Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Everything was fractured. His mind is in tatters. Only flashes of memories entered his head. Gone as soon as they appeared, forgotten as if they had never been there. It was infuriating. He was getting more agitated by the second. Clenching his fists until his nails dug deep into his palms, hoping to feel pain but nothing came. Nothing. He felt nothing.

For a moment, he’d remember a place or person. They were his Memories. Some good, a lot of bad ones. A large building where he went with other kids every day. A home he hated. A bottle full of liquid he’d drink when things got too hard, or a sharp blade that would make the world disappear. His father had owned a gun, not anymore though that was his now. He’d already used it more times than he could count. The bad memories didn’t hurt him anymore. His “home” was gone. Everything was gone now… He couldn’t remember what he had just thought.

People are important to him. His school. His friends. His family. They were important once. He could recall that. He wanted to see them again. They weren’t here.

Where were they?

He was sitting on the ground, Not knowing when he had gotten down here. Back leaning against something hard. It was hard to see what, his vision was strange. He could only focus on tiny details that didn’t matter. There was a flyer on the ground the headline was “STAY INSIDE.”. He was inside. At least he thought he was.

Where was he? There was a sudden realization in his mind. Someone had been here. Where were they? Why had they gone? He began clumsily getting up. Leaning heavily on the wall for support. His limbs were too heavy. Why were they so hard to move? They weren’t always like that. He remembered being able to run and move silently. But now he was loud and slow, crashing into things and leaning too much.

“Ken. Stan and Craig are done. We can head out. Did you find anything?” Someone called him.

He knew that voice. It was so familiar.  

Stumbling he tried towards where he had heard it, hoping to find the source of the noise. Everything was a blur as he moved franticly. Swinging his limps around. “There was nothing good in the office, so let’s just regroup-“ A loud shout came much closer than before. “Kenny!” light footsteps patted towards him.  

“Shit. Are you okay?”

Kenny paused swaying and fixed his intense gaze up. Spotting the source of the voice, bright colors stood frozen only a few feet from him. He saw Scared forest green eyes staring. A thought boomed in his head. You’re important. He took a stiff step forward. Hoping to go closer to the person in front of him. So much green and red. Too bright to look at. He was getting a headache trying to remember.

“Kenny?”

Kenny followed the other's nervous gaze down to his bleeding leg and the redhead gasped. Suddenly not look so afraid. “You WERE bit! I fucking knew it! You should have told me. I could have done something.” Kenny took a step forward hoping to get closer.

The other seem to notice and took an attentive step back. Moving his hand slowly to the golf club tied to his backpack. He didn’t look like he was going to swing it. More like using it to keep him as far as possible.

“Kenny.. Don’t.. I don’t want to hurt you.” He pulled his weapon free and held it defensively. It was a stance easily broke by brute force. Kenny knew this.

Kenny. He called me Kenny.

“Kenny... Just keep back.” He yelped as Kenny began to approach him faster. He was getting a hang of moving by now, Adjusting to the new body. Backing him closer to the corner of the room. He swallowed. Kenny watched his throat, entranced. He wanted to get closer, but any step he took made the other take two back. It was making it difficult to close the gap. “Kenny?... Do.. Do you know who I am?” His voice was quiet, sounding close to crying. He shook his head trying to will the tears not to fall. He hated seeing his boyfriend like this. Even if he knew Kenny would be fine in the end. Wild bright hair swayed as he shook. Kenny watched the movement focusing solely on it.

So red. I love that colour

Who is he? Why can't i remember? He’s important.

“Kenny…It’s me.. Kyle.” He gestured to himself franticly. “We went to highschool together… You’re my b-bestfriend…” He weakly whispered it came out strained. Kenny felt like he should mirror the noise but nothing came out. His thoat felt sratchy and dry. No sounds would come out. Kyle didn’t noticed his struggle to talk. “Ugh! God this is stupid! I should just-!...I don’t know…” His voice broke. Kenny took another step. Don’t cry Kyle… “I don’t know how to help you…“ Kyle rambled on to himself but Kenny wasn’t listening, there was just one word he focused on. Kyle.. He took another step.

“Please remember who you are…I don’t want to kill you anymore”

Tears fell down the redhead's face. He wiped them away angrily with his sleeve. Not noticing Kenny had closed the distance. He was now so close he could feel heat radiating off the other.

Don’t cry.

Kyle . I’m here. I’ll protect you.

Again no words came out and Kyle backed up in shock. No matter how much he tried to speak it came out as gurgles.

“Kenny…?.. Don’t…” Kyle backed into a shelf behind him. Glancing around franticly for an escape. “Come on. You’re still there, right?” He looked so…. scared.

