Chapter Text
Kalim always envisioned his bond with Jamil as thousands of golden threads. The bond was glowing and warm, and no matter the distance between them- Kalim could always reach within himself to feel the bond with Jamil.
“I hate you!”
When Jamil fell ill after eating poisoned curry meant for Kalim, Kalim had clutched onto the struggling bond and tried to send as much energy through it as he possibly could. Even though healers worked around the clock to awaken Jamil, Kalim secretly thought it was him desperately holding onto the bond between them that finally allowed Jamil to awaken from his coma.
“I’ve always hated you!”
Kalim had been so upset when Jamil went to Night Raven college without him. He begged his father to help him attend the college, and two months later Kalim was delightedly tugging on the bond, letting it lead him to wherever Jamil was in the school. When Kalim finally saw the familiar back of his alpha, he shouted “Jamil!” And tackled the other onto the ground.
“Kalim? What-?” Jamil sounded confused, and a little angry. But their bond thrummed happily and Kalim couldn’t help but laugh in delight.
“Die Kalim!”
Kalim curled up on his bed, an aching pain in his heart pulsing at the dueling memories of Jamil’s actions during his overblot, and the warm memories Kalim had of Jamil before.
Kalim hadn’t wanted to believe what Jamil said and did during his overblot what how Jamil really felt about him. Even when Jamil banished him to the wastes of the desert, Kalim was still able to reach within himself to feel that golden bond between them. The fact that it was still there gave Kalim hope that he could fix things.
But once they defeated Jamil’s overblot form, and turned him back to normal, those hopes quickly withered. Despite Kalim’s promises to break the servant master contract between them, and Kalim’s efforts to make Jamil’s brilliance known, Jamil continued to act coldly towards Kalim. Kalim could see the anger and pain that caused the overblot still boiling in Jamil’s eyes. Any attempts for physical contact were rebuffed, and the few times Kalim tried talking to Jamil alone were ignored.
Jamil was avoiding Kalim; or at least, as much as he possibly could. Kalim desperately kept checking their bond to see if it was still there, and to his confusion the bond seemed intact. But, the way Jamil was acting made it seem like Jamil couldn’t feel the bond between him and Kalim at all. Surely if he could, he would be acting differently.
Jamil’s current actions weren’t those of an alpha towards their omega. It was those of a contentious servant to his disliked master. Jamil was making it clear he saw Kalim as nothing more than a pampered child that he was forced to serve. Even their time together working on the VDC hadn’t broken the tension.
Kalim felt an unpleasant surge of guilt at the memory. It had been horrifying to see yet another overblot occur so soon after Jamil’s. But after Vil’s darkness had been subdued, Kalim could only feel jealousy watching Vil being pampered by a frantic Rook. The two alphas clung tightly to each other, and in the days following they were never seen far apart from each other.
Kalim had long suspected those two were either bonded, or on their way to bonding. It was embarrassing for Kalim to feel jealous of Vil and Rook after such a horrible situation, but he couldn’t help it. Jamil’s overblot tore him and Kalim apart, while Vil’s seemed to make him closer to his chosen mate.
After the VDC, Kalim finally decided to do some actual research into pair bonds. His relationship with Jamil wasn’t improving, but the bond Kalim knew between them was still there. It was a source of never ending frustration and pain. Kalim needed answers.
After skimming through numerous articles that regurgitated the same useless information over and over on his phone, Kalim went to the library to see if there were any books with information on pair bonds.
Kalim wasn’t stupid. He was the heir to the Asim family, and had been raised with expert tutors that taught him a variety of subjects. But…Kalim did hate studying. And researching. He wanted answers instantaneously, which was why he relied on Jamil so much. Jamil knew EVERYTHING. If Kalim had a question, Jamil usually knew the answer.
But at that moment, Jamil was avoiding him. Kalim was left alone to pour over thick volumes of information about secondary designations, and it was driving Kalim crazy after just one hour.
“Ughhhh.” Kalim laid his head down on top of the thick volume he was attempting to read. Boring. It was so boring. He could barely keep his eyes open any longer.
“Oh dear, are you alright Kalim?” Kalim looked up at the voice and saw Lilia hovering over him. Usually, the sudden appearance of the older student would startle Kalim. But at this point, Kalim felt nothing but frustration and exhaustion.
“Hello Lilia.” Kalim said before plonking his head back down onto the book. Lilia pouted at the lack of Kalim’s reaction for a second before lowering himself to the ground next to Kalim.
“Having difficulties with this tome?” Lilia poked at the book Kalim was currently using as a pillow.
Kalim turned his head to look at Lilia, “I’m trying to find information, but all I’ve been finding is the same stuff over and over again.”
“Really? What is it you’re looking for?” Lilia asked.
Kalim sat up guiltily and didn’t meet Lilia’s eyes when he said “Uhm…pair bonds?”
Kalim waited for Lilia to pry further, but thankfully he didn’t. Lilia appeared to be thinking for a few moments before he snapped his fingers in recognition.
“There’s an old book a friend of mine wrote that discussed pair bonds. She didn’t wildly publish it, but I have a copy back in my room. Would you like to borrow it?” Lilia asked.
Kalim nodded, “Thanks Lilia!”
Lilia smiled, “I’ll have it delivered to your dorm as soon as I can.”
With that, Kalim gave up on his research in the library and headed back to Scarabia. He stretched his arms towards the sky, trying to shake the stiffness of hunching over a desk. Kalim looked around, not really taking in his surroundings. It was a pretty dreary day; the sky filled with rain clouds that loomed overhead. Most of the students were indoors, likely holed up in their dorms since Kalim didn’t see many people on his walk back.
In opposition to the dreary atmosphere, Kalim heard a familiar bright laugh that squeezed his heart tightly. It was a laugh Kalim hadn’t heard in a long time.
Turning around, Kalim looked out the nearby window someone had left slightly open. Below, Kalim saw Jamil with Ace and Floyd.
Jamil doesn’t have basketball club today, right? Kalim bit his lip and stepped closer to the window. Jamil wasn’t dressed in his basketball uniform. He was wearing his normal school uniform.
Kalim couldn’t help but drink greedily from the sight of Jamil smiling as he talked with Floyd and Ace. Ace appeared to be annoyed with Floyd about something, although Floyd was wearing his usual casual smile. Whatever they were saying was making Jamil grin, and Kalim yearned to hear his laugh again.
Suddenly, Floyd caught sight of Kalim watching them. He waved up at Kalim and shouted “Heeey~sea otter!” Kalim automatically raised his hand to wave back.
Kalim’s heart dropped as the smile was wiped from Jamil’s face. Jamil glanced up at him, and Kalim felt sick when he saw the coldness return to Jamil’s eyes.
Please don’t look at me like that. Kalim immediately turned away and almost sprinted back to his room in Scarabia. He didn’t see the confused looks on Floyd and Ace’s face, nor did he hear Floyd say “Ehhh? Why did sea otter leave in such a hurry?”
———-
Kalim didn’t hear the greetings of other Scarabia students when he arrived back at the dorm. He made a beeline for his room, and almost let out a sob of relief when he shut himself inside.
Please stop looking at me like that Jamil. Kalim pressed his hands to his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from leaking out.
It hurt to have his alpha look at him with such disdain. It hurt to see Jamil’s smile fall every time Kalim entered his space.
Taking deep breaths, Kalim dropped his hands from his face. He plodded over to his bed and fell on top, not bothering to change his clothes. Kalim just needed a short nap. He hoped sleeping would help loosen the tight vice around his heart.
——-
Kalim awoke hours later, when the sun had already set and the moon was risen. Before the overblot incident, Jamil would have woken Kalim up from his nap- making sure Kalim ate something for dinner and properly got ready for bed. But after Kalim started taking steps to improve their relationship, he had insisted Jamil spend more time on himself than taking care of Kalim.
Kalim didn’t regret that order, but he did feel Jamil’s absence keenly.
Getting up, Kalim walked over to his closet and grabbed his night clothes. Unsurprisingly, they were hung up neatly even though Kalim vaguely remembered tossing them on his bed after getting changed in the morning. Jamil must have cleaned up the room while Kalim was away.
After changing his clothes, Kalim walked over to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Normally, he would have also needed to take off the kohl around his eyes. But Jamil had always been the one to outline Kalim’s eyes with the kohl, and honestly Kalim was embarrassingly hopeless at doing the makeup by himself. Kalim meant to speak with Vil about tips on putting makeup but it kept slipping his mind.
As he stepped across the room, Kalim noticed a thick book on top of his desk that he didn’t recognize. Kalim curiously approached the desk, and noticed a small note on top of the book.
‘Sorry it took so long to send this over! I had trouble finding it in my piles of books. Hope it helps! :)
Lilia”
How did Lilia get this in here? Kalim wondered. A quick glance at his door confirmed it was still locked. Did Lilia teleport the book into Kalim’s room? I though there were charms against that sort of thing.
Kalim opened the book and flipped through the first few pages. He stopped to read a few lines, and then sat down at the desk to begin reading in earnest.
Rather than a dry medical text, the book Lilia’s friend had written was more travel notes and observations on various pair bonded people the author had met.
“Out of all the races I’ve studied, beast people appear to hold pair bonds in the highest regard. I believe this may be in part due to their natural biological inclination towards secondary genders. Humans and fae have made movements towards breaking away from their primal side, while beast people have continued to embrace it.”
Kalim thought about the handful of beast people he knew well. As far as he could tell, Leona wasn’t pair bonded to anyone at the moment. For a little while Kalim wondered if Ruggie and Leona were bonded, due to Ruggie taking care of Leona like Jamil took care of Kalim. But Leona treated Ruggie more like a pack member than a mate. Plus, Kalim was positive Leona was interested in the new house warden of Ramshackle.
Kalim chuckled at the thought. Leona tried to play it off, but Kalim had seen Leona hanging around Yuu more often than not lately. Leona’s annoyed expression always softened around Yuu. And there was plenty of gossip (primarily from Cater) about Leona being seen napping with Yuu in the botanical garden.
“The fae are less likely to create pair bonds, and are open about this being due in part to their long lifespans. Many fae are reluctant to create and solidify pair bonds. If they do create a pair bond, it will usually only be with another fae. To create a pair bond with a member of another race who has a shorter lifespan is almost unheard of. This does not prevent fae from romantic entanglements with other races, but they fear (no fae I have spoken to used this word, but it is apparent to me this is what they mean) creating any sort of pair bond with a being who will live a much shorter life than the fae.”
The only fae Kalim knew were from the Diasmonia house. Lila never mentioned being pair bonded, and Kalim didn’t know Malleus well enough to speak with him about the subject.
Although, come to think of it- weren’t Sebek’s parents a human and a fae couple? As the book noted, this didn’t necessarily mean Sebek’s parents were bonded. But it was a possibility. Kalim would have to ask Sebek or Lilia about it sometime.
“I have not been able to verify this- but I have heard rumors about extremely rare cases of omegas creating one-sided pair bonds with alphas and betas. It is said these bonds occur when the omega is in a situation of deep distress.
None of the rumors provided further details. A situation of deep distress needs more explanation, as I have met numerous omegas who were previously or currently in a variety of distressful situations, and none of them reported one-side pair bonding. If I find out more information on the topic, I will be sure to write it down.”
Kalim stopped reading.
“Omegas can create one-sided pair bonds.”
That was impossible. Even the author seemed skeptical of the possibility.
It wasn’t a big deal. Just an old rumor the author hadn’t even been able to verify.
Kalim slammed the book shut. He got up and began to pace.
It didn’t make sense.
But it did make sense.
The bond Kalim treasured between him and Jamil. When had it started? Was it when Kalim was continuously sick as a child? Or had it been when Jamil fell into a coma after eating poisoned curry meant for Kalim?
Jamil and Kalim’s childhoods were packed with distressful situations. Most of them my fault.
Kalim threw himself onto his bed and clenched his eyes shut.
It made sense.
Jamil hated Kalim. Had always hated Kalim for the misfortune and pain Kalim’s existence brought him. But Kalim loved Jamil and depended on the other for everything. He had been raised to depend on Jamil. If one-sided pair bonds could be created by omegas, Kalim and Jamil’s situation would be the perfect example of how it could happen.
Kalim promised Jamil he would free Jamil from their master-servant relationship. But Jamil would never be free in the way he wanted if Kalim kept clinging to the one-sided bond.
Kalim pulled a pillow towards him, hugging it for comfort. At one point, the pillow had smelled like Jamil. Kalim took it to build a pre-heat nest. When Jamil found out about the pillow, he rolled his eyes in an annoyed way, but Kalim saw (had he seen? Or had Kalim only seen what he wanted to see?) how the edges of his mouth twitched upwards in a smile. Even though Jamil wasn’t permitted to help Kalim with his heats, his scented pillow, worn clothes, and their tightly knit bond got Kalim through the worst heat days.
“I need to stop thinking of it as our bond.” Kalim whispered out loud. He smushed his face into the Jamil pillow, trying desperately to stem the flood of tears. “Ha…I never thought I’d have to do this.”
