Work Text:
Acorn
/ˈāˌkôrn/ noun
the fruit of the oak tree, a smooth oval nut in a rough cup-shaped base.
Ian was confused when his teacher came up to him, tapped on his shoulder and told him he had just been signed out. Ian was in third grade, been attending real school for four years and never in that time before had someone come to get him out of school. His mind suddenly was going a mile per minute. What was happening? Was it Fiona? Was something wrong with little Debbie or baby Carl? Did Frank finally drink himself to death? Was Lip getting arrested for one of his stupid schemes? Was Mama gone again and they were going to set out to find her? Many possibilities crossed his mind, none good. He was practically hyperventilating as he shoved the book he had been reading in his book-bag and bolted down the hall.
“Ian, Mr Gallagher you can’t run off!” he heard his teacher call after him but he didn’t look back to see her standing in the doorway, an annoyed expression. He was too busy thinking about the negative.
He finally made it to the office, only slowing to swing open the wooden door that was almost as heavy as him. He was full-on panting, trying to catch his breath. He could feel all the parents and school secretaries looking at him. He avoided them, looking down at his torn up handy down shoes. His head only snapped up when he heard a familiar call. “Ian? Sweetie?” it was Monica, she stood by the front doors of the school. ‘Mama wasn’t gone’ He thought, at least one bad situation was eliminated.
She did however look worried. Distressed even. She rubbed her hands against the front pockets of her coat like she was trying to keep herself warm but couldn’t quite shake a shiver. Her eyes erratically shifted over the office, a familiar look of scepticism. Like she didn’t trust the bodies around her. She was a little sweaty, Ian could see her swipe at her forehead before she ran towards him immediately falling to her knees in front of him. “Hi, my sweet boy” She looked up at him, both her hands falling to catch his wrists in her grip.
“Mama? What’s wrong? Why are you here?” He raised an eyebrow at her, he tried to back up slightly, show her that he didn’t fully trust what was going on but her grasp was too tight.
“Nothing is wrong! What- what would- no! I just wanted to pull you out of lousy school. You don’t need it, you're what? Twelve already?!”
“Nine” Ian softly corrected.
“Right, that’s what I meant” Her hand reached to pet the side of his face, reaching high enough that she played with his red hair in her grasp. Ian continued to eye her unsurely. He knew that she was sick. Fiona had said so. That sometimes she would get hyper and happy and that they couldn’t trust it. Ian was trying hard to not trust her but couldn’t seem to bring himself to pull away. Her eyes looked so kind. So much greener than he remembered when she wouldn’t get out of bed.
“Okay… Well, where’s Lip and Fi?”
Monica laughed at that. “Oh no they’re not here baby, they’re fine at home” Ian knew for sure that was a lie. Lip was in the class across from his and Fiona was busy working across town at her roller skating rink gig.
“Baby, we’re gonna go out together and have some fun! just you and me ok?” her hands were on both sides of his shoulder giving a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t tell the others but you're my favourite to hang out with” her gaze was erratic, not focusing on Ian but instead glancing over what seemed to be every feature of his face.
Her pupils danced. “Just mommy and Ian like we used to do when you were a baby, remember that?” Ian was drawing a blank. He just shook his head, mouth agape, dry and hanging unsure what to say. “Sure you do!” Monica decided for him, she squeezed him one more time drawing their bodies close together.
He wanted to resist it, he really did. Wanted to fight her affection like Fiona and Lip always did so strongly but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t help but melt into her, his entire body wimp in her embrace. His hands pushed away from the locks of blonde hair that hung over her back. He pushed the palm of his hand into her skin, nails followed. He couldn’t let go of her. Afraid that if she did he might disappear again.
“Okay,” he gave in when they pulled away. Didn’t put up any resistance when she decided to pepper kisses along his face. He could feel the residue of her pink lipstick on his face but didn’t care to wipe her away.
“Ma’am you said your child was extremely sick. If you are going to take him out of school just ‘for fun’ I'm afraid I have to ask you to wait till the school day is over to come back and get him” The secretary had now stood up from her chair, looking over the desk to get a view of the two of them situated on the floor.
