Work Text:
Dizzy
/ˈdizē/ adjective
having or involving a sensation of spinning around and losing one's balance
Ian didn’t usually answer his phone in the middle of the day. Especially when he was preparing for the meeting he had to lead in the next half hour. He almost missed his phone vibrating as it sat idly in his cup holder, his attention on the computer awkwardly pressed against the steering wheel. Figuring it was probably Mickey calling back with their weekly report, he reached for it. His heart skipped a beat when caller ID stated: Autumn. He knew she was in school and usually didn’t bother unless it was an emergency.
He closed the laptop, placing it on the floor behind him. Fingers were shaking slightly as he slid the screen to accept the call. The sound of hard swallows and sniffling immediately filled the rig's speakers.
“Dadda?” Ian could hear heavy breathing on the other side of the line. Practically hyperventilating as Autumn breathily choked out the next line. “Dadda um-” she swallowed hard, “can you hear me?”
Ian didn’t realise he hadn’t answered, “Shit, fuck yeah what’s wrong? Where are you? Are you sick?” He squeezed his eyes shut realising that there were probably too many questions for her to handle. “Sorry…just, um are you okay?”
Another deep breath then muffled silence as she tried to string the words together. “No” she finally was able to sob out. The silence from before was full of tears.
“Autumn” He spoke up, tone a little firmer as he thought back to his brief time as an EMT. Those uniformed days felt like a lifetime ago but he made sure he always knew how to calm down a hysterical patient, that information was always needed. “Auttie, baby, listen to me. You listening?”
A hiccup followed by a sniffle followed by an agreeing hum. “Ok sweetheart, follow my breathing” he took an obnoxiously loud breath in, listening intently to make sure Autumn was doing so as well. He heard a very shaky breath inward and held it, awaiting further instruction. He let his breath out through his mouth, he heard her do the same. “Good. we’re gonna do it again, ok?”
“Okay” her voice was a whisper, barely detected by her phone’s microphone. They repeated the breathings a few times before both went quiet. He thought that she stopped crying, at least she wasn’t gasping for air anymore like a fish out of water. “Auttie, can you tell me what's wrong?”
“Chest hurts. Can’t breath” Neither of them was a stranger to what this was but didn’t dare to confirm it aloud.
“Okay, sweet girl I’ll come pick you up okay?” Ian hardly registered that he was still in the parking lot of the dispensary with the owners he needed to have a meeting with. He cursed under his breath as he realised he was going to have to deal with cancelling later but he didn’t care. His family was always going to be more important than his professional life. He shifted gears into reverse, backing out of the spot. “Where are you right now?”
“Bathroom” It took her a moment to answer, probably still in a panic. “Hidin’ out in a stall”
“Okay. Go to the nurse. Just camp out there till I can get you, okay?”
“Ok, Dadda please hurry” She sounded so meek, so small. Ian was suddenly transported back to when she was a kid back when she first got her diagnosis.
Autumn was a great kid. She was arguable, a terrible baby to deal with but she grew out of that pretty quick. Ian always worried about her even if he tried not to, he knew Mickey did the same. Ruby had always been extroverted, always on the move. Autumn, on the other hand, had a harder time getting herself out there. When the girls were little and they would take them to the park the same routine would happen. Ruby would immediately run off, then come back to drag one of her dads to play with her. She would always try to get Autumn out there with her but the little blonde was always so against it. Instead, Autumn would stay sitting at the bench with her dads. Hiding under their arms or ducking beneath their legs. Even when they would make her run off and play because they had things to hash out by themselves she would just follow behind Ruby. not playing at all, just making sure she was close enough to her sister to be protected. That was the first time the dads ever raised an eyebrow at her unusual behaviour.
That was until she was in kindergarten. Would cry in the morning getting ready for school and then again when she was getting dropped off. Ian and Mickey tried to not read too much into it. She had always been a fussy baby, and didn't stop crying from the moment she was brought home till she was being sent to school. They tried to work through it, figured it was something she would grow out of. That was until her kindergarten teacher called them in for a mandatory parent-teacher conference.
