Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

"Does it work? Do you see me?"

"Too close, dumbass! Take a step back. Is this the first time you’re doing this?"

Shouyou took a step back so that the hollows of his knees bumped the desk chair. He huffed as he considered his laptop, its screen showing a scowling Kageyama, who was sitting in an appropriate distance to his very own computer.

"The first time with you at least!" Shouyou countered and made sure to give the blinking camera at the top of his screen a challenging expression.

"So what? Is it any different than talking to others?"

"At least give me useful feedback, no insults, Bakageyama!"

"Who is the one with the insults now?" Kageyama muttered, eyes quickly darting to the edge of his screen.

But Shouyou had heard him anyway.

"We waisted five minutes already."

Shouyou frowned. He flopped back on his chair that was squeaking under his weight and sighed.

"We got it running now, haven’t we?"

"Yeah, we have," Kageyama answered with a sigh, but the corner of his mouth twitched.

Shouyou smiled and for the first time after they had seen each other last – which was when he had departed from Miyagi – he took in the presence of his best friend.

He could only see the upper body of Kageyama as he was sitting at his own desk in his flat in Tokyo. Dark hair – that seemed to have been cut recently, maybe by Miwa – framed his forehead and his eyes, blue and round, were calmly looking at Shouyou.

It was weird. They were sitting right in front of their computers, so close and able to talk and understand each other as if Shouyou had called him from Miyagi, but at the same time they were separated by their laptop’s screen and those kilometres that stretched between their respective countries of residence.

"It is different," Shouyou said quietly, and more to himself than his friend.

"How?" Kageyama replied anyway.

Shouyou opened his mouth, but hesitated, taking a moment to chose his answer wisely.

He had been used to being so close to his friends throughout high school and even during the busy year after graduation. When he had come up with the idea of taking this step and going to Brazil, the thought of physically being apart, separated by land and water and so many countries Shouyou didn’t know, hadn’t felt real at the time. Rio had been a dream for far longer than a year, he had spent so much time thinking about his plan and training and bureaucracy that he hadn't thought about having to find a new home that was somewhere close to what he had had in Miyagi on the list.

Having modern technology at hand and the fact that he was still able to keep in touch with everyone had eased his nervous mind, especially when he had stepped onto the plane that had taken him across the world and closer to his dream.

So far he had made good use of that technology. There were text messages and emails and video calls and even social media. In the past few weeks, so since Shouyou’s arrival in Rio, he had chatted several times with his mother and Natsu, but also with Yachi and Yamaguchi and Tsukishima (presumably because he had spent the night at Yamaguchi’s), and even with Coach Washijou.

Conversations with his mentor always left a nervous buzz in Shouyou’s chest; even if not that many words had been spoken and Shiratorizawa’s co-trainer had also been present, the meeting itself, where they talked about his training and plans, made Shouyou antsy, but in a good way.

The idea of keeping in touch with all these people now via the computer instead of face to face slowly sank into his bones. He had to accept it willy-nilly. He was still happy to chat with his friends and family and mentor, he really was, but it was… different.

All of them who were so close to Shouyou, were now living – not just in Japan – but in his laptop’s screen as well and sometimes it left a funny feeling in his stomach. After all, it was different when he texted with someone about a date to meet or replied to someone knowing that the next time he would be physically able to see them in person was in about two years time.

More than once he just wanted to be there again and meet up and touch them, making sure that they were still there, existing and living. When he was about to video call with someone, he was happy about it, but there was always this dull pressure in his chest, putting a lid on his anticipation. This sensation had been somewhat different when Kageyama had asked him to do a video call and Shouyou remembered, even now, that he had become incredibly excited.

Meetings, no matter the way of doing them, had always been different when it came to Kageyama. Just the thought of seeing his best friend this evening had filled him with enthusiasm, so much that he had lost his way at work and ended up apologising in those foreign words he had already remembered.

It didn’t change the fact that they were still in different countries and time zones, and when Shouyou was honest, he would rather have Kageyama with him right now instead of seeing his flickering image on his laptop screen, separated by thousands of kilometres. As he stared at his friend, he realised once more that there were literally two oceans between them and the distance became noticeable altogether.

He couldn’t take the train to Tokyo to visit Kageyama, he wasn’t able to get some meat buns like after training during high school with his best friend, he wasn’t able to just meet up when their busy schedules allowed it.

A sudden wave of homesickness and sadness overcame him, and so Shouyou distracted himself by letting his eyes wander around the screen, taking in Kageyama’s apartment despite him having it visited a few months prior.

The curtains were open and filled the room with the morning’s light that illuminated the edge of his bed, which could be seen behind the corner of the chair Kageyama was sitting on. The desk itself seemed to be clean, a few loose papers and pencils were scattered near the laptop. Shouyou could also spot the training jersey hanging on a hanger at the wall, probably freshly washed and soft to the touch, and once he flicked his eyes back, Shouyou could see that Kageyama wore a light-coloured sweater. It was still the end of spring in Japan and therefore colder than in Brazil where it was pleasant 25 degrees throughout the day.

Apart from a closet and Kageyama’s bag, there wasn’t anything else Shouyou would find interesting, the whole room seemed to be in the state just like Shouyou remembered from the last time he had visited. The only new thing he noticed was a poster hanging over the bed. It was utterly familiar and when Shouyou leaned forward – his chair squeaking direful – he recognised it as one of the posters Yachi had made for their last participation in nationals so many months ago. Maybe Yachi had given it to him? She said she wanted to sort her stuff a while ago.

"What’s this!?" he asked curiously and pointed at the poster.

"Hinata, too close! I don’t want to see what’s in your nose. And what is what? I don’t see where you’re pointing at, idiot." Kageyama frowned in annoyance. "And how about you answer my questions first?"

"Sorry." Shouyou leaned back again, grinning bashfully. Returning to the initial question, he answered, "Don’t you think that it’s different if we talk via video or if we meet up in person?"

"How? It’s just talking, right?"

Shouyou nodded slowly. Kageyama was right, they were just talking after all. It’s not that they would hug each other or anything like that, stuff that couples would probably miss when they’re apart. Probably.

He blinked rapidly as he tried to focus back on his friend and while he rubbed his cheeks with the back of his hand, hoping that Kageyama wouldn’t notice how warm they had gotten, he realised that blue eye were still resting on him.

"Right," he said hastily, chuckling nervously, but he still felt unsatisfied with Kageyama’s words. "So, you don’t like meeting in person better than via video?"

Kageyama opened his mouth, but frowned instead of speaking. "I… haven’t thought about it yet," he admitted quietly.

"And you were the one to ask me for a video call," Shouyou pointed out.

Kageyama’s voice was faster than he could raise an eyebrow. "You said yes!"

"Of course!"

"Great!"

They stared at each other in grim determination not to be the first to break eye contact. But then Shouyou frowned.

"Why did you ask me, though?"

Surprise in his features, Kageyama leaned a bit back and pressed his lips together, as if he didn’t want to answer. For Shouyou it looked he knew it pretty well. Then Kageyama looked to the side and muttered something intelligible.

"What? Speak into the microphone, Kageyama-kun. It should be somewhere near the camera where a little–"

"I know where it is, don’t lecture me about technology!"

Shouyou snickered and watched how Kageyama evaded his gaze and scratched the back of his neck.

"I guess," he started slowly, "I wanted to see you."

Confronted by the sudden honesty – because Shouyou could perfectly tell when his friend lied – he blinked. "Oh," he mumbled.

Blue eyes flickered back at him. "Oh?"

Shouyou felt a warm stream rushing through his chest and he tried to not think too much about it when he shrugged nonplussed.

"Then why did you agree?" Kageyama asked now.

"I think… I wanted to see you too. I guess." Shouyou fetched his phone and fiddled with the case to keep his fingers busy.

When he raised his head again, he looked right into the open gaze of his best friend, and despite the distance between them, they suddenly seemed to be very close. Maybe it was just his imagination – or wish-thinking, who knew – but Kageyama’s cheeks bore a slight tinge of red.

Shouyou would’ve teased him about it, but being flustered himself, he looked to the side and back, rubbing his cheek again.

"So, uhm," Kageyama broke the silence and cleared his voice. "What time is it anyway?"

"Huh, time? It’s pretty late." Shouyou frowned, confused about the question.

"No, it isn’t."

"It is! I can see the stars already!"

"It’s not late in Japan, I just had breakfast."

"Ah, right, I’m in America." Shouyou laughed and realised that things like time zones really existed and could make life incredibly difficult.

"You just noticed?" Kageyama laughed quietly and the sheen in his blue orbs dancing with mirth was pure bliss.

Shouyou shrugged, grinning lopsidedly.

"Stupid time zones," his friend exclaimed with a deep sigh.

"You say it. I wonder how we managed to set it up."

"I just said this time and you agreed. I’m surprised you didn’t mess it up."

Shouyou blinked. "Excuse me, I’m able to do some math. Or check the time online or something."

Kageyama grinned. "So? What trick did you use to switch your laptop on at the right time?"

Shouyou chuntered something under his breath. The very first time he had tried to call home had been a disaster and he had learned from it.

"It was the same time I called Natsu last so I knew when to open the laptop," he explained.

"I see. So you already had breakfast?"

"I already had breakfast, lunch, and dinner!" Shouyou grinned proudly.

Kageyama laughed. "What a healthy growing boy."

"Of course!"

"Time zones, huh." Kageyama smiled, but his forehead slowly furrowed and he looked just like during the end of their third year when they had prepared for their final examinations. "When you have evening now and it’s morning in Japan, does it mean I live in the future?"

Shouyou stared at his friend, flabbergasted, then he cackled out aloud.

"What?" Kageyama scowled, not amused by that reaction.

"You don’t live in the future," Shouyou explained once he had calmed down again.

"Then how does this work? How come you already had dinner when I just had breakfast?"

"Even you should know how this works, Kageyama."

"Well, can you explain this then?"

Caught in the tangle of time zones, physics, and math, Shouyou felt utterly caught. "Just tell me what time it is now and then we figure it out," he said instead.

Kageyama heaved a sigh, but then his eyes flickered to the edge of the screen. "It’s 7:12 o´clock."

"We have 19:12 o´clock."

"Twelve hours, huh." Kageyama bit his lower lip and frowned.

"Yeah."

"It’s a lot."

"Yeah. And by the way, you actually do live in the future."

"Huh, I do? Why?"

Shouyou grinned smitten. "Because we still have Saturday but you have Sunday morning."

"Oh." Kageyama’s eyes regarded the laptop’s clock with another glance. "You’re right," he said and sounded stunned.

Shouyou chuckled and eyed his phone he fiddled with, then he gazed around his desk, looked at the study books he had purchased the other day and the pens and notebooks lying next to them.

