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“I could have killed your mom hours ago, Shawn.” Yang turned to face her greatest foe, holding up the remote in an almost taunting manner. She started rubbing her thumb over the button, raising her voice like she was talking to a child. “This switch has such a light touch, like pinching a baby’s cheek. And then, boom!” Shawn jumped in his seat, unable to stifle his anxiety from the loud noise. Yang continued, smiling. “She blows up. How much fun would that be to see? Oh, it gives me shivers, I want to do that so badly!” Lowering her voice from the psychotic glee, she turned back to Shawn. “But then you wouldn’t like me, Shawn. And I want you to like me. Oh, God, I’m so torn. I need you to like me, because we’re going to be working together again.”
Shawn straightened, “Oh, no, no, no, no. You’re going to rot in a cell with four padded walls. The end.”
“No. The end of the beginning. I’m going to write a book. Our story.” She gave Shawn a smile that sent shivers up his spine. “It’s going to be epic. A best seller. And guess what? I want you to write the forward.”
“Pass.”
“Okay.” She extended her hand towards Shawn, offering him the remote. “But think about it on your date tonight.”
Shawn glanced between the remote and Yang’s face a few times, hesitating to move out of fear that she’d blow up his mom for kicks. He was so close, he couldn’t imagine failing now. He slowly raised his hand, however shaky it may have been, and carefully gripped the sides of the remote. Once he was confident in his hold, he ripped the remote away from her and promptly exited the car.
“Clear!” Shawn raised the remote above his head in triumph. He won -- He won , He won. Out of either relief, exhaustion, or a lovely combination of the two, Shawn fell to his knees, still raising the remote in the air.
He paused for a moment, the world seemingly freezing around him. He was moderately aware of a few things: the team moving in, Yang being lowered into a squad car, Lassiter reaching to grab the remote, his dad pulling his mother out of the car and embracing her, Gus running to his side and kneeling next to his friend.
His father’s voice was vaguely heard over the deafening silence taking over Shawn’s brain. “You’re okay. You’re okay. Alright.” Henry made eye contact with Shawn, seemingly telling him the same thing he was telling his ex-wife.
Although Shawn couldn’t fully comprehend why, he briefly nodded at his father. Whether out of muscle memory, or the fact that Henry usually checked in with his son after something possibly life-threatening. The nod typically signified that Shawn was okay, which is what he was hoping he sent to his father. However, Henry was able to see past it, and saw that Shawn was, in fact, not okay.
It was either Henry’s parental instincts, Madeleine’s maternal instincts, or Gus hovering over Shawn and saying something to his parents that he couldn’t quite hear. Either way, Henry and Madeleine ran to Shawn’s side.
“Hey, kid. What’s wrong?” Henry knelt next to his son, despite the shooting pain he felt as he lowered himself. He hated the fact that he was getting old.
Shawn absently nodded, staring blankly ahead of him. Using an incredible amount of effort, he assessed what he could around him: His father kneeling in front of him, Gus squatting to his right and resting a hand on his back, and his mother standing to his left. He didn’t get much further than that, but determined that they wanted to know how he was.
Unable to form a proper sentence, Shawn dragged his eyes up to meet his father’s, and quietly mumbled, “Clear...”
Henry let out a quick sigh before he adjusted himself to sit nearer to Shawn. He sat cross legged and rested his hands on Shawn’s shoulders and pulled him close to himself. He shot a quick look up to his wife, who was slowly rocking back and forth on her feet. Henry realized she was probably light headed and in a bit of shock. He looked to Gus, who got the message and stood.
“Madeleine, how about you and I take a nice stroll to the ambulance so you can get a nice blanket?” He held his arm out to his friend’s mother. Maddie linked her arm up with his and they both sauntered away.
Shifting his attention’s back to his son, Shawn’s frame felt so tense he was about to snap in half. In a feeble attempt to help, Henry started rubbing circles in his back with one hand, while ruffling another hand through his hair. Shawn’s shoulders relinquished some of their tension, and Shawn relaxed into his father, burying his head in his father’s jacket.
“You won, kid. You did it. It’s over.” Henry was trying to be comforting, but quickly regretted his decision when he heard a sad chuckle come from his jacket.
