sirius nodded. “I want to honour him, who he really was.”
“That’s really lovely,” Remus said, touched by this man’s devotion to his brother’s true memory.
“I want it in the spot where—if he’d ever had the chance—he would have gotten top surgery.”
That surprised Remus, although he wasn’t sure why. It was a sweet idea, if a little on the dramatic side. It felt very personal, very raw.
Remus felt compelled to say, gently, “Not every trans man gets top surgery. I did, but—”
“He wrote about it,” Sirius said quickly. “In the journal. He wrote about it a lot. He drew it, too, what he thought the scars would look like. It would sort of link us, you know, if I got something as permanent as this done in the same spot. He would have had his scars, and I’ll have this ink and…” He trailed off, giving Remus a look like he needed Remus to understand. Remus did.
“All right,” he said. “So we know where you want the tattoo. Now we just have to decide which drawing you’d like.”
Sirius held out his hand, and Remus handed the notebook over. He watched as Sirius flipped through it, drawn in by his long fingers, his thin wrist. He looked so delicate, and yet there were so many hard edges to him. He was intoxicating to look at.
“He wanted to be called Regulus,” Sirius said, sliding the notebook over.
Remus took the notebook and looked down at the page Sirius had decided on. There was one constellation drawn on the top half, each star labelled. It was, according to the scribble next to it, the Canis Major constellation. A second drawing of stars was underneath, the Leo constellation. Remus scanned the star names and saw Sirius within Canis Major, Regulus within Leo.
“You want the constellations?” Remus asked, liking the idea.
“I already have mine. But I think it could be nice to add his.”
“It would be very nice. What does yours look like? Would you want it to match?”
“Mine’s on my arm,” Sirius said, reaching for his shoulder. “It’s simple, it’s one of the first ones I ever got. Just black dots and lines. I think… I might like some colour for this one, though. Make it stand out.”
“Sure. Galaxy colours are fun. Would you want it to be pinks and blues, maybe? For the trans flag?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Sirius said. A slow smile crept across his face, his eyes lighting up. “Maybe, yeah. Maybe a mix of other colours as well.”
“Could do purple, that’s a common colour for these kinds of things.”
Sirius nodded, still smiling. “I like it.”
“If you give me a few minutes, I can draw something for you, to see if it’s what you want.”
“All right. Should I…” Sirius gestured towards the door.
“Only if you want. I don’t mind if you stay.”
Sirius nodded and didn’t get up. Remus took out a fresh piece of paper and, looking between it and the notebook, drew out the Leo constellation in black coloured pencil. Then he took out pencils in a few shades of blue, some purples, and a few pinks, and began to shade the background of the drawing.
He could feel Sirius’s eyes on him, and after a minute or so he glanced up and met Sirius’s gaze. Sirius just smiled at him, and there was something sort of flirty in it. Or maybe that was wishful thinking.
Remus finished the drawing and handed it to Sirius, watching his face to gauge his reaction. He smiled, at first, but then his expression faded into something sad again.
“I love it,” he said. He took his time staring at the drawing before finally setting it down. “When can we start?”
Remus checked the time. “I have an appointment in about an hour. We could probably get the line work in before then if we’re quick. You’d have to come back for the shading. Or we can make an appointment for you to get it done all at once.”
“Let’s make an appointment. Are you open tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’m free around this time if that would work.”
“How about 1 o’clock?”
Remus nodded and added Sirius’s name to the schedule pinned on the wall. “You’re all set.”
Sirius stood, taking the notebook and slipping it back inside his jacket. “Thank you, Remus. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you,” Remus said as Sirius walked out of his office.
He watched as Sirius stopped to talk to Tonks on his way out, noting how casually they talked and the way Tonks got him to laugh at her line about not being allowed to tattoo anyone.
He couldn’t help but wonder if Sirius was straight.
Not that it mattered. Not that he would be jealous if Sirius wanted to flirt with Tonks.
Remus was a professional, after all. He could handle his attraction. Sirius wasn’t the first hot guy he’d tattooed, and he wouldn’t be the last. It really didn’t matter.
When Sirius came back to the studio the next day, he was in his leather jacket again. He wore it like a second skin, and it emphasised how dark his hair was. He had his hair down this time, and it tumbled past his shoulders, just slightly wavy. He had on dark jeans again as well, his body one long line of black.
“Afternoon,” Remus said, going over to shake Sirius’s hand. “I have some formalities to go over with you, and then we can get started.”
“Straight to business, eh?”
Remus shot him a smile but still brought him back into the office. He had Sirius fill out a basic form and pay for the tattoo as he explained what his process was and asked if there were any questions.
“This isn’t my first tattoo,” Sirius said.
“I know. Still.”
“No questions.”
