Work Text:
Megumi taps his pencil against his desk absentmindedly as he stares at his paper. He’s supposed to be writing an essay about the different techniques of exorcising curses, but it’s the most boring thing in the world. He’d rather be actually out exorcising curses if given the choice.
A slight breeze wafts in through the window. The weather is starting to get colder after a warm fall. He wants to go outside and get practice in, make use of the last bits of warm weather for the season, but this essay is due tomorrow and he waited until the last second to work on it.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Megumi flips through a few more pages of the textbook he checked out from the library. God, this sucks. He’s not even halfway done.
How can they expect him to work on this after everything that’s happened? After all the people that got hurt, that suffered at the hands of a traitor?
It isn’t fair. Then again, nothing about this life is fair. It never has been.
A knock at his bedroom door snaps him away from the window. Megumi swivels in his chair and stands up to open the door.
It’s Itadori.
“Hi, Fushiguro. Are you busy?” He’s looking at the ground, almost as if he’s... ashamed? What would he be ashamed about?
“I’m just working on this essay. Did you finish?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Oh.” How could Itadori have finished before Megumi did? That was ridiculous. He needs to get his shit together. “Well, uhm, I can step away for a few moments if you need me.”
“I just... wanted to talk. To someone.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Megumi opens his door wider and invites Itadori in. It’s the first time he’s ever invited anyone into his room. His room is his personal space, the place he goes to feel safe, and inviting people into that space is not something he’s typically interested in.
Itadori is different, though. He always has been. Megumi is quiet and doesn’t express that often, but he’s always thought it.
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, uhm.” he clears his throat and fidgets uncomfortably on Megumi’s bed. Megumi has never seen Itadori like this. He doesn’t know what to think or how to behave. “The exchange event.”
“Yeah,” Megumi nods his head. He’s tried not to think about it that much because it makes him sad. Someone betrayed them, tried to kill Gojou, and hurt him in the process. Just another scar to add to his collection. It makes him sad.
No— it makes him more than sad. It pisses him off. He’s so angry all the time. “What about it?”
“I guess... I’ve started thinking about my execution. I... I know I haven’t consumed that many of Sukuna's fingers, but these stupid curses keep... like they think—” He pauses and shakes his head. “I’m kind of scared, Fushiguro. I don’t want to die.”
Megumi stares at him. “You knew you’d be executed, though.”
“Yeah, I mean, yeah, I did, but... aren’t you afraid of dying?”
Was he afraid of dying? Maybe it was something he should have put more thought into. He knew what his life was going to be like since he was really young. Megumi didn’t have another choice or any other way to think about things.
Itadori was a normal kid with a normal life just a few months ago. The only reason he’s even here, to begin with, is because he was trying to save Megumi from certain death. If he had been stronger, Itadori would have been fine. He would be at a normal high school still, and definitely wouldn’t be fearing an inevitable execution.
“I don’t know,” Megumi chooses to say. “This is what my life was supposed to be like. I’ve lost lots of people. I’ve seen a lot of death. Being a sorcerer, that’s just how life goes.”
“Even when you were fighting that curse at my school, you didn’t think to yourself, ‘I don’t want to die?’”
“Of course I don’t want to die. Who wants to die?” He shrugs. “I guess I just don’t know if I’m afraid of it. That’s all.”
“I guess that’s fair.” Itadori mashes his fingers together. “Well, I’m sorry for the intrusion. I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“You didn’t bother me.” Megumi sighs. He never was good at this ‘making someone feel better’ bullshit. “Gojou-Sensei wouldn’t kill you, you know.”
“Hmm?”
“He’d definitely be the one assigned to execute you and he wouldn’t do it. I know he wouldn’t. That’s just the kind of guy he is.”
Sure, Megumi gave Gojou a lot of grief, but he was very grateful for all his teacher had given him. Gojou saved him from a life of abuse and torture and pain. He was thankful.
“So... what, then? He’d just... lie?”
“Probably. He already lied to us once, didn’t he?” Megumi scowls. “Making us believe you were dead. That was really messed up, Itadori.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to say something, but Gojou...”
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Gojou lied all the time. Megumi wouldn’t be surprised if most of the things Gojou said to him were lies. “I don’t blame you. I just... missed you.”
Itadori smiles. “You missed me, Fushiguro?”
“We all missed you.” He clears his throat. Nice save, dumbass.
“I missed you guys too. Thank you for letting me come into your room. I know you’re a pretty private person.”
That was true. When Itadori first moved in, Megumi was annoyed. Just another student who won’t last a month, he thought. Itadori was extra friendly too, wanting to see Megumi’s room since he had happily shown off his. Itadori lathered his room in posters of women while Megumi stuck with blank walls and organized bookshelves. This was his space.
