Chapter Text
[Kim Dokja walks in and stands next to the provided seat. He looks around with raised eyebrows.]
KDJ: Umm, do I just sit here?
[He nods at something the staff says and sits down.]
KDJ: Right. Hey guys! I’m Kim Dokja, and I’m here to answer a few questions that fans have sent me. Hopefully, I don’t get bullied on live again by you guys.
[Laughter sounds out in the studio. Kim Dokja sits up a little straighter with a pleased grin on his face.]
Bihyung: Hello Kim Dokja-ssi, we’ll start the interview now. I’m Bihyung and I’ll be the one asking you the questions today.
KDJ: Oh, cool. You’re kinda cute, by the way. I don’t like you.
[Muffled voice from the side: Not a lot of people do.]
Bihyung: Haha, I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyway, your first question is by user spdkos on Twitter. Why do you usually play characters who die?
KDJ: Damn… Starting out with the big guns, huh? That took me by surprise. Well, you know, there’s three ways to end a movie. You could end it on a cheerful note, or a sad note, or a bittersweet one. But why not all three? It’s happy ‘cause the evil is destroyed and everyone is safe. It’s sad because I died. And it’s bittersweet because the audience knows there was no other way than for me to sacrifice myself. This was the only ending possible with the decisions my characters take. It was a really great story. Isn’t that right?
Bihyung: That’s very interesting. It really was a great story. However, lots of your fans don’t want you to die…
[Kim Dokja shrugs.]
KDJ: Cope.
Bihyung: Hah. That frustrates me a little bit. Well, the next question is a bit tamer. yoonyanhyuk on Twitter asks, If you don’t like tomatoes, what’s your opinion on ketchup? Would you like ketchup on your omurice? What if someone, ahem , Yoo Joonghyuk, drew a heart over your omurice with ketchup?
KDJ: First of all, who is Yoo Joonghyuk?
[An awkward silence ensues.]
KDJ: No? Nobody? You guys are no fun. [Kim Dokja crosses his arms and pouts.] Fine. Ketchup is fine, I guess. I just don’t enjoy biting into a raw tomato. Especially when the tangy juice comes out. Blergh. Ketchup with omurice is very good. Also, it’s funny that you think Yoo Joonghyuk would ever draw a heart. On my omurice. Maybe he’ll do it and smash it into my face. Sounds fun.
Bihyung: Who knows? You could get him to do it on your birthday. Talking about Yoo Joonghyuk, that brings me to my next question. Lots of your fans have been curious about this. zzyyllzz asks, What’s your relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk?
KDJ: It sounded like you were having an aneurysm when you said that username. Well Yoo Joonghyuk… he’s a funny guy. He keeps glaring at me, even when I call him cool. [Kim Dokja falls silent and rubs his chin contemplatively.] He’s like the male protagonist of some shitty shoujo manga, you know? Or the protagonist of some really obscure fantasy web novel.
[Muffled voice from the side: Why don’t you just say something cringe like, “Thank you for being the protagonist of my life, Joonghyuk-ah!” and go?]
[The staff snickers. Kim Dokja’s eyes twitch as he tries to keep up a strained smile.]
KDJ: Shut up, Han Sooyoung. Why are you even here? Anyways, Yoo Joonghyuk definitely has-
Bihyung: Excuse me, Dokja-ssi? You’re only allowed one minute per question.
KDJ: Oh, umm. As I was saying, Yoo Joonghyuk has terrible attitude issues. Don’t quote me on this, but he probably hates me…
Bihyung: Why do you think that?
KDJ: Hmm… maybe it’s ‘cause I got him a strawberry milkshake instead of the espresso macchiato he likes so much that one time I had to order the drinks? But it was just a harmless prank, really!
Bihyung: That seems harmless enough. Maybe it’s something else?
KDJ: Nah, he just hates me, I think. What’s the next question?
Bihyung: Oh. The next question is from leysimatsu on Twitter: Do you have any piercings? If not, would you want one? And where?
KDJ: A piercing? Is it okay for me to say this? My manager is glaring at me from the side, you know? Haha, I don’t have one, but I’d love to get one someday. Maybe a navel piercing? Those look nice.
Bihyung: That would suit you a lot. I'd love to see it someday. Now, guwon51 asks, how many people are there in your contact list and who is listed in the emergency contacts?
KDJ: How many people? Excuse me, I have so many friends that I wouldn’t even be able to count them right now. The audacity to ask this question.
[Muffled voice from the side: He’s lying. He’s got maybe 10 contacts on his phone. And that’s only because Yoo Sangah and I took pity on him. I’m one of the emergency contacts, by the way.]
