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When they found out the boat is missing and couldn’t find you anywhere, everyone was confused. Concerned, too, but mostly confused – why would you leave? What for? And when were you going to come back?
So when Buttons spotted the boat floating in a distance, empty, the crew did two things very quickly. First – and foremost – they abandoned the course, setting straight for the boat – and secondly, as the revenge creaked in its new direction, run to tell the captain.
“Do we know it’s our boat?” Stede looked through the telescope, “I mean, it is empty.” He said, looking at everyone.
“Give me that,” Ed grabbed the telescope, looking through, “It looks like ours.”
“How can you tell?” Stede questioned, “it’s just a boat – and! It’s empty. They’re not there.”
“Well, it has the burn,” Ed said, still looking through, “The one from the fireworks, you recall?” He offered, looking at Stede – who wasn’t very impressed.
Fireworks – you traded them for your clothes shortly after you came aboard at one of the resupplies stops
“Well then why is it empty?” Stede insisted.
“Maybe they drowned,” Black Pete tried, looking forth and earning a slap over his arm from Lucius.
“Or maybe they just sent the boat back,” he offered an alternative.
But that just lead everyone to where they were before – why would you leave in the first place?
When they pulled the boat Oluwande went down to see if there’s any clue – and found nothing.
Stede, absolutely dissatisfied with the situation but hanging to the thread of hope noticed that Ed isn’t on the deck, quickly following where he thought he went – and finding he was right.
“Ed?” He was at the windows, trying to refill his pipe but kind of struggling, “are you all right?”
“Yeah,” he sighed, “I’m just… I guess I’m worried.”
“Me too,” Stede sat next to him, looking outside.
“I don’t get it, Stede,” he said after finally succeeding, though not lighting the tabaco, “I just don’t get it and I’m so… so… so Frustrated and angry and – they could be dead,” he stood up, motioning towards the sea behind the windows, “they’re probably floating somewhere, face down…”
Stede hated to see him like that, wanting to offer some comfort, but couldn’t come up with anything, trying not to picture whatever Ed was describing.
-
When Buttons shouted no one really listened. Sometimes Buttons just shouts at the moon, after all, that’s nothing new, but when your name came through the air, the crew on the deck very quickly sprung to life.
“Oh my god,” Lucious held up his hands.
“We need to tell the captain,” Black Pete said, though making no move – just watching you float there.
Frenchie didn’t waste time – and after running to the captain’s cabin he quickly joined the rescue team going down to the boat and out towards you. By the time Stede and Blackbeard stumbled outside, they were pulling you out of the water, nearly tipping the little boat in the process and the two captains fought over the telescope to look through to see.
“They’re waving, why are they waving, what does that mean?” Stede questioned, besides himself.
“Stede, listen,” Ed said, “if they’re alive…”
“Of course they’re alive!” Stede exclaimed
“We’ll need to warm them up! They’ll be cold,” Ed said.
“Oh! Yes! Yes! Fire. Roach? Roach!” Stede quickly looked for the cook.
When they were closer, Ed shouted after the crew, but couldn’t hear a word of what they said over how loudly they were rowing – which, Stede judged, was a good sign.
“They’re alive!” Black Pete called.
“Oh thank god,” Stede exclaimed, “quickly now!”
“They’ll be here soon, don’t worry," Ed patted Stede’s shoulder.
Relief settled in everyone, but it was short-lived. As they pulled you up to the deck, you definitely did not look alive, much to Stede’s quickly returned horror.
“Oh god no. No,” He dreaded, kneeling down beside you and calling your name. You were pale, your lips purple – but when he tried for a pulse he did find one, just as Ed came with a hand to your mouth.
“They’re not breathing,” He said
“What? No, No they…” Stede looked up.
“Wait,” Ed felt something, looking down to your chest and seeing it move just a smidge, “yeah, they’re alive, come on.”
He didn’t wait for anything, coming to pick you up, grunting and following Stede who held the doors for him to bring you to the cabin. Ed set you down on the couch closest to the fire while Stede ran around, collecting blankets.