“I guess you deserved to come in at some point. You’ve been useful.”
“Is that how you dictate friendships? By how useful someone is?” He grins. Megumi rolls his eyes.
“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Yeah. I know. Just teasing you.” Itadori slides his hand forward as he pushes off Megumi’s bed. Their hands accidentally touch, but instead of pulling away, Megumi savors the touch. He doesn’t get moments like that very often, and now he’s blushing, but it was nice.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” Shit. Shit! “I uh, have to finish this essay, so uhm...”
“Oh! Right! I’ll leave you alone. Good luck, Fushiguro!” Itadori stops at the door and turns around to flash another smile. “Kugisaki and I are going to watch a movie tonight if you want to join us. I know normally you don’t want to—”
“I’ll be there,” Megumi interrupts without thinking. “I’ll be there.”
“Okay, cool. See ya.” The door shuts, and Megumi slams his head against his desk. Goddammit. Why was he so awkward? It was just Itadori.
Itadori, whose smile lit up a room, who didn’t let his strength and prowess go to his head, who treated everyone with kindness and managed to make Megumi’s stomach fill with butterflies every time he said hello. Dammit. This is dumb.
He literally fell for a dead man walking. Itadori is supposed to be executed and Megumi fell for him.
“Stupid,” Megumi mutters to himself as he picks up his pencil and returns to his essay. Maybe he understands now why they wanted the first-years to work on this. It was easy to forget about everything else.
He finishes his essay at midnight. With a deep sigh, Megumi runs a hand through his hair and leaves his room to go get a snack from the kitchen. Even though he went to watch a film with Itadori and Kugisaki, he skipped dinner to finish the essay sooner (which didn’t work). Now Megumi is listening to his stomach growl all the way down the hallway. He treads lightly on the pads on his feet to avoid unnecessary loud footsteps.
Megumi is stopped by a hushed whisper in the kitchen, which belongs to none other than Gojou himself.
“I told you. I have it handled. I do not appreciate the fact that Kyoto students were told to assassinate one of my students. I have a handle on him. Do not disrespect me.” Gojou sighs in frustration and Megumi pushes himself against the wall. He hasn’t heard Gojou get this frustrated in a long time. Then again, it wasn’t like Megumi was hanging around Gojou willingly all that often.
“Yeah. I understand. And understand that if I see you on Jujutsu Tech property, I’m not going to be nice. Goodbye.” The call ends and Gojou slams his phone down. It’s quiet for a moment before he pivots and calls out, “Megumi, I know you’re there.”
Damn his stupid six eyes. With a sigh of his own, Megumi steps out. He looks over at his teacher before taking a seat at the breakfast nook set up adjacent to the kitchen.
“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I’m just hungry.”
“I was about to cook up some eggs. Do you want some?”
His stomach growls again. “Sure.”
Gojou pulls out a pan and the eggs from the fridge while Megumi busies himself on his phone. This is weird. He should leave.
“Here.” A plate of steaming hot eggs is placed in front of him. Megumi blinks. That was fast.
Gojou slides in across from him and reaches for his chopsticks. Megumi does the same, and for the first bit, they eat in silence. Megumi is contemplating asking why Gojou is awake at this hour, but he feels like he already knows.
He beats Megumi to it. “So, why are you awake, Megumi-chan?”
“Had to finish that stupid essay you guys made us do.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be a difficult essay.” He grins. Megumi rolls his eyes.
“It’s still stupid. If you were trying to waste my time, congratulations. If you were trying to distract us from what happened, well... nice try. It didn’t work.” Megumi drops his chopsticks and shakes his head. “I can still feel where that stupid thing pierced me.”
“Ah, well... you’ve suffered from worse.”
Yeah. He had.
“You’re worried about something.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Sure I do. I can see everything.” His grin grows as he lowers his blindfold around his neck. Direct eye contact. This is getting real. Megumi’s stomach stirs uncomfortably. He should leave.
But he doesn’t. No. He... can’t? What’s keeping him here?
“You wouldn’t actually kill Itadori if it came down to it, would you?” Oh. That’s what is keeping him here. Gojou relaxes against the back of his chair and shrugs.
“If Sukuna Ryomen takes over, I will exorcise him.”
“He isn’t—”
“You knew when I brought Yuuji here what the outcome would be. We don’t know how many fingers he’ll be able to handle. As soon as it becomes too much, he’s going to have to be exorcized. The whole plan was to bring him here and wait until after he ate them all to—”
“I know what the plan is,” Megumi rudely interrupts, feeling his blood start to boil. “I just thought you were different. You didn’t execute Okkotsu—”
“Because he eliminated his curse. Itadori-kun has not. And the chances of him eliminating Sukuna on his own are nonexistent. You know what happens, Megumi.”
