Work Text:
I hope all my days
Will be lit by your face
I hope all the years
Will hold tight our promises
The first curls of a smile line her cheeks at the sight of the children laughing and chasing each other through the festival streets. Lauren steps back to give them room, turning to watch Will laughing over Kym's fallen ice cream that now is melting into the concrete, her face in total shock and sadness.
It's a warm day, just like all those years ago, and the soon to be night will be a comforting chill from the ocean breeze that cradles her into the lull amongst the glistening faint glow of the stars. They peak through as the horizon shimmers along the banks of the waves that flow effortlessly into the sun.
Here is where they say their farewells. But it's not a forever goodbye.
I don't wanna be old and sleep alone
An empty house is not a home
I don't wanna be old and feel afraid
"It's not forever!" she cries over his body, holding him tighter with every sob.
"It's not!" she wails.
"Lauren-"
"LAUREN!" Kym grabs her arm, releasing the woman from the hypnotizing stupor of the sea that brought the memories flooding back into her mind. "It's almost time to light the lanterns!"
When the hues of blue and purple fill the sky, the films of red and orange soon light it with the last whispers of those that have lost loved ones. Kym sniffles as she lights the first lantern, Lauren holding her close as they both say a prayer for Daena.
They help Will next. He picks up two, lighting the first for his deceased foolish father. The anger, frivolous burdens, guilts, and fears blow away with the wind that takes it, the lantern swaying in the sky as it begins its drift home. The second is for Rafael, who saved his mother and sacrificed his own. The tragic loss of an unsung hero forever kept within the spark of the fire that lights the lantern high into the sky as it floats away with the hundreds sparkling like the distant stars they soon greet.
They all move in close for a group hug and stay there with the silence of the sea. Kym reaches for the last lantern behind her before placing it between them all. It fit comfortably in their hands as they each looked at one another and then down at the last prayer they'd like to say.
"Rest easy my friend," Will cracks, handing the matches to Lauren.
They all miss you. I miss you, Kieran.
Kym chokes up before being able to speak, burying her wet tears into Will's chest. He holds her close, giving Lauren some space as she holds onto it tightly.
Turning around, she places a gentle kiss on the lantern.
"Find the stars, my friend. This one for you, Dylan," she whispers softly and lights it. The fuel of the fire warms her fingers and then it's gone, already joining the others as it bobs gently in the wind. A long exuberant sigh leaves her, turning back to see her best friends heading off the beach to give her some space.
She takes the time to slip off her sandals, the grains of cool sand tickling her toes and grazing over her pale skin.
I need a place that's hidden in the deep
Where lonely angels sing you to your sleep
Though all the world is broken
She walks the sea line and through the crowds of cheers and sadness until she reaches the furthest end. It’s dark and quiet, minus the sudden rushes of nature reminding her of the inevitable. The reason why any of this is happening.
The words clash in her head like the rogue waters, "It's not forever!"
"Lauren-" his voice is coarse. Kieran's cold and trembling fingers reach toward her, his palm flattening upon her chest and against her heart. "This…is forever. We are forever.”
Crouching low, no one can see the way she balls up into a shaking mess. Her sobs aren't heard in the desolate darkness. No one hears the frustrated blood curdling scream that follows or the minutes it takes for her to recover the air in her lungs and breathe.
When she's slowed the tears and cleared the embarrassing disaster upon her face, she grabs from her pocket a purple hyacinth.
~~~
“I can’t live without you!” she cries out over the faint glimmer of his ocean eyes. “Kieran, please stay with me.” Her hand reaches for his own still flattened against her chest. Gripping tight, her eyes widened at what was beneath his palm and against the beat of her rapid heart as he mouths the words that lay in the form of a single flower.
She’s not able to respond, his hand sliding away from her and she grabs out, the purple hyacinth being squeezed between her fingers. The glimmer faded and the last of his voice was already just a memory.
“Kieran?” she shakes with the question. The unbearable truth.
There’s only silence. The silence that carries itself along the waves of the water brushing in to bring her back to the world that is broken.
~~~
Looking down at the flower in her hand, she can’t help but crack a smile. The poor thing has seen better days. It was at its own end.
"Just like you, I suppose,” she whispers to herself. Lauren feels that crease return to her cheeks. The smile she missed. The one you always gave me.
"Let him guide you," she speaks softly to it, wiping the tears before they could further feed the sand.
Finally moving to her feet, Lauren crossed the way toward the sea, letting the cold waves cross her ankles and pull her in. By now, the lanterns have all bathed the sky and followed the sun, the ones left behind floating among the sea. Tightly gripping the flower, Lauren bites her lip until it bleeds and kneels into the sand. The bristle cold numbs her fingers as she dips into the water and lets go her last goodbye. "I'm sorry, Kieran,” she says with absolution.
I need a place where I can make my bed
A lover's lap where I can lay my head
Cause now the room is spinning
The day's beginning
Lauren watches it caress the waves, and by surprise, it bellows, lifting up softly and welcoming the sky. It lifts like the feeling of the heavy weight that plagued her heart.
I forgive you for not being here. For leaving me so soon. I forgive you for not allowing me the chance to show you the joy and love you deserved in this world.
Her smile is felt once more, accompanied with her tears and the peace that moves in like the ocean waves that push her from its shores.
Though all the world is broken, my love for you will be forever, always.