Monica gave a dignified nod, getting up off her knees and dusting off her ill-fitting, many sizes too big, coat.
“C’mon Ian” she grabbed his hand tightly. “Run!” and they did. Fast down the stairs of the front building and into the parking lot. Monica dragged Ian behind her, laughing and whooping in victory as they left the school premise untouched. Finally, she stopped in front of a blue Honda. Catching shallow breaths and smoothing over her blonde hair as she looked into her reflection in the side-view mirrors. She swallowed hard, giving Ian an unwavering smile.
“Well, come on slowpoke! Hop in!”
Ian double backed to look at the car once more, eyes widened in comical disbelief. He gripped the strap of his backpack for some sort of emotional support before his gaze shifted to Monica. She riffled through her pockets, throwing out some old tissues, cigarette buds and candy bar wrappers onto the pavement beneath them. She finally got the keys holding them up to the sky as if God himself granted them to her.
She unlocked the door, “C’mon!” She repeated, climbing into the driver's seat.
“Mama whose car is this?”
“It don’t matter, we ain’t paying taxes on it!” she laughed and laughed as if that was the funniest thing to ever fall from her pink glossed lips. She then turned the key into the ignition letting out an “oooooh” as the engine worked overtime to start.
Ian settled into the chair with a little wiggle. “Where we going?”
“So many questions with you!” She pulled out of the parking spot immediately hitting a curb. Ian jolted forward, quickly securing his seatbelt around his middle. “What are you, the feds kid? Let loose, we're gonna have some fun!”
She rolled down the windows, her hand immediately stuck out, fighting against the wind as they started much faster. Her hand raised to touch the cold metal exposed behind flaking paint.
When it seemed that she was getting cold, she pulled her hand back in.
“Hey, why are you so tense?” She switched hands-off, hit his belly gently, eyes off the road to look over at him.
“I’m not” he tried to lie, sinking into the seat a little more.
“Uh yes, you are! You gotta be loose, have fun!” She turned the radio up, letting out a gasp when she heard the song that was playing and then turned the dial so the song was ringing through the car, max volume.
“We are strong! No one can tell us we're wrong” she belted the lyrics, head sticking out of the car at the red light in front of her. “Sing Ian, cmon!” she yelled over the noise.
Ian sheepishly obliged. “Searching our hearts for so long” he practically muttered, getting an over-emphasis nod of encouragement from his mom.
“Both of us knowing,” she continued, flashing him a teasing smile. Her head retreated back in when the light turned green and the car behind her honked.
“Love is a battlefield!” They sang together, Ian now a lot less shy.
“Woooo yeah!” Monica applauded, finally reaching to turn the volume down. Ian was glad he could finally hear his thoughts, teeth no longer vibrating from the bass.
“See sweetheart! I told you we would have fun! Aren’t you having so much fun already?!”
“Yeah…I guess”
“I used to sing that song with your daddy ya know?” Monica’s entire expression was overcome by complete and under joy, boarding on Euphoria.
“Frank?!”
She swallowed hard. “Yeah, of course, silly! We used to sing all the time, do some oxy a little fennel if we were lucky that night! Frank was always so happy whose nights he would sing and dance and serenade me” Ian noticed her leg shaking as it moved from the brakes to the gas. She was fidgety, hand circling the rim of the steering wheel's dated leather. Ian thought about his dad, Frank, he didn’t usually do that but when he did, it was always in distaste. Fiona warned Ian to not listen to anything the old drunk would spew out, that he was delusional and drunk. Angry even sometimes, those nights when Mama would leave them. Ian was pretty good at internalising her advice. He would go in through the backdoor if he smelled Frank walking in. Would wait anxiously in his room for Frank to pass out before he would try to scrounge for whatever leftovers he could find for dinner. Ian was good at ignoring Frank. Fiona on the other hand wasn’t the best at taking her own advice. Ian kinda got it, he felt that way towards his mom. No matter how many times he would try to convince himself that she was crazy and didn’t really love them he just couldn’t.
“Maybe one day you’ll sing this song with your love!” Monica tapped his arm, gathering Ian’s attention from his head and back into the real world. He even managed to blush slightly at the thought of that. Repeating something positive his mom did.
