Work Text:
It’s around 7:30pm when John receives a notification from Pesterchum.
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: yo egbert
TG: ill b home soon just need to let u know we should have a talk!
TG: just got some stuff on my mind, yknow?
John thinks he knows what they’re alluding to. His stomach clenches a little in anxiety.
EB: oh, okay.
EB: if you want, we could just talk about it here.
TG: oh! um, r u sure?
TG: its kinda... a sensitive subjet
TG: *subject
EB: yeah! no time like the present, right?
A minute passes before Roxy’s response pops up.
TG: um. so.
TG: ...r u sure??? im not sure this is the best way to drop this :(
TG: yknow, over text
EB: go on.
Another minute.
TG: soooooooo
TG: i think im
TG: sapphic?
John breathes a sigh of relief. It wasn’t about him after all.
EB: ah. okay.
EB: ...what does that mean?
TG: it means im uhhh
TG: attracted to femme aligned pepes
TG: *peeps
TG: in my case, like, exclusively
EB: ah.
EB: alright.
TG: u dont seem that surprised
TG: ...are u ok?
EB: yeah.
EB: is... there someone in particular?
TG: er
TG: well ig, yeah
TG: but i havent been cheating on you!! i promise
TG: just been thinkin abt it
EB: ...is it calliope?
TG: yeah...
EB: alright.
John’s feeling strangely calm after this admission.
EB: i’m happy for you, rox.
EB: thanks for trusting me with this.
Another minute ticks by in radio silence.
TG: john, im really sorry.
EB: what? what for?
TG: for... yknow...
TG: not telling u about this
TG: for such a long time
EB: how long?
TG: .........
TG: around a year...
EB: almost the whole time we’ve been dating?
TG: ...yeah...
EB: okay.
EB: can i ask why?
EB: why you didn’t tell me, i mean.
TG: i guess i just thought if i gave it time it would
TG: idk
TG: go away, or somethin!
EB: i get it.
TG: u do?
John hesitates, but decides to tell the truth.
EB: yeah.
TG: something u arent tellin me, egbert? ;)
Well, maybe not the whole truth.
EB: no, not really! this stuff just happens sometimes.
TG: ig ur right
John sits with his phone in his hands for a few minutes, thinking. He types up a message.
EB: i’m sorry too.
TG: huh :??
EB: i’m sorry that things didn’t work out.
EB: between us, i mean.
EB: even if you weren’t sapphic, i feel like i could have tried harder than i did.
EB: i’ve been pretty distant.
EB: so i’m sorry about that, roxy.
TG: o hey its ok!
TG: actually it kinda worked out in the end bc otherwise i woulda rly worried abt bringin this up
TG: so its ok! ur still like, my 2nd fav guy
John actually snorts.
EB: excuse me??
TG: i GREW UP w di stri, john! wot do u expect me to dump my childhood crush and bestie??
EB: no, i suppose not, hahaha. :)
TG: so egbert, is it gonna be awk if i come home to start packin up?
TG: like to move out n figure stuff out
TG: bc i wouldnt wanna hang around in ur dads old place yknow
EB: it’s totally fine, roxy. i don’t want you rushing to get out as soon as possible. you can stay here as long as you need to.
TG: rly?
EB: of course. i’d never just kick you out, rox.
TG: hey john.
EB: yeah?
TG: is everythin ok?
EB: yeah, why?
TG: ur very somber. like
TG: ur usually like, “yeah, rox! totes u can stay!! :D”
TG: but today ur like, “yeah. u can stay here as long as u need to.” like all /srs
EB: oh, i’m fine. just been worn out lately.
TG: r u suuuree? u can always talk to me, u know! were still friends!
EB: yeah, i know. :)
EB: don’t worry about me, i’m fine!
EB: but uh, on second thoughts, though, i think i’ll be out tonight. you’ll have the house all to yourself.
TG: o wig
TG: where u goin?
EB: i’m not sure just yet. just need to get out of the house.
TG: ok!
TG: ill pretend for the both of us im not worried abt u >:(
TG: just kno u can talk to me, ok??
TG: always
EB: thanks, rox.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
EB: hey dave?
John hesitates before he hits “send”, and clears the message.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --
EB: hey jake, can you check with dirk to see if it’s okay if i can stay over tonight?