Why? I would never hurt you…

“Kyle! Kenny! Come on what’s taking so long!” A shout from far away drew both their gazes to the door. Down the hall. Someone is coming. “..Stan…” Kenny tried to concentrate on the name but it didn’t ring any bells. “Guys? Are you there?” Kyle watched in horror as Stan came through the door. Looking slightly annoyed until he saw Kenny cornering Kyle. Then he looked even more annoyed.

“Kenny?! Now is really not the time-!” His face shited to horror when he saw Kenny’s face, blood oozing from his leg, and that Kyle was holding his golf club. He suddenly had his prized baseball bat in his hand, ready to swing. Stomping towards them.

“Stan! Calm down, I have it under control!” No one in their right mind would believe him.

“Like hell you do!! He’s turned! We have to kill him.” He growled tightening his grip on the baseball bat wanting to break Kenny’s skull. But when he got a few meters away Kenny moved to cover Kyle, making Stan freeze in horror and Kyle yelp at the clammy contact. Kenny was cold to the touch. It was unsettling. He still was watching Stan, not risking moving his gaze away in case he got closer. 

“Kenny…Just..J-Just move back slowly.” Stan was scared. Kenny could come back from being bitten, but Kyle couldn’t… “If you do anything to Kyle…. I’ll never fucking forgive you…” All anger was gone from his voice. Kenny felt insulted.

I would never hurt Kyle.

There was a click under his head, the safety of a pistol coming off. He turned to the crying redhead, tears were freely flowing down his cheeks. Kenny never wanted him to look like that. His hands were shaking so much, that he didn’t know if he could do it. But someone had to, if it wasn’t him it would be Stan. The gun felt far too heavy in his hand, when he put pressure on the trigger it left like it needed all his strength. 

“I’m so sorry, Kenny.”

Don’t be sad Kyle. I’m here. I’ll never leave you.

"I love you."

A deafening shot rang out. Kenny’s body fell to the ground.

Chapter Text

There was something peaceful about the rooftops, a strange calmness always overtook him when he was above all just out of reach. The wind blowing in his curls and his blood pumping. Down below was certain death and he often thought about jumping. Ending it all, stopping the constant struggle.

One foot misplaced and he'd fall to his death. He loved to stand on the edge, watching the infected people below wander around aimlessly. They'd snatch him up the second he hit the ground. 

Kyle shifted his weight and jumped. Missing the next roof by a considerable amount. 

The feeling of gravity pulled him down and his heart dropped in horror. 

There was a loud metallic crash as he hit the emergency stairway. Gripping hard onto the bar he pulled himself over and landed down safely.  Sitting down out of breath. "Fuck." He was a coward. 

The wanderers below reacted to the noise but it wasn't as if they could reach him from up here. They only heard him they didn't know where he was. Only a few of them looked up but they easily got distracted by the others shifting about and no longer paid him any attention. He let his feet dangle off the edge and leaned on the bar. 

"What are you even doing?" He whispered to himself. It was obvious... he was avoiding Kenny and it was stupid. He'd already be back and Kyle should be there to greet him.  Kenny would be expecting him to be there but this time he wasn't. He was being selfish, Kenny had died dozens of times without Kyle knowing but now that he remembers he wanted to grieve. Kenny always said he was used to it and that it didn't matter but it did to Kyle, Kenny's life matter to him and it sometimes got to him that Kenny was dismissive. 

Kenny had kept it from them. From HIM... Again. He thought they had grown from this, that Kenny could rely on each other. He was endangering everyone, what if they hadn't killed him in time? What if he turned when they got back to base? Kenny was being stupid and Kyle needed to knock some sense into him... But for now he wanted to be alone. To allow himself to feel hurt, so that when he saw Kenny he didn't just blow up at him. 

His walkie talkie buzzed to life. Kenny's voice came in. Quiet and apprehensive. This was the first time Kyle had not been there to greet him. 

"Kyle?" Kyle let a beat go by. Almost wanting to just not reply but the thought of doing that didn't bring him any joy. He still loved Kenny. 

"Yeah... I'm here." He sounded off even to his own ears, distant and emotionless.

"Are.. are you okay?" He asked. 

"Yeah." He didn't want to talk about anything.

"Are.." there was a long pause and Kyle almost though he was waiting for him to say something. "Are.. we okay?" Kyle sucked in a breath, letting his forehead hit the metal bar Infront of him. He didn't want to talk about this. The cold metal felt refreshing, grounding. 

"Kyle? Where are you?" He huffed a breath. "Are you safe?" His worried voice made Kyle Feel fragile, breakable. He had never felt like that before they started dating. He sort of wondered if that would have happened if they hadn't met but then he loved Kenny too much to actually wish it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone or have Kenny close. 

"I'm beside the pharmacy on seventh street. The fire escape." He stated. 

"Oka-" Kenny's voice cut off and Kyle put his radio away. He knew what was about to happen. Kenny was coming. He didn't want to feel angry anymore. He was tired. 

