Work Text:
Name: CJ Hook.
Known Aliases: That Crazy Hook Girl; The Youngest Hook; The Blonde Hook; The Youngest Supersmart Most Talented Genius Hook Who Is The Best Pirate Ever To Sail The Seven Seas. Okay, I made that last one up.
Nicknames or Other: None. Despite what my siblings tried to call me when I was little. I do NOT answer to Calista, Jane, Callie, Lista, List, Calist, Listy, Lissie, or Janey. My family can call me by my full name, but none of these ridiculous nicknames. I'm CJ. And nobody else can call me by my full name. Just ask Mad Maddy what I did that one time.
Date of Birth or Best Guess: July 7.
Place of Birth: The Jolly Roger.
Favorite Color: Red.
Favorite Activity: Stealing, pillaging, smashing stuff, hoisting the sails, actually sailing, feeling the sea breeze, fishing, stealing my brother's hook, teaching the Smee twins how to do everything just like me, sneaking around perfecting my moving-around-unseen skills, and kidnapping your king.
Favorite School Subject: All the things I'm good at.
Father's Name (or alias): Captain James Hook.
Mother's Name (or alias): Zarina Sidhe Hook.
Father's Profession: Pirate captain. I mean, obviously.
Mother's Profession: None, because she's been dead for like ten years. That's what happens when you just dump everyone behind a magic barrier! Thanks for nothing!
Who is your favorite of the first wave of VKs? There is no wrong answer. Me!
Look, you just said in the question that there is no wrong answer. So I picked myself. By "first wave of VKs" you meant all the other kids who got off the Isle until now? Well, I'm one of them! So I picked myself!
Sheesh, you'd think that after what happened with my father and Peter Pan people would learn that Hooks are way better with words and loopholes than anybody else, but nope, never.
In your own words, tell us why you want to come to Auradon. There is no wrong answer. Haha, the joke's on you! I'm already in Auradon! Look out for CJ Hook! I've been running around for a year now and you haven't caught me! Your security is so lax, you'd think you would have at least been more careful with your genie lamps and wishes! But nope! Here I am! Ha ha ha! I'm just filling out this ridiculous application for the fun of it! Honestly, your questions are inane! Why do you care what my favorite color is?
You know, writing evil laughter isn't nearly as much fun as actually cackling out loud. Oh well.
I wouldn't mind if my siblings got off, though. Or the Smee twins or Sammy.
Seriously, why do you think I kidnapped your king? I was gonna use him to blackmail you to get my family off! Proving myself as a Hook! My brother and sister would owe me! I'd be their equal! We'd all have a life!
Oh well.
I suppose Harriet will just have to kidnap Ben next and negotiate. It would be fun to watch.
Anyway, I guess I'll go mail this now to Auradon Prep. I just wish I could see Fairy Godmother's face when she reads this. Or Benny's. Or Malsy's.
Coming up with embarrassing nicknames is more fun than writing evil laughter. I'll make a note of this.
Bad luck trying to find me! Hooks always win!
Signature: CJ Hook.