"So," he said quietly and swallowed. "How is training with the Adlers?" When he looked back up, he saw that Kageyama blinked a few times but then his shoulders seemingly relaxed. Volleyball was a safe topic and Shouyou felt at ease when he saw the small smile blooming on Kageyama’s face.

"Quite… tough," the setter admitted.

Shouyou was surprised about the second time his friend was honest, but he appreciated it. For some reason it soothed the nagging feelings he had felt since a few days.

"What are you doing for training?"

"Uhm, I don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you," Kageyama said, frowning.

"You don’t have to tell me details, not that many. Just a little bit of what you’re doing."

Convinced by the mediocre request, his friend nodded. "Alright," Kageyama said and started to talk about his training.

He explained how they paired the players to train spike and serves, how the receiving routines are made and how long training usually went. Kageyama left a comment on everything, what he liked, what he disliked, where he wanted to change things and improve himself further.

Shouyou couldn’t deny that hearing his best friend talk about a world that he wasn’t a part of was painful. Kageyama had come so far in the year after graduation, even before Shouyou had stepped foot on Brazilian territory, that everything he did now felt like it would take him a few more steps ahead if Shouyou wouldn’t be able to catch up soon.

He bit his lip and gazed at his best friend, who was talking animatedly about the other players and his favourite routine so far, totally lost in the sport he loved and trusting Shouyou’s ability to keep a secret if necessary. Listening to Kageyama soothed his mind, his voice was deep and calm, the explanations detailed and on the spot, not giving unnecessary information and expanding when it was needed. Shouyou liked the way Kageyama described the thing they both loved. He liked it a lot, he could probably listen to it all day.

"Sounds good," he said at the end, his voice rough, and he reached out to drink from the cold tea he had forgotten.

Kageyama hummed. "Now you know our secrets," he said, chuckling.

"I’m not sure I’ll be able to use them though, we don’t have such a big team here anyway."

"True." The setter studied Shouyou closely. "How is it?" he asked after a while, quieter now. "Beach volleyball."

Shouyou smiled. "It’s… tough."

"No way."

They grinned at each other.

"The first two weeks were quite a lot," Shouyou said and kneaded his hands in his lap. "My legs weren’t used to moving on the sand yet and I had to rest a bit as well."

Kageyama listened and gave him a serious look, fully understanding what it meant to take a break when all he wanted to do was to play.

"I got much better now! My legs don’t hurt anymore. But I still need so much practice."

"You’re receives still stuck, though."

"Not for much longer!" Shouyou countered and somehow his near-shout eased the frown between Kageyama’s eyes.

"Good," Kageyama said, voice calm and even, despite it being such a simple word.

"Yeah," Shouyou agreed and allowed himself to smile.

In the following pause they stared at their respective screens.

"Your flatmate?" Kageyama then asked. "Is he there? You told me there was a guy named… Pa… Par–ode? Parrot?"

Shouyou burst into laughter and pressed a hand flat to his belly. "It’s Pedro! Pedro, Kageyama-kun," he said, still giggling.

"I knew that," Kageyama grunted.

"You obviously didn’t."

"I knew it when I read it."

Shouyou smirked. "Yeah, because I wrote it." It earned him a scowl.

"So, how is he?"

"Ohhh, Kageyama, are you perhaps worried?" he teased.

"I’m just asking about your flatmate, okay? Even I don’t want you murdered in your sleep."

"You’re right, only you would do that."

At this his friend smirked. "So?"

Fully calmed down, Shouyou smiled. "He is… very shy, I think," he explained quietly. "We didn’t talk that much yet."

"Oh… But is he… nice?"

Shouyou frowned while he recalled the few times he had talked to Pedro. "I think he is," he finally said. "Maybe he just needs some time to get used to another person in the same flat."

Kageyama nodded in understanding. "Yeah," he mumbled, then he turned around to give his room a quick glance. "I’m glad to live alone."’

"But you have to do everything by yourself, don’t you?"

Kageyama shrugged. "Yes, but that’s okay. Not that much different from how it was during high school. And I don’t have any nosy flatmates or…"

"Weird ones who won’t talk to me?" Shouyou filled in.

Kageyama nodded but his eyes were still filled with concern.

"We will get along eventually," Shouyou said, having the wish to cheer his friend up who was worried about him. Just the thought alone made him giddy. "We survived so far, can’t be so bad don’t you think?"

"If you say so," Kageyama returned, but the faint smile came back to his lips.

"I do!" Shouyou laughed and pulled his best friend out of his sudden misery.

They talked some more about their day, what Shouyou had eaten for dinner, if they drank milk in Brazil and if so, if it tasted the same, about Shouyou’s job he had recently picked up, his studies, and – more importantly – the daily training on Rio’s beach.

Hearing his best friend’s voice, even though it was only through the speakers of his laptop, soothed Shouyou and where he had doubted that it would be any fun to talk like that, he had to correct himself. When it had grown noticeably late, a time that had him yawning more often than Kageyama could scowl, the end of their video call came closer.

"Do you…" Kageyama began but shut his mouth again, brows furrowed.

"Hm?" Shouyou said, blinking with heavy eyelids.

Kageyama’s eyes flicked away and returned to look at Shouyou again. "Do you want to do that again"

"Video calling?"

Kageyama nodded.

"Of course! I like talking to you." Shouyou smiled and so did his best friend, looking a bit relieved at that.

"Yeah, me too."

Shouyou moved his mouse to the ‘end call’ button and let it hovering there. He gazed at Kageyama who seemed to hesitate as well. But the night had begun and Shouyou really should go to bed soon.

"So… Have a good day, Kageyama!"

A chuckle. "Have a good night, Hinata."

Despite their agreement to meet again through their laptop screens, Shouyou feared that he would be the only one wanting to do so out of the two.

But Kageyama prove him wrong.

Just two days later he asked Shouyou for the upcoming Saturday and Shouyou, without wasting any thought about his schedule that balanced his training at the beach and his part-time job, agreed immediately. Actually checking his time table, he felt relieved that he indeed had time to talk in the evening again.

From there on they met up more often. The available time frames were narrow, squeezing in extra time to see the familiar face that was halfway around the globe was a little tricky at times, and at the beginning it happened more often that they confused the times. They mostly ended up talking at the weekend since Kageyama had his day off and Shouyou had a free time slot after work and before going to the beach for an evening session.

Both of them were quite busy. Kageyama had training with the Schweiden Adlers but also participated in the regular practice held with the national team, Shouyou’s routine alternated between delivering food and being an active part of the volleyball team. Once they had puzzled out a schedule to meet, Shouyou felt impossibly warm every time he knew that the weekend drew closer and he would be able to see his best friend again.

But there was always a sting of jealousy that came automatically by having his personal goal right in from of him every Saturday evening, sitting with a quiet smile and gentle scowl behind a laptop screen, telling about his day. He didn’t resent Kageyama, he was proud of his friend, and he watched every game of his, live or as a record, his eyes fixed on everything he could absorb.

Shouyou had learned many things since he had come to Karasuno four years ago and after graduation, he had never lost any faith in himself, not entirely at least. And when he felt jealousy, he knew that he could use that extra energy and fuse it into his training that got more and more intense the more stable his footage on the sand became. He gradually got used to the sand, took its advantages, and adjusted his muscles to the shifting ground. His legs didn’t ache anymore and most of the time he just had fun at practice. He liked his team, the many friends he made, and the open-minded custom of the Brazilian that welcomed him warmly. Even Pedro warmed up to him and every day they talked a little more, prepared dished together, watched anime, or just chatted about their lives.

Shouyou grew comfortable in his new environment, that slowly became his second home.

It nonetheless didn’t change the fact that he still missed Japan, he missed his home, his family, and his friends, who were scattered all across Japan, on the other side of the globe. When the day was too busy to look even once at his phone, Shouyou just found time to answer all the accumulated messages late in the evening when everybody was already at work in Japan. Sometimes he had no time to answer all of them that night, but he always made sure to answer his mother’s and Natsu's, or else they would get worried about him.

Once in a while he even received messages from Ukai or Takeda, updating him about Karasuno’s team or asking how he was doing of if he needed any help. Despite being Shouyou’s mentor, Washijou was rather quiet during his time in Brazil, and Shouyou suspected that he wanted to grant him the freedom and develop on his own since he alone was able to do that. Of course there were his trainer in Rio and the alumni who kept Washijou updated, but they had mostly agreed to have a video call every six months to talk about his progress.

Trying to keep up contact with his friends was difficult and Shouyou felt like he missed out a lot when he saw someone post a picture in their group chat or when the others started talking about a topic he didn’t quite understand. Shouyou caught himself scrolling through his phone’s gallery or just staring at his lock screen, wishing that one of his friends – whoever it was – would be with him to talk with so that Shouyou could listen to their stories. Even if it were Tsukishima. When the thought of an irritated blond who was send our of nowhere into the summer heat of Brazil crossed Shouyou’s mind, he started laughing, so hard that Pedro came into his room, asking what was wrong.

But most of the time Shouyou thought about Kageyama. A wistful smile formed his lips when he remembered how his friend had asked for a video call the very first time, how often they had met up so far to just… sit at their respective desks and talk with each other, how those talks grew long and longer when neither of them watched the time proceeding.

None of them wanted to stop these calls, even if there were long beats of silence that had been awkward at first but didn’t stay like that. Of course the hours they spent together like this couldn’t always be filled with pure words and Shouyou actually liked to watch his friend preparing his lunch or folding his laundry he had brought in from the balcony; things that happened at that very time but on the other side of the world where the sun was already rising again.

Every night they had spent watching each other for a little bit too long, Shouyou felt the effect the next morning when he was tired and all he wanted to do was get back his missing sleep instead of going to work. But he never regretted it.

For the time being Shouyou had to bitterly accept that meetings via technology would never defy meeting someone in person. He had been used to having his friends, and especially Kageyama, around him for almost every day for years and now that he was so far away, he realised that he missed it.

He missed their banter when they raced towards the gym. He missed training together, the tosses and the best spikes he had ever had, and all the encounter they had had in that gym, which had become such a familiar place to them over the years. He missed the two of them walking to Sakanoshita after practice and discussing new strategies for an upcoming match. He missed taking the train to Tokyo to visit his best friend in his new flat he had troubles getting used to. He missed the small touches, the lingering presence of slender fingers on his skin, Kageyama gripping his head, his hold never too hard or too painful, more often gentle than not. He missed the casual ruffle that had left them both with warm cheeks and silent, the flustered quiet only broken by a nervous joke both had laughed about.

They were physically apart, but although they were still talking about the same things, Shouyou wasn’t sure if they would talk about different things as well, when they had the chance to connect again.

