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HOW TO CARE FOR YOUR ENDER BOYO: A GUIDE

Summary:

have YOU acquired an ender boyo? Here's a guide on how to take care of one very specific boyo!!! god help you if you need a guide to another one cuz this one is very specific and not at all inclusive

Notes:

everything is platonic here pls don't be gross

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Hello Yes Hi You Found This Or I Gave It To You. This Is An Official  Guide On How To Take Care Of A Little Ender Boyo. Specifically my Ender Boyo: AKA Ranboo Beloved What's-His-Other-Name-IDK-It Doesn't-Really-Matter. Let's Get Right Into It!!! Fuck Yeah!!

 

1: Keep Your Ender Boyo Dry.

This Step Is A Very Important One. Ender Boyos(as well as Ender Girlos and Ender Theyos) Are Very Sensitive To All Things Splishy, Splashy, moist, Or Otherwise Water-Related. They Cannot Touch The Splash. The Splash Will Burn Them And Make Them Go All Melty. And Let Me Be The Very First To Say This: No One Likes A Melty Boyo.

 

2:  Keep Your Ender Boyo Enriched.

Ender Boyos Are Playful Little Critters! They Like To Do Things And Find Them Very Fun. Give Your Ender Boyo Stuff To Occupy Himself With So He Does Not Have To Sit There All Bored And Grumpy Like A Little Sad Fella.

Some Possible Sources of Amusement Are As Follows:

  • Soft Blankets(for snugs)
  • Pillows On Which To Knead And Then Kerplop Upon(for drama)
  • A Copy Of Lemon Demon's Hit Album "Spirit Phone" And A Pair Of Earbuds(for jams and good vibes)
  • A Thing That Is Shiny
  • A Thing That Is Sparkly
  • A Thing That Is Soft And Perhaps Squishy
  • His Son, The Little Pig Boyo
  • His Other Son, The Little Spider Fella
  • Tommy
  • Tubbo
  • A Big Weighted Blanket, Heated Preferred 
  • A Lava Bath And A Bottle Of Fresh Fire Res

All Of These Are Only Suggestions. Be Sure To Commune With Your Ender Boyo, Ask Him Clear Questions, And Listen Closely To See What He Needs. Unless He Wants To Kill Jack Manifold. Do Not Let Him Do That.

 

3: Keep Your Ender Boyo Calm.

Ender Boyos are VERY sensitive Little Critters. They Do Not Do Well Under Stress And Need To Be Treated Gently At All Times. You Should Be Calm And Patient With Your Boyo, Taking The Time To Sit Back And Listen Whenever He Needs To Ramble. Do Not Interrupt The Boyo. Do Not Rush The Boyo. Do Not Raise Your Voice At The Boyo Ever So Help Me Myself I Will Fuck Your Shit So Damn Hard That You Will Yearn For Death's Sweet Embrace. Be Nice To Boyo. Boyo Is Baby. Treat He As Such.

 

4:  Allow Your Ender Boyo To Indulge In His Vvoop Vvoop Instincts.

Ender Boyos Are Funny Little Guys. They Got All Sorts Of Neat Little Quirks, Many Of Which May Appear Strange To Anyone Unfamiliar With Their Vvoopy Little Ways. These Are Natural Parts Of Ender Boyo Development annd Should Not Be Shamed. Some Ender Boyo Behaviors Are As Follows:

  • Purring
  • Kneading
  • Rolling Around In Dust Like A Little Chinchilla(very cute, very cute 100/10)
  • Doing A Big Yawn Followed By A Small Mlem
  • Making A Nest Of Blankets And Pillows
  • Carrying Both Babies And Hubbies Around Like Grass Blocks To Go Into The Nest
  • Crying About Snakes(they don't have arms...tragic)
  • Eating An Exorbitant Amount Of S'mores At Like 3 AM Once A Night Every Week. Usually Happens On Saturday. Those Are Therapy Days.

Enderwalk Is Also A Very Important Ender Boyo Quirk. It Happens Usually At Night When He Is Stressed And/Or Tired After A Long Day. Enderwalking Is Harmless And Is Actually A Very Healthy Behavior, But It Is Imporant To Keep An Eye Out And Keep The Boyo Inside When He Walks. Keep Him Warm In Bed With Hubbies And Babies. Give Him Blankets And Maybe Some Tea. And No Matter What: Do Not Show Him The ":)" Emoticon. I Will Vibe Check You If You Do.

 

 This Has Been A Guide On How To Care For Your Ender Boyo. I Hope It Was Helpful. And If It Wasn't, Then Well IDK Bro Shit My Bad Fuck Me, I Guess.   

Notes:

This is actually probably a list XD gave Mumza at one point in HWHBH canon. I like to think they have 1 for each of the benchtrio. They are very specific about how their babies are to be cared for,,,,,,,,love them for that

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