Chapter Text
"Our village is poor." Temari states bluntly, eyes daring to meet her fathers as he sits in the Kazekage's office. He scowls at her, and she doesn't even blink. She is Twelve, but she is also much older, and she has stared down much, much worse. "You cannot afford to keep ANBU on guard duty, even if it is for your Jinchuuriki. It no doubt will lead to a drop in quality of their work, and thus a proportional drop in mission requests and-or pay."
"What is your point, Temari?" The man asks, annoyed. The ANBU in the shadows behind him shift in offence over being called out by an twelve year old, but she pretends not to notice them. It's not like they know she does; by all accounts but her own, she shouldn't be able too.
"My point, Kazekage-sama," She says, forcing the words out of her mouth, "Is that there is no reason to waste an ANBU on keeping a child awake during the night and calm during the day. Not when you have an agent it may be sympathetic to that cannot yet take missions and thus is not wasted babysitting a monster brat." She lays out plainly and confidently. She swallows down bile at her own words easily enough.
"What exactly are you proposing?" He asks lowly, dangerously, leaning forward to cast an imposing shadow over her small form. She doesn't flinch, doesn't even blink at the power play- it was nearly nothing, in comparison to the mortal fear she had only recently been intimately familiar with. Instead she continues, in just as even a voice. A power play of her own.
"That I take on a role similar to that of Yashamaru-san, as care-giver of and anchor to the Jinchuuriki. Someone has to, after all: If we cannot kill it, then we must endear it to us, or it will pose a threat to the village."
"And what leads you to believe you will do better then Yashamaru did, girl?" He challenges, and her eyes darkened disdainfully. It wasn't that hard; a part of her would always hate her uncle for what he did to her brother, even if Gaara forgave the man years ago.
"I understand that emotional attachments are a weakness. I will use them to my advantage, instead of letting them be used against me." She proposes. "That was where Yashamaru-san failed. He was unwilling to teach Gaara for fear of hurting him. I will guarantee that he is an effective weapon." She promises with a cocksure smirk, lying fearlessly through her bleach white teeth.
It was easy, really, because she didn't technically lie at all. She fully understood that emotional attachments were seen as a weakness, had known so even when she was twelve years old and scolded for comforting Kankuro when he cried at Yashamaru''s funeral. It was true that she would use emotional bonds to her favor and never let them be used against her, just not quite in the way she was implying. She wouldn't cut herself off from all emotional bonds and therefor not have any to be used against her; rather, she'd cling to her few bonds with everything she had, and knew that she'd only be all the stronger for it.
(Her Chakra thrummed and searched the area for 7 familiar signals on impulse, and only found 2. She swallowed her illogical fear- there was no reason for them to be in Suna, and they probably wouldn't remember her anyway. Not in the way she remembered them.)
And, of course, Gaara would be made into a very effective weapon. Just not one for their father's use. Gaara would be a terrifying force for himself and whoever he deemed worth his protection.
--
Rasa studied his daughter, and she doesn't move. Her posture is self-assured but still appropriately respectful, and she has done nothing as childish as fidgeting or stuttering. He realizes, suddenly, that his focus on keeping Gaara from destroying the village has prevented him from nurturing the prodigal Kunoichi-in-training underneath his own roof. He realizes this, but only allows himself a single second of grief. He knows full well that this realization will change nothing.
This conversation, though? This conversation may just change everything. If his daughter pulls this off, then Suna will prosper. If his daughter fails, only she will be lost. He doesn't want to allow his daughter to, potentially, go like a lamb to the slaughter, but it hasn't been about what he wanted since he put the hat on. It's been about what's best for the village.
He looks into his daughter's eyes and sees one of the last remainders of his wife.
He looks into his daughter's eyes and stares silently for several long minutes, and she does not cower.
He looks into his daughter's eyes, and, finally, nods.
--
Temari's only regret, in all of this, is Kankuro. He's going to grow up without her there to watch over and guide him as much as she did in their last life, and her heart aches at the thought. She almost cries when he wakes up while she's packing, eyes wide and confused.