“It’s not... It’s not over. It’ll never be over, dad.” Shawn moved one of his hands onto his father’s shoulder, and slowly leveraged the two apart. Henry moved his hands back to Shawn’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
“What do you mean, Shawn? She’s in a squad car... She’s going to rot in a cell; padded walls, straight jacket, iron mask with face grill, the whole shebang. What do you mean ‘it’s not over’?” Shawn lowered his head, not meeting his father’s eyes. Henry countered by lowering his head to Shawn’s new eye level. “What do you mean it’s not over, kid?”
Shawn’s eyes filled with horror for a minute, darting around in front of him before they settled back on his father’s face. “She was there... the whole day, she was there!” Shawn raised his voice, though not intentionally or consciously. Henry briefly tightened his grip on his son’s shoulder, bringing him back down to Earth.
“What do you mean?” Henry was concerned for his son. He’d seen Shawn panic before, but this was something new. Something different. He couldn’t quite place it, but Shawn looked horrified.
“At the station... at the hotel... at the pier... at the restaurant... Dad, she was there the whole time. The whole time... and I never noticed.” Shawn met his father’s eyes, looking almost heartbroken. His eyes were threatening to spill over with tears, his voice was breaking, his breathing quickened, and his eyes went back to aimlessly darting around.
“Shawn...” Shawn was lost once again in his brain, unable to hear his father. Henry tried again, this time using his angry voice. “Shawn!” Shawn froze and looked him in the eye. It broke Henry’s heart how small and scared Shawn looked in that moment. He lowered his voice back down to calm and caring, “It doesn’t matter anymore, kid. She’s gone. You’re safe. We’re all safe. Because of you-”
“No, dad. We’re not. We can’t be safe after this. She knew everything about today, and I didn’t even know she was there. She knew about my date with Abigail, she knew that Mom was in town, and I had no idea... Maybe you were right. Maybe I am going soft.”
Henry readjusted his grip. “No, Shawn. You are not going soft. You did some of the best detective work I’ve seen in a while, caught one of Santa Barbara’s most notorious killers, and were there for your family.” Shawn looked down for a moment before diving back into his father’s chest. Henry gently laid his head on top of Shawn’s, and moved his hands back to Shawn’s back and neck.
Henry waited patiently for his son to speak again. While silence continued to envelop the pair, Henry had to wave a handful of well meaning people away, knowing that they would only cause Shawn more distress. Despite the dismissals, Henry could still sense Gus, Mads, Juliet, Carlton, and Karen lingering and listening from behind the cars surrounding the pair.
“She got in my head, Dad.” Shawn’s voice was broken. He sounded exhausted. He probably was exhausted. “She’s in my head. I don’t want her there, but she is...” Henry gently squoze his son, an unspoken gesture that he could continue talking. Shawn took in a deep breath -- as deep as he could while still doubled over into his father -- and took in a small wheeze before continuing. “I knew that if she got in my head... we’d lose. I was making jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Even got Gus in on it, making him act like an ass right alongside me. But it didn’t work... Now everyone hates Gus for no reason. It’s my fault.”
Henry pulled back from his son a little, prompting Shawn to sit up and look him in the eyes. Henry couldn’t stop the pit in his stomach from growing when he saw redness in his son’s eyes and wetness going down his cheeks. “Shawn, it isn’t your fault. No one hates Guster. No one hates you. And,” Henry reached down to wipe a fresh tear off of Shawn’s face, “You didn’t lose. You won. You got her. End of story.”
Shawn grimly smiled at his father, pulling all his energy into sounding as sarcastic as he could. “Wow, good for me. I beat a killer, and all I lost was my sanity.” He gave a pitiful smile, “But, there will always be another killer to catch -- it’s like we live in the murder capital of the world -- and I’ll be too broken to stop the next one...” Shawn could feel more tears stream down his face, but was too done to care.
Henry cared, though, and did his best to get rid of the tear tracks lining his son’s face. “You’re not broken, kid. Why do you think you are?”