They practically ripped the top layers off you and while Stede tried to wrap you in blankets Ed pulled the couch with you on it closer to the fire.
“Roach? Have you got anything to eat?” Stede asked.
“On it captain,” Roach answered, leaving quickly.
“Something warm!” Stede called, “oh! Yes. Olu, can you bring their pillow?”
“Their pillow, Captain?” Olu asked, pushed further in by everyone wanting to pile into the cabin.
“The one they sleep with, you know, something familiar for them when they wake up,” Stede explained earning a studious look from Ed.
“All right everyone, go, some space would be nice!” Ed shouted, shoeing everyone out.
“Got it captain,” Olu said, helping push everyone out, much to their dismay.
When Ed got back to the fire, Stede was crouching next to you, drawing the wet hair from your face.
“They’re so pale, Ed. What do we do?” He asked, raising his worried look to the co-captain.
“What can we do? Wait is what we do.”
Which, much to everyone’s anxiety, turned out to be quite the test of patience. Neither of them slept any more of the night, and as it turned out neither did most of the crew on deck. When Roach returned later with a big bowl of stew, Stede just took it, telling him to keep the pot warm – and when the breakfast came, he paid next to no attention.
“They should be waking up,” Ed was the first to break into a pace, “why aren’t they waking up?”
“I don’t know, Ed, I wish I did,” Stede answered, busying himself with reading, just to keep his composure.
So Ed came to crush next to him, swinging his leg up to rest his knee, starting on refilling his pipe again, glad to welcome Ed’s hand on his leg.
“You said it yourself. We wait,” he said.
“Yeah, I know.”
It wasn’t till late afternoon when you groaned. Lucius was there, keeping watch, both captains at the deck – and he didn’t wait for anything, running to the doors to shout them down to the cabin and quickly to you, not daring to take their space in front. Luckily, honestly, because when Stede came storming in he didn’t think of anything but to get himself as closest to you as possible, kneeling down right next to your face.
“Heeeey, easy,” he couldn’t keep himself from smiling as you creaked your eyes open, “there you are. Hello.”
“Are they awake?” Ed came in, standing above you at the back of the coach, “kid? Hey, kid.”
You looked up to him, groaning again.
“What, what is it,” Stede quickly asked, “Are you hurt? Anything broken?” he questioned.
“No,” you managed to say, shifting to find a more comfortable position.
“Oh look they can speak,” Ed chuckled, the worry fading, and you closed your eyes tight, trying to stop the tears that began building in, “maybe they can tell us why they left?”
“Ed, let them take a breath, come on,” Stede scuffed.
“Sorry,” you answered quickly, hearing Ed come around the head of the coach.
“We’ll talk about it later, can you sit up?” Stede answered, helping you, “You’re still so cold.”
“Cold ’n salty,” you tried for a joke, though it wasn’t met with much of an appreciation.
“Lucius, get us some hot water. For a bath, all right?” Stede said, sending him away and walking to inspect the bathroom.
Ed sat next to you and you looked at him, worry in his eyes.
He was going to be angry, and you felt like such a fucking idiot – because you achieved absolutely nothing by running away.
“Why’d you do that, honestly,” he started, “do you realize how worried we were?”
But you just cried, shaking your head, hiding your face in your palms.
“You could have drowned, hell, I thought it’s over for you,” he said, pausing, “hm?”
“I’m sorry,” you squeaked again.
“I don’t think that’s gonna cut it,” he answered, coming to hug your shoulders to bring you closer – and your head rested on his chest as the crew began carrying water into the bath.
“he said I’m an…” you stopped, taking a few breaths between the soft sobs, “I’m an extra.”
“An extra?” Ed asked.
“I know I shouldn't have believed it but I’m so stupid and so clumsy and…” You felt Ed’s arm around you tighten and you stopped, ashamed.
He shushed you, sighing heavily.
“I’m so useless,” you whispered.
“No you’re not,” Ed just answered, a little unsure, thinking about how Steed is much better at this stuff.
