Work Text:
Shang Qinghua often found himself missing things from his past life. Movies, music, certain foods. And also how easy it was to just go to any drugstore and buy some lube.
In the world he was currently it wasn't so easy, of course there were homemade recipes, but many of them didn't smell right or worked so well. So he was very grateful to have found a store that sold a suitable product so that he could enjoy his moments in his king's bed without worrying too much about sanitary issues about the products that were coming in contact with their genitals, even if he had to leave the demon realm to get what he wanted. Or at least he didn't mind if the lube was in stock (a fair number of times he made the journey only to find that some asshole had bought it all).
That day he was surprised to enter the store and see Shen Qingqiu in the store talking to the man behind the counter.
“Please send me a message when the product arrives.” Shen Qingqiu said.
“Of course, anything for my best client.” the shopkeeper said and went to the back.
And just then Shen Qingqiu saw the man he still thought of as Airplane shooting towards the sky there looking at him.
Shen Qinqqiu had his face consumed by a blush and through clenched teeth he said:
"If you make any stupid comments, you're a dead man."
“I don't know why you're embarrassed, you're literally married to Binghe. And you know I'm here for the same reason you are. ”
He thought Shen Qingqiu was going to get out of there. But to his surprise the second transmigrator kept looking at him.
"I'm not embarrassed for the reason you think, if this was our world I would just order online, but because you didn't put internet in this world, I have to come in person."
“If I had put the internet in this world you would have criticized my worldbuilding in your reviews.”
“And with good reason! But I'm not embarrassed to be married to Binghe, okay? I would feel ashamed to be seen buying such products from someone I know even if I were married to a woman.”
Shang Qinghua had some doubts about that, but he thought it best not to comment. Better change the subject a little bit.
“So when did you discover this place?”
“About six months ago.”
“I've been coming here for a year and a half now, but unfortunately the store has been having a problem with the supplier, it's the third time I've come here and it's out of stock.”
Shen Qingqiu looked embarrassed again, and only then did Shang Qinghua realize what was happening.
“Are you the one who keeps buying all the lube?”
“I need to buy as much as I can okay? Because of you I have to wear a lot every time. And the other ones I've tried don't work so well.”
For a second Shang Qinghua was confused, but then he realized that Shen Qingqiu was probably referring to certain artistic choices Shang Qinghua had made regarding a certain part of his protagonist's anatomy
"Oh right. I had forgotten about that. Anyway, you're welcome."
"You're welcome? You're welcome??? YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE! THANKS TO YOUR ABSURD ANATOMY DESCRIPTION I LIVE IN PAIN, YOU ASSHOLE. NOT EVERYONE IS A SIZE QUEEN."
“If that's the case. I'm sure Binghe wouldn't mind bottoming, I've always thought of him as a switch."
“That's not the point and…wait what?”
"I'm sure Binghe wouldn't mind letting you top."
"Not that part...Are you telling me that my husband was also gay in that piece of shit you wrote?"
“Bi actually…you thought you made him gay? That you are so irresistible that you turned a completely straight man gay?”
Actually yes, that was precisely what Shen Qingqiu believed, but if what Shang Qinghua was saying was true then that was not the case. Which was bad for his ego, but more importantly it went against the canon of the horrendous web novel he'd spent years following and whose world he now inhabited.
"You never mentioned it in the original book, or in the character profile."
"It wasn't relevant to the plot, my readers didn't need to know everything."
“I needed to know! If you had told me that I would have figured out a lot of things sooner.”
"Well, I'm sorry I guess."
"Saying you're sorry isn't enough!" Shen Qingqiu said and left the store indignantly.
About a minute later the shopkeeper returned.
“Oh good morning Master Shang, unfortunately the special oil is out of stock today, it should arrive in the next few days.”
“Alright, I would like to place an order for when it arrives.”
"I'm afraid we still don't deliver packages to the demon realm."
“No problem, I have a different delivery address this time.”
.
.
.
A few days later Shen Qingqiu was called by one of his disciples saying that a big box arrived for him.
Shen Qingqiu got a bad feeling about that, but told them to put the box in his room. After finishing his lessons for his students that day, Shen Qingqiu went to his room and saw that they hadn't exaggerated the size of the box. He also saw that they had forgotten to mention that there was a letter in the box. Shen Qingqiu broke the wax seal and found inside the envelope a single sheet of paper with the following words:
My friend, I would like to express my sincere apologies for all the pain my artistic choices have caused you in the past, I hope this helps alleviate some of your suffering in the future.
And in place of the signature there was only a drawing of an airplane.
Shen Qingqiu opened the box and found inside it three huge gallons of lube and he was sure that Plane shooting towards the sky must have giggled like an idiot while writing his note.
Shen Qingqiu crumpled the paper in his hand and threw it in the trash. But he kept the gallons of lube in his room.