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Olu looked a little uncomfortable when Ed brought up the scream from last night, looking like he’d rather not be there with the captains, gesturing sideways and wanting to make an exit.
That, unfortunately, was the moment Stede turned to him.
“You’re down the hall at the quarters, did you notice… anything? Do you … know something about it Oluwande?”
“Well I don’t know anything I shouldn’t,” he offered an answer to confuse the captains.
But Stede insisted and with Ed’s dangerous eyeing, he just dropped your name somewhere in the middle of his ‘trying to talk myself out of this conversation' monologue, which seemed to take both captains' interest enough for him to actually make an exit.
“Why would they scream? I saw them after breakfast,” Stede thought, pointing out, out loud.
“Maybe they… saw a spider or something?” Ed offered, pretty much confused. Do you even hate spiders? You were pretty stealthy, not really the fearful type.
“Oh well,” he shrugged then, “mystery solved, we don’t need to know the details, do we?”
Ed didn’t question it, though his curiosity wasn’t yet satisfied – but you looked fine when he saw you that morning and there was no reason to inquire.
But, when you showed up with huge bags under your eyes the next day, his curiosity turned into suspicion and when Stede found you nodding off over your sewing in his cabin later that day, he too realized it might have not been a spider or whatever. They didn’t even need to say it out loud – he just met Ed’s look and knew they were thinking the same thing.
You were gone out of the doors tho and neither of you wanted to chase you.
The night came, rendering Stede restless. Ed sat with his pipe, watching the waves play with the moonlights, listening to his occasional worry about you and Stede thought he’s just ignoring it until Ed stood up, putting his pipe on the table.
“Where are you going?” He asked, confused, seeing him head out of the doors, “Ed?”
He didn’t answer and Stede just sighed, dissatisfied, before getting up and going after him.
“They’re not there,” Ed said when Stede caught up with him.
“Where?” Stede frowned.
“Their Cabin,” Ed answered, heading for the deck.
“Oh,” Stede answered, calling after him quickly and following.
Some of the crew were still up, playing cards – which Ed appreciated with a smirk while Stede told them to just wrap it before it gets too late. You weren’t with them and the two captains slowly made way around the ship, talking like they were just out for a stroll. Stopping just below the stairs now, they looked back and Stede sighed again.
“There,” Ede nudged him, pointing up.
You were at the front, up the stairs, obscured from their view for the most part, and Stede quickly made the move to go up to you when Ed pulled him back.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Well, what do you think? Someone has to talk to them,” Stede answered, determined.
To be honest, that’s what Ed admired about him – he never was afraid to talk about the stuff Ed didn’t even know how to name.
“Saying what?” He asked.
Stede thought for a moment, sighing.
“See? You take the wind off my sails,” he complained.
“I like taking more than your wind,” Ed joked, his eyebrows basically dancing, which made Stede chuckle, “hey, hey, wait, you really can’t just go up there without a plan,” he stopped him again when noticing Stede was about to go.
They looked up to you, Stede torn, Ed worried, you unaware.
“Say we invite them in,” Stede tried quietly.
“What for?” Ed questioned, “we don’t know they’re not sleeping, remember?”
“But we do, and I don’t think we should keep it a secret,” Stede said.
“They are keeping a secret, though, do you want to break…”
“Captains?”
They both looked up at you coming down the stairs.
You were smiling, like nothing in the world was wrong.
“Oh, hello,” Stede chirped, Ed giving him a ‘seriously?’ look.
“What are you still doing up?” You asked, continuing down to them.
“We could ask you the same, really,” Stede answered, smiling still and eyeing Ed.
You shrugged, desperately trying to look nonchalant and feeling like you failed.
“Just lost track of time, working,” you answered, “went to get some air.”
“Ah well… we’re not gonna keep you now,” Stede chuckled.
“Night, Kid,” Ed added and you raised your hand, smiling and nodding.
“You know we’re here, right?” Stede tried, watching you head for the doors.