“So do you like any girls at school? Any of ‘em hot?” She gave him a mischievous grin, eyebrows wiggling cheekily.
He shook his head. He didn't think about girls that way. Lip said it was because he was too little, but someday he would. Ian was nine, Lip just turned eleven and had already kissed a bunch of girls. Ian didn’t think he was ever gonna be like his big brother.
“No, all the girls are gross” He spit out the window to emphasise his point, wanting to appear tough.
“Bet they are” she pulled him back down to sit properly. “No one is good enough for my Ian, remember that honey. That you are a beautiful, kind boy. Don’t let people take that away from you”. There was a moment of genuine tenderness. Ian didn’t want to blink scared he would wash it away if he did. His mom’s hand on his arm, voice genuine. He didn’t want that moment to end ever . Wanted to be supported and loved by his mom more than anything.
Then it was over. “I’m starving! How about you?”
“I could eat”
“Ooh, Lip you know what we should get!”
“Ian, Mama, you called me Lip”
“Oh shit! - a giggle- sorry E, just got so excited!” She yanked on the steering wheel, getting off on an exit and almost hitting the car behind her in the process. “I have a great idea of what we can eat!” She sang the words, fingers anxiously tapping against the steering wheel in anticipation.
They pulled up to an ice cream parlour, Monica didn’t wait up for Ian, skipping up to the front door. Ian was back at her side when she started ordering. “Can I get a waffle cone, no sugar, no waffle!” she let out a giant giggle, arm snaking around Ian. “with a chocolate chip scoop and a pistachio scoop and a strawberry! And oh do you have hot fudge?” The annoyed teenager that manned the register just nodded. “And just drown the thing in syrup! Ian how ‘bout you? What do you want?” He gave a little shrug but Monica didn’t give him the time to let him decide on his own.
“For my boy, let's make a hot fudge sundae! Can we put one of each of the toppings on it! Just go crazy with it! Oh and can we get a slice of chocolate cake on the side! And pecan?” the teenage girl eyed Monica unsure then sighed.
“Your total’s gonna be $36.60”
“Okay!” Monica once again reached into her jacket, Ian could see her fingers moving through the cheap fabric. She pulled out a wade of cash placing it on the counter in front of her. The employee looked over at her once again, rolling her eyes before sorting the money. She pushed back two dollars as change. Ian was unsure where she got the money but was glad she could at least cover their ‘meal’.
The employee went away briefly, Ian felt Monica grab his hand, full on trembling at this point. Eventually the girl returned with their ice cream. The slices of cake in a separate bag. They said their goodbyes and they were back into the car.
“So! What else does my Ian wanna do today!’ She licked at her cone, her attention not at all on the road in front of her as they were on the move again. Ian thought about it for a moment, taking small bites of his own treat that was mostly just covering his whole chin.
“I wanna learn how to fish” Ian finally decided. His head nodded, content with the decision he had reached.
“Fish? For what? Gold?” Both hands left the steering wheel, squeezing at his stomach. They went back on when the car began to swerve to the right slightly.
“No, like fish f’real. I need to know how to fish if I wanna live in the wilderness”
“The wilderness?” Monica gave a hardy giggle. One too strong of a reaction for the news she had been given. “What are you gonna be doing in the wilderness?”
“I wanna be in the army” His cheeks grew red and warm. She was looking at him again, those green eyes piercing so he chose to avoid them, staring out the cracked open window. “Just like Jo! See!” Ian pulled his backpack up from the floor, fishing out the G.I Joe figuring he always carried around.
