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Hi.
This is the guide on how to care for your dragon hubby. By me. Big T. AKA Tommyinnit, full name Tommy Danger Careful Kraken Underscore Beloved Innit XD. But I just go by Tommy because all of that is confusing as fuck.
ANYWAY. You wanna learn how to care for a dragon hubby or wifey or perhaps a spousey, yes? Well, I cannot help you with those last two, because mine is a guy, and he's a VERY MANLY AND VERY HANDSOME GUY AT THAT!!! but I'm sure if you are clever and have a big brain like me, you'll be able to figure shit out all on your own. Or maybe not. IDK!!!
To begin, here's some basic rules on how to care for YOUR dragon hubby.
- Be patient with the hubby and do not rush him.
- Understand your hubby's needs and be willing to communicate, even if the only things he has to say are "Grack", "Urrrg", "Mrrrrr", or sometimes stuff like "Glurk glurk grrrrrrrragggg reeeeeeek". No clue what any of that shit means, but hey! Body language sure can help!
- Do Not Let Him Fight People Even If It Is Very Attractive.
- Remember that YOU are the treasure here and that you can and often MUST put your shoe down if he's being A Bit Of A Cunt.
- shinies are your ally.
Now, with those ground rules out of the way, let's get into some specifics, yes? Yes indeed, let us do that!
Scales. What the FUCK do you do with them? Well there are many things! For starters, dragon scales are quite sensitive to the touch. They are smooth and warm under your fingers, and if you brush against them all gentle like, it can be very soothing for your hubby if he is stressed or dealing with any sort of scar-related soreness. My hubby in particular really likes to have the ones on his chest and arms touched in a sort of small circle type motion, but every dragon hybrid is different, so be sure to ask yours where they want to be touched if they want to be at all. Consent is important! Don't be a dick. Also, ear scratches are a very good tactic to employ in case of small arguments, but my husband's ears are fluffy goat ones, so that may not apply to full-blooded dragons. Still a good tip though!
Dragon hybrids often shed their scales about once every few weeks. This is a perfectly natural process that means they're growing well, but sometimes stress can cause scales to shed faster than normal, which can leave parts of their bodies exposed to the cold or heat if they cannot grow back again quick enough. Some dragon hybrids might also pick at their scales if they're sick or under mental distress. This is not good! But it also means you should bring the subject up very gently and be understanding when you ask about it. Do not shame you hubby for it. Just ask him what's wrong, listen carefully, and do what you can to try and make it better. I highly recommend regen ointments if the irritation from rapid scale loss gets too bad, especially in cases of bleeding. Bandages also help!
On a lighter note, when it comes to regular shedding, feel free to collect any spare scales you find! These dragon buggers leave them everywhere. One the floor, in the bed, in the sink, in the boys' cribs because they keep waking up at 3 AM in the gods damned morning and decide to just stare at our children like some kind of fucked up guard dog. I don't know why he does these things. He's an oddball and a bit of a weirdo. My advice for scales is to make them into stuff! Like necklaces or earrings! It's very fun, very pretty and will make him make all kinds of happy purr sounds when he sees you with them on. Windchimes is also a fun idea! That I have had! Right now, in fact!!
Wings. Also a very important part of dragon hubby anatomy! Very big, very shiny and also VERY HANDSOME. Dragon wings tend to be most sensitive around the bottom, specifically around where the thick muscly bit meets their big ol' shoulders. Here you may find scars left behind from when their wings grew in. This is normal, but it may make you kind of sad to remember how painful it was when his wigs grew in and all you could do was hug him until he stopped screaming and passed out from the pain. In such cases as these, it is highly advised that you give the base of the wings a little love rub, much like you would with the scales, but in a more stroking type of motion so you feel all those wonderful muscles of his and can indulge in the most sinful desires your dumb bitch aro/ace brain can ponder up.
DO NOT LET HIM OPEN HIS WINGS WHEN YOU ARE IN A CAR IT WILL GO BAD VERY BAD HE WILL GO ZOOOOOOOM AND GET YOINKED BY THE WIND AND SHIT WILL BE BAD AND IT'LL BE FUCKED.
Flying is also a very nice bonding activity. Either doing it together if you yourself have wings, or by having him hold you and hug you close. Ideal flight times are around early sunrise, late noon, twilight and right at sundown.
Shinies. These. Are. Your. Lifeblood. Get shiny shit. All of the shiny shit. Get all the shiny shit you can and use it to your advantage. It doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't have to be pricey or expensive. It can be a piece of glass you found on the ground on your way back from work. Just get something shiny and use it to coax your dragon hubby into doing what you need him to do if words are not sufficient. Is this a manipulation tactic? Probably. But that's fine, because when it's time for you to get up and this bitch refuses to let you out of bed, you can just yeet a bit of tin foil at the closet and run while he's distracted.
He will mope and pout about this.
Do not fall prey to his sad boy charms, you brave brave soul.
This next bit is about communication. Now, like I said earlier, I have no clue what any of the sounds my dragon hubby makes mean. Sometimes he growls. Sometimes he purrs. Sometimes he sounds like the dragons from the How To Train Your Dragon animated movie trilogy, which is perfectly alright if all you're doing is goofing off and having a cuddle, but it sure as fuck does make it hard to figure out what he wants if all he does is go "bbbbbbbbbbbbbblaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggg" while he sits on top of you and looks deep into your face bit eye holes when you're just trying to roll over so you can grab your phone and look at funny shit on Tumblr. Below, I have comprised a small and most definitely inaccurate translation of some of the most common noises my husband has produced. These are all likely very wrong. But hey. It's a start.
Some of these noises are as follows:
- Grrr = "I'm angry."
- Urrrg = "I'm hungry or I want a nap. With cuddles, to be specific."
- Aaaargh is something along the lines of "This is awful, I hate this, everything is shit and I wanna go home, please."
- Ur-ur tends to be something like "Yes, yes, good good. You have pleased me and sated my wrath for the evening."
- Wah is just "Wah". He just wahs sometimes. You know. Like Wah. Waluigi and what not.
- Brrrrrrr, Trmmmmm and Prrrrrrb are all happy purr noises that are Very Good and also Very Cute.
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GRAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHA is either a thunderous roar set off by a perceived threat that he wishes to annihilate off the surface of the globe in a burst of blazing dragonflame that threatens to consume all life in its fiery wake and render all upon it to naught more than mere meager ashes. OR, might just be him having a laugh. I don't know. It's scary but also cool.
and also very hot
These are just some examples. There are many more, but I don't have the time to write a whole dragon noise dictionary.
This is the end of this writing piece. I hope that it was very informative and has helped you learn some stuff about dragon hubbies and their mysterious ways. I may write more. I probably won't. IDK bitch I'm tired and wanna go eat rich while my kids play on the carpet of our fancy ass mansion's living room. This is Big T Innit, signing off.