Mickey had thought it was a load of shit. “She’s fuckin four what can this bitch teacher possibly want to talk about?”. They still went, of course, sitting with their knees touching in a classroom full of rainbows and sunshine. “Autumn seems to be suffering from a terrible amount of anxiety” Her teacher Mrs Loceti got straight to the point, not wasting any time with pleasantries. Mickey and Ian both stammered their way through a “what?”
“She won’t socialise with other kids, won’t eat lunch or play at recess. She’ll cry whenever she gets called on and starts to hyperventilate any time she doesn’t know something” Mrs Loceti just sighed watching the parent's trade looks. “Look sirs I’m no expert but I’ve been teaching for a long time and I haven’t seen a kid this bad in a while”
“Fuck you lady, so what she’s a little fidgety. She’s fuckin toddler! They’re little balls of fuckin pure energy at that point. Don’t make it sound like she’s got issues when you’re the one that’s doing a shitty job teachin’ her” Mickey leaned forward in his chair. Ian immediately put a hand on his stomach, trying to get him to not lunge at this poor elderly woman.
Mickey was quick to defend. He was always furiously defensive when it came to his girls. Ian was too but he took a moment to consider her words. He was no stranger to anxiety in his spouts of mania, he knew Mickey wasn’t either. How could they not have had anxiety before with their past? But Ian tried to hear Mrs Loceti point out first.
Ian dug his nails into Mickey’s shirt, staring daggers into his husband. Mickey huffed realising that he was probably overreacting a bit- always a little of a drama king-. “Shit, sorry” he grumbled, leaning back into the plastic chair. He rubbed the arch of his eyebrow, annoyed. “What else do you got to tell us”
Mrs Loceti eyed rhythm warily, taking a moment afraid one of them was gonna snap again. “I get that you're concerned as parents-”
“Yeah, no shit lady” Mickey’s arms crossed in front of him now that Ian no longer felt the need to restrain him.
“But I think you need to talk to a paediatrician about it. Maybe even a psychologist, I’m not sure what they can do for a kid that age. Don’t know if we’re talking therapy or medicine or what but she’s not going to be able to continue this way” the older woman reached into her desk drawer, pulling out a sticky note. “I have some recommendations from the school-” she wrote something down, continuing to drone on. Mickey and Ian weren’t really listening at that point. Just staring unsurely at one another. It felt all too familiar.
Ian made it to the school in record time. Half proud he didn’t get pulled over. “Here for Autumn Gallagher-Milkovich” He pulled out his ID from his wallet to hand it to the school secretary. “She’s not feelin’ too great, she should be in the nurses”
The secretary nodded, muttering something Ian couldn’t quite make out before going to retreat here. Ian had been here in this same situation to know it wouldn’t take them long to reappear. The nurse was attached to the front office, he was really only a wall away from her. Not even a full two minutes later the woman came back with his daughter defeatedly slumped behind her.
When Autumn saw Ian standing there she straightened up her posture, using whatever frail momentum she had to lunge forward and hug her dad.
She wasn’t a touchy person. Hated being held or so much as poked to get her attention. So Ian was set back at the sudden physical declaration. He wrapped his arms around her, patting her back.
“I’m so sorry” she muttered into his chest.
“Hey,” he pulled the two away, staring into her eyes, “don’t have to apologise” his voice was stern, serious.
He took her bag from her shoulder, keeping his hand on her back as he ushered her into the car.
“We don’t have to talk about it” was the first thing he said as he shut the car door to the left of him. With Mickey as his husband for the last two decades, he was used to it. Not talking about an issue for a while after it happened. He understood though. Didn’t want to pressure her. He knew it always took some time for her to process things.
She just nodded, struggling to get her hands to stop shaking enough to fasten her seatbelt.
“Can I-” he leaned forward, waiting for a nod of consent as she retreated her hand back letting Ian pull the seat belt over her chest.
She looked beyond stressed, pale as a sheet of paper. The mascara she had stolen from her sister that same morning was now a dripping mess across her hot rosy cheeks.