“Well, I think that's amazing, baby!” Her voice grew, absolutely dripping in approving delight. “You’re so sweet, always wanting to protect someone. Never lose that thing about you ok?” Her arm reached out, grabbing his arm. “Promise me that Ian” He looked at her. Both sets of green eyes collided for just one moment before he shook his hand free, running it up to tuck a fallen piece of hair threatening his eyes line. “Yeah, Mama... I promise”
Monica squealed again. “Oh Ian, I just had such a great idea! We can go out into the woods, salvage like savages! Kill a bear! Then you’ll really know everything about the wilderness”
Ian stayed quiet, spoon hanging out of his mouth as he rested the plastic against the back of his two front teeth. He knew he should have spoken up, disagreed and made sure she brought him home. That’s what Fiona had coached him to do in situations like this but Mama seemed so good. She wasn’t strung out or lashing out at Frank anymore. She was so cheery. Sure, probably a little too cheery but this was so much better than the alternative. “Okay” Ian agreed, digging his spoon into his ice cream once more. “We can go to Cook County’s park”
“Oh no, sweet boy we’re not going to some lousy park, I want you to experience the real thing!” She pulled the car off of the pavemented road, into the grass off the side as she eyed around, finding a section of tall trees as her guide of where to go.
“I lived in the woods before ya know?”
Ian really wasn’t phased by the absurdity, he was used to hearing way worse in his everyday life, from Frank’s drunk rambles to Lip’s scary school stories. Lip had told him that there was a boy his age whose dad was a Natzi. He didn’t really understand what that meant but he knew they stamped themselves with fire and that was insane enough for Ian.
“Those were the wild days! Lived off of creek water and acorns!”
“Acorns? Like a squirrel?” He couldn’t help the little chuckle that followed, he was genuinely enjoying himself.
“I guess just like one” she matched his smile, licking her cone again. “Yeah, just like them! Acorns are good ya know, did you know that?” She elbowed him getting another little giggle “they're not just for those pesky squirrels! We can roast them! Oh or bake them into cookies! Or drill little holes in them and turn them into necklaces!” Monica’s hands clapped in pure excitement. “Won’t that be so fun sweetheart?!”
The car went down hill, running into a few tree branches before Monica decided they were in a good enough area to get out.
Ian just followed her out of the car, made sure he knew where it was just in case they inevitably got lost. He learned that from a nature show he liked to watch after school. He wasn’t sure where Mama was taking him but he trudged along happily behind, holding her hand to stabilise himself as he walked over the bumpy terrain.
They weren’t really talking but Monica was humming, one of words would come for her that Ian didn’t think had any correlation. He had learned at a pretty young age there was almost never any silence when she was in this state.
Finally they arrived at some field like land buried beneath all the trees. There was a huge oak tree hidden off to the side. Monica dropped Ian’s hand, running towards the towering trunk. “This is the life!” Her back was firm against the wood, she slid down to sit under the shade, Ian of course followed.
“Isn’t this the best?!” She laughed and laughed looking up at the leaves above her.
Ian watched the acorns fall from the tree looming above their head. The tussle of the squirrels fighting over the nuts.
“You and me are from the same tree ya know,” Monica nudged her elbow into his arm “Just two nuts”
Ian accepted that as a fact, as he was told by everyone in his life, he and his mom were a lot alike. The same mannerisms, same green eyes. He was ok being like his mom he thought at that moment of time.
“I love your hair” It was a random declaration. Most things she said were spontaneous, randomly generated. Monica smiled, wrinkles forming around her mouth, she took another bite of her ice cream. “Ya know my sister has hair just like yours! Bright red and fiery!”
“You have a sister?” Ian pushed the napkin further up against his cup, feeling the ice cream start to melt down the side and drip onto his fingers.
“”Yeah I do, she doesn’t talk to me anymore. Thinks I’m nutso” they made eye contact.
Ian hadn’t seen her like that for a while. In between all the mania there was a genuine sadness there. “You don’t think I’m crazy Ian, do you?”
Ian studied her face again. Green eyes begging, desperate. “No Mama, you’re not crazy” his voice was wobbly, he could feel it unsteady in his throat. Monica seemed to believe him though, she let out a big sigh and then the tears came. She threw her cone off to the side, lost to the dirt. She was fully choking back sobs as she reached for Ian, cradling him in her arms.
Monica held onto him like they were about to die there together. Under that tree. She clinged and cradled him repeating the phrase. “I love you, I love you, I love you” over and over and over again. Her hands stroked his red hair and he had no choice but to let her, trying to bring some comfort. “Love this hair” she finally choked out, “One day you’re gonna have someone to love your hair as much as I do too, baby” she then pulled him closer to his chest and Ian didn’t want to bring attention to it then but tears also leaked their way from the corners of his eye.
