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Dear Yoru,
You might be thinking about my whereabouts. Well, if you’re reading this letter, there is a slight chance that you won’t be able to locate me. Knowing your stubborn nature, I, of course, cannot stop you from searching for me. Although what you find may be not as pretty as it once were.
Now you might be thinking about why you have this letter. Sage was kind enough to agree to give it to you once the time is right. It took a lot — and I mean a lot — convincing and bargaining. She has a kind soul. Kind and almost as stubborn as yours. If you ever feel sick or if you broke a couple of ribs (I know this is a common occurrence, I saw you train), please do talk to her. She’s willing to help, not only with physical distress.
With that aside, let’s go back to why you have this damn letter. The truth is… I didn’t have time to tell you its contents personally. You know what they say about money? That it’s like water? You can’t really grab onto it. It slips right through your hands. That’s what I think about time as well. Not very profound, I know. It’s a given, isn’t it? No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to slow it down, it runs away. If I could bet a hundred bucks, I’m sure it would outpace your short temper.
Santa Fe is hot this time of year (I’m writing this during summer 2059). You won’t believe this but I befriended an elk. I thought those things went extinct years ago but I met one. I wanted to name it something silly but ended up calling it Libre. It means “free” in French. Why did I name it that? I don’t know. I can’t really put my finger on it. Perhaps, this is an attempt of my inner-self to communicate my deep desires. I’m not entirely sure. I wasn’t much into psychology when I went to university. And you know what? That’s my biggest regret. Maybe if I paid more attention to professor Blanc I would point out the reason.
You see, as I’m writing this letter, I’ve been here for the past several months. Happy to say that My days here are coming to an end. But it’s been lonely. For god's sake, I befriended an animal. You know I’m not into having pets or anything of that sort, so this might be really weird to you. I don’t blame you — if I were sane enough, I’d be in shock too. But as I said above, it’s been lonely. I miss you, Yoru. Knowing you long enough, I can imagine your expression. Don’t furrow your brows. You’ll get wrinkles.
I wish I would be back sooner. I remember I promised you a trip to my hometown. We would walk around the wineries, eat grapes and try our best to not get sunburnt. It would be fun, right? Unfortunately, you’ll have to do it yourself. And while you’re at it, pay a visit to my mother. Tell her that she won the bet. She will probably cry for days — if not months — but don’t feel obligated to stay by her side. She’s a strong woman. There is nothing in this world she can’t handle. At least I like to think that. Also, please tell Brimstone to not have a typical fancy Valorant ceremony. I’d be sad to know that I can’t drink any Dalmore.
At this point, I’m certain you can tell that I’m dead. Killed, most likely. I don’t know where my body is at (just like I mentioned above) nor do I know what condition it’s in. That’s why I won’t encourage you to look for me (rather, what’s left of me). Instead, please take the attached brooch and keep it. There might be a bit of blood on it, and I’m sorry. That’s very rude of me to give you something dirty.
I still remember the day I left. We had an argument a couple of days prior to my departure, didn’t we? It was about something stupid. And I’m pretty sure it was my fault we ended up in a verbal fight. For that I apologize. Remember how I said that not paying attention in psychology class was my biggest regret? I lied. Not being able to look at your face and say sorry is greater than that. I would give up everything I have just to spend a couple more minutes staring at you. We wouldn’t have to talk. If you wanted, you could beat the shit out of me. I’d prefer that over anything in the world.
I wish we had more time. And I wish we spent it together. Without fights. Without going for days ignoring one another. Even though we’re apart right now (through time and space), I can still feel that you’re beating yourself over this. Don’t. It’s not your fault. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t.
It’s night right now. My hands are shaking, so if you can’t read some of my scribbles — you know why. The moon is beautiful, isn’t it? But its beauty is nothing in comparison to you and your smiling face. Oh my! I’m giving away so many things today — the brooch, the blood & some tears, huh? Would never think I’d cry. But here I am. Bawling like a baby. Mon Dieu, I miss you. Miss your touch. Miss your snarky comments. Miss kissing you. Miss the times when we were happy. Miss your laugh. Miss your love. I miss it all.
I have so much more I want to tell you.
Maybe I will. In another lifetime.
I’m sorry.
Tu me manques.
Je t’aime pour toujours.
V.F.