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After a lot of things happen—after Stede picks up his marooned crew and hears of how Ed’s personality has turned, after he catches up with the Revenge, after he defuses the initial confrontation, after he takes in the ragged darkness all over Ed’s face and the pain in his eyes, after Ed finally, bluntly tells Izzy to fuck off and let him talk to Stede in peace—Stede finds himself pushed forcefully into the captain’s quarters. They look… different. The heavy curtains are all drawn and dust swirls thick in the air; blankets and various random objects lay scattered across the floor; his shelves are empty—oh, his books, where have they gone?—and the only thing that seems to remain in its original spot is Mary’s lighthouse painting.
Ed storms in behind him, a furious glower marring his face and a dark aura practically emanating off of him. For the first time Stede recognises the man that everyone fears: this is not Edward Teach, this is not his Ed; this is the fearsome and ruthless Blackbeard. Stede crosses his arms over his chest defensively, flicks his eyes over Ed’s face. He may be acting as Blackbeard, but under the scowl, and the smears of dark makeup, and the stubble that is growing in, he looks… heartbroken. Stede can see how upset he is, can see it in his eyes. Those beautiful eyes.
“Ed,” he says hoarsely. Anger flashes across Ed’s expression.
“It’s Blackbeard,” he insists darkly. Stede swallows, shakes his head.
“Not to me,” he says. “To me, you’re Ed.”
“Maybe I was once,” Ed spits, “but you lost that right when you abandoned me.” Stede flinches back. He’s genuinely shocked, although perhaps he shouldn’t be.
“I didn’t abandon you,” he implores quietly. Ed’s eyes darken even further. Stede reaches out, desperately, and grabs his tattooed hand. Ed scowls and tries to wrench it back, but for once Stede won’t let go. It’s a dangerous move—Ed looks a second away from either punching or stabbing him—but he needs to try, he needs to get his point across, he needs Ed to understand.
“I promise,” Stede rushes, “I promise I didn’t mean to.”
“How the fuck can you not mean to abandon someone?” Ed snaps viciously. "I waited for you! For hours, Bonnet!"
“I—I was going to come with you. I was prepared to leave, to sail away with you to the other side of the world, but something happened,” he pleads. Ed scoffs, rolls his dark eyes away. Stede charges on desperately.
“The British admiral, you know, Badminton’s twin? He snuck up on me in the barracks, forced me into the forest at gunpoint.” Ed’s eyes snap back to him—he’s trying to be unaffected, but Stede can see he’s finally got his attention. It doesn’t escape Stede’s attention that Ed has stopped trying to pull his hand away. Stede nods quickly, eager to keep the other man’s focus.
“He was going to kill me, Ed; he was drunk and kept talking about how I was a plague, how I destroy everything, how I ruined my family, how I ruined you.” Ed swallows. “He… at the time I thought he was right. But when he went to shoot me he tripped, and he, uh—” Stede pauses for a second, taking a quick breath. He’d hated the man, but watching him blow his own brains out onto Stede’s shoes had been traumatic, to say the least. “He accidentally shot himself in the head. Um. And I—I didn’t know what to do. He was right, I had ruined Blackbeard. I’d taken you away from the life you’d always known, where you were respected, and forced you into serving the king. And he was right about my family, too; I’d abandoned them callously. I have kids, Ed, two of them; I love them. I thought they would need their father. I… after that I just ran back to my old home. I wanted to repair the damage I’d done to them. And I didn't want to ruin you any further.”
Ed had settled down, listening to him with an unreadable expression the entire time, but now he scoffs and jerks away. His hand falls.
“Yeah, look how that turned out. And you ran back to your wife, you mean,” he mutters. Hurt laces his bitter words.
“No,” Stede insists. “Mary and I… there’s nothing between Mary and I. Never has been, if I’m honest. She preferred me dead; she actually tried to kill me in my sleep.” He forces a shaky little laugh. Ed’s eyebrows do a weird twitch. Stede swallows firmly. “But we worked it out. Worked out that it was better for everyone if I was gone—and she helped me work something else out, too,” he rushes when Ed pulls away again. “Ed, please. Mary’s in love with another man, and I… I’d never been in love before, okay? I didn’t even know how to recognise it. But she taught me what it feels like. She helped me realise I’m already in love, Ed... I’m in love with you.”