“You didn’t take anything did you?” He raised an eyebrow trying not to sound accusing but he knew the kids on the Southside had changed all that much.
She gave him the same glare Mickey did whenever he said something dumb. For just a brief moment Ian’s worry was soothed by the familiar look of his husband that Autumn shared with her dad.
“Sorry, I know that was a dumb question” he realised his hand was still pressed against the top of her chest. He could feel how fast her heart was beating beneath his fingertips. He retreated as she tightened the grip on her seatbelt. She took another deep breath in, trying to stabilise herself.
“Did you call dad already?” He tried again softly. Mickey was usually better at answering his phone than Ian. The ginger was always doing something on it while Ian let his attention get snatched away by whatever thing he was working on.
It took her a moment to respond. A bunch of short staggered breaths came from her mouth before words could.“No just you”. She thought for a moment, mouth open stammering as she formulated what to say. “Told Bee I was leaving school”. Another deep breath followed as if it was taking all her strength to say those few sentences.
“I didn’t want to bother her too much” She looked down at her shaky hands. “I know she has practise after school and- and- I didn’t want to make her take me home or be worrying”
Ian huffed. He knew that Ruby was willing to do nothing short of everything for her little sister. But Ian also knew that was the problem.
Ian raised a hand to her shoulder, rubbing small circles. “Hey, it's ok, kid, don’t feel bad” He reminded her. “You're not bothering me or your sister, you know that right? You’re never imposing on anyone”. Deep down he knew that no matter what he said he couldn’t really do anything to help the situation, just be there for her and play the long game.
The two locked eyes for a moment before she solemnly nodded. “Thank you” she barely made out before she gagged slightly, swallowing hard as her eyes shut tight.
“Are you gonna be okay if I drive?” He couldn’t take his eyes off of her form. He felt so bad for her and even worse that he couldn’t take away her pain.
Those cloudy blue eyes opened just a tinge, covered mostly by a pair of heavy eyelids. “Please, I just wanna go home” her voice was once again small. Incredibly desperate.
They had managed to make it out of the middle school’s parking lot incident-free, until they pulled onto the main road. “Make sure you tell me if you need to throw up” He glanced at her, noticing her extremely pale complexion. “I’ll pull over”
She just gave him a thumbs-up, the other hand reaching over to cover her mouth, gagging slightly.
Ian was glad that he trusted his instincts instead of her word. That usually was the case with dealing with teenage girls. He quickly reached into the back of the rig, hand patting around until his long fingers felt a plastic bag. Mickey was the last to drive the car and always left the plastic bags he took his lunch in, the back. Thank god for Mickey's unchanged habits and fifth.
He shoved it into her chest, watching her fingers fumble to open it. She then promptly blew chunks.
“Shit” Ian merged lanes, turning his emergency lights as he pulled over on the side of the road.
His hand reached over, trying to pull her hair back from around her face. His big hands struggled to keep the blonde strands from getting everywhere. She finished with a cough and a groan.
“Here” Ian leaned backwards to retrieve his mostly empty water bottle from the backseat, her hair still being held up by him.
Autumn hadn’t regained her voice yet, another cough as she vaguely pointed at her backpack at her feet.
He got the motion fast, letting her hair fall back down as he leaned down to grab the purple bag. He rustled through it, eventually finding her water bottle and shoving it into her chest. “Shit, sorry” he took a breath, taking a moment to unscrew the cap for her. He didn’t know why he felt so on edge. The anxiety wasn’t anything new to deal with but the energy in the car was undeniably incredibly tense.
Autumn took the bottle with shaky hands, holding the top up to her lips with both hands cradling the bottom. She rinsed her mouth out, spitting the water into the plastic bag.
“Here just-” Ian fumbled through his words, leaning over to the left door so he could roll the window down. “Just throw the bag out the window” He gave a shrug.
She did as instructed, leaning her head back onto the chair with a pant. “Fuck” she let out a cough. Ian was unsure what to do. He hated just sitting there, not knowing what to do to help her. “Drink some more water” He spoke up, finding himself growing antsy with the silence. He grabbed onto her hand, helping it guide up to her lips that were faced towards the sky.
