Work Text:
Luffy was coughing. He had tried to take a drink of water to keep from laughing. It didn't go so well.
Zoro was also coughing. Not because he was choking down beer, but because “Legend Larry's Signature Hot Wings” were a bit spicier than he remembered.
The first one had been fine. Nice and juicy. Good flavor. Decent bite. The second was... not too bad. Dip it in some ranch and it'll be fine. Some warming heat. By the third, Zoro knew something was up. Sanji's smirk was a common enough occurrence, but Luffy's barely contained laughter could only spell trouble. The rubbery freak had been bouncing in his seat ever since the food arrived, and it seemed hunger was only partly the reason.
Zoro looked again at his plate. Were his wings a brighter red than the other two? Nah, they couldn't be. He wouldn't have. When would he have? How many smoke breaks had Sanji taken? The real question was whether he tipped off the waitress or just snuck into the back and seasoned them himself. The bastard was right at home in kitchen. He would of blended right in wouldn't he? Well fine. He thinks this will beat him? Bring it on.
Zoro distracted himself with thoughts of their other friends while he tore into the next chicken wing. The girls had opted to go to that place Sanji liked, Bar Atie or something. Zoro was surprised Sanji didn't join them at the time. Made sense now of course. Normally he'd kill for the opportunity to fawn over their more delicate friends. No, if he was being honest they were hardly delicate. Robin could pin you down in a fight no problem (goddamn handsy motherfucker). And Nami? Nami just plain played dirty. Usopp and Chopper had stayed back home with videogames and delivery pizza. They had had the foresight not to join Luffy on an all-you-can-eat chicken wing fiesta. That damn pizza was starting to sound pretty damn good right about now.
Zoro was sweating as he grabbed the pitcher and refilled his beer. He felt like his entire being was focused on his lips and mouth. He swallowed half of the glass in a few gulps. He scrunched his face and coughed again as the steadily increasing burn failed to subside. It was about then that Luffy lost it.
“HA HA HA HA *cough* I just! I mean you! Your FACE! AHAHAHA!” Luffy repeatedly slammed his hand on the table and laughed openly. Sanji clasped his hands behind his head and leaned back without saying a fucking word. GODDAMN that smirk pissed him off.
Zoro chewed on his next wing, and without breaking eye contact, grabbed Luffy's dish of ranch and downed it like a shot. He spit out a bone and chomped onto the next one before he started coughing again.
---
Really now, it was all in good fun. Just stroll behind the counter and let the waitress know about the correction in their order.
“Oh no no no, when he said, 'signature hot wings' he meant the really hot wings. You know, the ones that put hair on your chest, make paint curl, that kind of thing. That stuff you use in those stupid competitions? Oh yes. Perfect.” A flick of his hair, a lean in the right direction, it had been child's play, and really he had gone out for a smoke afterwards so it was hardly even a lie.
He'd let Luffy in on the joke with a text message and was honestly surprised his bouncing friend hadn't read it out loud or somehow tipped off the green-haired freak. Oh, and that look of realization on the moss-head's face had been worth missing out on the girls exclusive company.
Yet as one friend practically fell out of his seat with laughter, and the other downed another beer, he almost felt... impressed? That sauce was HOT. He'd expected the idiot to take a bite, complain and pass them to Luffy. Instead he'd taken it as some sort of challenge. How many of those things had Zoro eaten so far? Ten? Twelve? The official hot wing challenge was ten wings in ten minutes. Surely he couldn't have eaten much more than that... right? Zoro leaned forward in his chair as his coughing increased in volume and then sharply cut off. His eyebrows furrowed deeply and looked around the table, to Luffy, to Sanji. What was that bastard?... Oh Shit! He was choking!
Sanji whipped around the table behind Zoro, palmed one hand over his fist, lined them up and pulled.
One. Two. Come on! The gross ball of bone and meat plopped onto the table and Zoro gasped loudly.
*COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH* “SANJI” *GASP* “ASS! FUCK!” *COUGH* “OFF!”
After a moment's delay Sanji realized he was still holding on tightly and released his grip on Zoro's shirt. He raised both hands and took a few steps back. Luffy flashed from confused to concerned.
“Oh man Zoro! You okay?” Luffy straightened his hat and leaned over the table with a worried look. Damn, now Sanji really felt like shit.