John decides to crash on the couch, seeing as Dirk and Jake’s place only has one bedroom. He fends off Jake’s fussed apologies with grace and keeps a grateful smile plastered on his face until he leaves to buy groceries for dinner, but as soon as the front door shuts behind him, John lets it drop and sighs, slumping back on the couch.
He pulls Dave’s chat up again and just stares at the white space.
He doesn’t type anything.
It takes him a while to notice the shadow in the doorway, and when he does, he jumps. “Christ, Dirk.”
“Sorry.” Is his only reply, and John places his phone face-down on the couch beside him, hiding the screen. It’s perhaps a minute or two of silence before Dirk speaks again. “You know, you can ask me directly when you want to stay over. You don’t have to go through Jake.” He thinks for a moment. “I don’t bite,” he adds.
John gives an awkward laugh. “Yeah.” It takes him a moment to find his social bearings, and he clears his throat. “Uh, thanks for letting me stay, by the way. I know it’s kind of out of the blue.”
“You’re welcome, John. It’s the least I can do for my bro’s best friend.”
John’s fingers tap out an anxious rhythm on the back of his phone.
Dirk shifts his weight in the doorway, turning to leave. “Let me know if you need anything.” A pause. “And I think he’d like to hear from you. Apparently it’s been a while.”
When John lifts his head, Dirk’s gone.
He tosses and turns on the couch, unable to get to sleep, and when he checks the time, it’s 1:20am.
He stews for a moment before opening Pesterchum.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: hey rose, are you awake?
TT: Indeed I am. These are my prime creative hours, didn’t you know, John?
EB: hahaha. and what’s kanaya think of that?
TT: She’s quite the night owl herself. It’s a cordial arrangement.
EB: i see.
TT: So, to what do I owe the pleasure? I’m sure I’m wrong in believing you’re up to exchange simple pleasantries in the early hours of the morning.
EB: yeah, you’re right, of course. sorry rose.
TT: It’s no problem at all. Speaking of which, should I be offering to lend an ear to your troubles?
EB: that would be great, actually!
TT: What seems to be the problem?
Ah. Well.
EB: ah.
EB: well.
TT: Intriguing. Do go on.
EB: rose!!
TT: I jest. Please, John, continue.
EB: well... i think roxy and i broke up today?
TT: Ah, I see. I’m sorry to hear. How are you feeling about that?
EB: that’s the problem!
EB: i’m not sad at all.
EB: actually i’m kind of...
EB: relieved?
EB: it’s a really weird feeling. i don’t think this is usually what people feel when they break up.
TT: Interesting. Alright. And how was Roxy?
EB: they’re fine! they initiated it.
EB: they’re sapphic.
TT: I was wondering when they would tell you. Well, I’m glad that’s out in the open now.
EB: you knew?
TT: It seems you’re the only one who didn’t conclusively.
EB: oh man. that’s awkward.
TT: Seeing as everything seems to be amicable between you two, let’s get back to you feeling “relieved”.
EB: oh yeah...
EB: i don’t know, it’s like...
EB: maybe i was pretending too.
TT: Oh?
EB: i wasn’t really happy with them.
EB: i don’t think i was really attracted to them in the first place?
EB: maybe... i was attracted to the idea of being in a relationship?
TT: What did you expect you’d gain from a relationship with Roxy?
EB: well...
EB: okay, this may be stupid, don’t laugh at me.
TT: I wouldn’t dream of it.
EB: remember how dave and i lived together for a while as we were all settling in?
EB: he and dirk were trying to figure out what to do with the apartment in texas.
TT: Yes, I recall.
EB: well, i had a great time. you know, hanging out with him all the time, and playing video games, and other stuff.
EB: and then he and karkat wanted to move in together and see how it would work out and i was kinda like, “oh yeah! that sounds neat!”
EB: so i asked roxy out.
EB: and i thought it would be just like what it was with me and dave, just, like. with someone different.
TT: And?
EB: and it wasn’t at all.
TT: I see.
TT: You said “hanging out with [Dave] all the time, and playing video games, and other stuff.”
TT: May I enquire as to what other stuff you are referring to?
EB: i dunno, normal stuff! sometimes i’d cook and he’d goof off in the kitchen with me, or we’d fall asleep together on the couch or in one of our rooms.