"Where're you goin?" He whispers, and he's already wary of the answer. He probably didn't want to ask, but she didn't raise him as a scardy-cat.
"Not far, Otouto. Just upstairs." She shrugs nonchalantly, but her shoulders are tight. Her brothers would always be her weak spot and, regardless of what she let her father think, she had absolutely no intention of doing anything about it.
It only takes him a second to piece together what she means by that, and he gasps. "But- The only rooms up there are Otou-san's, Yashamaru-oji's, and Gaara's!" He whisper yelled, crawling out of bed and over to her. "Or- Only Otou-san's and Gaara's. Why are you moving up there?"
"...I am to take over Yashamaru-oji's job of caretaker to Gaara-kun. The village needs me." She tells him, ignoring his gasp of horror, "Father needs me. And can I tell you a secret?" She whispers, right into his ear, because her brothers were her weakness and it was impossible to lie to them for long. Kankuro's the most trustworthy person she knew, anyway. He nods, slowly, and she whispers; "Gaara-kun needs me too."
He recoils from her, the ugly fear and hatred they both had at that age rearing its head. Her heart aches as she remembers when she was exactly the same. Her body tremors as it tries to insist that she still is, because it is 12 years old and terrified. She sits and waits patiently for him to speak, still folding her clothes, until he caves and asks, with disgust and dread on his tongue, "What do you mean?"
She turns her head to him then, gives him her full attention, and casts out her Chakra to sense any listeners, just in case, and then speaks in a near-silent whisper anyway. A shinobi could never be too careful.
"He's our baby brother, Kanks. It isn't his fault the village is afraid of us. It isn't his fault they're afraid of him! He's scared and sad, and whatever makes him so special is probably driving him crazy, and I could let myself ignore it before because I was scared, but now Yashamaru-oji is dead. Our otouto is alone in a world that hates him, and no one is willing to be there for him. It's time for me to be a good big sister to him; I've put it off long enough as it is." She rants, a chopped together mostly-truth because she can't lie to her brothers. Kankuro leans in to hear, semi-reluctantly hanging on to every word. His lip wobbles by the end of it and she sags, offering open arms and a sad smile as consolation.
He jumps into her arms without further prompting, holding her like she's going to disappear, muffling cries into her nightgown. In a rare show of softness, even in her time, she returns the hug with one arm and pats his hair with the other, a silent comfort. The only one she can offer.
"What 'bout me, nee-san?" He sniffs, and she frowns. "What am I supposed to do without you, huh? I'm your otouto too! What if I need ya?" He demands, carefully still whispering. already so careful, even at the tender age of 10, in the supposed-safety of his own home. Her grip on him tightened.
She knows Kankuro like the back of her hand, even as young as this. At his core, he cared about her more then himself, just as she cared about him before herself. Even when they were older and Gaara really became their little brother, Kankuro and Temari always had a special sort of codependency. After all, for as long as either of them could remember it had been the two of them against the world, each as the other's sole confidant and ally in an uncaring village and unforgiving family.
Leaving Kankuro, even if she knows it's only for a year or two, feels like losing a part of herself.
She can tell he's more scared then sad. Scared of losing her, sure that she'll die just as Yashamaru did. Scared of being alone, because she had always been there for him before. Temari blinks away tears of her own, and, for nowhere near the first or last time, mentally curses her father.
Rasa was a right bastard. It was his fault that Gaara had to go through this in the first place, his fault they grew up terrified of their own Otouto, his fault Yashamaru is dead, his fault that she had to prioritize the sanity of one brother over the security of another. Temari swore that, if somehow that Konoha snake guy doesn't kill him first, she'd kill him herself one day.
It takes everything in her, but she shakes her head sadly.
"He's all alone, Kanks." She repeats, because he needs to understand that. "If I leave then you'll still have your friends, and your teachers, and father, sometimes. He'll have nobody."
Kankuro tenses in her arms, ready to argue until she agrees to stay (It isn't the same! rings damningly in her head, even if neither of them actually said it), but instead he deflates in defeat at the sight of tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. He scowls, tightening his hold on her and burying his face in her shoulder again.
She almost wants to chuckle, because in lots of ways Kankuro never really changed.
