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“This looks like the place.” Aira said, looking up at the giant cathedral in front of him.
“This is the pace Tatsumi-senpai told us to show up to? And why did we have to wear these sweater vests and loafers? They’re uncomfortable.” Hiiro complained.
“I don’t know. Tattsun-senpai told us to wear our ‘Sunday best’? I looked it up on google and saw this.”
“Maybe it’s some really important idol work! We should barge right in and make ourselves known as Alkaloid!” Hiiro exclaimed. Marching off towards the front doors. Aira grabbed the end of his sweater, stopping him in his tracks.
“By the looks of this building I fear it has nothing to do with idol work. And anyway we can’t just barge right in, we have to wait for Mayo-san.”
But before Aira could say anything else, Hiiro had wiggled out of his grasp and rushed up the stairs to the door.
“Aira! We need to get a jump on this idol stuff! Come on!”
“Hiro-kun, wait!” He called out running after him as the redhead slipped through the doors. “How dumb can one boy get…” he sighed, and decidedly followed the other inside and forgetting about Mayoi.
Once past the huge stained glass doors, the pair was met with a long aisle with rows and rows of pews along either side. People sat in these seats, watching as the two boys walked down the path. Beautiful stained glass windows hugged the walls letting in colorful light. A huge altar was sectioned in the back, with a very familiar face waiting to greet them as they walked closer.
They were at church. And oh yeah, it was Sunday. And there was Tatsumi.
“Tatsumi-senpai!” Hiiro shouted, waving his arm wildly to say hello.
“Hiro-kun SHHH. We're in a church!” Aira smacked him across the head.
“Church?” Hiiro said, puzzled.
“Sit down, my children! Let us start our awaited performance!” Tatsumi beckoned to the closest row from his spot at the altar.
“Performance! See Aira? It is idol stuff!” Aira covered his face with his hand and led Hiiro down the aisle and into the front pew, embarrassed by his partner's display of stupidity.
Tatsumi began his preaching, “I’m so glad to see all again this wonderful Sunday! God's light has welcomed you all into his arms once again! May he look upon us and smile with happy gratitude for our selfless commitment to him. Let us start this mass!”
“Hurray! Masrmhf-“ Aira physically smothered Hiiro with his hands.
And so mass began. Tatsumi began telling extremely boring stories from the bible. Something about Moss maybe? Aira was so busy trying to stop Hiiro from causing chaos that he didn’t pay attention to most stories. Hiiro would occasionally try to get up from his seat and wander to another part of the room. Aira would have to yank him back down and scold him under his breath, trying so hard not to interrupt Tatsumi. Later on during the praying time, it took Aira too long to try and force Hiiro to kneel, he got death stares from angry Christian moms. This was all things that Aira had expected. Taking Hiiro anywhere in public meant 300% of his concentration had to be on watching the boy. It was like having a goddamn child. A very stupid child. So stupid. But Hiiro was curious. He loved to learn about the exciting world around him, and when Tatsumi called for all the children to leave for the Christian children corner segment of mass, well, Hiiro couldn't help but want to join in.
“Hiro-kun! No, we are not children!” Aira scolded, blocking him off from leaving their pew.
“But Aaaaira, they promised coloring books! Coloring Aira coloring!” Hiiro pleaded.
“We’re. not. Christian!” He whispered through gritted teeth.
“But we can be!”
“No!”
“Now now children,” Tatsumi had left his altar to walk toward the duo, “All walks of life are loved and welcomed into God's kingdom. You would do well listening closely to our last story.” He capped his hands happily. “Now it is time to consume the blood and body of our lord and savior.’
Hiiro’s face ran cold and sat down. He tugged at Aira to sit down too as he whispered over to him, “Aira I think this is a cult.”
“Where on earth did you earn that word- and what?” Aira asked, confused by Hiiro’s sudden obedience.
Hiiro turned to face Aira, grabbing his shoulder and shaking, his face twisted with fear, “They’re going to make us EAT someone!”
“Hiro-kun- stop shaking me stop- they're not going to make us eat someone- look!” Aira pointed at Tatsumi.
He had begun to uncover a plate of little wafers and a giant vase of reddish brown liquid. He blessed the dish and cup, took one wafer and a small sip, and then called everyone to come up and have their share.
“See, this is just a standard practice-“
“Oo! Oo! Snack time!” Hiiro jumped over Aira and bounded over to the forming line in front of the priest. He bounced up and down excitedly in line for his turn.