TT: Fall asleep... together?
EB: not in a weird way!! just at the same time.
TT: On the same piece of furniture.
EB: yeah.
TT: Okay.
EB: sometimes it was cold so we hugged.
TT: You hugged.
EB: yeah, but best bros do that! that’s not weird!
TT: And what was the nature of this “hugging”?
EB: what do you mean?
EB: like, cuddling! because it was cold.
TT: Is that the only reason?
EB: yeah!
TT: Don’t you have heaters in your house?
EB: well
EB: yeah...
TT: And couldn’t you wear warmer pajamas? Or take out some thicker blankets?
EB: bluh!! i guess??
EB: what’s the big deal?
TT: I’m just going to ask again, John: are you sure your and Dave’s cuddling was *just* because of the cold?
John stares at her previous messages. It takes him a few minutes to type up a coherent reply.
EB: is cuddling to stay warm not a thing best bros do?
TT: Not generally in the way you’re describing, no.
TT: Did you “cuddle” at other times?
EB: ...
TT: John, you came to me for help.
EB: yeah, okay! fine! we did sometimes!
EB: playing video games or just chilling out or whatever!
TT: Hm.
EB: what?
TT: And you wanted this, with a romantic partner?
EB: ...yeah?
EB: doesn’t everyone?
TT: Did you ever do these things with anyone else?
EB: no. that would be kinda weird!
TT: What’s weird about it?
EB: ...
EB: uh...
John’s blanking, but Rose remains patiently online.
EB: i guess...
EB: it’s just different with dave?
TT: I see.
TT: Is there anything else you wanted with a romantic partner?
TT: From your experience specifically with Dave?
Oh.
…Oh dear.
EB: well there was this one thing.
EB: but it happened ONCE!
EB: uh...
EB: it doesn’t matter how many times it happened.
TT: What was this thing that may or may not have happened only once?
EB: bluh!!
EB: we kissed, i guess???
TT: Well, that’s certainly a revelation.
TT: And in your mind, this was a thing best bros did?
EB: i mean...
EB: yeah? it was nice, but i’m heterosexual!
TT: ...
TT: John.
EB: yeah?
TT: What you’re telling me is that you kissed Dave, you enjoyed it, and you wanted to do that with a partner. With a romantic partner, specifically.
EB: yeah??
TT: And that you and Dave fell asleep in each other’s arms on more than one occasion despite having the means to keep warm separately during the night.
EB: well it sounds weird when you put it like that!!
TT: Weird in what way?
EB: you’re describing like we were dating or something!!
TT: John, I’m simply relaying the facts back to you.
TT: When you look at what I’m describing, do you immediately associate these behaviors with romantic partners?
EB: yeah!
TT: But you and Dave were *not* romantically involved, yet did these things regularly. And you based your perception of what you wanted in a *romantic relationship* from how *you and Dave* spent your time.
TT: As “best bros”.
EB: ...
TT: I hate to break it to you John, but “best bros” don’t usually kiss.
TT: Do you think perhaps you could be harboring romantic feelings for my dear brother?
TT: You’ve been thinking for an awfully long time. Are you quite alright?
-- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! --
TT: I shall leave you to your thoughts. I’m always here to talk if you need me, John. Sweet dreams.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
TT: Good morning, Dave. How are things traveling with you?
The first thing John does when he returns to an empty house at 5am (after leaving Jake and Dirk a thankful note, of course) is collapse on his bed and sleep for twelve hours. When he wakes up, he finds a notification from Pesterchum. When he opens the log his heart leaps into his throat.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: yo
TG: everyones comin at me like dogs to peanut butter or some shit this week
TG: yesterday dirk accosted me about keepin up with everyone
TG: because hes definitely got a leg to stand on
TG: being the sociable popular dude he is
TG: like he wasnt that bad but the big brother shtick is gettin old man how many times do we have to run through it
TG: and then rose messaged me like 3am out of nowhere this morning
TG: all like
TG: Good morning, Dave. How are things traveling with you?
TG: is that not the shrinkiest shit you ever heard
TG: anyway its been a while
TG: just thought id check in yknow
TG: see if everyones being as crazy to you or am i really just that much of a catch
John cracks a smile.
EB: dude, ew! you’re all related!