He did know. Curses who possessed human bodies often left the body dead when they decided to leave. That’s if Sukuna decided to leave. The reality right now appeared to be that if he got control of Itadori’s body, full control, he wouldn’t leave. And Sukuna would wreck hell far as the eye could see.
“Then we set some fingers to the side. They won’t kill him until he’s eaten all the fingers, so we’ll—”
“Megumi.” Gojou tilts his head forward and looks at him through his thick eyelashes.
“Don’t ‘Megumi’ me. You hid Okkotsu. You’ve hidden Itadori. You’ve lied and cheated and stole your whole life! Why is it right now that you’re deciding to be responsible? Itadori can handle himself!”
“We don’t know how many fingers he can consume before he loses control. He’s only a few in.”
“So if nothing is going wrong, why can’t he live? Why not hold off on a few fingers? He might even be able to consume all of them and still be okay! We don’t know!”
He shakes his head. “I can’t let any more people get hurt.”
“He won’t hurt anybody. I’ll make sure of it. He wouldn’t even be in this mess if I had been strong enough to beat that stupid curse by myself!” Megumi chokes and slams his fist down on the table, sending the rest of his eggs flying onto the ground. He angrily wipes away the tears that managed to escape and looks away from Gojou. Stupid. So stupid. This whole conversation is so stupid.
Megumi stands up and starts to march back to his bedroom when he slams into an invisible barrier. Damn his stupid infinity.
“Turn that shit off. I’m leaving.”
“Sit back down.”
He whips around and glares at Gojou. “What, so you can talk about how you want to kill my friend? Is that gonna get you off, Gojou?”
“Megumi.” Gojou is calm. “Please sit down.”
With a frustrated sigh, Megumi listens, sitting back in his seat covered in cold eggs. He runs a hand through his hair.
“You are not weak,” Gojou says. Megumi scoffs.
“I never said I was. I said his life would still be fine if I hadn’t fucked up.”
“He made the choice to come here.”
“Not much of a choice. It was either that or death. Pretty much exactly the choice I had too.”
“The Zen’in clan wouldn’t have killed you.”
“Maybe not, but Maki sure made it sound that way. Besides, you’re the one that brought me here, so obviously you thought something would go wrong. Oh, wait! No. You just wanted to make an army.”
“Is that what you think I see you as? A soldier?”
“Y’know, I don’t know what you see me as, because I’m definitely not your kid, and you’ve never been my dad. You left me by myself, alone, while you went out and fucked every person under the sun, as a child. You left me as a child. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I never—”
“And then Jujutsu Tech gets attacked and you left me there.”
“If that's how you felt, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you would have made fun of me or said something stupid. You always do.”
Gojou taps his nails against the tabletop. “If I would have known Getou would attack Yuta-kun, I would have taken you elsewhere. I would have made sure you were safe, even though I knew you could take care of yourself.”
Megumi shakes his head. He’s always had problems being emotionally available, mainly because of how he was raised. Gojou wasn’t a guardian or a father figure— he was a benefactor.
But that didn’t mean he didn’t want love. It didn’t mean that Megumi didn’t daydream about hugs or snuggles or something as simple as someone touching the small of his back.
“I know you had to be there to help,” he says quietly, “and I don’t blame you for that. I just wish... that sometimes, you could stop pretending everything is a joke.”
“Getou was my best friend,” Gojou says, surprising Megumi. “We did everything together. He... I think I was in love with him. It’s hard to know when I think back on it. I was so high on my own ego to see he was pulling away, to see that I wasn’t there to help him when he needed me most. He left, betrayed the school, and killed so many people.” The apple of his throat bobs rapidly. He’s taken to poking at his leftover eggs with his chopsticks. “I felt like it was all my fault, but I couldn’t show people I was hurt by his betrayal. They sent me out to kill him and I couldn’t do it, and because I couldn’t do it, even more people died. That’s on me. But people don’t see me as the emotionally insecure guy. I’m the one who makes jokes, who turns every situation into something positive, who can never be sad about anything because what could I, the most powerful man in the world, be sad about?” He lets out a sad laugh. “Getou attacked my students, and he had to die. I had to kill my best friend, and I can’t let something like that happen again. I’m sorry, Megumi. I wish I could promise you Itadori will be safe forever, but I can’t.”
Oh. It makes sense now why he spent so much time bouncing between women. He was trying to fill a hole in his heart that could never seem to be filled. He lost someone very close to him, someone he loved, and securing a relationship could mean the possibility of getting hurt again.
“I do care about you. I hope you know that.” Gojou is looking at him again, his piercing blue eyes bearing deep into Megumi’s soul. “Yes, I needed to start collecting the next generation of jujutsu sorcerers, but I also wanted to make sure you and your sister had a better life. Your father wanted the best for you and he did what he thought would be best, even if it wasn’t the best. I took matters into my own hands.”