Zoro stood up without looking at either of them. “Need air *cough* gonna step outside.” He strolled past onlooking tables as their nervous waitress approached the table.
“Oh my! Are you- is he okay?” The pretty little thing wrung her hands nervously. Great now he'd ruined this one's night as well.
Sanji rubbed the back of his head and sighed. “Yeah he'll be alright. Luffy you go check on him. I'll square up the bill.”
“Nuh uh. You go. I'll take care of it.”
Sanji looked down at his friends serious face, arms folded in front of him. It just wasn't right to see Luffy without a smile. He was right though, if there was anyone who needed to apologize it was him. With a deep breath he readied a cigarette and headed for the door.
---
Goddam it almost burned worse the second time. Zoro heaved the mush of beer and chicken into the bushes by the door before he noticed Sanji’s presence. Didn’t even need to turn around, that goddamn smoke was about as subtle as a brick to the face.
“You know,” Sanji took a long drag, “You really ought to learn how to hold your liquor.”
Zoro glared up from his crouched position, “Yeah? Well you-!” his retort lost at the pained look on Sanji’s face. The bastard was very distinctly not looking at him. What was he actually sorry? He wiped his mouth, sighed, and went to sit on the bench by the curb. Maybe he shouldn't have up-chucked it so close to the front door. Well whatever. The blond followed but didn't move to sit.
“Sanji look,” Zoro started. “I can only handle so much of your shit cooking in one sitting.” His lips curled up in a sarcastic smile “I'm not fucking Luffy you know.” Sanji looked down at Zoro with a look of mildly confused surprise.
He recovered quickly. “Hey if I’d made them you'd be licking your fingers begging for more!”
Zoro shot up, “Yeah? Like you'd ever be caught making something as mundane as chicken wings!”
“Says you!” Sanji huffed, “If I served you my barbeque I'd have you bent over backwards just begging to chew on the bones!
“Well why don’t you make some?!”
“Well maybe next time I will!”
“Well good!” They were yelling by now. “Maybe I'll just eat all of them!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
Moments passed as the pair glared face to face for a few moments before Zoro dropped back onto the bench.
Sanji ran his fingers through his bangs and sighed. “Look I'm sorry alright? It was stupid and I shouldn't have done it.”
Zoro looked over at the blond chef as he sat down next to him. His cigarette had gone out and his hands were clasped in front of him as he leaned forward. Was Sanji actually apologizing? That was new,and really, it wasn't his fault he'd tried to drink and breath and eat all at the same time.
“You uh,” Zoro started. “Don't worry about it,” and after a moment added, “thanks.”
It was Sanji’s turn to be surprised. “What? Thanks for what?”
“You know, I mean, choking and shit! I seriously couldn't breath! Luffy was too busy falling out of his chair but I just looked at you and, I donno, you just knew! If you hadn't been there I-”
Sanji cut him off, “If I wasn't there you wouldn't be spewing hot sauce into the bushes in the first place. I fucked up.” After a pause he added, “I mean it.”
Zoro strained a smile at Sanji. Shit like this always happened between them. Someone would start some competition over who had the biggest slice of pizza, or who could lift the heaviest furniture in the room, and it would spiral out of control until Usopp had melted cheese dripping down his face or the couch was broken again. It was fun in a way, the rivalry of it, just blowing off steam. If only they could have a fucking conversation without fucking things up.
Zoro leaned back and looked up at the night sky. “Right now all I think I need is some mouthwash and a cold beer.” He scrunched his nose looking at the bushes, “yeah, still want a beer.”
“Heh,” Sanji chuckled. “It's still early. That could probably be arranged. Assuming you can hold it in.”
Zoro opened his mouth to retort when Luffy stumbled out of the front doors, his arms full of take out bags.
“Hey guys!” he exclaimed. “You know they don't normally let you take all-you-can-eat stuff home but they made an exception for us! I even got some more of those super hot wings! I wanna see how spicy they really are.” He shuffled his full arms and tossed a cloth bundle at Zoro. “They said this was for you.
Zoro unfolded the bundle to reveal a red and yellow T-shirt that read “Legend Larry's! Keeping it Spicy All Night Long!” The shirt was at least a size and a half too small to fit. Sanji held back a snicker while Luffy smiled on. “Yeah well here,” Zoro tossed the shirt back to Luffy and stood to leave. “You take it, I've had enough spice for one night.”