TG: oh hey youre finally up
TG: didn’t stop the trolls
TG: also i heard about you and roxy
TG: that sucks man im really sorry
EB: eh, it’s okay. i don’t think it would have worked out anyway.
TG: what
TG: cmon man why do you say that
TG: you tellin me my ectoparent aint hot enough for you
EB: hah, you’re ridiculous sometimes.
TG: for real though
TG: whats up with that are you feeling ok
EB: yeah, really, i’m fine. i just sort of realized...
EB: ugh, it’s so dumb.
EB: i feel like such a douche.
TG: whats up bro you can tell me
EB: i think i didn’t even like roxy *like that* to begin with.
TG: what do you mean
EB: like, i think i just liked the idea of a relationship with somebody.
EB: you know, after you and karkat got back together. it got me thinking that i wanted something like that too, i guess.
TG: hey john you know its not a race right
TG: you dont have to find someone as quickly as humanly possible to have a good life
TG: like were still kinda settling down after that whole sburb shit
TG: i mean i still am
EB: yeah, i understand. i feel like that too sometimes.
TG: you do
EB: yeah! sometimes i wake up and it takes me a minute to realize i’m not on some mission or something.
EB: i don’t have to complete my next objective or the universe is going to explode.
TG: oh man i thought i was crazy
TG: karkat says im just overthinking things
TG: you single handedly saved me from the loony bin egbert
TG: you know how fast rose would be on my ass
TG: like a vulture to carrion
EB: hahaha.
Smiling, John goes to rest his face on a hand but when his elbow doesn’t come into contact with anything solid, he looks down and realizes he’s floating. He concentrates on heavy things and slowly sinks back down.
He types into the chat bar, backspaces, types again, deletes it again. He types something else.
EB: it’s been a while since we properly hung out. we should meet up sometime!
TG: youre tellin me
TG: its been like
TG: months
TG: so hell yeah
TG: you wanna come to our place
John finds he’s frowning and swallows an uncomfortable feeling in his throat.
EB: what about karkat?
EB: i wouldn’t want to bother him!
EB: what about mine?
TG: yeah sick
TG: itll be just like old times
EB: great! when are you free?
TG: dude pick a day
EB: tomorrow?
TG: fuck yes
TG: lets do this thing
TG: ill see you tomorrow egbro
EB: bye, dave!
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Dave’s face is like the sun when John opens the door to him the next day, and he promptly tackles him in a crushing hug.
“Hey, man,” he chuckles softly, and reciprocates easily. “Been a while.”
John melts into his hug like warm butter. Dave’s hold is gentle and sweet. His time with Karkat has really served him well.
John stiffly extracts himself from the hug and catches a small flicker of something on Dave’s face, but it’s gone too fast to make out. John opens his mouth.
I’ve missed you.
Nothing comes out.
Instead, he grabs Dave by the hand and hauls him inside.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
EB: hey dirk, i have a weird question.
EB: how did you know you were, you know...
EB: into men?
TT: That certainly is a loaded question.
EB: bluh!! ok, don’t read into this.
EB: just, did you have to figure it out?
TT: No. It was always a bit of an unspoken, constant thing.
EB: okay, this is really weird. sorry if i’m asking really weird questions.
EB: was it like... you found out because you always found men, erm...
EB: desirable?
EB: ugh, i’m sorry!
TT: It’s alright. Yes, but it was also characterized by an extreme lack of interest in women.
EB: well that’s not helpful!!
TT: I apologize. Maybe Dave could provide you with some more insight.
TT: I know he had troubles coming to terms with his sexuality.
EB: ...anyone else?
TT: I suppose Roxy’s an option. I just thought you might personally want to avoid such a delicate subject with them right now.
EB: mm...
EB: well... thanks for humoring me.
EB: i appreciate it.
TT: You’re welcome, John. I hope you get to figuring out whatever is troubling you.
TT: And sleep well.
EB: aw, thanks! that’s a bit out of character for you, hehe.
TT: Jake’s been insisting I should work on my interpersonal skills.
TT: I apologize if it came off as... insincere.
EB: you’re doing great! :D
TT: Thank you.
EB: you sleep well too, dirk.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: hey, rose?
TT: Hello again, John. How is everything?
TT: Isn’t Dave visiting right now?
EB: well, yes!
EB: he’s, erm...