Kyle watched the waves of bodies move around. they were slowly thethering out of the alleyway. Soon there was only a few that didn't have the sense to follow the crowd. 

A shadow moved above him, a thump and a roll. A patter of footsteps on the stairway vibrated in the alley. Coming quicky. There was only one person who moved so silently even on loud metal. He landed hard at the bottom of the stairs behind him, skipping the last couple of steps. Impatient. 

"Hey Ky." He whispered almost too quiet to hear before sitting down beside Kyle. He didn't touch him which Kyle was grateful for. He didn't feel like affection. Giving or receiving. "I missed you." Kyle hummed but didn't reply. He had missed him too obviously but he didn't feel like saying that. "I upset you.. I'm sorry."

Kyle shrugged. He didn't have to look to see Kenny's frown. 

"I really am sorry. I thought it was just a cut." Kyle sighed and finally looked over. Kenny looked fresh, he always did when he came back. His hair the same, his freckles never changed, he looked clean... But sad and worried. Kenny saw his deaths as nothing but a restart but Kyle wondered if there was a cap on his abilities. If someday he never came back. Kyle would stay waiting and never know if he got lost on the way or if he truely was gone. 

"Can we talk about something else?" Kenny's eyes widened, bewildered. Ever quick to adapt he then said.

"Sure." Kyle mostly didn't care as long as it wasn't something sad. He was done with this hollow feeling. "I.. I went a different route this time." 

"Did you?" The genuine interest leaked through, even if only partially.

"Yeah, I felt like something different."

Kenny didn't need to get confirmation to continue, Kyle had asked him to talk so he would. He was good like that, sometimes too nice. Once Kenny got started there were very few things that could stop him. 

"I went by that mall we used to visit when we were kids. The big one with all those random shops, that were secretly money laundering."

Kyle remembered that mall. Kenny didn't just go a different way, he went almost the opposite direction. It would have taken him almost double the time to get back. 

"Anyway you remember that little joke shop? Had loads of gag stuff and random magic supplies? Jimmy's favorite place to visit."

Kyle nodded. He did remember it.

"Well I wanted to see if they had anything fun left after the looting spell. There wasn't much but more than most the other places.  I saw something that I thought you could use."

Kyle raised an eyebrow as Kenny took something out of his pocket. 

"I know you're mad at me so I got you-" Kyle looked down at the grow your own boyfriend kit "A new boyfriend." 

Then back up at Kenny something released. He ugly snorted and shoved Kenny to the side. The tension immediately broke and Kenny let himself be pushed. 

"You're ridiculous" he took the toy in his hands. "I can't believe you.' he smiled down at the deformed figure barely resembling a man. It was blond just like his real thing. 

"You like him?" Kyle rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, I like him." 

"More than me?" Kyle snorted, side eyeing him.

"Way more than you." 

"I can't tell if that's a good thing or bad thing that you like it" Kenny joked. He then bumped his shoulder into Kyles and said quietly. "You feeling any better?"

"A bit.." 

"I really didn't know. I would tell you. I tell you everything." 

"I doubt that."

"I'm telling the truth, you know all my dirty secrets" Kenny leaned in close  "all of them~" Kyle snorted and pushed him again. 

"Shut up." 

"You sure you're okay?"

"Hmmm... I'd feel better if I got a kiss" Kyle smiled. 

"Your wish is my command." Kenny leaned forward. Only to be stopped by kyles hand

"Not you." He leaned down and kissed the toy in his hand and laughed. Kenny made a disgruntled gasp.

"Homewrecker!" Kenny grabbed the toy and  started shaking him. "You find some else right now." Kyle scoffed but it turned to laugher when Kenny pretended to hold him off the ledge. "You've seducd your last man. Kyles mine!"

He let go and the man dropped anti-climatically They both leaned over to watch him hit some walker on the head and land on the ground. The walker stared down at it, not knowing it had come from avoid. Kyle chuckled.

Kyle put his head on Kenny's shoulder with a sigh. A hand reached around his shoulder and held him close. 

"Sorry about your boyfriend."

"He had if coming. Didn't treat me right."

"Bastard...so... You single now?"

"I guess."

"Wanna date?"

"I think we're better as friends." A gasp. 

"You friendzoning me?"

"I love you..." Kenny smiled sweetly.  "As a friend" Kenny put his hand on heart pretending it hurt. Then he leaned his head on top of Kyles With a happy sigh.

"You're my favorite person in the world" He shifted and a soft kiss was planted on his temple. "-you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." 

"I love you"

"I love you too" 

"Even when I'm an ass?"

"Ken don't make me take it back"

"Please don't." Kyle wouldn't. No matter how much of an ass Kenny was sometimes. "I'd never do anything on purpose to hurt you."

"I know." Kyle tucked himself under Kenny's arm and listened to his steady heart beat. It calmed him much more than the rooftops above. Comforted him like nothing else. 

He'd truely be lost without Kenny.