She tapped his hand, he understood, pulled back, tried not to smother her at all. He even managed to take his eyes off her for a moment, looking out the window to see the traffic rushing beside him. When he glanced back at her, Autumn’s eyes were hard-pressed shut once more. Her body started to shake, tears following. “I fucking hate this!” She croaked, eyes finally reopening to let the new wave of tears wash down her face.
“Hey, it's ok, everyone gets sick”
“No not that” she cut him off, pushing the water bottle from her body and towards the centre council. “My fucked up brain, the way I’m like this” her arms gestured wildly.
Oh. well that Ian got.
“How’d you deal with it?” Autumn wiped her eyes with the side of her hand. “It feels like a life sentence. Destined to be fucked up. Destined to freak out anytime I’m uncomfortable”
Ian’s gaze softened a little. “Well. It wasn’t easy, I'll tell you that. I put your dad through hell and back, back when I first got diagnosed” Ian’s hand reached forward, he couldn’t help but wipe away a stray tear dribbling down her chin. “I had a really hard time accepting I was bipolar. I told you my mom was like me… but she was sick. Refused to take her meds or get help of any kind”
Autumn sniffled again. “How’d you get past that? The….” she leaned back trying to find the right word.
“The self-wallowing?” He was quick to speak up. Autumn just blinked, not sure what to say.
“y-yeah, I guess”
“Well, you just got to remember that you're more than it. I’m more than just bipolar, you’re more than just someone with anxiety, baby” He watched as she looked down at her lap, posture deflating. “I’m not gonna lie to you and say it gets easier or it's gonna go away or any of that yippee fake bullshit. You just kinda learn how to deal” she looked back up at this. Ian gave her a sympathetic smile, holding his hand up to grab at her chin “Trust me darling you can do it”
They held eye contact for a moment before Autumn gave a weak smile. Ian leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Anyone ever told you you’re a good dad?” Shs smiled when he pulled away. This time much more vibrant, more her.
“Eh once or twice. Got this other kid, Ruby she tells me all the time so might wanna step up your quota here” He joked, pulling away to give her space again.
“Oh shoot, Ruby!” Autumn suddenly gasped, she grabbed for her jean pocket, pulling out her phone. Sure enough, as she suspected there were multiple missed calls. Ian pulled out his own phone, many missed notifications on his own screen.
Bee: Hey auttie texted me is she ok?
Bee: hello?
Bee: she’s with u right?
Bee: I told dad since you weren’t answering me
Mick: Ian wtf is going on
Mick: hey asshole don’t ignore me
Mick: Ian
Mick: fucker
Mick: hey asshole
Mick: lover?
Mick: Autumns not answering either
Mick: Are you guys ok?
Mick: Let me know if I need to come help
Mick: answer me please. worried.
Shit show (family group chat) Ruby: Dad’s not answering me and I’m trying to call auttie
Shit show (family group chat) Ruby: if the bitch ain't dead I’m about to kill her
Shit show (family group chat) Mick: me too
Shit show (family group chat) Mick: one of you fuckers call us back or I’m sending the Gallagher's on your pasty asses
Ian huffed, Autumn gave a little laugh for the first time that day. The small gesture gave Ian hope. “They’re so dramatic” she let out a giggle, wiping her eyes dry.
Ian reached out to pat her blonde hair. “Yeah, no shit” he typed out a response.
Red: sorry, she had another panic attack, we’re ok
Red: call off the search party
Mickey responded as soon as Ian sent the message.
Mick: had me worried, glad she’s ok ❤️
Ian gave a little sigh, setting his phone screen down onto his lap. He was too, knew she was strong and would power through this. His eyes looked up to focus on Autumn staring out the window. “You gonna okay?” Ian’s voice was once again serious.
Autumn quickly turned to him. She thought those words over for a moment before she gave a conclusive nod followed by a sad smile. “Still a little dizzy but yeah, we got this”