EB: fallen asleep on me.
TT: And by fallen asleep *on* you, you mean...?
EB: yes.
TT: Noted. How can I be of help?
EB: >:B
EB: well, i talked to roxy about how they figured out they weren’t heterosexual...
TT: This is certainly progress. Did it help at all?
EB: uh... a little bit?
EB: not as much as i hoped, but it was nice of them to help me out.
TT: Certainly.
TT: And where do things stand with Dave at the moment?
EB: we are still just best bros!! it’s not like i told him or anything.
TT: And how do you feel about that?
TT: Assuming you’re implying what I think you are implying.
EB: ...
EB: ...i don’t know.
EB: i missed him a lot.
EB: i forgot how much i enjoy spending time with him.
TT: I understand.
EB: i’m just not sure how to deal with it.
TT: Mm. Unfortunately, sometimes these things aren’t so straightforward, John.
EB: yeah, i’m starting to see that...
TT: I’m afraid I can’t be of much help in this situation. The rest is up to you.
EB: but i don’t know what i want!
TT: What have you wanted ever since you moved in with Roxy?
EB: ...
TT: Best of luck.
TT: I believe in you.
EB: thanks, rose.
TT: Any time.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
Sun streams through the windows. After being full again for three days, the house feels incredibly empty.
Dave left only minutes ago, but John opens up their Pesterlog.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
EB: hey, dave.
EB: i had a really great time.
TG: me too egbert
TG: forgot how fun it was hangin with my best bro
John mulls over Rose’s words. He types a message into the chat bar.
EB: i miss you.
He deletes it and sends another.
EB: so, how are things with karkat?
TG: oh dude you didnt know
TG: nonexistent
EB: what?!
TG: we broke up a few months ago
EB: oh... i’m really sorry for bringing it up.
He ignores his heart pounding in his chest.
TG: no its all cool dont worry about it egbert
TG: hes with jade right now and things seem to be working out which is great
EB: can i ask what happened...?
TG: yeah
TG: happened just after last time we met up actually
TG: he and jade and i tried living together
TG: just realized it wasnt what i wanted
EB: and... what did you want?
TG: wanted it with someone else
John stops breathing.
EB: who?
TG: doesnt matter
EB: yes it does!
EB: i thought you were happy with karkat!
TG: it really doesnt matter john it just didnt work out
John takes a deep breath.
He thinks back to what Rose said.
EB: i miss you, dave.
He hits “send”.
The minutes tick by.
John’s beginning to regret sending it when another message pops up.
TG: i miss you too, john.
EB: ...you do?
TG: yeah
A minute passes. John’s breathing is loud in his ears.
TG: do i really need to say who?
John finds he’s smiling again, so wide it hurts.
EB: no, you don’t.
His face feels pleasantly warm. He just sits there for a moment, basking in it. He doesn’t need to say anything more.
When it comes through, he can’t reply fast enough to Dave’s next message:
TG: yo egbert
TG: can i come back home
-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
GG: karkat!! hurry up!!! roxy and calliope are here and were waiting for you at home where are you??
CG: I’M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOW.
GG: be on your way faster!!! i dont wanna be late for dave and johns housewarming party!! >:00
CG: DOES IT COUNT AS A “HOUSEWARMING” PARTY WHEN THEY’VE ALREADY BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR A MONTH?
CG: IN A HOUSE JOHN ALREADY OWNED?
GG: yes it does because i say so! now get your butt over here!!!
GG: also i love you :D
GG: I LOVE YOU TOO.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
EB: dave!! >:B
EB: where are you?? jade and karkat are going to be here soon!
TG: chill egbert im almost home
EB: did you get chips?
TG: yep
EB: soda?
TG: check
EB: movies?
TG: egbert we got netflix what do we even need movie disks for
EB: daaaave!!
TG: yeah i got em
EB: okay! and dinner’s taken care of.
EB: hehe.
TG: what
EB: this is more of a sleep over movie night than a housewarming party.
TG: does it even count as a housewarming party if i moved back in a month ago
EB: well jade says it does and she’s the final authority! :B
TG: ok cant argue with that
TG: that womans fierce
EB: hey dave, one more thing!
TG: yeah whats up
EB: i love you!
TG: youre gonna see me in like three minutes
TG: i love you too babe
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --