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Chapter Text

It was Nadja’s idea to fake their deaths. 

“Imagine the look on his stupid shit face when he shows up to my grave and I kill him from behind!” She’d cackled as she said it, and Guillermo found himself thinking, not for the first time, how glad he was not to be Laszlo. 

He’d been shocked when Nadja first announced that she was done with England. 

“I thought you liked being on the council?” he’d responded. “Y’know, having power over every other vampire like you’ve always talked about?”

Nadja had flicked her wrist impatiently. 

“Politics is not the same as power, you stupid dear.” She shifted uncomfortably on the couch in their apartment. “Besides,” she said, looking away. “I do miss certain things about Staten Island. No one tries to force tea on you all the fucking time.” 

Guillermo raised his eyebrows. As much as he and Nadja had grown closer over the last three months, mainly due to a shared loathing of her husband, she was rarely so frank about her true feelings. He hadn’t argued, though, at least not against returning to the States. New York was his home, and he was looking forward to seeing his mother again. Also, maybe, he hoped he might be able to find someone else who’d been very MIA recently. Maybe. He told himself he was mostly doing it for his mom. 

However, Guillermo was much more hesitant to go along with Nadja’s other Shakespearean plan when she announced it a few days later, over dinner. He paused with a bite of carbonara halfway to his mouth. He’d been trying to cook more for himself, now that he wasn’t taking care of four vampires full time. It turned out Nadja was far more self-sufficient than she’d seemed back in Staten Island, and she’d had no interest in taking him on as a familiar. She’d fed already tonight, outside of the apartment, and it was simply lovely to not have to clean up after her.

“Why can’t you kill him without faking your death?” Guillermo asked her. 

Nadja frowned at him. “Dear Guillermo, have a little fucking creativity! I want to make him shriek like a baby when he sees my ghostly form rise up above him and break all of his limbs!”

“Hmm.” Guillermo twirled a noodle with his fork. “But why do I have to be ‘dead’ too? It seems like more effort.”

“We must be convincing, my dear. Idiot that my husband is, even he knows you wouldn’t let me get killed unless you were already dead yourself.”

Guillermo sighed. He supposed that was meant to be a compliment for him. Nadja seemed quite set on this plan, and he guessed it might be nice to see Laszlo forced to bring flowers to his grave. The part of him that had tried out for theater back in high school was nearly gleeful at the prospect of putting on a good show. 

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I’m in. How are we doing this?”

Nadja’s fangs glinted in the kitchen lights as she grinned widely. “Fire, dear Guillermo.”

Guillermo would never have chosen to spend his first time abroad with Nadja, of all people. But from the moment she’d pulled him out of that horrible coffin, his fingers raw from clawing at the lid and his throat hoarse from screaming for a day and half, she’d proven to be not just capable, but also a surprisingly good friend. He would never have expected her to hold him the way she did while he hyperventilated in the lower deck of the ship, gasping at the air like it was his only lifeline. He certainly wouldn’t have guessed that she’d sing Grecian lullabies to calm him, her voice hitching a little with the force of Laszlo’s betrayal as she clutched his letter. 

It turned out the two of them had even more in common besides wanting to rip Laszlo to shreds. When they’d arrived in England, Guillermo had decided to be her right hand man, after they’d established that he was done playing the role of familiar. Bodyguard, adjutant, advisor- those were better roles for him, and Nadja truly seemed grateful to have him with her while she helped run the vampiric high council. Guillermo had always been good at working behind the scenes, and now that he and Nadja were finally open with each other, they found they made a fantastic team.  

Still, despite their success at bossing around other vampires, perhaps Guillermo should have noticed Nadja’s discontent earlier. They’d spent quite a few nights together on the couches in their apartment that first month after multiple failures contacting Laszlo or Nandor, him chucking back vodka shots while Nadja gulped down the blood of alcoholics. 

“Men are shit,” she’d told him. 

“I’m a man,” he replied.

Nadja groaned. “You’re a Good Man,” she said firmly. “That’s different. Nandor didn’t deserve you.”

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Guillermo had responded. Nadja had watched him go with pity and understanding in her eyes. 

After eleven years of disposing of his vampires’ half-drunk victims, Guillermo considered himself quite proficient in handling corpses. It really hadn’t been hard to sneak into a local morgue and find a Jane and John Doe in their approximate sizes. Nadja scoffed at her double when Guillermo dropped it at her feet on the floor of her bedroom. 

“She is much uglier than me, Guillermo, dear.”

He sighed. “She’s gonna be too burnt up for anyone to tell, Nadja. That’s sorta the point.”

She sniffed. “Hmph. Well, give me a moment to find a dress I don’t like very much for her to wear.”

While she bustled around the room, Guillermo arranged his ‘own’ dead body close to Nadja’s, trying to figure out the best angle to make it seem like he’d died trying to save her. His corpse wore the clothes Guillermo had been wearing while stuck in the trans-Atlantic coffin. He looked forward to watching those burn, even though he knew that arson wasn’t really a clinically approved therapy for PTSD.

“Okay, I am ready now!” Nadja pulled out a lacy black dress- really, all her dresses seemed to be lacy and black, but he supposed this one was somehow different- and Guillermo helped her to dress the corpse in it. He felt a little bad for using the bodies like this, but there wasn’t really much of a choice. He figured they didn’t mind, seeing as how they were very, very dead.

“Should we review the plan again?” he asked. 

Nadja waved her hand. “We’ve gone over it enough to bore anyone to death- or undeath, perhaps.” She smirked. 

Guillermo put a hand on his hip. “I’m serious, Nadja. This part is really risky, and I need to know we’re on the same page.”

“Fine, fine, my stupid baby. I will turn into a bat and stay in your backpack while you pull the fire alarm and set this shithole alight. You will take me somewhere safe until nightfall, when we will board our ship and leave before our burned bodies are discovered in the apartment.”

Guillermo nodded. “And you’re absolutely sure you’ve hypnotized the right coroner?” 

“Yes, I am sure! He’s the only coroner left in the area, after all.” She grinned at the fond memory of her past few meals. “He’ll think that the bodies are us, no dental records needed.” She shuddered. “I can’t imagine he’d be expecting a dental record like mine, after all.”

He couldn’t argue with her thoroughness. Everything was set up perfectly. He’d texted his mom to warn her that any news she heard over the next week was a lie and that he was safe, and now all that was left was to commit to the plan. He glanced at Nadja. 

“You’re sure about this?” he asked her.

She nodded, her lips tight. “I need to make Laszlo pay,” she said. “And I think perhaps you might find that killing your old self will help you move past no-good fuckers who are emotionally constipated.”

He chose to ignore that last bit, and shifted over to grab the can of gasoline by the door. “Okay,” he said. “Let’s burn down a building!” 

The plan went perfectly. Something leaped, wild and terrifying, inside Guillermo’s chest as he watched his and Nadja’s London apartment burn. The fire ate up his old life, and he felt the person he wanted to leave behind burning along with it. He would have stood outside, staring at the flames alongside the other occupants of the building, for who-knows-how-long, but the slight fluttering of Nadja’s bat wings in his backpack reminded him that they had to move. Luckily, it was easy enough to disappear into the London subway and ride it to the harbor they planned to leave from that night. 

It was even easier to find a local cafe and stay there until sunset. By that point, the muted TVs on the cafe wall showed clips of their apartment burning, although official sources had yet to confirm the identity of the two victims. But Guillermo didn’t worry. He knew that soon enough, his name and Nadja’s would be parading across news banners throughout the city. He only hoped that the will they’d made official a few weeks earlier would be followed properly. The whole plan would go to shit unless their graves were erected back in Staten Island. 

As soon as the sun was down, he went outside and found a secluded alley where Nadja could transform back. She shook out her dark hair and stretched. 

“I hate being a fucking bat for more than an hour,” she said. “At least, not when I’m a bat by myself.” She paused, then huffed out an aggravated breath. “Not that I care. After I kill my stupid fucking husband, I won’t have any reason to be a bat at all.” 

Guillermo stared at her. “Do you… miss him?” he asked. 

Nadja turned on her heel towards the dock, where the ships were anchored, and stomped off, ignoring him. “Come, dear Guillermo!” she called over her shoulder. “We have men to murder across the ocean!”

He ran his hand through his hair, and wondered for a moment if any of this had been a good idea. Too late for second guessing , he told himself, and hurried after Nadja. 

Chapter Text

It was strange to be so close to the old house in Staten Island and not stay there. Guillermo and Nadja had hurried off the boat when they arrived on a chilly evening and immediately found a hotel about a ten minute drive from the house. When the desk manager at the hotel had offered them a room with a single bed, Nadja had made an exaggerated gagging noise. Guillermo, who felt the same way but wanted to regain some dignity, lied to the man that “we’re siblings.” He supposed, if the man was very stupid, he might just believe that Nadja and Guillermo were the same brand of vaguely-foreign-looking. Luckily for his pride, he was right, and the man apologized sheepishly as he showed them to a room with two double beds. 

Nadja barely took the time to throw down her suitcase before she announced, “I’m going outside to feed, no need to wait for me.” She was gone a moment later. Guillermo, exhausted from the trip, put up the blackout curtains with far less care than usual, then flung himself onto one of the beds. He fell asleep immediately. 

He dreamt of Nandor. In his dream, they were in Europe together, as if Laszlo had never kept Guillermo from the train station. Guillermo wasn’t sure which country he was meant to be in, but it was definitely in Europe. The ballroom he stood in was too old to be American. He looked down at himself and smiled at his silk vest, red as blood and nicer than anything he owned in reality. A hand appeared in front of him and he looked up to see Nandor, matching him in a tailored red coat cut to accentuate his shoulders. Guillermo blushed and took his hand. 

Without speaking a word, they began to dance, alone together in the ballroom, in silence. Nandor was nearly a foot taller than him, and Guillermo smiled at the familiar feeling of tilting his head up so their eyes could meet. They whirled across the ballroom floor as if they’d danced together thousands of times. There was no music except the steady beat of Guillermo’s heart, and the click of their shoes against the floor. 

Part of Guillermo knew none of it was real. After all, the Nandor he knew couldn’t go more than five minutes without saying something idiotic. Still, even though Guillermo knew he was dreaming, he found himself wishing that he could stay asleep here forever. Nandor spun him a final time and dipped him low. 

Guillermo closed his eyes as he was tilted back, only to find himself falling into the firm mattress of his hotel bed. His bedside alarm beeped. It was nearly 10 o’clock in the morning, and he needed to deliver a funeral invitation to the old house. 

“Why do I need to come with you?” Guillermo complained. It had been a week since they arrived back in the States, and he had spent the earlier part of the day spying on his own funeral, which was just plain weird. At least his mother knew he was okay and had gone to pay her respects without too much emotion, albeit with some confusion. The daytime funeral was a human-only affair, but now that he and Nadja had been ‘laid to rest’, they expected a certain vampire to pay his respects at their graves tonight. “I don’t think you need my help murdering Laszlo, you’re perfectly capable on your own.”

“Of course I am,” Nadja replied. She shoved a portable stage light into his arms and went back to powdering her face a deathly blueish-white. He had no idea when she had bought that.“But someone has to do the special effects so I can be a convincing ghost.”

He sighed. “Isn’t this a little… I dunno, dramatic?”

“How dare you!” Nadja turned the full force of her glare on him. “You spend three months moping over that idiot Nandor and now I am the dramatic one?” 

Guillermo flinched as if slapped. He knew she was right, but it still hurt whenever anyone mentioned Nandor’s name. 

Nadja pushed back her bangs, also powdered, and had the decency to look remorseful. “I am sorry, dear Guillermo. I am a bit on edge tonight. I think I need, em, moral support.”

He softened. Would he ever get used to Nadja being vulnerable with him? Maybe not, but he appreciated it all the same. “Alright,” he said, and took the stage light out to the car, along with some wooden stakes, just in case.

They were silent on the drive to the graveyard where he and Nadja were ‘buried’. Both vampire and slayer were too deeply absorbed in their own thoughts to talk, and it was clear that neither one was entirely sure what to expect that night.

After they parked, Guillermo led Nadja to the spot where he had hidden that morning, in a thicket of bushes close to their gravestones. It was the perfect place to see without being seen. They knelt down to watch for visitors. 

Nadja fidgeted next to him, her eyes darting up each time a bat or an insect flew over their heads. After a few minutes, one of the bats swooped down towards the graves, and in the next moment, it had transformed into a familiar vampire. 

“There he is!” Nadja hissed, her nails biting into Guillermo’s arm through his sweater. It may have been three months, but Laszlo clearly hadn’t changed too much. He was still annoyingly coiffed, although rather less jovial than usual. In fact, he looked downright miserable. A huge bouquet of dark roses filled his arms, and his usually good humored face was drawn and nearly haggard in the moonlight.

He took a heavy step towards Nadja’s gravestone and laid the roses down at its base. Guillermo frowned. “Where are my flowers?” he whispered. Nadja covered his mouth, not very gently. 

“Nadja…” Laszlo’s voice was husky, as though he’d been crying. Still, in typical Laszlo fashion, he took a deep breath and began to monologue. “Can you really be gone, after all these years? How is it that your lovely, murderous eyes have closed forever? That I shall never again lay my head against your ample bosom?” He brought his fist to his chest. “Did you die cursing my name?” He paused. “I… I wouldn’t blame you, if you did. I’ve realized, I lied to you, and I chose your path for you. I sent you away. I broke the promise that I made to you when we married, to treat you as an equal and to stay by your side forever.”

To Guillermo’s surprise, he could see tears glinting in Laszlo’s eyes. 

“When I promised to stay with you, my love, I meant it. But I never wanted you to feel trapped with me. All those months ago, I thought I was holding you back from your future. I thought I was justified in sending you away to fulfill your goals on the council, even if it meant we would be apart until young Colin Robinson grew enough to travel. I never once imagined that I was creating a future without you in it at all.”

Guillermo glanced next to him. Nadja was statue-still, but her eyes shone with tears that mirrored her husband’s.

“I don’t know what to do now,” Laszlo continued, sounding broken. “I’d give anything to have you next to me again, to turn back time and make a different choice. I’ve never regretted anything in my eternal life before. Is this what it feels like?” He sank to his knees. “Nadja, my life, my death, my only true lady love, how am I supposed to live without you?”

“Die, then.”

Guillermo froze. Nadja’s voice hadn’t come from next to him. He whipped his head around. He could have sworn she hadn’t moved, but now he was alone in the bushes, and when he looked back, he saw Nadja standing behind her husband, her hands wrapped around his throat and tears coursing down her cheeks. 

“Fuck,” Guillermo muttered.

Laszlo’s face was unreadable. He looked almost as though he was dreaming. “Nadja, is it truly you?” he murmured. Clearly, Nadja wasn’t yet strangling him. 

She spun him around, still on his knees, so he faced her. Belatedly, Guillermo wondered if he should turn on the stage light, but something told him not to disturb the scene. Besides, Nadja looked ghostly enough, pale as snow in the cold and holding Laszlo’s throat as gently as a lioness holds her cub.

“I should kill you,” she whispered. In the silence of the night, even her whisper carried. “You betrayed me.”

Laszlo bowed his head, a brave feat with his neck between his raging wife’s hands. “Yes,” he said. “I did. I will never regret anything more than that choice.” He looked back up at her. “Are you a ghost?”

“Does it even matter,” Nadja asked. “when you will soon be one?” 