More than often he wished for his best friend to be there, really there, and sought the impossible closeness, denied by a mocking screen. Shouyou had been right all along, meeting in person was still the best, and accepting the momentary solution, he always looked forward to having the next call with Kageyama.

"What will you do today?"

Slurred words came out of Tobio’s loudspeaker, their sound hollow and quiet, not made of the usual quirkiness Hinata’s speaking organ seemed to be possessed of. If Tobio would’ve listened to this voice during their very first video call, he would’ve blamed the quality of the laptop. But he knew how the speaker warped Hinata’s voice by now and it wasn’t that different from an in-person experience.

He frowned and studied his friend, who blinked with heavy lids into the camera, brown eyes directed on the screen where Tobio’s video was displayed. Fatigue was written in his face and despite it being subtle, Tobio was able to see it. Nevertheless, Hinata’s eyes sparked with curiosity as he tried to fight the exhaustion that was apparently sitting in his bones at not even eight in the evening Brazilian time.

Propping his chin on his palm, Tobio decided to answer first before going into depth why his best friend was about to fall asleep.

"I will have practice starting at nine and after lunch I will meet up with Ushijima-san to discuss a few strategies for our next match."

"U–huh," Hinata mumbled and smiled. There was a shift in his eyes and instead of wild sparks, they glistened with a faint sheen, and if Tobio wouldn’t know better, it looks as if he was jealous. "Tell me."

"I can’t," Tobio returned.

"I know you can’t. Even though you’re living in the future, you still need to actually have that meeting with Ushiwaka-san."

Tobio chuckled. "No, I mean that I can’t tell you about the strategies."

"Why?" Hinata asked, pouting adorably.

Tobio tilted his head to the side. "You could use it against us," he mused aloud.

At this Hinata laughed, but it sounded hollow and was empty of all mirth. "Really, how?"

So far they had talked a lot about the many differences there were between indoor volleyball and playing it at the beach. Tobio knew that it would probably be difficult to implement everything there was, but not impossible. Yet the serious tone in Hinata’s voice knocked him off track, and he frowned.

"When you’ll join a pro team," he said hesitantly, "and play in a match against us, you might use it."

Hinata blinked in surprise. "I’m not so sure about that," he said then and his face showed displeasure.

Tobio didn’t know what to say at first. The total lack of the usual response – challenging, determined or excited – was weird and he licked his lips while thinking about a reply.

"You never know," he finally said and decided to not dwell on it for too long. Maybe something had happened that had caused the slip in Hinata’s mood. He couldn’t always be that pure ball of happy energy and Tobio had a lot of memories of the other side of Hinata Shouyou. Contemplating, he finally settled on, "How was your day?"

But this made Hinata only sigh deeply. His shoulders gave in as he crossed his arms on the table and he buried his face between his bare arms.

"–’ng," he grunted, voice dulled by his skin.

"Hinata, I can barely hear you."

His friend gasped exasperated, raised his head, and barked, "Long!" before burying his head again.

Tobio waited for his friend to move again, heave a sigh or move a centimetre, but Hinata just rested there, unmoving and depleted of all energy that he ever had stored in his sturdy body, its skin growing tanner every time they met and Tobio tried his best to not let his eyes linger for too long on the caramel skin dotted with freckles, too many to count.

"What’s wrong, Hinata?" he asked, quietly and carefully.

"Nothing," came the answer, muffled and empty.

"I can clearly see that it’s not nothing. Tell me."

Hinata groaned at the demand but Tobio didn’t budge.

"Bad day?"

Silence followed.

"Did you injure yourself? Did you cool it? Take a good rest and–"

"I’m not injured!"

"Then tell me what’s wrong!"

Hinata turned his head on his arms to glare at the screen. It would’ve been more impressive if he had more stamina left. Tobio still glared back, claiming a response and trying to dull that thick worry clouding his mind.

"It’s just… It’s nothing."

"Yeah, of course," Tobio replied mockingly. "Try and talk to the gloomy self you are right now and tell me that it’s nothing."

"I’m not gloomy."

"You sure are."

"Am not!"

Tobio sighed, cursing that the only way to talk was through this stupid screen. "Come on, Hinata. Just tell what it is. Maybe I can help you."

His friend shook his head. "You can’t."

"Will you let me try at least?"

"How?" Hinata’s brows furrowed. "You’re all the way over there and I’m here, in Rio, by myself with a bunch of guys, hitting one ball after the other and sand e–very–where," he said, pronouncing the words and sounding annoyed.

Tobio thought about Hinata’s words, the ones he had said a few weeks ago during their first video call. He hadn’t thought that much about it, they were just talking after all, but he knew, he knew, that he would miss it.

"Maybe you’re right," he mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Maybe…" Tobio bit his lip and looked to the side before eyeing his friend again. "Maybe meeting in person is better after all."

Hinata blinked heavily as he processed his words. "Told ya’," he mumbled.

A couple beats of silence followed during which Hinata’s expression became irritated again and Tobio tried to think of ways to lure his friend out of his secluded mindset.

"Hinata?"

Maybe it was the quiet pleading undertone that Tobio had tried to suppress but not quite managed that Hinata raised his head to rest his chin on his upturned palm. He swallowed audibly and looked to the side, evading the screen while gnawing on his lips.

"It’s just…," he said and Tobio had to lean forward to understand his quiet voice. "You’re… you’re already in a team. You’re playing all these matches, you’re even scouted for the national team! And it’s just… I don’t have any of that and I don’t know if I… if I will ever be there too."

Tobio blinked, realisation what this was about dawned on him, and he swallowed. He didn’t know what to do or say at first. If he could, he would reach out and touch Hinata’s shoulder or ruffle his hair like he had done so many times before, but even if he would be able to touch his best friend, he wouldn’t know what to do after that. So he started thinking about words, things he could say to make Hinata realise that one day, he would be there for sure, standing with him on the same stage they had set their goal on. Without Hinata it wouldn’t be the same and Tobio knew that he was the missing piece of the equation he had been working on solving his entire life.

"Hinata," he started slowly, but his friend still stared at something to his side that Tobio couldn’t see. "Hinata, I know that you’ll be there."

"Where?" the other asked, disinterested.

"Here. With me."

Hinata’s eyes scooted back to look at Tobio. "What do you mean?"

Tobio felt his heart rate increase and hoped that the blood that was suddenly pulsing much faster through his veins wouldn’t colour his cheeks. He kneaded his fingers, unsure himself what he wanted to say, although at the same time he actually did know. He did. But how to put it into words?

"I know that you will be there. One day, you will get there where everyone else is. We’re waiting for you, Hinata, we won’t go anywhere. Not until you joined us. I just… know that you’ll be able to come here and that… you will be with me again."

There, he had said it. If this wouldn’t cheer his friend up, he would need to resort to further declarations but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that yet.

When he watched his friend, he saw that Hinata turned his head to fully face him, eyes studying him with curiosity and awe.

"Really?" he asked, whispering as he sought confirmation.

"Yeah," Tobio croaked, but meant it. He had meant all of what he had said and a part of him was surprised that his friend still needed to ask.

They stared at each other and with each passing second Tobio could satisfactorily observe that some of the tension, that had withhold the usual flow of energy, left Hinata’s body. It eased the atmosphere between them, Tobio relaxed his shoulders and took a deep breath.

And then Hinata broke into a smirk.

"That sounded so cheesy, Kageyama!"

"Shut up, I just said what I meant," he returned hastily, making them both pause again. Tobio swallowed, realising what he had said, and frowned as he saw his friend blinking rapidly at the screen.

"I mean," he hemmed and hawed, "I mean you are… to me you are… I mean…"

Hinata’s smirk disappeared and was replaced by a gentle smile that made his eyes twinkle. "Thank you, Kageyama," he said, quietly and accepting.

Tobio hummed, eyes darting away and back again. "You’re welcome," he muttered, pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, and smiled against his skin.

Giving the door a purposeful kick with the foot might have been a little too much. The worn-down wood fell with a loud bamp shut, so loud that Shouyou turned back to face the still jittering frame and hoped that their friendly neighbours would forgive him when he would visit them the next time. Maybe he could bake them some cookies or bread as conciliation. He at least could be sure that Pedro was still out.

Ignoring any possible outcomes for the time being, Shouyou tried to unveil the fog of stress and adrenaline that rushed through his body, threw his delivery bag on the few shoes, and slid out of his own to leave them behind while he hurried to get to his room.

While he had one arm out of his thin sweater, he pressed one knee to the underside of the laptop, and fumbled with the other hand to flip it open. Sighing in frustration at the unsuccessful attempt, Shouyou first threw the sweater aside and concentrated fully on getting his computer to run. He nervously checked the time in the corner of the screen while he waited for his internet to connect and the app to start.

He was late. A new delivery job had come in unplanned and Shouyou, who had already been on his way to leave, had been asked to take it. The next shift hadn’t appeared yet, so Shouyou had agreed. It wasn’t that me minded it, he liked to help out if it was needed, the address hadn’t been that far away either, and more work meant more money. But the meeting time had already been very close to the end of his shift and on top of that he had lost his way (again) when he tried to get back.

When he had locked his bike, he had been tired, but at least he was finally home. Initially he had planned to take a quick shower before their call but he couldn’t care less now. And it wasn’t that anyone could smell him via video chat. He would just take a shower before going to bed or in the morning.

Shouyou tapped his heels against the chair legs and heaved a deep sigh. Once the WiFi was finally table and the app loaded, he ignored the surprisingly long list of missed activities, and clicked the call-button next to the name: Kageyama Tobio.

It immediately connected.

"Kage–"

"You’re late!"

Shouyou paused and blinked in surprise at his friend who was sitting far too close to the screen, seemingly holding it with both hands, and staring right into his face. Before Shouyou had any chance to reply, Kageyama ranted further

"What happened? Where have you been? We wanted to meet 33 minutes ago! Did you have an accident? Something happened at the beach? Are you injured? Is your bike okay? If Pedro is there, you can ask him to–"

"Kageyama, I’m fine!" Shouyou shouted, loud enough to shut his friend up (and to add another item to the list of things he should apologise to his neighbours for).

Wide blue eyes blinked a couple of times and Kageyama’s mouth stood still open while he kept staring at Shouyou, paralysed or waiting for more, Shouyou couldn’t tell.

"I just took another job because there was no one else to do that and when I was out I got lost in the neighbourhood and had to pedal all the way around a hill to get back again. I just came home and opened the laptop," Shouyou explained in one breath, wanting to calm down his friend’s mind that had thought about too many things in the meantime.

Shouyou looked down at himself and frowned. "I’m probably very sticky now, ugh," he added and raised his gaze again.