Awkward, you thought when you gave him a thumbs up.
But they can’t know, can they.
Can they?
-
It was nice.
Calm.
They found an island – just a small one, circling it twice and sending out a search party (a lucrative job, as you found out watching the crew fight over who’s going), before going over. Collecting oranges and lemons, most of the crew was going through what the isle could offer, while you rested on the beach under the trees by the boats.
When the two captains made their way back, you were already dozing off, the hat you were trying to make out of palm leaves unfinished, resting in your lap at your fingertips.
“Wait, wait,” Ed stopped Stede, shushing him, pointing at you.
“You think it’s heatstroke?” Stede asked.
“No, they’re finally asleep,” Ed answered.
It’s been days since the dark bags under your eyes appeared and they still didn’t seem to find a way to talk to you about it – mostly because your cheeriness and smiles just were too strong an indicator you wouldn’t speak about it anyway.
“But we’ll be boarding soon,” Stede said, “Unless…”
“Yeah?” Ed looked at him, hoping this idea is a good one.
“You think you could carry them?” He asked.
“Onto the boat?” Ed asked.
“Without waking them,” Stede confirmed.
“They’re not five, man – that’s a grown-ass human being right there.”
“Yeah, all right, It’s a stupid idea… I just don’t want to wake them up,” Stede sighed, watching you.
For a moment, the captains just stood there, thinking.
“Well,” Ed shrugged, giving Stede a look before going over, not minding his quiet calls.
He followed quickly, trying to make him come back, but Ed was already shushing him, sitting down by you.
Which, to be fair, you did not register until a little later when he shifted.
“Are we leaving?” You asked, sleepy.
“Nah,” Ed answered, laying back next to you, smirking at Stede who stood above, “nice spot you got here.”
“Right?” you chuckled, stretching, sitting up, much to their dismay.
Stede asked you to show him how to weave the hat, collecting some material before the others began returning, and Ed went on to look for some more leaves, finding some dry grass and getting Lucius to help him cut it down for them to take aboard.
They complained about it on the boat.
“Hey, why don’t you… Ed, do you want to learn?” Stede asked as you boarded the ship.
“To make a hat?” Ed asked.
“Or a basket,” you shrugged, offering.
“Baskets?” Roach asked, “are you making baskets?”
You shrugged, giving him a nod.
“Okay, let’s make baskets. Roach, would you make us tea? Some refreshments, too?”
“Ay Captain.”
“Come on then,” Stede smiled and you met Ed’s look.
He waited for you, but you didn’t move until Stede called after the two of you.
To Ed’s surprise, Stede didn’t really make the conversation about how tired you looked and the bags under your eyes. He talked about taking in some of the shirt and how maybe removing some frills so Ed could wear them would be nice – which Ed protested, saying he’s just fine. You listened to their banter and thought it was nice Stede wants him to have some more cooling linen, but didn’t really mix into it.
When Stede began lighting the room with the coming darkness from outside, you couldn’t stop the yawns.
“Wanna stay over, kid?” Ed offered, still going on the rim of his hat, and you shook your head, smiling.
“Oh come on, we could open a bottle,” Stede offered, looking back at you.
“I’m too tired,” you laughed, feeling confident tonight that you’d sleep soundly.
After all – having someone want to learn how to make a hat and a basket from grass and leaves felt somewhat good and sharing a laugh with the two captains was nice.
Really nice.
Never mind the reasons why you can’t sleep – this was the reality and the reality was good. Everything was all right. The boat wasn’t on fire and nobody was dead.
For a moment you considered taking them on the offer, and maybe if they pushed you’d pretend for a moment and then give up, but they didn’t, and you stretched before going, leaving the pile of hats in their cabin.
Tired, you had quite the trouble even changing for bed, falling asleep instantly.
-
Ed was there, sitting on your bedside, and you realized your breath is quickened, your forehead sweaty and that your arms ached. Stede, holding the lamp and hovering somewhere behind Ed, looked worried.