“A nineteen-year-old with a six-year-old kid clinging to his side.” Megumi scoffs. “It’s funny to think about, in hindsight.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t want him to die, Gojou.”
“I know.”
“I think I love him, but it’s hard to know what love is. But I can’t love him, because if I love him, I’m in love with a dead man walking, and admitting that means getting attached to someone who won’t be around much longer.”
“Love is the most twisted curse of them all.” He pauses. “I think you should tell him. The time you spend with someone you love is just as important in small doses as it is in large. And I know I’m not exactly one to be giving relationship advice, but if it’s something that is starting to bother you, then you need to act on it.”
Megumi will never admit to Gojou how he craves affection, but something tells him his mentor might already know. He needed a talk like this, both for his sanity and for his worries about what took place at the goodwill event. Things weren’t going to get easier from here on out.
“Thanks for the food. I’ll clean up my mess.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”
He offers a polite bow. “Thank you.”
“Megumi.” Gojou fixes his blindfold as he stands up and shoves his hands into his pockets. “If something ever happens to me, you’ll be strong enough to handle yourself. And we will work to make you even stronger.”
“Okay.”
“Get some sleep, and don’t tell anyone I was serious enough to talk about the gushy stuff.” He smiles. “Goodnight, Megumi-chan.”
“Goodnight.”
Megumi walks back to his room and crawls into his bed. He leaves his bedroom light on for a moment as thoughts roll around in his head. You should tell him. I was in love with him. Love is the most twisted curse of them all. You’ll be strong enough to handle yourself.
He never asked to be put into a life like this, but Megumi didn’t regret it. He wanted to help people, good people, who deserved to live long lives. He wished Itadori could live a long life as well.
He’d make that happen, Gojou be damned. Even if he had to hide Itadori away.
The next morning, Megumi runs into Itadori in the kitchen, an all too similar experience to last night. Itadori smiles as he slides over a cup of black coffee.
“Thought you might be tired after working on your essay. It was good to see you at the movie, though! Thank you for coming!”
Oh, right. Megumi nearly forgot about that. He sat next to Itadori, pressed against his side, hiding his blushing face in the shadows. After the movie, he left immediately with the excuse to go finish his essay. Really, it was to hide from the way Itadori made him feel.
“Thank you.” He brings the mug up to his lips and sips at the hot liquid. It feels good against his throat. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good. Feeling nice and refreshed today! I thought we could get some sparring practice in. I wanted to ask Maki-senpai for help.”
“I’m sure she’d be willing to help.”
“What about you?” Itadori nudges him. “Sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” he lies even though it isn’t exactly true.
“Good.” Itadori’s coffee is full of sugar and cream. He sips it gingerly.
“You know you can stop by if you ever need to talk, right?”
Megumi blinks slowly. “Sure. I know that.”
“I thought I heard you pacing last night. I almost said something.”
“I’m okay.” He sighs. “Actually, I’m not okay. I think that I...” Is he really about to say this out loud? Can he do it?
No. he can’t do it.
“Nevermind.”
“Fushiguro?”
“Yeah?”
“I think so too.” Itadori smiles at him. “You don’t have to say it. I know it’s hard to think about, considering my short future. But I’ve noticed it too... and I like it. I like you.”
“I don’t see any pictures of guys on your wall.”
“If I did, they would all look like you.”
He blushes. Dammit. How could something so silly make him feel so weird? “D-Don’t say stuff like that.”
Itadori sets his mug down and shifts so their hands touch. Megumi’s blush deepens, but he doesn’t move away, just like yesterday.
“I don’t want to hurt you or make you sad.”
“You aren’t going to die. I’m going to make sure of that.”
“Well, good, then.” His smile grows even wider. “Then you don’t have to be sad, and we can keep training and killing curses and helping others.”
“Yeah.” Megumi nods. “You’re right.”
“Okay, then. I’m gonna change into my uniform. See you in class! Don’t forget your essay!” Itadori, on his way out, presses a kiss to Megumi’s cheek before skipping down the hallway. The dark-haired boy freezes, his cheek burning, as he raises his hand to touch where Itadori’s lips touched his skin. What is this feeling zipping through his body? Is that... affection? Love? Appreciation?
“Shit,” he mutters to himself as he downs the rest of his coffee and plops the mug into the sink. He shakes his head wildly.
Gojou is right. Love is the most twisted curse of them all.
But maybe... maybe it doesn’t have to be.
He’ll protect Itadori with everything he has until the very end, even if it kills him, and even if it hurts, because, at the end of the day, it will be worth it.
Itadori is worth it.