For a few seconds neither of them said anything. Very slowly Kageyama’s shoulder muscles relaxed and he retreated his arms, which made the screen jitter a bit.

"Oh," Kageyama said and cleared his voice. "Oh, I see. That’s good then."

Shouyou snickered and cocked his head a little to the side. "Were you… that worried about me?"

His best friend shrugged and evaded his eyes again. "It’s not like I can help you when you’re… all the way over there," he muttered. "And you were never late so far."

"Of course not!" Shouyou exclaimed with a grin. "How would I miss these calls with you?"

His statement lured his friend to watch him again and the long curious look he gave him with those crystal clear blue eyes made Shouyou flustered.

"I–I mean," he stuttered and fetched his phone from his pocket to place it on his table where he started fiddling with it. "I really, uhm, enjoy these talks with you, Kageyama."

Kageyama nodded along his words; now he was definitely waiting for more.

"And I always make sure to be on time," Shouyou continued, "and finish every chore or work before we meet, except for training in the evening."

Kageyama nodded again, firmer this time. This was something he would understand after all.

"When I’ll be late I always let you know, right? Today the timing was really bad and I was pretty stressed. I’m sorry for being late. But… we’ll continue, right? I like calling you and talking to you and seeing you and… and…" Shouyou let his words trail into nothing, swallowed, and finally closed his mouth.

The silence following made him nervous and he fiddled with his phone case, left his mouth shut and waited for a reply of his friend. When Kageyama cleared his voice, quietly but cracking, Shouyou ‘s eyes flickered up to see the soft tinge of pink sprinkled over Kageyama’s ears.

"Me too," Kageyama said, quietly.

Too surprised to utter any intellectual words, Shouyou raised his head fully and let out a, "Huh?"

"Me too," Kageyama repeated, looked to the side, and scratched the back of his head which made the muscles in his forearms jump. "I like these calls too. A lot."

"Oh… Oh great."

A shy smiled curled the corners of Kageyama’s lips and when he looked back at Shouyou, he knew that he was looking just the same, all stress-filled tension had left the space between them.

Shouyou had been excited the entire day.

Generally speaking, he was always excited about the prospect of exploring more, of this country, of this language, of the culture, and most importantly of beach volleyball. There was just so much to study that he felt that two years would never be enough. He always looked forward to going out, meeting the many people he had befriended who asked him to accompany them to events or bars, going to the beach to train, and driving on his bike through this city that had become his second home.

Of course not all days were great and he had experienced the worst where he just wanted to curl himself into a ball, vulnerable and small, hidden in the darkest corner of his room until the sunshine lured him outside again, promising a better viewpoint.

When Shouyou was surrounded by his new team, discussed a strategy or listened to Lucio Katou, explaining him techniques that were unique to beach volleyball, Shouyou wanted to sit there the whole time and absorb everything there was to learn, and also jump to the field right away to implement the amazing moves he had been told.

Every day was for the biggest part similar to the day before – training in the morning, part-time job, studying Portuguese, go back to the beach, repeat – but every day was different in its own. Shouyou slowly got used to processing the information he was fed with. He understood more and more of the words that were spoken to him. He got better in distinguishing between the streets of Rio that allowed him to deliver on time and more importantly when the pizza was still hot. After a few months had passed, he even got accustomed to the stable weather and enjoyed it.

Despite getting used to that new life he found himself in and getting excited when he took his bike to get to the beach, he especially looked forward to talking to his best friend at the weekend.

And today had been no exception.

Shouyou had been excited about coming home to their scheduled meeting the entire day. But when he actually managed to get home, it was already past nine. Considering that he had been awake ahead of sunrise, had a bunch of deliveries around noon, and had spent the rest of the day at the beach, Shouyou was quite beat. When their coach had called for a team meeting once official practice had been over, Shouyou had hastily typed out a message to Kageyama, asking to meet him one hour later than initially planned, to which his friend replied with ‘ok’ within thirty seconds.

Now, once he had dragged himself out of the bathroom, Shouyou was sitting at the kitchen table that was illuminated by the dim light of the ceiling lamp, and munched on leftovers from the day before. He blinked with heavy eyelids and felt kind of sluggish, not quite realising what he actually shovelled into his mouth. Next to him on the table laid the new training schedule he had been given earlier. Some more workout had been added and some other things had levelled up, at which Shouyou was proud. He liked that there had been put so much thought behind this new schedule and he looked forward to starting it in a few days, but for now he just wanted to drop into his bed and sleep until morning.

Only the video call they had agreed on to have in less than ten minutes kept him awake enough to function and thus Shouyou got up again, washed his used dishes and dragged himself to his bedroom where he changed into a tank top and shorts. Then he grabbed his laptop and flopped onto his bed, its old mattress not as bouncy as it probably used to be.

The timing was just right and when Shouyou accepted the call, a familiar face popped up on his screen that made him smile immediately. It took a few seconds until Kageyama’s contours became clear, but the bright light of Tokyo’s mid-morning was a nice contrast to the stars that began to unveil themselves to the sky above Rio de Janeiro.

"Hey, how are yo– Hinata, you look super tired."

"Huh, I’m fine."

Kageyama blinked in irritation. "I can see that you’re tired. When did you get up?"

"Hmm… around five?"

"At five!?"

"Shhh, you will wake the neighbours." Shouyou glanced to the window and listened to the silence permeating through the thin walls.

"You should use headphones," his friend suggested with a frown.

"No way." Shouyou looked back at the screen with wide eyes. "When I use headphones with my laptop and Pedro comes in, he would think I use some fancy websites or something."

There was an awkward silence Shouyou hadn’t reckoned with and he noticed that Kageyama seemed utterly flustered.

"W–well, then don’t," the setter muttered.

"I don’t need to anyway since I’m talking to you." He blinked, slowly realising what he just had said and felt his cheeks growing warm. "J–just talk quieter, no need to shout anyway."

Kageyama nodded and pressed the back of his hand to his tinted cheek.

"Besides," Shouyou added, trying to play over the sudden awkwardness, "getting up at five is totally normal."

"For you maybe," Kageyama uttered quietly before falling into silence. His mouth was shut but his eyes studied Shouyou with a soft frown between his eyes. He liked it when his friend looked at him, trying to figure out a problem that Shouyou didn’t know existed.

"Sorry."

Shouyou blinked in confusion. "About what?"

"That I suggested to meet so late. I knew that it would be evening for you and you already have a full day of practice behind you. Although," Kageyama frowned, "I didn’t know you would get up that early."

"It’s okay, Kageyama." Leaning back against the wall, Shouyou smiled. "I didn’t know there was a meeting today. Well, nobody else knew either, it was on a short notice. We normally have regular meetings. Otherwise, I would’ve been home earlier. But I looked forward to talking to you the entire day. I was… super excited!"

"You were?" Kageyama’s eyes widened a bit.

Shouyou nodded fervently. The gesture seemed to relax Kageyama and when he smiled, wobbly and excited – that itself was such a rare feast – Shouyou stared at him in fascination. His eyes darted down, knowing that there was a record function somewhere in this app, but even if he found it in time, he wouldn’t know if Kageyama would get a notification that he was being recorded. Not wanting to make his friend upset, he just watched the soft wobbles slowly die down, but the twinkle in his friend’s eyes stayed.

"So," Shouyou intended to start a new topic, "how was your da–"

"Hinata, go to bed."

"What, no! We just started." He pushed his lower lip forward and frowned in annoyance.

"You’re tired, Hinata. You will fall asleep sooner or later, better get some rest," the voice of reason spoke, but Shouyou’s stubborn mind made him cross his arms in front of his chest.

"I don’t want to, we haven’t even talked for five minutes yet."

"We can talk tomorrow, okay? I have a free time slot in the morning."

Shouyou huffed.

"If you don’t go to bed soon, I’ll end the call," Kageyama said sternly, glaring through the screen with determination.

"You wouldn’t dare!"

"I would. Now go to bed. Did you shower yet?"

The question made Shouyou nearly chuckle. "What are you, my mother?" he retorted, but he felt how exhausting it was to keep his eyes open and watch his best friend lecture him.

Kageyama didn’t butch. "Did you?"

"Yes, I did," Shouyou gave in with a deep sigh. "Should I show you my super clean body?" And with satisfaction he could see the other stutter.

"N–no n–n–need."

"Oh, suddenly embarrassed? Not that you’ve never seen me naked, Kageyama."

"This… is different," Kageyama mumbled, propped his chin on his upturned hand, and looked to the side.

"How is that different, huh?"

Kageyama’s eyes flickered back at him. "Because… because…" Lost in words, he made a vague gesture with his free hand, frowning. "You’re getting older and you change and stuff. And things would be… different," he added.

Shouyou looked down at himself. He had noticed the slight changes as the daily workout reshaped his body anew, and although he hadn’t paid that much attention to how this might effect other people, seeing Kageyama’s flushed face, made him suddenly embarrassed himself.

"Well, excuse me for growing, okay?" He threw back, deluding himself that the blood in his cheeks wouldn’t be visible through the screen.

But this made Kageyama blush only more and he didn’t seem to be able to get out another word.

"Don’t get me all embarrassed too, Bakageyama!"

"You’re not the only one, okay!?" Kageyama blurted out. "You were the one implying that you watch some ero-stuff on your laptop!"

"I–I do–do–don’t wa–watch e–e–e…" Shouyou stared at him. "I never said that!"

"That’s why I said implying, dumbass. Do you know what that means?"

"Of course I do!" He crossed his arms again. "And I don’t."

"I’m not surprised!"

"Huh, why?"

"Because you’re talking to me." Kageyama’s voice grew quieter. "Your words," he added.

Shouyou stared at the screen, feeling the cool waves of surprise but also fond warmth rushing through him. "Are you?" he asked then.

"Am I what?" A scowl.

"Watching… those stuff."

Kageyama blinked. "N–no, I don’t. Since I’m talking to you."

"I see. I’m still better, huh?"

"Hinata, you’re always better than porn."

The serious tone and the soft blue in Kageyama eyes made it all the more ridiculous. For a moment they looked at each other, before laughing out loud.

"Okay, this is stupid. Just go to bed, Hinata. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I will send you a time."

"You were the one talking about porn when you just woke up. I have an excuse at least," Shouyou said, raising his eyebrows.

Kageyama giggled. "And that’s why you should go to bed, otherwise I can’t guarantee where our talk might head to."

"Oh?" Shouyou grinned.

"Go to bed, Hinata."

Shouyou whined, threw himself on his bed so that he laid on his side and heaved a sigh. Out of the corners of his eyes he glanced at the laptop that was now slightly tilted, and he would’ve snickered about the fact that Kageyama’s world was totally unaffected by him turning the screen.