“Bath’s gonna be ready in a few,” Stede was coming back, finding you crying into Ed’s chest and him motioning up to him something he couldn’t quite decode.
Sitting down on the other side from you, he softly laid his hand on where your arm probably was under all those blankets.
“Hey, you don’t need to worry, we’re not angry, are we Ed?” He said and you turned to look at him.
“I’m a little angry,” Ed answered.
“Edward,” Stede gave him a stern look, which drew a little smile from you.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered again, “I thought… I thought I’m just… that… I was weighing you down, holding you back – I can’t do anything right and I’m just… I’m so worthless and hopeless…”
“Who said that?” Stede frowned, narrowing, “you, worthless?”
“All I do is sew, I’m not a pirate,” you cried, coming to rub your face.
“Of course you are!” Stede exclaimed, “You’ve done some fuckery with us – remember the French ship? You made me a few new trousers – and Ed a new tunic from all the loot we collected. You carried it onboard yourself! There’s still some left in my closet!”
“I love my new tunic,” Ed said, a little clueless about where the conversation is going.
You just cried, shaking your head again.
“Oh come,” Stede came to steal you from Ed’s arms, who wouldn’t let him, pressing you closer to himself, “You’re a pirate, a valuable crew member! Besides, you’re important – to me. To Ed, too, right?”
“Right.”
They stayed with you, not asking any more questions, nor questioning whatever you said – and when you calmed down enough, they let you take a bath, waiting outside.
“Keep the doors creaked open, all right? I promise we won’t come in!” Stede called.
“Oh come on men, they’re not going to drown in the tub,” Ed shook his head, coming to sit near the fire cleaning his pipe.
“Yes, yes I know. My, I’m starving, are you starving?” He looked around
“Wait, wait, hold on, come here,” Ed gestured Stede closer and the men followed, “Listen, they told me, and I quote,” he started when Stede sat down next to him, “He told me I’m an Extra.”
“An extra? Who told them that?”
“No clue,” Ed Shrugged, “I mean, I’d say Izzie maybe, he had some nasty words for anyone and everyone on the ship, right – but he’s been gone a long time, wasn’t he?”
“Maybe it just stayed with them,” Stede answered, “Sometimes words do the damage later.”
They got more stew and Stede popped up to the deck to tell the crew you were doing well and steer the ship for a bit. When he got back to the cabin you were already out of the bath, dressed in a mix of his and Ed’s clean clothes, by the fire, eating the stew.
“Ah that’s nice,” Stede smiled, taking his share and joining you, sitting down next to Ed, “glad to have you back.”
You just gave him a look, biting down on the bread, swallowing the urge to apologize again.
“How is it going upstairs?” Ed asked, passing some bread to him.
“Fine, fine… No-one on sight, oh, reminds me, we need to plan a stop for some supplies, Roach said,” Stede answered.
They went on about the captain stuff and you laid your head back, half-listening their conversation, Only really paying attention when the bowl from your hand resting in your lap disappeared.
“Are you tired?” Stede asked when you narrowed.
“I’ll just…” you wanted to say you’ll go, back to your cabin but didn’t get to finish.
“Let’s lay down,” Ed said.
“I’ll just…” you wanted to repeat…
“Come on kid, you’re with us tonight. Stede? Right?” Ed stood up, grunting.
“What? Yes, of course,” Stede agreed quickly.
“I’m fine I’ll just…” You tried again.
“I swear if you finish that sentence and it goes where I think it’s going I will tie your ankles up and carry you to bed like a sack,” he put his and your bowl on the table, turning to see whether you’re protesting, smiling when seeing you just sit there next to Stede, staring at him. “Come on then.”
A little wobbly on your feet, you did follow him to bed.