To both Guillermo and Nadja’s shock, Laszlo smiled. “Yes, it matters, my love,” he said softly. “If you are a ghost, I will gladly have you take my wretched life so I can spend another eternity by your side.” Nadja’s hands visibly shook against his skin. “But if you are somehow alive, then I would beg at your feet for one more chance to prove to you how sorry I am for trying to make your choices for you.”

For a moment, Guillermo was sure that Nadja had decided to murder Laszlo after all. It took him a few seconds to realize what was truly happening. When Nadja pushed her husband to the ground and followed him down, she was instead kissing him as if he was oxygen and she was drowning. 

“Mmph!” said Laszlo, and “Shut up,” said Nadja, and Guillermo closed his eyes and flopped back into the bushes. He knew he shouldn’t have come with her.

Nadja and Laszlo continued to be disgusting for another few minutes before Nadja pulled away. “I have not forgiven you,” she announced. “But tonight I want you to make me feel as though I never left and you never lied.”

“I can do that,” Laszlo said breathlessly. “Bat!” 

He and Nadja flew off above Guillermo’s head, still tangled up in each other as they headed back to the house. 

Guillermo supposed he should be glad for them, but he found himself sitting in front of his own grave, pondering his lack of flowers. He didn’t know what it was he’d really expected. Nandor was probably completely unaware that he’d ‘died’. He was probably galavanting in Europe and courting beautiful men and women an ocean away. Guillermo didn’t even know what he wanted to say to him when he finally saw him- if that ever happened. Maybe he really would die without ever again seeing Nandor’s dark eyes or hearing his smooth voice. Maybe one day, Nandor would finally return to America to find two graves for Guillermo, one holding his real corpse. Maybe Nandor wouldn’t even bother to visit him when he was actually dead.

“Ah, Guillermo,” said the voice of the vampire in question from behind him. “I see you’ve beaten me to your own grave.”

Chapter Text

“ ¡Vaya! ” Guillermo whipped his head around to meet those deep, intense eyes he’d been fantasizing about a moment earlier. Nandor stood only an arm’s length away from him. The months hadn’t dulled the electricity that spiked through Guillermo whenever he was around him.

“Ma- Nandor,” he stuttered. “How- what- what are you doing here?” Great opening, dumbass.  

Nandor raised his eyebrows, and Guillermo could see bags beneath his eyes. Had he slept recently? 

“I saw on the human news that you and Nadja are supposed to be dead.” He paused. “Clearly they were wrong. You have been quite a rascal, haven’t you, Guillermo?” 

“It was Nadja’s idea,” Guillermo found himself saying. Then, “Why didn’t you answer me? Or Nadja? We’ve been trying to reach you for three months!” He found that he’d raised his voice without meaning to. 

“I thought you left me,” Nandor said, and it was so unclear whether that was meant to be an answer or whether he had ignored Guillermo and was referring to something else entirely. “But now you’re here.” He reached out a hand, achingly slow, towards Guillermo’s face. 

Guillermo slapped it away. “No, no, you don’t get to do that.” He stood up. “ No puedo creer esta mierda. You don’t just get to pretend that it didn’t kill me being kept away from you.” He shoved him backwards. “Why didn’t you answer me?!” He’d spent so much time dreaming of his reunion with Nandor, but he hadn’t ever imagined how angry he would be. Angry enough to curse at his former master in Spanish, apparently. 

Nandor grabbed his wrists. “Guillermo, stop.” 

Guillermo fumed and ripped his wrists out of Nandor’s grip. “Let go of me.” He felt a traitorous tear drip down his cheek. 

Nandor floundered, his hands clenching helplessly. “Guillermo-o-o!” He said his name in a pathetic kind of whine. “I don’t- What do you want me to do?” He reached out and wiped at Guillermo’s face. It would have been incredibly sweet, had Guillermo not flinched in surprise at the touch. He yelped as his movement caused Nandor to poke him in the eye.

“Ah! Uh, sorry,” Nandor mumbled.

Guillermo snorted, rubbing at his eye. He felt himself smiling, just a little, against his will. They seemed forever doomed to awkwardness.