Maybe it was a good idea to get some sleep after all.

"If you insist on seeing me tomorrow," Shouyou said, voice slightly muffled by his mattress.

"I would want to see you every day, Hinata, but lets start with tomorrow," Kageyama returned with a soft smile.

Shouyou blinked. "Oh, very smooth, Kageyama-kun, very casual."

His friend got flustered but his smile didn’t falter. "Just go to bed already."

"I will," he chortled, paused, and yawned so wide that his jaw cracked. "Good night, Kageyama."

Another gentle smile and Shouyou resolved to find out how this recording function worked.

"Good night, Hinata."

Kageyama Tobio [20:39]: can we chat tomorrow?

Kageyama Tobio [20:39]: video chat i mean

Hinata Shouyou [20:43]: sure, why?

Kageyama Tobio [20:43]: ther’s somethi i wan’to tell yu

Hinata Shouyou [20:44]: something good or something bad??

Kageyama Tobio [20:44]: good

Hinata Shouyou [20:44]: cool!

Hinata Shouyou [20:44]: why not tell me now?

Kageyama Tobio [20:45]: i wan’o tmorrw

Kageyama Tobio [20:45]: *tomorrow

Hinata Shouyou [20:45]: why?

Kageyama Tobio [20:45]: because i can see you then

Hinata Shouyou [20:45]: will that make a difference?

Kageyama Tobio [20:46]: it will. so.

Kageyama Tobio [20:46]: tomorrow

Hinata Shouyou [20:46]: come on, Yamayama, tell me

Kageyama Tobio [20:46]: tomorrow

Hinata Shouyou [20:46]: what is’t abt??

Kageyama Tobio [20:47]: tomorrow, Hinata

Hinata Shouyou [20:47]: kaaageeeyaaamaaa

Kageyama Tobio [20:48]: dumbass

Hinata Shouyou [20:48]: hey, i just wrote you name

Kageyama Tobio [20:48]: yeah?

Kageyama Tobio [20:49]: so did i

Hinata Shouyou [20:50]: mean!

Hinata Shouyou [20:50]: just tell me

Hinata Shouyou [20:50]: now yu made me curious

Kageyama Tobio [20:52]: live with it. it’s tomorrow, not next week

Hinata Shouyou [20:52]: cant you tell me what’s abt at least?

Kageyama Tobio [20:55]: … sports

Hinata Shouyou [20:52]: wow, i’m surprised

Kageyama Tobio [20:55]: what

Kageyama Tobio [20:55]: could be something else as well

Hinata Shouyou [20:55]: like?

Kageyama Tobio [20:56]: dunno, getting a pet or somethin

Hinata Shouyou [20:56]: no pet would survive living with yu

Hinata Shouyou [20:56]: not even a plant, remember the cactus yu had las year?

Kageyama Tobio [20:57]: but yu survived so far

Hinata Shouyou [20:57]: ???

Hinata Shouyou [20:57]: i’m on the same level as that mummified cactus now??

Kageyama Tobio [20:58]: then a loyal dog maybe?

Hinata Shouyou [20:58]: hm…

Hinata Shouyou [20:58]: i can live with that i guess

Hinata Shouyou [20:58]: now tell me

Kageyama Tobio [21:00]: nope

Hinata Shouyou [21:00]: kaaaa

Hinata Shouyou [21:00]: geeee

Hinata Shouyou [21:00]: yaaaa

Kageyama Tobio [21:01]: stop it

Hinata Shouyou [21:01]: maaa

Kageyama Tobio [21:01]: don’t spam the timeline

Hinata Shouyou [21:01]: yu ruined it!! ( `ε´ )

Hinata Shouyou [21:01]: wouldn’t be the frist time lol

Kageyama Tobio [21:01]: can’t you just wait?

Hinata Shouyou [21:02]: but i wanna knooooooww

Kageyama Tobio [21:02]: yur annoying

Hinata Shouyou [21:02]: you like it

Hinata Shouyou [21:02]: now tell me

Kageyama Tobio [21:04]: it’s about sports

Hinata Shouyou [21:05]: yeah, i got that. what’s more? new club? division zero?

Kageyama Tobio [21:05]: in a way..

Hinata Shouyou [21:05]: i know yur on the national team, Yamayama, that’s nothing new. don’t show off

Kageyama Tobio [21:06]: i never do though. so yes, then you know already

Hinata Shouyou [21:06]: ???

Hinata Shouyou [21:06]: explain

Kageyama Tobio [21:07]: tomorrow

Hinata Shouyou [21:07]: national team… something special

Kageyama Tobio [21:07]: new events… this year

Kageyama Tobio [21:07]: ?? there, now i said it

Hinata Shouyou [21:08]: what the

Hinata Shouyou [21:08]: you didn’t say anythin!

Kageyama Tobio [21:08]: said enough. wait for this summer, dumbass

Kageyama Tobio [21:08]: but more importantly: tomorrow!

Hinata Shouyou [21:08]: summer huuh. will you finally decide to spend your precious holidays abroad? o(^◇^)o

Kageyama Tobio [21:10]: .. in a way

Hinata Shouyou [21:10]: wait really??

Hinata Shouyou [21:10]: tell me!

Kageyama Tobio [21:10]: tomorrow, Hinata. i have to get off the train now, bye

Hinata Shouyou [21:11]: Kageyama-kun!!! noooo, tell meee!!

Hinata Shouyou [21:11]: ackkk

Hinata Shouyou [21:11]: this summer??

Hinata Shouyou [21:11]: theres nothin this summa

Hinata Shouyou [21:11]: only the olympics and

Hinata Shouyou [21:16]: KAGEYAMA!!!!!

Tobio pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, stifling the yawn than involuntarily slipped out of his mouth, while he blinked with heavy eye lids on his flickering screen.

Darkness fell over Tokyo and it was evening already – if not even nightfall – but since he had the next day off, he had stayed up. It didn’t change the fact that he felt utterly exhausted. A whole day of training for the national team was behind him and after showering and a simple dinner, Tobio felt like falling face first into his couch and spent the rest of the day and the next there. But he had dragged himself to his bedroom, settled on his chair, and flipped open his laptop. After all, talking to Hinata was much more preferred than sleeping, or anything else for that matter.

The simple fact that he would be seeing Hinata today had brought a smile to his face and – although he hadn’t thought that nobody else except the one at whom that smile was directed would notice that it was there – he still had been teased by Hoshiumi, who had kept pestering him with questions about his late-night plans like the nosy, white-haired gremlin he was.

Tobio hadn’t lost many words when he had explained he would only talk to Hinata via video call, but that had piqued Hoshiumi’s interest all the more. The flood of questions had created a loud buzzing in Tobio’s head and he had felt relieved when Hibarida had called them back for another training unit.

It had taken a few sets on the court, a train ride home, a hot shower, and a lousy meal that had at least all nutritions he would need, until he could finally relax. And here he was, sitting at his desk, in front of his laptop, and staring at the bright blotch on sunlight that was transmitted through the internet.

It was rare for him to call his friend during the evening. Tobio wondered why they didn’t change their schedules up a bit more. Regarding how early Hinata got up every day, it would be more considerate if Tobio would be the one to stay up later for their calls, wouldn’t it? Somehow they had gotten used to their schedule and since it had taken a lot of time to work it out, it might not be wise to risk any errors.

On the other hand was it a nice change to see Hinata’s room painted in the pure light that came in through the window that Tobio knew was right behind Hinata’s laptop.

The Brazilian mid-morning sun bathed his best friend in rays of molten gold and sparkles, made the cut short hair appear even more fluffy than it was on a regular basis, and took every bit of air away Tobio might’ve needed to actually breathe. When the screen had finally focused on the scenery on the other side of the world, he had gasped at first, unsure whether he was blinking at reality or into another universe where everyone was as beautiful as his Hinata was at this very moment.

Glowing brown eyes had squinted at the camera and then a smile brightened Hinata’s features once he was content with the quality of the picture. He grinned so wide that his eyes squeezed shut and Tobio couldn’t help himself but smile as well, happy that he was finally home and could talk to the person who was closest to him.

For one moment he took in the being that was Hinata Shouyou, who was sitting at his desk in his small room in Rio, and looked at Tobio as if he was his favourite person of the world. The Brazilian weather did wonders to his body and Tobio’s eyes flitted down to trail the tanned skin of his arms and shoulders, stronger now and broader, until his gaze was pulled to an accumulation of dots. It started on Hinata’s shoulders, covered a bit of his upper arm, and spread softly over his collarbone and most prominently his cheeks and nose.

Tobio blinked and leaned a bit forward, staring at the freckles that spread across his friend’s body like constellations the night sky. Would he be able to count them all?

"What are you doing, Kageyama? Do I have something on my face?"

Hinata’s amused voice startled him and he sat back in his chair, clearing his voice and wiping a hand over his face.

"No–nothing," he stuttered. "You’re just… different."

"Oh? I am? How so?"

Tobio frowned, unsure whether to answer that honestly or not. "You’re…" he drawled out and made a vague gesture to Hinata’s body, at least the upper part he could see. "You’re… Your skin is darker," he decided to say and it sounded lame even to him.

"Oh, you noticed, thanks! Yes, I think it suits me, right?" Hinata beamed at him.

"It does, it… really does."

Hinata tilted his head and studied him curiously. "You’re more relaxed than usual, Kageyama. Did something good happen?"

"What do you mean?"

His friend shrugged. "Dunno, you’re… you look like a happy, fluffy goofball."

"I look like a what now?"

Hinata cackled. "It’s true. As if something really, really good happened."

Tobio hesitated. "Well, I called you," he finally said, quieter than earlier.

"Yeah, you did."

"And… we’re talking now," Tobio continued.

"U–huh."

"So, I guess that makes me kinda…"

"Fluffy?"

"Happy."

Hinata smiled. "I can live with that."

"I guess you have to."

They looked at each other, softly smiling and a bit flustered. Hinata shuffled a bit on his chair and pulled his legs to hist chest to rest his chin on his knees. Then he picked something up and fiddled with it. It took a few seconds before Tobio realised that it was the phone his friend kept his idle fingers busy with by flapping the cover back and forth.

"You’re still using it?" he asked, eyes directed at the phone case.

"Of course!" Hinata flashed him a grin. "It always reminds me of you."

"You use it every day, hm?"

"Yep. I like it a lot."

Tobio’s heart skipped a beat as he looked up to see the dreamy expression in his friend’s eyes. Hinata looked so soft and fond at his phone that he had the urge to reach out and take it in his, the phone, as well as Hinata’s hands.

"You… like it?" Tobio asked with a dry throat.

Hinata nodded, a confused frown appeared between his brows but he looked amused. "Otherwise I wouldn’t use it, Yamayama," he replied, snickering.

"Yeah, you’re probably right."

There was a pause in which both of them watched tanned fingers flap the cover back and forth.

"You know," Hinata said quietly and his eyes shot Tobio a quick glance. "I like to think of it as a part of you that is always with me, wherever I go."

Tobio smiled. "That was the intention of giving it to you."

"It was?" Hinata blinked in surprise.

"Yes," Tobio replied, quietly.

The flapping stopped and Hinata stared at the closed cover of the phone case while tenderly caressing it with his fingertips.

Quiet moments weren’t that rare anymore, but there had always been something to fill the silence. Most of the time it was Hinata who had another thought, a new idea, a new story to tell about his new life in Rio or the beach. And Tobio was always listening, to the happy things he was told, to the desperateness Hinata had started to share, his worries and thoughts about his future, his eagerness and excitement about the sport they both adored.

Despite those many kilometres between and moreover the obvious screen separating them, as Tobio was now looking at his best friend right in front of him, he had the impression that the distance between them wasn’t as wide anymore.

And thus he took a deep breath and breached the silence for once.

"Do you… like it?"

Hinata giggled mirthfully. "I just said that I do, Yama."

Tobio nodded, having expected that reply, but this was a mere introduction and thus he took another deep breath and directed his eyes on the sun-kissed skin and warm brown of Hinata’s features.

"And… And do you like… me?"

The smile didn’t falter and Hinata exclaimed an, "Of course!" without a bit of hesitance. "What’s with that question, Kageyama?"

Too surprised to answer anything at first, Tobio blinked – once, twice – and came to the conclusion that maybe Hinata hadn’t understood what he had actually meant.

"So, you like me?" he repeated and the words fell much easier from his lips the second time he said them aloud. Maybe it was the fact that they were facing each other by means of technology and not physically that gave him the courage to proceed. Not to mention all the other times he had said those familiar words in his head, quiet and just for him to hear.

"Yes!"

"You like me," he stated, less a question now.

"Yes, Kageyama, what–"

"You… like me," he pronounced it this time, hoping that the other would finally get it.

"Yes, Kageyama, I li–" Hinata stopped in the middle of the word and stared, bewildered, through the screen and right into Tobio’s eyes.

The remnants of distance seemed to shrink even more.

"Ohhhh," Hinata let out then, it sounded more of a soft sigh than a sound of realisation striking him.

The pause following made Tobio squirm on his chair. He felt a scowl slowly digging between his brows while he wiped his palms at his sweatpants, staring intensely at the screen to wait for the moment of utter destruction or pure bliss.

"You do?" Tobio croaked and gripped his pants tightly.

Hinata started to flap the phone case again. His eyes were cast down and he frowned as he bit his lower lips. "I… I guess I, uhm…do," he stuttered and when his eyes shot him a glance, a pink hue started to gather around his nose.

Seeing his best friend blushing shot the blood into Tobio’s cheeks and he released his pants, nodding slowly.

"Okay, great," he mumbled and scratched the back of his neck.

"Why…" Hinata cleared his voice. "Why did you… now?"

There was something in his deep brown eyes that Tobio couldn’t distinguish. He could see the red tinge, the glistening of joy, and the twitch of lips. And yet there was this complex expression mixing into all of it, making something that he couldn’t put his finger on.

"Uhm… I… I wanted to tell you, I guess."

"Oh." Hinata nodded slowly. "Oh, okay."

The sudden tense feeling left Tobio hesitate. "And you said–"

"Yes," Hinata replied immediately. "Yes. And… I mean it, Kageyama."

"Me too." He allowed himself a small smile.

Then Hinata dropped his phone and leaned back in his chair, leaving out a deep sigh.

"So, how… how was your day?"

The question seemed to be coming out of nowhere and sounded a little tentative. But Tobio had the urge to change the topic as well and soothe the nervousness that was sitting in his spine, so he didn’t mind the words that gave another course for the evening.

And so Tobio explained what he had done today, about practice and the match they were training for, and the dinner he had made, which got him a meaningful look from Hinata who began to lecture him about the right way to get nutrients in the body, whatever that meant.

"What about you? What are your plans for today?"

Hinata grinned widely. "I’ll go to the beach of course!"

A low chuckle escaped Tobio’s throat. Of course. "And then?"

It was relieving to find back to a topic that would always leave them comfortable, no matter how much they were blushing due to their previous talk or the confession Tobio had decided to share.

"I’ll meet my partner and the others and we’ll have a match with a team form the neighbouring city. So we have the morning free to not overdo it until the match."

"U–huh. Wait, neighbouring city. Of Rio?" Tobio frowned.

"Ah, uh, kind of? From the suburbs of Rio, from the south. But it’s more of a city itself because Rio is so huge, y’know?"

Tobio nodded along, not quite able to understand but maybe it would be similar to have a match against Yokohama or something, although that wouldn’t be technically true. "I see."

"Our coach has contacts all over the city and beyond, so we have those matches once in a while. It’s quite cool!"

"Mhm." It sounded indeed amazing and Tobio was happy for Hinata, but he felt a pang of jealousy when the other continued to explain.

"Heitor and me have thought of a new spike attack and we want to try it out today for the first time during an official match! Well, official in a way, but you know what I mean."

Tobio rubbed his chest. A new spike attack. That used to be their thing. But now Hinata had his new partner, who was setting to him, was setting himself even, and Tobio was…. Tobio was so many kilometres away from Hinata that his body felt hollow and empty all of a sudden. The pure rays of sunlight seemed mockingly as they illuminated bright red hair on the other side of the world, so close, and yet so far away.

Tobio swallowed and noticed that he hadn’t followed the many words Hinata had said in the meantime.

"… really amazing, you should see him one day!"

"U–huh."

"He has a lot more years of training down though."

"Is that so?"

A pause, then, "Kageyama."

He blinked, trying to focus on the topic once more. "Hm?"

Hinata wore an amused expression. "Did you actually listen?"

‘Uhm..." Unable to lie, Tobio averted his gaze and let it trail down. Although it only meant that he was staring right at Hinata’s chest.

"What are you looking at?" Clear mirthful laughter came through his speaker.

"No–nothing!" Tobio hurried to defend himself and looked back up to meet Hinata’s eyes.

"Mhm, sure. Anyway, I can make a video if you like. So you can see him in action and all."

Surprised about the offer, despite Tobio obviously not knowing who Hinata was talking about, he liked the thought that his best friend wanted to share it with him

"Yes, that would be… thank you."

And Hinata flashed him a bright smile.

Once Tobio’s concentration was restored, they continued to talk a little more about volleyball and he relaxed enough to find back in their usual exchange. They chatted about other teams, the V-League, the many information Hinata had gathered and shared about Brazilian teams, and betted on who would win the championship this year.

When Tobio couldn’t hide his tiredness any longer and yawned widely, Hinata paused and studied him carefully. There was a smile around his lips, soft and rosy, but the complex expression hadn’t really left his facial features and Tobio wondered what it was. But he didn’t want to rush and press Hinata to talk about it. Maybe it would just need a little bit of time for the new things to settle and thinking about this new thing that had been exchanged between them, Tobio got a little giddy on the inside.

"You should go to bed, Kageyama-kun," Hinata announced and looked at him sternly.

"I’m not a kid," Tobio replied with a scowl.

A shrug. "I wanted to try saying it once. Normally it’s late over here when we talk like this."

"Mhm, yeah, you’re right. I think I like it that way."

"Yeah, I… I like it too."

The two man exchanged a look, smiling shyly.

Swallowing down another yawn, Tobio coughed before saying, "I… should go to bed. I’ll have practice tomorrow and… yeah."

"Yes, I need to pack my things and get changed as well."

"Changed?"

"Yeah, for the beach! I’m not playing in boxers and my old t-shirt, y’know, I wear sport clothes."

Tobio nodded while trying not to picture the tight fit of those clothes too vividly. Even after half a year he could see that Hinata’s body as developing into something… bigger than when he had left Japan and he wondered how it would be to see him for real and not just his upper body through the screen.

"Right," he croaked and focused on seeing into familiar eyes and not anywhere else.

Hinata smiled. "So. See you soon?"

"Of course."

"Then, good night, Kageyama."

Tobio chuckled. "Good morning, Hinata."

It made Hinata laugh and it was the last image Tobio saw when they ended the call.

Instead of getting up and dragging himself to bed, Tobio stared at the part of his screen that was now, after disconnecting, black and full of technical static. He knew that he really should go to bed, but all he could do was sit there, stare at his laptop, and let everything sink in.

He liked Hinata, had for a while now.

And Hinata liked him. In that way, as it had been specified.

Despite all the excitement and giddy feelings accumulating in him, Tobio wondered whether he should be worried about Hinata’s strange reaction and his question why Tobio had asked now. It wasn’t that Tobio had planned on doing this today or had thought of any time at all, but he knew that if he would have kept in inside for much longer – and who knows how long that would be since Hinata wouldn’t be back for at least another year – the mirth in his body might start to digest his insides.

Was it unfair after all? Should he have waited to tell him? But Tobio didn’t see any reason why this would hurt, they felt the same after all, Hinata liked him too. Perhaps it might become a little weird at first, but they would settle again and find the rhythm they were comfortable with.

Pushing the negative thoughts away, Tobio stretched and sighed and yawned. He was happy after all. He had said it. Finally. After playing it over and over in his mind for weeks, months, maybe longer. They had admitted it just like that, calm and collected, like adults perhaps. Well, in some way at least since Tobio’s mind was everything else than collected and he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to fall asleep.

Hinata Shouyou [23:12]: we lost..

Kageyama Tobio [02:03]: oh no

Kageyama Tobio [02:03]: how many sets did you play?

Kageyama Tobio [02:03]: havin luch break now, you’re probabls asl’p

Kageyama Tobio [02:05]: text me when you wake up

Kageyama Tobio [02:07]: if you want… eat something first

Hinata Shouyou [05:32]: thank you Kageyama!!

Hinata Shouyou [05:32]: it’s fine, just sucks

Hinata Shouyou [05:33]: we had the usual three sets, lost the first right away..

Hinata Shouyou [05:34]: thanks I’ll make breakfast in a sec! :)

Kageyama Tobio [07:57]: okay

Kageyama Tobio [07:57]: on my way back from

Hinata Shouyou [08:01]: from??

Kageyama Tobio [08:02]: oh. from training

Hinata Shouyou [08:02]: i see :D

Hinata Shouyou [08:03]: making breakfast now and go to beach after

Kageyama Tobio [08:04]: sounds good

Hinata Shouyou [08:04]: we’ll have a review of yesterday

Kageyama Tobio [08:05]: don’t take it too hard, Hinata, it can happen

Hinata Shouyou [08:05]: i know! they were pretty strong i guess

Hinata Shouyou [08:05]: maybe just a bad day..