“Good. You’ll need to take your shirt off, obviously. You can leave your clothes in here if you’d like. Meet me out there when you’re ready.”
Sirius stood and unzipped his jacket. Remus went out to his chair to get set up, giving Sirius some privacy. When he looked up, Sirius was coming out of the office shirtless, and Remus saw that he had really meant it when he said this wasn’t his first tattoo.
He had an artful collection on his arms and front. There were flowers and vines winding their way up his forearms. There was his constellation tattoo high up on his right arm. On his left arm there was a tree with the moon behind it. There were runes and other symbols Remus didn’t recognise scattered across him. On one side, he had a wand with fire spouting from the tip. On the other side he had two rainbow-coloured dragons facing each other, forming a heart shape with their scaly bodies.
“Ready for me?” he asked.
Remus nodded, so Sirius sat in the chair, shifting his weight until he was comfortable. Remus got on his stool and tilted the chair back until he had a good angle and access to Sirius’s chest.
He couldn’t help but notice how good and soft Sirius’s hair looked this close up, and how good he smelled. He smelled like summer rain and leather.
“Any last words?” Remus asked as he put on his gloves.
“Don’t judge if I squeal.”
Remus smirked and took up his tattoo machine.
Despite the warning, Sirius made no sound as Remus got to work. He tensed a little, and his breathing was very careful, purposeful, but he was quiet.
Another client came in, thankfully for Tonks, and Remus listened as she went through her greeting spiel and worked out what the client wanted. They talked for a while because Tonks was always very friendly with her clients, but eventually they went quiet as Tonks got to work.
“How’s the pain?” Remus asked, looking up from Sirius’s chest to his face.
“I’ve had worse,” Sirius said, but Remus didn’t entirely believe him. He was pale, and Remus knew that getting a tattoo over the ribs wasn’t pleasant.
“We can talk if you need a distraction,” he offered.
“I’m plenty distracted,” Sirius said. “Now that I’m doing this, I… can’t stop thinking about him.”
“We can talk about that if you like.” When Sirius didn’t protest, Remus asked, “What happened, exactly?”
Sirius sighed. “He’s just gone,” he said. “I think he...”
“But you don’t know for sure?”
“Well there’s no body. Can’t exactly say what happened.”
Remus frowned and leaned in a little closer to Sirius’s chest, keeping an eye on the bleeding. “But you think he’s dead?”
“Everyone’s sure of it. He wouldn’t run away,” Sirius said. “I was always the one to do that. He was… much better behaved.” He sighed again. “I just wish I had known. I could have helped, I could have been there for him. I wish… I wish so many things.”
“It’s hard to accept when these things happen,” Remus said. “It might help to remember that it’s not really about you. Your brother had the right to keep things to himself. He didn’t owe anyone that side of him.”
“I’m gay,” Sirius said flatly. “He knew that. He knew I would have understood. If he hadn’t kept it to himself, maybe… maybe he’d still be here.”
“Maybe he is,” Remus said after a moment.
“What, like, he lives on in those who loved him? I’m sick of hearing that.”
“No, not that.” Remus leaned back to look at what he’d done so far and then got back to it. “I’m not trying to offer you false hope. I don’t know what happened any more than you do. But there is a possibility he did simply run away. Maybe he didn’t want to live with his deadname sticking around like a bad smell. Maybe he’s out there, living his best life as his true self.”
Sirius was quiet for a long while, and Remus wondered if he’d crossed a line.
“I hadn’t really thought about that,” he finally said. “I suppose…” He shook his head. “But even when I ran away, I still stayed in touch with him. Every time.”
“Maybe he needs time by himself.” Remus glanced up, but Sirius didn’t look convinced. “It’s just a thought,” he said.
“Yeah.” Sirius licked his lips. “Is that what you did? Run away to start all over?”
“No. But it’s different for everyone.”
Sirius didn’t say anything to that, so Remus returned his attention to Sirius’s chest and worked in silence until he’d done the stars and lines between them. He grabbed a mirror so Sirius could see.
“It’s perfect,” Sirius said, admiring the work with a soft smile. “I think he would have loved it.”
“Good. Ready for the shading?”
Sirius nodded, so Remus started with the darkest shade of blue he’d be using.
Right away, Remus noticed that Sirius seemed to be having a harder time with this than he’d had with the outlining. He was clenching his fists and grimacing, and his eyes were closed. He looked very much in pain.
“If you want,” Remus said, still working on the blue, “there are spells that can be used very carefully to help with the pain without affecting the inking process. Might not be too effective this close to the bone, but we could try.”
Sirius just shook his head, so Remus continued, working through the dark blue before moving onto the purple.
He was on a lighter shade of blue before Sirius finally said, “Can we take a break?”