They sat there under the shade of the tree, critters around them, getting bug bites, just huddled together. Ian let Monica cry. He had seen Fiona cry in the bathroom when he was supposed to be sleeping and she thought she was alone. Never said anything about it. He used to cry when he was younger. He figured that his actual mom and Monica both needed a cry too.
But then it suddenly stopped. Monica whipped her eyes and that same delusional smile was spread from cheek to cheek. “We should get some acorns!” She picked one up from the dirt next to her fingernails. She then reached back into her pockets pulling out a small bag. Ian wasn’t sure what else she had in that jacket of her’s, nor did he really want to.
They spent the rest of the afternoon looking for acorns. Trying to outdo one another with their find. They laughed until their stomachs went stiff and it was getting harder to breathe.
Once the bag was full, they - Ian - decided it was time to go home. As expected, Monica had no idea where they had come from and declared them lost. Ian on the other hand refused to accept that fate. He led her back to the car with some ease. Remembering to mark some of the trees they passed with ice cream. Hw followed the trial of insects that stuck to the sugar. He was conscientious.
They eventually got home after many detours and Monica not knowing where to go. It didn’t bother Ian any, he led them home. He didn’t know what time it was when they finally entered the front door of the Wallace street home. He just knew it was dark and Fiona was worried. His older sister was camped out in the kitchen, bouncing Carl on her knee as she tried him to take his bottle. “Ian! Fuck!” she put Carl down on the kitchen tile, running to embrace her little brother. “Where were you! I thought you went missing, I was so close to calling the police” She squeezed him tighter. Then Monica followed into the kitchen, dumping out her satchel full of nuts onto the first counter she saw.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Fiona pushed Ian off to the side. “You can’t just sign Ian out of school and let him follow you around like he’s your own fucking puppy” Fiona was seething. Ian hadn’t seen her that mad in a long time.
“Fi, I didn’t we were hanging out! It was fun he had a good time- Ian, baby, tell her we had a good time!” Monica’s voice was desperate, tears already welting in her eyes at the ambush confrontation.
“We did have fun Fi” Ian tried to speak up but his voice came out meek.
“I don’t want to hear it, Ian go… go upstairs, take a shower or something. Go! You have dirt all over you” she waved her hand off, her stare intense. Ian gave one last longing glare at Monica who begged him to stay. He listened to Fi, stomping up the stairs, his head slumped down.
Instead of doing as she asked he ran across the upstairs floor, making his way to the stairs on the other side and sat at the top trying to hear their conversation.
It was more yelling, more crying. Fiona finally seemed to have enough of it a final “Fuck you, Monica!” was yelled before a brief pause, he assumed she was grabbing Carl before Fiona stomped upstairs, going directly into her room before slamming the door behind her. Ian let out a small sigh of relief she didn’t catch him. He didn’t want to chance it though so he scurried back down the stairs and to the kitchen.
Monica was sitting at the dining table, hands in her hair as she just cried. “Mama?” he piqued up. She instantly smiled when she saw him standing in the doorway.
“Oh my Ian, I knew you would never leave me” She stood back up, hugging him like Fiona had done moments earlier.
“We can make the cookies?” Ian suggested, just wanting her to stop crying. He didn’t want her stuck in bed for months again.
“Yeah. Yeah! That’s a great idea” she reached across the counter grabbing the bag again and dumping all the nuts on the counter. The two of them spent the rest of the night peeling acorns and getting the small nuts out of them. They baked what seemed to be hundreds of cookies together, and ate a sizable chunk of them. Didn’t stop until the sun came up.
As an adult Ian looked back to that memory bittersweetly. That day was probably the best memory he had with a parent that wasn’t Fiona. Monica’s mania manifested further in that episode. He remembered a few days later she crashed that blue Honda she stole right into the side of a grocery store.
Also, as he later learned, acorns were apparently pretty toxic for people to eat. It did explain why he spent the whole next morning puking though. Note to future Ian: don’t eat acorns.