"Mk, Tem." He mumbles doubtfully into her shirt, and it sounds far too much like goodbye. He obviously has little to no belief in Gaara's humanity, but he always gave up an argument at the first sign of her tears (Even when she was blatantly forcing them. She wasn't, though- really, she was embarrassed that she was crying, no matter how she looked she was a fully grown Kunoichi). It would have to do.
She relaxes a little, dragging Kankuro closer to her and adjusting the hold so it was less desperate, though no less clingy. She was determined to enjoy it while she could.
Still, she stopped stroking his hair for just a moment to flick his ear in warning. Cuddling or not, she refused to stand for his defeatist attitude.
"Hey, don't say that like I won't see you again." She scolded. "Like you said, you're my brother too. I don't think you'd survive, without me there to nag you." She teased, and gave him a few seconds to laugh and sputter and lighten his mood before continuing more seriously. "It might only be during training for a while, and Gaara's gonna almost always be there now, but I'll see you as much as I can. I care about you just as much as I care about Gaara, no matter how much time I spend with him. Promise." She smiled, pulling back and kissing his forehead.
Kankuro stared at her in awe, hand trailing up to where she kissed him with surprise, before grinning again. She nodded, pulled back -trying not to think about how that was probably the first time she'd ever been so openly affectionate to Kankuro, even in her timeline- and eventually returned to packing. Kankuro joined her as a silent assistant, and it takes only an hour to pack her entire 12-year-old life away into bags and scrolls. She squeezes Kankuro's underarm until he woke with a pained yelp, because she had to make one more thing crystal clear before she left.
"Kankuro. If you tell anyone that I care about Gaara or that I'm doing this for him, then the Elders and Father will execute me. Officially, this is a mission issued by the Yondaime, and what I'm doing will be labeled treason. If you say anything about it, I will die." She whispers severely, letting a little fear leak into her own eyes as Kankuro's grew wide and even more terrified. It isn't quite as absolutely certain as she was making it sound, and she could run if it came to it, but she wouldn't leave any wiggle room for Kankuro's mind. She couldn't afford it. "Do you get that?"
Kankuro nods rapidly, reaching out and squeezing her hand. she leans her head forward to rest against his because she was too emotionally taxed for another actual hug, and it was all too soon when she stood, shrugged on her backpack, and waved to one little brother as she ascended the stairs to help another.
--
The first month is the hardest. There's still an ANBU lurking around every corner, watching her every move, assessing and undoubtedly reporting back to her father on whether or not she could handle this.
Gaara is confused and angry, and he glares at her but never speaks. Sometimes, she sees flickers of emotion in his eyes; confusion, or sadness, or hope, before they cloud over with a cold anger that still makes her shiver and he listens to that terrible tanuki. She watches him like a hawk and she knows he hates it, but he only tries to kill her thirteen times in the whole month and apparently that's enough to check her trial off as a success. As she highlighted in her conversation with her father, they really didn't have the personnel to waste, watching her watch the Jinjuriki. Really, she's surprised it lasted as long as it did.
A week after surveillance ends, her father leaves the village for the Chunin exams. He will not be back for a month.
By the time night falls a day after Rasa leaves, Kankuro is already asleep in his workshop. She's been keeping watch on him periodically with a Third Eye, and can't help being worried about how hard he's been working- harder then he ever did, when she was actually 11- but she can't risk leaving Gaara alone long enough to check on him. The thought makes her...tired, in a bone deep and inconsolable way.
(It's only been little over a month, but she misses him like she would miss a detached limb.)
Nonetheless, she meets Gaara's suspicious gaze with a mischievous smile, and talks to him for the first time in months- by either of their counts.