“Absolutely.” Remus stopped his work and wiped away the blood and excess ink as thoroughly as he could.
Sirius took a deep breath, and Remus could see him trying to relax his muscles. “Can I use your toilet?” he asked.
Remus directed him to the loo on the side of the studio. He stood and stretched out his back, thinking that he didn’t envy Sirius in this. He was already greatly hurting emotionally, and now he was putting himself through more pain to get this tattoo. It would have been too much for Remus.
When Sirius came back out, he sat in the chair again, seemingly ready to get back to work.
“Would you rather come back for a second session?” Remus asked. “Give yourself a bit of recovery time?”
“Eager to see me again?” Sirius asked, a sly smile on his lips.
Remus could feel his face heating up. “It’s just an option,” he said, trying to stay professional.
Sirius looked at him for a moment, and then he dropped the smile. “I’d like to finish it today.”
“No problem.”
Sirius relaxed against the chair, and Remus got back to work with the shading. It was turning out nicely, he thought. The colours were bright, and they blended well, and they made the constellation pop.
The rest of the session was done in silence, save for the occasional check-in where Remus would ask how Sirius was feeling and Sirius would just nod.
Before long, Remus was done. He finished up the last touches of pink and stood, taking a step back to take in the whole picture.
“Well?” Sirius asked.
Remus got him the mirror again, and when he saw the finished product, Sirius grinned.
“Thank you,” he said. “It’s exactly what I wanted.”
“I’m glad.”
Remus cleaned up Sirius’s chest and bandaged the area for him before letting him get dressed.
“I might come back,” Sirius said when he emerged from the office with his shirt and jacket on. “It could be nice to get some colour on my other one, to make them match.”
“You’re welcome back anytime,” Remus said.
Sirius smiled and held out his hand. “Thanks for your help.”
Remus shook his hand, holding on a little bit longer than necessary. “Glad to be of service.”
“Cheers.” Sirius gave Tonks a nod and then let himself out.
“You should have asked him for a drink,” Tonks said as soon as he was gone.
“What?”
“You obviously like him. And he was flirting with you! You should have asked him out.”
“I don’t make moves on my clients,” Remus said, but now he was thinking of all the what-ifs. What if he had asked Sirius for a drink? What if they’d gone on a date? What if he’d got to touch Sirius’s hair? What if they’d kissed? What if Sirius’s lips had fit perfectly against Remus’s? What if…
“You should live a little,” Tonks said.
Remus shook his head and went into the office to add Sirius’s payment to the books.
A little more than a week later, towards the end of the day, Remus was wiping down his chair after a client and getting ready to close up the studio.
The bell above the door rang, and Remus glanced over his shoulder, hoping no one was expecting to get a tattoo this late.
Sirius was in the doorway, positively beaming at him.
Remus straightened up and turned to face him. “Back for that colour already?” he asked.
“You were right,” Sirius said, stepping inside the studio and letting the door swing shut behind him. “Regulus—he’s alive.”
Remus blinked at him. It would be a lie to say he hadn’t thought about Sirius since his appointment. But he’d nearly forgotten all about the reason Sirius had wanted his tattoo in the first place.
“That’s incredible,” he said, drinking in the way Sirius was practically radiating happiness. “He came back?”
“No, but he owled me. You were right. It wasn’t about me. He just needed time.”
“Brilliant. I’m happy for you. Truly, that’s wonderful news.”
“Look,” Sirius said, walking closer to Remus. “I want to bring him by sometime, so he can get his first tattoo. The same as mine. I told him my new tattoo artist was trans, and he got so excited.”
Remus laughed a little. “I’d be happy to tattoo him. Anytime.”
Sirius looked at him, his smile shifting to something softer. “It wouldn’t be for a while. He says he’s not ready to come back yet. But… maybe there’s a way we could see each other sooner.”
Remus didn’t understand at first, but then Sirius stepped up close.
“Oh,” Remus said, heat rushing through him.
“Could I buy you a drink sometime?”
“I told you so!” Tonks shouted from across the studio, and Remus startled. He’d forgotten she was even there.
Sirius laughed and leaned in, brushing his fingers against Remus’s. “What do you say?”
“I—yes. I’d love to.” Remus couldn’t stop himself from grinning.
“Tonight?” Sirius asked.
Remus nodded. “I just have to—”
“I’ll lock up,” Tonks said. “Go have fun.”
Sirius stepped back. “Shall we?” he asked, turning towards the door.
Remus followed him, ignoring Tonks giving him thumbs up, the what-ifs from the week before solidifying in his head as definite potentials, maybe even plans he could pursue. The night felt young, and he had a gorgeous man treating him to a drink, the world was a considerably happier place now that Regulus was found, and Remus was open to anything. With Sirius, the possibilities felt endless, and Remus was ready.