No.
He looked terrified.
“You were screaming,” Ed said, his voice calm, and you closed your eyes, rubbing your forehead.
He didn’t stop you when you sat up, he didn’t really move.
“I’m sorry,” you finally answered – which seemed to tip off Stede now, to your surprise. Usually, it was Ed who grunted and frowned, not Stede.
“Sorry?” he asked, and you looked up to him, “we are worried, we’re not angry.”
You snickered because he did sound angry.
“Stede, come on,” Ed glanced at him before turning back to you, “Wanna tell us something?”
“Not really,” you answered while Stede came a little closer – worry, or what you translated his anger as, practically dripping off him.
Ed sighed, patting somewhere where your legs were under the covers, getting up.
“Come on,” he said.
“Where?” you frowned up to him.
“You’re sleeping with us tonight,” Stede answered.
“I don’t un…” You started.
“We know – do you think we’re blind?” Ed said, “no amount of pretend will erase those bags under your eyes, now get up, take your pillow or whatever and come on.”
“He’s gonna drag you if you don’t,” Stede said, nodding his head to Ed who stopped at the doors, looking back at the two of you.
You believed him. Ed did have that look in his eyes and so did Stede…
“I’m fine,” you murmured as you got up.
“You can be fine in our bed,” Ed said, heading to their cabin.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Stede asked, waiting up, when you closed the doors, “are you having nightmares?”
You wanted to lie. Pirates don’t have nightmares – that’s stupid. And they keep on insisting you’re a pirate as well, even though that was arguable at best.
“Hm?” Stede prompted you when you didn’t say anything.
“I don’t know, I don’t remember much,” you compromised.
It was true for the most part.
You only knew the ending, never the cause – but you knew these were nightmares. Most definitely.
Stede stopped when you did, nearly at the doors to their cabin, looking back at you.
“What is it?” He asked, raising the lamp a little.
“I don’t want you to lose sleep because of me,” you said.
“Yes, good point,” Ed came back to the doors, “will you just get here then?”
“No, I mean…”
“Kid, I get it!” he stopped you, getting back inside.
Stede watched you, sighing, and you looked at him a little desperate.
“Come on,” he said, and you resigned.
It wasn’t anger, before, was it? It was an alarm. How long did they stand there, watching you trash in your bed?
Maybe you should have taken their offer before waking them up like this. You’d at least keep your dignity.
Ed was at the bed already, rearranging it, it seemed, and Stede hung the lamp above it now, adjusting the lighting a little, before sitting on the edge and patting a spot next to him.
“Come on then,” he prompted you, adjusting to sit so to face you when you obeyed, “all right, now tell me, what’s wrong?”
“Do I… I don’t… I mean – I can’t, it’s stupid, I’m fine,” you frowned, feeling awkward.
“Just spill it,” Ed sat down by the window, and you looked at him.
Stede laid his hand on your knee, and you rubbed your face, hoping it’d help to stop the tears from forming.
“Please don’t make me,” you nearly whispered, pleading, looking at Ed.
“Well, how do we help you?” Stede asked, while you watched Ed’s eyes soften a little.
“I Just…” you started, feeling somewhat defeated and looking away.
It was nice. That they cared – that they brought you with you, too. You were glad, raising your look up to Stede again.
He looked worried, smiling hopefully.
“This is enough,” you said, making a move to lay down, “thank you.”
Ed watched you lay down, patting your shoulder before claiming his spot and you felt Stede somewhere against your back, slipping under the covers as well.
This must have been the safest place on earth, between the two of them, the air hot.
-
It gave you a moment to realize where you are when you woke up. Ed moved his arm when you turned your head, but didn’t wake up – Stede on the other hand, didn’t move, his heavy leg weighing your knee down.
“Stop kicking,” Ed grunted, and you froze, “he’s not waking up, you know that.”