He looked back up to find Nandor staring at him again. Was his eye bleeding or something? Nandor shifted his weight and put a hand on Guillermo’s shoulder, who went stock-still, but didn’t shake him off. Taking that as consent, Nandor suddenly pulled him into his arms. He held Guillermo stiffly, as though he might make a run for it at any moment. Guillermo felt his face flush, and tried to distract himself by wiping his snot all over Nandor’s tunic in some sort of vengeance.

“Eesh,” Nandor sighed. “I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive about all this.” Guillermo pulled back to glare at him and Nandor blanched. “I mean, I thought- I didn’t know that-” He seemed to be in physical pain. Nadja was right, he really was emotionally constipated. 

“What?” asked Guillermo, a bit harsher than he meant to.

Nandor looked as if he was about to shit himself. He pursed his lips and inhaled through his nose. “I thought you didn’t want me,” he said in a rush. “I thought you didn’t want me and that was why you never showed up at the train station.”

Guillermo sniffed. “It wasn’t really my choice.”

Nandor frowned. “Yes, I see that now.” He paused, considering something. “I don’t handle rejection well, Guillermo. Especially-” His mouth snapped shut like he’d said something he shouldn’t. “I couldn’t bring myself to answer you.” It felt to Guillermo like there was more to say, but Nandor seemed to have clammed up. Instead, he just looked at him. 

Guillermo bit his lip. He remembered how whenever Nadja had mentioned Nandor’s name, he'd felt like crawling under a rock to hide from his huge, overwhelming feelings . Was it possible Nandor had felt the same way?

He pinched at the bridge of his nose. “I… I can understand that, I guess. It was still dumb, though.”

Nandor laughed softly. Guillermo knew he’d do anything for that laugh. 

“I think I would like to stop being dumb, then. Before it is your real grave in front of me and you are not here.”

His voice was more intense than Guillermo had heard it in a long time. He looked up and met Nandor’s eyes. The bags underneath them took on a new meaning.

“Have- have you not slept because of me?” He asked.

Nandor held his gaze stubbornly, like he was looking into the sun. “I have seen many deaths in my life, Guillermo,” he said. “but I have never mourned as I did when I thought I’d seen yours.”

Guillermo’s breath caught. “Oh.” How much had he thought of Nandor saying those words? How often, in the past decade, had he dared to dream that his feelings weren’t one-sided? Now, he had no clue what to say in response. Maybe there wasn’t anything to say. Maybe there was simply one thing to do .

Guillermo reached up, hesitantly, and pressed his palm against Nandor’s cheek. His beard was soft against his hand. “Can I-?” 

Nandor answered by wrapping his arm around Guillermo’s waist and pulling him up. He was sure Nandor could feel his heart thudding in his chest. Their faces were maybe an inch away. Nandor’s hand trembled against his waist. Guillermo closed the remaining distance between them. 

Nandor’s lips were cold against his own, but they were so soft that it didn't matter. The kiss was quick, almost chaste, and when they pulled apart Guillermo had to take a minute to find himself again before he opened his eyes. 

“Wow-“ he started to say, but then Nandor kissed him again, deeper and more sure than before. Guillermo threw his arms around Nandor’s neck and the vampire lifted him off the ground like he weighed nothing. They stayed pressed together for nearly a minute before Guillermo had to pull away to breathe. Nandor set him down gently. 

“Guillermo de la Cruz,” he murmured. “Will you do me the honor of joining me on a new journey, so I can finally grant you the eternal life I promised?”

Guillermo caught his breath. “Yeah,” he said, smiling. “I’d like that.”

They stood together for a moment, just holding one another. Nandor’s face split into a mischievous grin. 

“Guillermo,” he said. “It seems that you are very happy to have me back.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Huh?” Guillermo blinked. “Oh! No, no. That's not- no!” He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a wooden stake. Nandor hissed and stepped back, appalled.

Guillermo smirked. “I thought it’d be good to bring this… just in case.” 

It was nearly an hour after that before he could convince Nandor to kiss him again.

~ FIN ~