It wasn’t the first time you went to lay down with the captains. The first time was when Stede got sea-sick during the storm and Ed went to steer the ship, leaving him in your care, in part because you were the closest around. Stede kept blabbering something about food poisoning, rendered nearly immobile and cold, and asked you to stay. To be honest, it was your first storm on the sea as well and you were scared – which he noticed – and his offer to lay down with him was so easy to accept. The second time was when all three of you got absolutely hammered and woke up on the couch with the cabin in absolute chaos. Stede made the move first, followed by Ed who, still under the influence just like all of you, said that if you leave he’s gonna take it personally. When you woke up, too sober and with a headache and sneaked out, he did look displeased the next time you saw him on the deck. Finally, third – you passed out exhausted because Stede insisted some of his shirts need to be altered for Ed to wear too and you just lost yourself in your needlework, the session so good and mixed with alcohol you all later referred to it as a party. He got you standing and walking just enough to show you to bed where Ed already slept and you only found out a few hours later when your senses kicked you awake enough to notice, that Stede joined you in as well. You thought of leaving then but didn’t.
“Stede, you’re coming?” Ed said.
“Be there in a minute,” he answered, adding to the fire, “keep them warm!”
Ed held out his hand for you to take as you climbed up to the bed, and pulled you closer, chuckling when you stumbled.
“Can’t believe you tried to run away,” he said, lifting his arm for you to lay down next to him – and you curled up, burying your head into the pillow and the covers, feeling his hand on your shoulder.
He shushed you, sighing.
“I’m just messing with ya, come on,” he chuckled.
“I know, I just feel so stupid,” you complained.
“I don’t think you’re stupid. If I learned anything, it’s enough to know that you’re just human. I’m human. Stede’s human. Fang’s Human, Buttons… Well,” you chuckled.
You felt the bed behind you dip as Stede climbed up.
“I always thought Button’s a bit of a strange fella,” Stede said, “Lovely, yes, experienced seafarer, but still…” He trailed off and you felt his hand lay on your shoulder just under where Ed’s fingers rested, touching his.
You turned on your back, sighing, wanting to say something. Ed asked what it is, but Stede told him not to rush you, and you lost yourself in your thoughts for a moment, listening to their little banter. Nothing much changed, you found – it was still the two of them just being themselves, and you felt more tears building as you realized how glad you are you’re back, even if it made you feel silly again.
“Hey, shhhh,” Stede sighed, comforting you, soft. You liked that about him – he could be quite dense sometimes, but he was so kind.
“Sorry,” You apologized, “I’m just … feeling like such an idiot.”
“But why?” Stede asked, “can you tell us what happened?”
“I just really felt like a burden and thought it’d be better if I left,” you said, “and I… Turns out I don’t even know how to do that properly.”
“And we’re richer for it. Imagine you would – we’d lose you! Who’d sew…” Stede started.
“Please don’t,” you stopped him, shaking your head and he sighed, finding your hand and holding it, resting it just under your chest while you just let the tears roll off.
“I know what you mean,” Ed said after a while.
“What?” Stede frowned.
“You just feel obsolete, right?” He asked and you shrugged, giving him a soft nod, “I feel like that sometimes,” he continued, staring somewhere into space, shifting on his pillow, “Like there’s no point anymore like others can steer the ship just fine without me and decide better – like there’s nothing special and I’m just an old story to everyone…”
Stede watched him speak and he met his look, his lips twitching with a small smile, before looking at you, too.
“So I hide here,” he shrugged, “In the cabin, pouting.”
You bent your neck, shifting, to lay your head on his shoulder, squeezing softly at Stede’s hand.
“Your fear is lying to you,” Ed told you.
You just laid there then, between the two, not quite falling asleep and not quite awake either and neither of you really spoke. You thought about, a little worried, that you put a rift between you and them, that they’re going to like you that much less, trying to think up something nice for them to do, something they could appreciate. Something to pay back the debt or worry you put them through.
“Hey,” You whispered, earning a hum from the two, “thank you.”
Ed found your arm, squeezing it, turning closer to you.
“You really had us worried,” Stede answered, “Just talk to us next time, yes?”
“I really hope there’s not gonna be next time,” you chuckled.
“Whatever comes, you’re part of the crew, so no more deserting the ship. Is that clear?” Ed answered and you gave him a quick nod.