There weren’t many ways to break pair bonds. Many people saw bonds as life long pacts, and the thought of breaking none was nearly taboo. However, in recent years several groups were trying to push normalizing the practice. Just because a pair had been happily bonded in the past didn’t mean they would be so in the future. It was an uncomfortable topic, and one Kalim hadn’t dwelled upon much.
The quickest way to break a pair bond was through magical means- but it was also one of the more dangerous and painful. The emotional and physical backlash to breaking a pair bond quickly was horrible. Most people who went this route ended up hospitalized. Although they usually lied about what made them so sick, due to the stigma against breaking pair bonds.
Kalim heard of various medicines that could also break pair bonds. Those treatments varied in effectiveness and speed. Medical treatments were more difficult to get, since you needed to find someone who could do it properly. It was easier to find someone who could use destructive magic to break a pair bond rather than waiting to find a healer.
There was one other way to break a pair bond, but Kalim wasn’t sure how many other people knew of it. He had learned of it through his mother- who was also an omega. She told him that she learned it from another older omega in her family. “We only pass this knowledge to our omega children and grandchildren, do you understand Kalim?” His mother said, her face serious.
“I can’t talk to Jamil about it?” Kalim whined. At the time, he couldn’t imagine keeping any secrets from Jamil.
“No, you can never speak about this to Jamil.” Kalim’s mother said, “Promise me you will keep this secret.”
Kalim sulked about it, but eventually promised his mother that he would never tell Jamil about their secret.
“Thank you, my son.” Kalim’s mother kissed him on the forehead. Pleased at the attention, Kalim snuggled close to her and listened as she continued talking.
“Pair bonds are made of magical energy,” Kalim’s mother said, “so to remove a bond, you need to transfer that magic elsewhere. Eventually, the bond will wither and disappear without magic to sustain it.”
“That’s it?” Kalim asked.
“It sounds simple, but the process takes time. There are also noticeable side affects, so it’s better to stay away from the alpha you’ve bonded with until the process is complete.”
“Oh…” Kalim quickly lost interest in the topic, although his mother insisted on Kalim memorizing the energy transference spell that evening. At the time, Kalim didn’t understand why he needed to put so much effort into learning the spell, and keeping the secret from everyone else. After all, he had Jamil, and Kalim was positive the bond between them would never need to be broken.
‘Idiot’ came a cruel whisper from somewhere within Kalim’s mind.
He would need something to transfer the energy to. Kalim looked around his room, and after a few moments he got up and walked over to the pot of desert roses sitting by a windowsill.
The desert rose was a clipping from one of the rose bushes back home. Jamil had decorated Kalim’s room with a variety of plants, and took care of them too. Oddly, this clipping hadn’t flourished like the rest of the plants. It barely grew, and in their time at Night Raven Kalim couldn’t recalled it ever blooming.
With his inclination towards water magic, and the plant’s obvious lack of life force, Kalim was sure the desert rose would be the best thing to receive the pair bonds magical energy.
Plus, at least maybe something beautiful can come from my mistake. Kalim grinned bitterly and tasted salt as tears course down his face.
Kalim clutched the pot in his hands and focused on the pair bond. He tried not to flinch away from the warmth he felt reaching into the pair bond. It’s not a real one, Kalim reminded himself, let it go.
“Naql altaaqa” Kalim commanded. Water seeped into the plant’s soil. As he placed water into the pot, Kalim ripped magic from his bond to power the spell.
Kalim felt like vomiting. His knees went weak, and he collapsed on the ground- still clutching the pot.
Opening his eyes, Kalim looked down at the desert rose. He wasn’t sure how much energy he managed to transfer. The discomfort from the spell had been almost unbearable. It felt instinctually wrong and Kalim was dizzy from the few seconds he had spent on the spell.
The desert rose didn’t look much changed. Perhaps Kalim was imagining it, but the plant did look a smidge greener than before. He sighed and reached up to put the plant back on the windowsill. With shaky legs, Kalim carefully stood and wobbled back to his bed.
Kalim would do the spell as many times as it took to fully break down the bond. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen after completing the task. Vaguely, Kalim wondered what side effects his mother spoke about in relation to the spell.
Too exhausted to care at the moment, Kalim closed his eyes and quickly fell into an uneasy sleep.
Jamil’s pillow, which Kalim always curled around as he slept, eventually migrated to the side of the bed. Restlessly, Kalim kicked it off the bed as he tossed and turned.
With the softly scented pillow now off his bed, Kalim settled and fell into a deeper sleep.