Kageyama Tobio [08:05]: yes. don’t overthink it

Hinata Shouyou [08:05]: i won’t :P

Kageyama Tobio [08:14]: i’ll see you on saturday?

Hinata Shouyou [08:15]: yep!

Kageyama Tobio [08:15]: great. i look forward to that

Hinata Shouyou [08:15]: me too :)

So you like me?

Kageyama’s words from a morning six days ago resounded in Shouyou’s mind while he stared down at his dinner that was burning in the pan as he was caught in his daydreams.

His best friend had said it just like that. Out of the blue he had confessed via video chatting on a Sunday morning, causing Shouyou’s concentration to slip away even days after. It wasn’t only that Kageyama had finally vocalised what Shouyou had seen coming for much longer, but now that they had both said it left him with mixed feelings.

Casually announcing that they liked each other hadn’t been his plan, neither for last Sunday, nor for any other weekend he would spend in Rio, or Brazil for that matter. But since the words had been uttered, were out in the open, raw and vulnerable, Shouyou wasn’t sure what to do with them.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel that way – because he did, genuinely and hard – but it didn’t feel right to hear it already. How was he supposed to act on it? What was he supposed to do? Kageyama hadn’t said any kind of condition and even if he did, Shouyou was pretty sure that this wouldn’t be the way to do that.

Kageyama was way too important that Shouyou wanted to risk anything or jump into a relationship where he didn’t know how it would go on, given that he was in Brazil and Kageyama in Japan. They didn’t plan on seeing in each other physically until his return anyway and even if Kageyama would be able to participate in the Olympics, none could say whether they were allowed to meet as Kageyama was a member of the national team and Shouyou…

Shouyou was just a part-timer who spend most of his time at the beach to train beach volleyball.

Even if he wanted to, he was… He still hoped to be on the same stage as he wished to be.

He swallowed and stared down at the piece of fish, which became darker and darker which each second his mind forgot that he was in the progress of preparing an edible dinner.

He liked Kageyama, he really, truly liked him. When they talked about what they loved, when he stayed up late just to see Shouyou for a few minutes in his Brazilian morning, when he yawned and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, when he smiled with his happy excited grin, when he reached out for Shouyou in his own awkward way to soothe him when Shouyou needed someone to just be there.

And Kageyama was there, he had always been, giving him the best tosses, being the best partner, a reliable friend who had become so close. Even when Shouyou had shared his plans to go to Brazil he had been supportive and had offered help where he could.

Kageyama had achieved so many things already that Shouyou was unmistakably jealous, but he had a visible goal he aimed at and this goal was his best friend since years.

Aside form volleyball – though, there was no way around volleyball when thinking about Kageyama – Kageyama had become so much more to him. The many feelings towards him Shouyou had accumulated over the last four years, even after their first encounter during middle school, had more than once threatened to overflow and swallow him up, make him lay awake in the middle of the night and think of a small smile, the flash of crystal blue, and silky black hair that framed a serious face just perfectly.

Shouyou swallowed and shook his head, trying to get the image of a matured and growing Kageyama out of his head. He had seen how he had developed once he had attended the regular training of a professional Division 1 V-League and moreover the national team, but these images didn’t help him at this very moment. And especially not when he was in some loose shorts standing in front of the hotplate that the tiny kitchen offered.

He would’ve definitely lost a few more – inappropriate – thoughts on his best friend, if there wouldn’t be the distinct smell of something being on fire. Shouyou hurried to turn off the hotplate and spent a few seconds staring at his dinner, dumbfounded, before reaching for the knife to scratch off the black bits and pieces that had encrusted the whole fish.

He felt sorry for the fish.

Giving up on the perfect meal this could’ve been, Shouyou shrugged, placed the even more dead fish on a plate, took the bowl of small salad and rice – both of he had prepared beforehand – and balanced everything back to his room.

He somehow managed to set everything down at his table without spilling anything and after he threw a quick glance at the clock, its digits slowly nearing the bubbly eight, Shouyou flopped on his chair that was still squeaking ominously.

Too impatient to wait, Shouyou started to shovel food in his mouth while plugging in the laptop to make sure that it wouldn’t run out of power while they were talking – it had happened way too often so far – and opened the app to wait and stare at Kageyama’s icon until the symbol turned green.

Suddenly he was nervous and he idly played with his fork and a piece of fish until the colour changed. Shouyou hit ‘call’, and since Kageyama didn’t accept it immediately, he hummed and squirmed his hips as he kept staring at the screen and listened to the melodic tune. He had heard it far too often already.

Finally, silky black hair and crystal blue appeared, and there was a concentrated furrow between Kageyama’s brows.

"What took you so long!" Shouyou shouted, preventing any greeting.

Kageyama stared at him. "Well, excuse me, I just opened the app and you called me right away. Are you in a hurry or what? Wait, is that charcoal you’re eating? I knew I said you need some iron but that’s not how I pictured it."

Shouyou was surprised to hear so many words at once, but then he registered the last bit and pouted. "It’s fish, "he pointed out, turning his fork a little, but to be honest, the impression of a black crusty thing didn’t vanish.

Kageyama’s eyes glanced down at the fish and back up. "Really?" he asked then, pronouncing it in a way that annoyed Shouyou.

"I forgot to lower the heat while cooking," he mumbled an excuse.

"Poor thing."

"Thank you."

"I meant the fish."

Stunned, Shouyou stared at his friend who had just made a joke and saw his playful gaze fixed on the dead fish impaled by the cold metal of the fork.

"At least I’m trying to cook something healthy," he defended.

"Healthy? That thing?"

"It’s fish, Bakageyama! What is your breakfast made of, huh?"

Kageyama blinked and glanced quickly to the door where Shouyou knew was the kitchen. "Uhm… toast."

"I’m impressed," Shouyou said sarcastically.

"I’m a busy man, you know." Kageyama shrugged nonplussed. "I don’t have the time to roast my dinner until it’s a stick to nibble on."

"It’s still chewy."

"Chewy!?"

"Whatever." Shouyou heaved a deep sigh, wanting to get away from the subject of this fish that wasn’t only dead in every way possible, but was now the centre of mockery. "How was your day?"

A scowl followed. "It started with evading a topic."

"You started it!"

"I didn’t start lying," Kageyama said, raising his eyebrows.

"I didn’t lie."

"You did. You said it’s fish but it’s definitely not a fish anymore."

"Say what you want, I’m proud of the dinner. At least I tried, because I’m a busy man too and just didn’t have time for more. My rice is cold too," he added, rather thoughtfully and more to himself, as he gave the small bowl an appraising look.

For a moment there was silence and when Shouyou gazed back at his friend, he saw a worried expression in his friend’s eyes.

"What?" he asked, irritated by the sudden change of emotions. Not that he didn’t like the banter, but this was kind of weird.

"Are you… okay?" Kageyama sounded hesitant. "Do you eat well enough?"

"What’s that supposed to mean? If you hint on my… fish here, then–"

"No!" Kageyama raised his hands. "I mean… because you don’t have much time, right? I just… Ugh, forget it."

"No, tell me," Shouyou practically demanded, but now he was curious and had to know what this was all about.

"I just… want to know if you’re alright, ahh, damn it!"

"Oh." Shouyou chuckled. Initially surprised about the sudden care, he was nonetheless amused by Kageyama’s awkward way of being the caring person. "Yeah, I guess."

The scowl deepened. "What’s with the vague reply?"

"I just answered honestly."

"Right, okay." Kageyama nodded. "Good to know. Thanks."

They looked at each other and when Shouyou started to giggle, Kageyama seemed a bit at ease and the tension ebbed away.

"And you?" Shouyou asked, quietly, took a bite of his fish and tried not to distort his mouth.

"Me? I’m fine too… I guess," Kageyama added and smirked, which send one corner of his mouth up.

"Okay, that’s good enough!" Shouyou laughed.

For a while, he continued to eat and noticed Kageyama watching him doing so. He had to admit that his dinner did taste a bit funny, but he would never admit that. Besides, he didn't want the fish to have died in vain, so he ate most of it, glad it wasn't a big fish. Still, he was relieved when the crisp taste of fresh salad filled his mouth.

After taking a sip of water, Shouyou thought about their conversation anew.

"Why do do you care what I eat, though? It’s not like you’re my mother or anything."

It elicited a frown from his best friend. "It’s important what you eat when you’re an athlete."

"Says the one who eats toast for breakfast," Shouyou deadpanned.

"I just… I’m just really bad at cooking," came the reply, unsatisfied and quietly.

"Yeah, figured."

"But… I will change that." Sudden determination filled Kageyama’s eyes.

"Oh, you will? Why?"

Kageyama waited a few more seconds before saying, "I want to cook for you."

"And send it to me via airmail?" Shouyou joked, but his friend stayed serious.

"No, I mean… When we’ll meet next time. Then."

"Oh. Okay, sound good!"

Kageyama nodded slowly and averted his eyes to the side. He seemed nervous all of a sudden and his shoulders became tense again, but he didn’t look angry or upset.

"I," he said and hemmed and hawed when he continued, "I can make you breakfast and dinner and… maybe a cake for your birthday or something."

"That’s a lot," Shouyou commented. "Are you sure you have that much time to learn how to cook where you’re such a busy man?"

"I would make time for that. Because it’s you." And this time he looked utterly serious about that.

"Me?" A blink, another. "Why?"

"Because…" A puzzled expression clouded Kageyama’s eyes. "I said I liked you, right?" he added, sounding rather confused now.

Shouyou swallowed. He suddenly got a very bad feeling about where this conversation was heading to, but he still wanted to give his friend the possibility to continue. Maybe he had meant it differently after all?

"And I thought… when you’ll be back in Japan… Then we could… I would… I would cook you a meal. Or something."

"U–huh."

"So, whenever you’ll wake up, there’ll be like rice and not-burnt fish and maybe something else and I would wake you up and–"

"Hang on, Kageyama."

"Hm?"

It hurt to see his best friend like this. Kageyama looked so utterly lost, like a puppy that was found in the darkest corner of the park, confused and forlorn. Shouyou swallowed heavily and put down his fork. He felt bad for interrupting those daydreams – that indeed sounded kind of lovely – but Shouyou was sure that they weren’t on the same page yet.

"What you’re saying is… It sounds very serious," Shouyou said carefully.

Kageyama shrugged. "I didn’t say we need to marry right away but–"

"M–ma–marry!?" Shouyou stared in bewilderment at his best friend, whose expression was as serious as it can be when he suddenly talked about marrying each other. His surprised exclamation let Kageyama hesitate and he bit his lip.