Ed stills completely. He stares at Stede in shock. He looks ridiculous with the black makeup smeared all around his wide eyes. Stede loves him so much it hurts.
“And I’m sorry,” he continues. “I am so, so sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to. I thought I was doing the right thing but I was wrong; I only ended up hurting everyone I love again. But we faked my death, I’m free now! I’ve been trying to find you ever since. Because I love you, Ed, and I want to be with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”
Ed swallows roughly. He won’t meet Stede’s eyes anymore; he seems to be tearing up.
“Fuck off,” he attempts to growl, but it comes out more like a defensive whimper.
“Please, Ed. Please let me be with you. I’m… I’m sorry,” Stede echoes plaintively—he doesn’t know what else to say. Ed clears his throat, looks upwards, blinks rapidly, and glances around the room they’re standing in to avoid looking at Stede. Stede sees the moment his eyes catch on the still-pristine lighthouse painting. Ed suddenly points at it, movements jerky and rough.
“Do you know why that’s the only thing of yours I kept in here?” He demands. Stede shakes his head meekly. “Because you’re a fucking lighthouse, Bonnet. You drew me in, and then you hurt me. I showed you who I really was, I gave up everything for you—I gave you my heart! And you threw me away! Nobody has ever hurt me like that before, Bonnet, I've never let anyone get close enough to the real me to do that. You crushed me against the fucking rocks, alright, so I kept that painting to remind myself to stay away from you. So I’d never let myself be vulnerable and get hurt like that again!” he shouts. Stede swallows, blinking back tears. He knows he’d hurt Ed. He could see how badly Ed had taken their splitting apart. But he loved the mad pirate; he didn’t know how to fix this rift but he wanted to, he wanted to more than anything. He wanted his Ed back. He wanted his love back, so badly. He’d barely gotten to experience it before he’d ripped it away from himself. Stede was so fucking stupid. He’d needed the closure from his family, he doesn’t think he could’ve gone guilt-free off with Ed forever without seeing them one last time and explaining everything… but he’d hurt Ed. Badly. Very, very badly.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. It doesn't feel like enough. “I know I hurt you. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life. I’ve loved you since I met you, Ed; I swear I’ll never hurt you again.” Ed shakes his head.
“Light. House.” he grits out. Stede steps closer, takes a deep breath, and cups Ed’s face gently in his hands. Ed’s eyes fly up to meet his, shock and anger bright inside them.
“I am not a lighthouse,” Stede says. “But you’re my beacon. You’ve called me across the ocean, Ed. I’ll follow you anywhere, whether you want me to or not. Not because I want to serve under the great captain Blackbeard, but because I love the man underneath. I love Ed. And I miss you.”
“There is no Ed. This is who I am. I’m Blackbeard.” Ed repeats staunchly. Stede firmly shakes his head.
“No,” he says, “I know that’s not true. Blackbeard is just an act, a character. A bit of fuckery, even. Look at you, Ed; you’re doing this because I hurt you. I know you. And you know me better than anyone else ever has: you know I’m in love with you. You know I didn’t want to hurt you. And I know that this is a defence mechanism—I know you’re protecting yourself against getting hurt like that again. But I promise, I promise, I will never leave you again.”
“You don’t know shit, Bonnet,” Ed growls weakly.
“I know that I love you… and I know that you love me back,” Stede says. Ed flinches back. “You wouldn’t be this hurt if you didn’t. Please let me prove that I won’t hurt you anymore.”
“How can I know that?” Ed finally whispers; his eyes are wet again. “I trusted you, Stede. Blackbeard never trusts anyone. And you broke that trust, and you broke my fucking heart,” he admits. His voice aches—Stede can’t help the upwelling of tears in his eyes at the sound of the raw pain in it. But it’s the first time Ed has called him Stede instead of Bonnet since Stede reboarded his ship.
“Let me earn it back,” he whispers. Ed’s eyes flutter shut in defeat; finally, finally, he leans into Stede’s touch. It’s like he’s dying for the contact but can’t stand it at the same time; his expression looks pained but he keeps his cheek pressed closely to Stede’s palm. Stede’s exhale stutters with emotion. This, he thinks, is progress. He can’t help himself—he leans in and presses a kiss to Ed’s forehead, too full of emotion to hold it back.