So you just laid there, enclosed between the two, overheating a little – but so so comfortable. You could hear the splashes of the sea against the boat somewhere below your cabin, the murmur of Stede’s breath behind you, the occasional rushing and happening on the deck, or at least the little of what got to your ears. Someone was shouting, and as Ed shifted, coming to rest his hand in your hair with a long tired sigh, you could hear a bell ring and some rushing as two pairs of feet run to the kitchen. They were awake, right? The crew – and about to go have breakfast.
“What?” Ed asked when noticing you took a shaky breath.
“Was I loud?” You asked.
“Yeah,” he answered with a chuckle.
You groaned, shame starting to set in. They must have heard – everyone did, right?
“Don’t worry – besides, you’ve got others to do that for you, don’t you,” Ed said, obviously in good spirits.
“What do you mean?” You asked, poking your face up a little.
“Well – I’m here, so is Stede,” he said, chuckling when hearing him snore a little at the sound of his name.
“So?”
“We worry about you, so you don’t have to. Not as much at least,” he said, so obviously sure it makes sense.
“But…” you started.
“There’s no but, kid – we care, so don’t worry, all right?” he insisted.
“No, yeah,” you answered, “It’s just… I… don’t worry about myself – I mean…”
But you couldn’t finish. Is he talking about now? Or then? Are you two missing each other half-way?
“Yeah?” he prompted you on.
“It’s always Stede and you and everyone else.”
“Stede and… what?” Ed frowned – you could tell, even with your eyes closed tight now.
He must have noticed. Your breath shortened; your legs trembled.
But you told him – how they always leave you on the island last, how the wind blows the fire onto the sails, the boat burns – and how all you can do is try and row a little faster, knowing you can’t do anything to save the boat, to save them.
Stede woke up finding you sobbing into Ed’s embrace, and when you looked to see his soft eyes as he laid his hand on your shoulder, it all just got a little worse.
They just stayed with you for a while, quiet even after your cries finally died, and only when you felt like drawing back to sleep did Ed kiss your temple, climbing over and out of bed, leaving you to Stede.
“I’m so sorry you’re in such a pain,” Stede said, and you just nod your head, taking a quick shaky breath in hope it’d chase some of that strange numb haze away.
“I just… I don’t know,” you rubbed your face, “I just don’t think I ever felt as home as I do now, and I don’t want to lose that.”
“Good thing we’re not going anywhere then, right?” Stede answered, a little cheery.
“Ed did,” you tried to joke.
“Oh he’ll be back,” Stede answered, shifting a little, as if nesting closer to you, and when you reached up a little unsure, he grabbed your hand, placing it around his waist.
He wasn’t as cuddly as Ed, but he wasn’t really worried about it either. Ed would smother you with cuddles just to make sure you know exactly where on earth are you – with him, safe in your arms, but Stede would let you breathe, at least. He’d just be there, reassuring, soft.
“Stede?” he hummed in answer, obviously content to hold you, “I’m sorry,”
“What for?” he asked, a little confused.
“Waking you up,” you shrugged.
“Ah, it’s nothing – I’m glad you did,” he answered, looking at your confusion when you distanced, “We can stay in bed all day now, since we didn’t sleep at all,” he joked – and to his satisfaction, you snickered, amused.
When Ed returned, you two were laughing and joking, and you were glad when they didn’t force you to eat any of the food he brought – at least not right away.
It turned out Stede was actually serious about staying in bed all day. He did send Ed to fill his pipe at the fireplace rather than in bed, but once it was lit, he was allowed to come back, and apart from occasional pauses to oversee something on the deck, the three of you just stayed there at the warmth of the pillows and covers together - talking, laughing, quiet.
There were there and Stede was right. They weren’t going anywhere. Maybe you’d wake up, sweating, worried, the next night – but they’d be there.
“Kid, you good?” Ed asked when you woke up from the afternoon nap.
“Yeah,” you sighed, “m’ good.”