"I thought… you liked me, right?" Kageyama asked now, small and quiet.

A sigh that Shouyou couldn’t suppress escaped his lips. "Yes, Kageyama, I do like you, but–"

"And the other day," the setter continued, voice getting louder, "I told you that I liked you! And you said you liked me too, so I thought–"

"Wait, that’s what you base this on? You can’t just assume I’m your boyfriend because I like you. I like many people!"

This, for once, startled Kageyama. "Just… the same as me?" His voice was full of insecurity now. It was disturbing how fast its mood could change.

"What? No, of course not, you’re special."

Kageyama’s shoulders relaxed a little.

"I just…" Shouyou sighed and looked at his plate to stare at the half-eaten fish, crusty and dark. "I don’t want to ruin what we have now. Can’t you… wait for me?"

Glancing upwards, Shouyou could see how Kageyama’s facial features distorted into an irritated scowl. "What is there to wait for? You like me and I like you, so–"

"No, Kageyama, it’s not that easy. Please. This is… this is too important."

Shoving his plate aside, Shouyou leaned forward, elbows resting on his desk, and looked his best friend straight into the eyes. Kageyama on the other side leaned back on his chair, still scowling, and obviously unsatisfied. Sadness and disappointment were clearly written all over his face and there was pain in those clear eyes, so much that it hurt Shouyou to speak up and shatter all dreams his friend must’ve harboured since their confession.

It wasn’t that he didn’t have the same dreams, but it was still too early to implement them right now, where they were so far away from each other, not only separated by the distance itself. Shouyou didn’t want to go ahead and start this talk, he didn’t want to fight with Kageyama about this or at all, right now and via screen. He hated where this was going and suddenly sheer panic filled his chest and made it hard to breathe. Afraid of loosing what he had gained, what they both had worked on over the years, crept through his bones, and Shouyou gnawed on his lower lip, squeezed his eyes shut and gulped for air.

Then he looked ahead again.

He needed to clarify this – he wanted to try at least – and he better did it now than later.

"Kageyama," he said and swallowed heavily. "I’m sorry. I… I should’ve… I didn’t know you wanted to go to the next level already. We’ve been best friends for so long, Kageyama. I don’t want to… not yet."

Shouyou’s fingers curled into himself and he pressed the fists against his skin while he tried to gather his thoughts and keep his voice from trembling. It was difficult to find the right words and the dreary feeling of helplessness made it hard to concentrate.

"Why?" Kageyama’s quiet question sounded hurt and as lost as Shouyou felt.

"I’m just… not yet the person I want to be."

"You are who I like, Hinata. What is there to wait for?"

"I’m–" Shouyou scowled, eyed darting over the keyboard. Those words had hurt in a way, although they had been meant entirely different. "This is too fast, Kageyama. I want to study so much more, I need to become better. I want to be worth to stand on the same stage as you do already. You’re so far away right now and I don’t mean that literally. Kageyama, please, you’re… you’re so important to me, but can’t you understand?" Shouyou made a vague movement with his arms. "I need to get better first and… and…"

He raised an arm and wiped over his eyes before leaning back in his chair, which was squeaking in agony, and dropped his hand in his lap. A shuddering sigh escaped his lips, but he kept it in. He didn’t want to cry, no yet, not until Kageyama understood why this was out of the order of things.

"No," Kageyama said, dull and empty, "I don’t understand."

Shouyou stared at the blurry image of a dark-haired man and blinked a couple of times until he could see him clearly again. "I–"

"I thought we could make it official," Kageyama interrupted him. "Even though you’re all the way over there and I’m still in Japan. Even though we can’t meet in person, but if I could, god, Hinata, if I could I…" The setter swallowed. "I just… wanted to make it official at least. That’s the only thing we can do after all."

Shouyou frowned. There was so much more they could do via video call and texting, but he didn’t say that. "I can’t, Kageyama," he whispered.

"Why? I thought you wanted that too?"

"I do!" Shouyou sudden outburst startled them both and it took a few seconds before he continued to speak, calmer. "I really do. I’m just not ready yet. There is so much for me to do first, so much to accomplish what you already achieved."

"But… You don’t need to." Kageyama frowned.

"What?" Perplexed, Shouyou blinked a few times. He saw Kageyama’s eyes widen in shock.

"That’s not what I meant. Of course you need to, but it’s not that that you’re trying to get here is in the way of us being… together."

"It is, Kageyama." Recollecting himself from the initial shock, Shouyou spoke quietly. "Volleyball is the thing that connected us from the very beginning. If I don’t become who I want to be, I think… it wouldn’t be good for us."

"What do you mean? How would it effect us?" Kageyama sounded insecure, but where Shouyou wanted to say something soothing at least, he couldn’t. He sighed and looked to the side, sniffing.

"I don’t know, Kageyama. It just doesn’t feel right yet. Can’t we decide this when I’m in Japan at least?"

"What!? You want to wait that long?"

Shouyou frowned, unsatisfied, as he realised that this was a pretty long time after all. The feelings he had in his chest weren’t that pure in this very moment, he couldn’t say whether all the affection he felt for his best friend was as unwavering as he thought in a regular state. He was trembling and they were fighting. He didn’t like any of that.

"What if there is something else in the meantime?" Kageyama asked now.

"What do you mean?"

A heavy sigh, but when Kageyama spoke, his voice was struck with pain and desperateness. "What if you lose interest in me? What if you don’t want me anymore after such a long time, after coming back to Japan and…" He hesitated. "You are coming back, right?"

Shouyou swallowed.

After seeing so much of Brazil in the past months and getting used to Rio, he sensed so many more possibilities that it wasn’t easy to simply answer ‘yes’ to that question.

"I… don’t know that yet, Kageyama. I’ve only been here for a while, I can’t… answer that."

The pause following was heavy and tense. Shouyou wanted to raise his head and look at his friend’s face, but he could just stare at the keyboard.

"But why would you think I’d lose interest in you? Have you seen yourself!?" Hoping that it was safe to do so, Shouyou glanced up. "I would never lose interest in someone who is…" He made a vague gesture at Kageyama’s upper body.

Kageyama looked at him, startled and flabbergasted, and there was a red hue that tinted his cheeks adorably. Shouyou felt his face heat up as well, but tried to stay focused. He took a deep breath.

"Okay?" he asked, quiet and pleading.

But Kageyama, having found back to his previous self, shook his head. "No. It’s not okay."

"Kageyama, why? I’m not there yet, wait for me until I get there."

"And how long would that be? One year? Five? Ten?"

Shouyou bit his lip and reached out for the fork to fiddle with it.

"Do you… do you think you’re not worth it, Hinata? To be with me?"

It wasn’t that, Shouyou knew that, it wasn’t a feeling of worthlessness that weighed him down. While he evaded the screen and stared intensely at his forgotten dinner, he tried to push that looming feeling away that robbed him all strength. It wasn’t that he felt worthless, but it came very close to it.

"Hinata, look at me."

He didn’t move.

"Hinata," his friend pleaded while staying quiet and careful, which was rare. Rather curious than giving in, Shouyou turned his head. Relief filled Kageyama’s expression and he sighed audibly. "You know that I don’t see it like that. You’re always worth it. For me, you are the greatest partner I ever had and ever will have. Hinata, you’re… so much… to me."

Broken syllables and rough words made Shouyou swallow while he watched his best friend searching for more. The setter stuttered and the red hue darkened and if Shouyou would watch him any longer, he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t give in and hurt them both.

"Listen, Kageyama." The hand around the fork clenched and he couldn’t prevent his voice from trembling. "Can we… Can we talk another time? I will need to sleep and you’ll have training starting soon. So… okay? "

He knew those were lies. It was Sunday in Japan, there was no training. It was still early and lights out behind the window in Brazil as well.

"Hinata, can we ple–"

Panic flooded Kageyama’s face and it hurt, it hurt so much to see him like this and Shouyou couldn’t.

"See you soon!"

Kageyama’s shout came halfway around the globe, "Shouy–!!", before he closed the laptop, maybe a tad harder than intended, but Shouyou didn’t care.

Shouyou stared at his laptop in a frenzy, wide-eyed and in shock. Regret and fear coursed through his body, an awful mixture that didn’t do his stomach well. Deciding that sitting wasn’t something he wanted to do, he pushed himself up, turned around and paced through his small room, loosing himself in thoughts.

Was this it? Was this the end of their friendship? Was it a mistake to shut down the laptop and run away? The hurt expression in Kageyama’s eyes was still so vivid and Shouyou shook his head, in vain, to get rid of the hollow feeling of regret.

Why couldn’t he understand? It was Kageyama, his best friend. But maybe because it was Kageyama, it was difficult to make him understand. It’s not that his overall oblivious being had changed over the past years, and although they had a very good understanding of each other, it wasn’t that they could read the other’s mind. (Albeit it sometimes seemed just like that.)

Panting and running from one wall to the other, kicking his bag and the volleyball on the way, Shouyou came to a halt at his desk and gave his chair a kick.

And it hurt, for real.

Shouyou hissed and winced and bent down to hold his toe, which coloured an angry red. Folding himself to a vulnerable ball of pain and guilt, Shouyou squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to breathe in and out evenly. It calmed him a little bit down and when he opened his eyes again, the pain in his toe had eased a bit and the light coming in from the window had dimmed.

Shouyou got up, whined when he placed his foot on the ground, but was relieved that it didn’t seem to be urgent. He turned to face the table and his laptop and stared at the device until he had to blink the burn away. His half-eaten meal was gone cold by now, but he had lost any appetite anyway. The dead eyes of the fish, black and dry, stared right back at him, accusing him for so many things.

With trembling fingers Shouyou reached out for his laptop, took a deep breath, and opened it again.

The screen was black, the call had ended long ago. But when Shouyou reviewed the history, he noticed that Kageyama had tried to call him several times again before he had gone offline just a few minutes ago.

He had waited. He had waited so long for him to come back, believing in him like he had always had.

Shouyou sniffled again and wiped his eyes aggressively, but to no avail. When he tried to see his laptop, everything was blurred and when something hot dripped onto his cheeks, he could no longer hold it in.

How could someone like Kageyama fall for him? Shouyou didn’t deserve the care, the support, the love he had been given. He hadn’t asked for it, but now where he knew of it, he didn’t want to miss it anymore. Guilt and fear ravished his thoughts and while he wiped and wiped and wiped over his face with the lower part of his t-shirt and clung to his stomach like a wet cloth, he stumbled backwards until his knee hit the mattress and he flopped down.

Curling into himself, Shouyou closed his eyes, shutting out the world as he had seen it just now, and gave in to the sorrow.