KDJ: Han Sooyoung, I told you to shut up! Don’t listen to her. Yoo Sangah is one of my emergency contacts, though. Yoo Joonghyuk too.
Bihyung: I thought you said he hated you?
KDJ: And?
Bihyung: …
[Kim Dokja crosses his legs and smirks at the camera.]
KDJ: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Next question, please.
Bihyung: Right, umm… well, you’ve said you were a big fan of the TWSA series. So, NEA1864 on Twitter asks, have you ever written fanfiction for TWSA? Or made fanart?
KDJ: Fan content? To be honest, I have never tried art seriously, and it’s better to keep it that way because I am phenomenally bad at it. I have written fanfiction, however. We do not talk about it.
[Muffled voice from the side: I know his Wattpad account! DM me and I’ll sell it to you.]
KDJ: Han Sooyoung yer killin’ me!
Bihyung: Was that an impression of the character Atsumu from Haikyuu? You sound very much like him.
KDJ: Huh, I didn’t expect you to know him, but yes. I imitated him. What’s the next question?
Bihyung: Ah, yes! The next question is by guwon51 again: Do you want to go blond someday?
KDJ: Finally, a normal question. Thank you guwon51, I forgive you for your earlier insolence. To answer the question, sure! Actually, I think I’ll be going blond for the next installment in the ORV series. Look forward to it!
[The sound of someone clearing their throat rings out. Kim Dokja looks to his side and makes the expression of a thief caught red-handed.]
KDJ: Whoops. Guess I wasn’t supposed to say that, haha.
Bihyung: Let’s move on smoothly then. rem_hajal on Twitter asks, would you ever be interested in getting fucked by Yoo Joonghyuk and his character in ORV, Secretive Plotter, together? And maybe even the 999th regression? Or even all the other regression turns together?
[Kim Dokja spits out the water he was drinking and starts hacking. A staff member steps in to pat his back and hand him some more water. After some time, he stops choking and calms down. He clears his throat loudly.]
KDJ: What is that question? I thought this was a Christian channel.
Bihyung: Not anymore, I guess. Uriel gave us the green signal for this question.
KDJ: Uriel? I need to have a talk with her... Well, I don't know about Yoo Joonghyuk but I wouldn't mind Secretive Plotter at all. 999 is even better! I don't know about the last one, though. Wouldn't I be dead by then?
Bihyung: I'm sure some or the other turn would be interested in that.
KDJ: WHAT?!
Bihyung: So the next question is by PlNKYOON on Twitter. Do you have any relationship advice to give to your fans?
KDJ: Are we not gonna talk about that? [He looks around incredulously.] Guys?
Bihyung: Please answer the question, Dokja-ssi.
KDJ: No, because- I… Fine! Personally, I found that being… unmindful of my physical condition was very helpful. I suggest you, at the very least, faint in front of your crush or lover. Make it noticeable so they have to take care of you. Whether it’s a guy or a girl or a person, it’ll bring out the motherly instinct in them. If they continue to ask after your health or take measures themselves to make sure you don’t faint again, consider yourself successful! They care about you!
[Muffled voice from the side, now louder: What is wrong with you, you bastard?]
Bihyung: That… does not sound very safe… Is that really your advice?
KDJ: Well, yeah! You need to be ready to make a few sacrifices when it comes to love; you know?
[Caption on screen: Please do not listen to him and take care of your health🙇🙇]
Bihyung: I see. You don’t joke around with love, huh? Well, that was all the questions for today!
KDJ: Oh, are we done? That was fun, I guess.
Bihyung: Actually, there’s still one thing left. This is not a question, but… Kim Dokja, put on the maid dress.
KDJ: What?
Bihyung: Bring over the maid dress.
[Bihyung claps twice as two staff members walk over with a nondescript black and white dress. Two more staff members, one seeming to be a highschool student, stand behind Kim Dokja and push him down by his shoulders.]
KDJ: Wait, Lee Jihye? What is the meaning of this? I didn’t hear anything about a maid dress! Sangah-ssi, did you allow this?
Bihyung: Dokja-ssi, this will be easier for everyone involved if you don’t struggle.
KDJ: NO! Wait-
[Screen blacks out.
Caption on screen: Please head over to our Twitter page for the candid shots 😉
Video ends.]
Black Flames HSY, Yoo Joonghyuk Official and 25 others retweeted
StarStreams ✔️ @starstreamtv - 2h
a promise is a promise 💖💖
[Picture: Kim Dokja roped to a chair with a horrified expression on his face, as he tries to pull the maid dress lower to cover his pale legs. The blurry afterimage of a short-haired woman is at the corner.]
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pogchamp dokjaur replied
i hate you guys i really do