Tatsumi looked happy, he smiled softly to Hiiro once he made it to the front. He whispered low to the boy.
“I’m so glad you decided to welcome the lord into your life, you have truly been saved.” Tatsumi didn’t notice that Hiiro was taking large handfuls of wafers off his plate and stuffing them into his mouth. While Tatsumi continued his heavenly spiel, Hiiro went for the cup and took several large gulps. Then he realized that shit was nasty as he placed it back down and shook his head violently from the taste lingering on his tongue. Aira watched this, mouth agape, shocked that Tatsumi didn’t notice any of this. Hiiro finished up by popping one more wafer into his mouth as Tatsumi blessed him.
Hiiro clapped his hands together, “Thank you very much for the meal.” And skipped his way back to his seat.
No one said anything. Aira didn’t even think anyone else even noticed.
“You’re probably better off not going up here, yanno. The crackers were really bland and the juice tasted funny. Church has some weird snacks.”
“Yeah.” Is all Aira could manage to respond with, still flabbergasted by what transpired.
The line finally dispersed, and Tatsumi returned to the altar.
“Now everyone, we have one more story from the Bible to tell today. It’s a very special story for our very special guests. May everyone listen closely to the teachings of Leviticus 18:22, and may my wonderful friends open their ears and hearts to these words of God.” The priest began to preach, gesturing to his two unit mates.
Hiiro nudged Aira, “This is for us Aira!” Aira looked nervous.
“The scripture states, ‘You shall not lie with man as one lies with a women; that is an abomination’ this means to all our homosexual brothers and sister, a fiery eternity in hell awaits you. No, we do not hate you, we simply want to save you from your fate.”
Aira blushed in embarrassment, like the whole church was looking at him. He slunk deep into his seat to escape the watchful eyes.
“Oh dear friends, you being here with us in this holy building is the first step to salvation! You can be saved!”
Hiiro didn’t quite get what was going on. But he could tell Aira was not having a super great time with it. He raised his hand, asking for Tatsumi to call on him. Once he gestured for him to speak, he did.
“Tatsumi-senpai what’s so wrong with gay people? We see you chasing after that one blue-haired-senpai all the time?”
Tatsumi blushed, “That’s not-“
“If being gay is evil then isn’t most of Ensemble Square going to hell too? Not just me and Aira.” He added.
And before anyone else could say anything more, Hiiro grabbed Aira by the wrist and hoisted him up to stand. He grabbed the sides of Aira’s head and kissed him. Right there. In the middle of church. Aira’s eyes were wide in surprise that Hiiro was making out with him in the middle of a shit ton of Christian moms. But fuck it. He kissed back just as passionately. They could hear the shocked gasps of everyone around them, including one that belonged to Tatsumi.
Eventually, they pulled away to face their angry mob. Except there wasn’t one. One by one people in the crowd stood up and began to clap. Soon everyone was standing and clapping and cheering for the two young gays. Even Tatsumi was tearing up a little, like he hadn’t just been preaching the downfall of homosexuals.
“Love is Love!” Hiiro cried holding up him and Aira’s entangled hands.
Everyone cheered louder. God no longer hated gays.
Just then they heard a boom and crashing coming from above. Everyone craned their necks to the ceiling where a large crack was forming. Pieces of the plastered roof began to crumble apart and fall onto the crowd. Then a frightened ‘oof’ echoed and then a crash.
A mass of black and purple fell from the ceiling and landed onto the floor with a large thump.
It was Mayoi. He had been crawling along the ceiling and had fallen through. Classic.
“Mayoi-senpai! We just cured gay people!” Hiiro exclaimed.
“Eek! Christians!” He cried cowering in fear.
“Mass adjourned!” Tatsumi commanded the room. “We hope to see everyone back next Sunday!”
“Yay!” Hiiro hurrahed, as if Aira was ever going to let Hiiro within a 10 mile radius of any church ever again. No they would not be back.
Tatsumi turned to his 3 other unit mates, “I’m sure this was a wonderful experience for all of you!” Mayoi was still trembling, hidden under a pew, “I think I ought to take all of you out for ice cream. God's treat of course. Amen!”
“Amen.” Everyone answered.
And they all laughed together as they walked out of the church, such a typical Sunday outing for the Alkaloid bunch.