Ed’s eyes snap open—he stares at Stede in shock. They hold eye contact for a long minute, standing too close together, something tense in the air between them. This, Stede dimly realises, may be the moment that makes or breaks them.
“...Say it again,” Ed rasps. Stede frowns.
“...Say what?” he questions gently. Ed’s expression twitches uncomfortably.
“Tell me that you love me,” he demands. His eyes search Stede’s face like he’s looking for a fight—like he’s looking for a lie.
“I love you,” Stede replies immediately. Easily. “I love you. I love you so much, Ed. I love you more than anything, and I always will.” The words are the most natural thing he’s ever had to say, and the most honest. There’s no lie to be found. Ed continues studying him for a moment—hesitant and cornered and hurt and, perhaps, a little bit hopeful—then exhales sharply. His eyebrows draw down, his lips press tightly together, and his head tilts towards the floor. He’s crying.
“...I love you, too,” he eventually croaks. It sounds like it hurts him to say; it sounds true. Never before have four tiny words made Stede’s heart swoop and stomach drop and eyes water in such quick succession. “But if you ever do that to me again, I’ll kill you. Never leave me like that again, Stede,” Ed demands, voice shaky.
“Never,” Stede agrees, and he can’t help himself. He tilts Ed’s face back up and steps in close; and when he kisses him it feels more right than ever. It feels like a missing piece of him is slotting back into place. He half expects Ed to resist, to pull away, but instead the pirate clutches him tightly and pulls him impossibly closer. The kiss tastes like the sea—salty tears slip their way in—but it’s all so right. Stede kisses him again, and again, and again; with every one he’s trying to convey how sorry is, how happy he is they’re together again, how desperately he loves Ed, how much he’s missed him. With the way Ed kisses him back Stede knows he’s been missed just as dearly. He’s promised to never leave Ed again, and he intends to make good on that oath, but the way he’s ensnared in Ed’s grip shows him the other man doesn’t intend to let him go again anytime soon either.
Later still, they are lying on the captain’s bed, curled up together under rumpled blankets. Stede leans against Ed’s inked chest and Ed has his arm resting over Stede’s freckled shoulders. They’re quiet; Ed’s eyes are closed and his expression content. Stede has long-since wiped the dark makeup away from around his eyes. He clears his throat.
“I can’t help but notice,” Stede says, finally breaking the peace, “that none of my possessions remain in here.” Ed’s eyes fly open—he suddenly looks sheepish and a little guilty. He coughs awkwardly.
“Yeah, uh, about that… I was pretty pissed off at you.”
“Mhm,” Stede nods along calmly.
“So I kind of… threw all your stuff overboard.”
“Right,” Stede says. “And… the books?”
“...Yeah, the books too,” Ed confirms. Stede presses his lips together, nods, and tries to take it like the brave pirate captain he is.
It doesn’t last long.
He covers his face with his hands and lets out a pitiful, mournful whine.
“But the books,” he bemoans, “why the books?” Ed presses a comforting kiss to his cheek.
“Sorry, love,” he says. “But you’re the only pirate captain who’d keep a library on deck, and I didn’t think I’d be seeing you ever again. Also, I knew you'd hate it. And, again, I was really angry at you.”
“It’s okay,” Stede says, “ I understand.” He keeps his head in his hands. He’s grieving, okay? Ed shuffles closer, pressed another kiss to his cheek, then one to his neck.
“Listen. Next ship we plunder, I’ll loot the library just for you. Promise,” he says. The bastard almost sounds amused, beneath the current of vague regret in his voice. Stede peeks out at him.
“...Promise?”
“‘Course, mate.” Stede smiles at him, then.
“I love you,” he says, and it immediately makes Ed soften. His eyes go warm and soft as he stares at the gentleman beside him. Stede is so glad that the man he loves is still there, that he hadn’t hurt him beyond repair, that he can still tug him out from underneath the Blackbeard veneer.
“I love you too,” Ed replies softly, and their next kiss feels just as good as their first.