"So, I bet you're wondering how I wound up on guard duty." She began unprompted, focusing her thoughts back to the conversation at hand. Gaara's eyes narrowed, but she continued regardless. She knew her the kid, more then he'd like. She knew she was right. It's hard to tell with how quiet he is, but given a chance he's an inquisitive little brat. "Funny and mildly enraging story, actually. Believe it or not, I actually told Father to have me guard you. I told him that I'd watch over you for the good of the village, so he didn't have to expend ANBU." She explained, and Gaara nodded and looked away with a scowl. He clearly knew there was something she wasn't telling him, but didn't expect her to tell him anyway. Temari didn't even pause. "I also told him that I would use whatever innate affection you have for me as your sister to anchor you to me, so you don't turn against the village." She laid out plainly, and Gaara's eyes bugged very briefly in surprise at her callous honesty. She almost laughed. Getting a reaction out of Gaara would always be an achievement, even if it was kinda cheap when he was so young.
"I do not." Gaara stated, eyes narrowed to slits.
"Do not what? Believe it or have any innate affection?" She asked, tilting her head to meet his eyes. He frowned in thought for only a moment.
"Either." He decided, and a bitter but resigned hurt pulled the corners of his mouth down before he let anger flood in to replace it. She faintly heard sand shifting in his gourd.
"Tough." She shrugged, honestly expecting nothing less. "I did ask to be here, though. I don't really see the point in lying to you." She said before pausing, unsure if she could get him to talk about what she was about to bring up without him freaking out. For the sake of transparency she probably should, she decided. Rip the band-aid off, or whatever.
"Listen closely bro, cause I'm not saying all this mushy shit again. I told Father that I would be better at watching over you then Yashamaru was because Yashamaru's weakness was his emotional nature, and I simply wouldn't form any such bonds." She stated, and Gaara's sand lashed out suddenly, so she continued a little faster. In all honesty she could subdue him, but she really didn't want to. It'd be tipping her hand far too much. "Here's the kicker though: I was lying through my perfect teeth. Emotional bonds aren't weaknesses: They're our greatest strengths." She claimed, and gave him time to think about it. It wasn't a familiar concept to him, of course. Hell, it had been years and the words still felt off in her own mouth.
"How?" Gaara snapped. It was only through her years of shinobi experience that she was able to remain relaxed; nearly anyone else wouldn't stare down an unstable jinchuriki so casually and poke at their triggers and soft-spots.
She wasn't anyone else though, she was The Wind Mistress Temari of the dessert, Older Sister to the Demon of the Sand and The Shinigami's Puppeteer. She would face Kaguya herself if she had to, for her brothers. The Ichibi was nothing.
"Well, think about it. Really, the only reason Shinobi fight as hard as they do is because of their bonds to their villages, Kage and- if you ask a Konoha softie- comrades. Emotional connections are always important, for better or for worse." She elaborates slowly, giving Gaara a little time to calm down and process what she was saying before she continued with the harder bit. "What else could motivate a girl to guard a demon for the sake of her brother that's trapped with it, or an uncle to sacrifice himself for something besides the village and Kazekage he swore allegiance too?"
Gaara jumped to his feet, shaking with rage, and she could feel the impending attack coming. The fact that she wasn't already fighting for her life spoke mountains of how much her brother subconsciously valued her, really, whether he'd admit it or not.
"He betrayed me!" Gaara snarled, fighting back tears, and she gritted her teeth.
"He did. And I'll never forgive him for that." She growled lowly, suddenly just as angry, sudden flare of killing intent matching Gaara's own. A primal protective anger from someone else on his behalf was so foreign to the boy that it forced him to pause in surprise and let him calm down. She took a steadying breath of her own before continuing. "But that doesn't mean he didn't love you. He loved you so much that he died for you."
"I killed him!" Gaara insisted, chocking on held back tears, tendrils of self loathing and angry hurt wrapped around his heart. "He didn't die for me, I killed him! He was trying to kill me, and I killed him!"
"You couldn't have killed him if you tried, Otouto." She snorted, heart beating like a jackrabbit. "Yashamaru was, hands down, Father's best ANBU. If he was trying to kill you then even your sand wouldn't have been able to stop him. But, if he died, making you look strong enough to kill him, then the council would be too afraid of losing more strong shinobi to you that they won't send assassins for your head. Yashamaru died for you, whether you like it or not."
He, of course, did not like it. his sand whipped dangerously around him. But, somehow, he didn't immediately try to kill her, instead fleeing to brood on the roof.
That was....a start. Definitely a start.