Shawn just stared at his father for a moment. Why did he think he was broken? He knew he felt ‘off’, but he felt too off to realize what felt off. It was a frustrating cycle. Shawn was raking his mind trying to figure out what was wrong, but only found emptiness. Maybe that’s what was wrong...
Pulling all of his empty thoughts together, Shawn spoke. “I’m not thinking, Dad. That’s what’s wrong. You raised me to see everything around me, to always process things and understand things. We’re in a field full of cars, I can’t even tell you a single license plate. I can’t even tell you Mom’s and I looked directly at it.”
Shawn continued speaking, or, trying to. Everything he was saying came out as a garbled mess, but Henry got the gist and pulled his son closer to him. Henry slowly rocked back and forth, patiently and vigilantly listening to his son’s muddled words. Eventually, the words died down to small whines, then silence.
Shawn took a deep breath, knowing that his past few revelations came out like soggy bread. Once he got his diaphragm back under control, he tried again. “My brain is empty, Dad. I’m not storing anything in the memory bank... usually that only happens when there’s drugs involved... But, everything is silent . I can hear you... I can hear me... but there aren’t any narrators in my head. Usually, there are at least, like, 20, all talking at the same time, but now there’s nothing.”
Henry nodded and moved his hands from his son’s back to his ears. Shawn was initially confused, and tried to pull back, but Henry’s grip was unrelenting. Shawn relaxed a bit, letting his intrigue override his anxiety. Henry rested his head on top of Shawn’s and slowly started humming. At first, he was just making random noises, but he eventually settled on a tune, causing Shawn to chuckle.
“Dude, is that Animaniacs?”
Henry took a brief break from humming, “Yeah, Gus told me it was your comfort show on the road.” Henry went back to humming the theme song. Once he was done with the theme song, he moved on to Pinky and the Brain’s theme. After that, Phineas and Ferb's theme. Once that was over, he moved on to humming other random songs from his childhood.
Henry wasn’t sure if what he was doing was helping, but he did know that plugging your ears and humming can stop you from hearing anything else, so he hoped that humming on top of his head would help add some noise and give him something else to focus on. It seemed to, as Shawn’s body relaxed substantially and he ended up leaning on Henry for support, while also getting more bonus vibrations from leaning on his chest.
Henry’s eyes were closed for the most part, focusing on his son more than his surroundings, but he did open his eyes on one occasion when he felt like someone was trying to get his attention. He looked up and saw Gus, who was silently holding up a gray fleece blanket. He looked over to Madeleine, who was standing behind a sedan and wrapped in a matching blanket, quietly talking to Juliet. Lassiter and Karen were standing near the women, arms folded as they tensley watched the situation unfold.
Henry looked back at Gus and smiled as he couldn’t speak or move. Gus smiled back and took the exchange as an invitation to wrap the blanket around Shawn. Shawn tensed for a moment at the contact, but didn’t say anything. Once Shawn was snugly wrapped in the shock blanket, Gus stepped away, back to the rest of the group.
It took about 10 minutes for Henry to pull back and check on Shawn, “Kid?” Henry stopped humming and uncovered Shawn’s ears. Shawn sat up and looked his father in the eyes. Henry gave Shawn his signature Look, asking if he was okay.
“Yeah, Dad. I’m fine. Just sleepy.” Shawn yawned and went back to leaning on his father, turning a bit so he could more comfortably curl up into Henry. “I don’t know why I’m so tired... I usually don’t go to bed until 2-3 every day, and it’s barely 11.” Shawn pulled the blanket tighter around himself.
Henry smiled and wrapped his arms around his son, supporting him as Shawn further shifted to be sitting on Henry’s lap and leaning into his torso. Henry moved one arm to behind his son’s back so he wouldn’t fall, and one arm to under his knees, just so he’d feel supported.
“Well, kid. You have been working in overdrive for the better part of 10 hours. I think you deserve a break.” Henry gave Shawn a sympathetic smile that he knew his son couldn’t see. Shawn slowly nodded into his father, relaxing further and putting more strain on his father’s arms to hold him up.
The pair sat in silence for a while, with Shawn dozing off to sleep and Henry trying to mouth a conversation with the onlookers.
Gus was the first to speak, whispering over to Henry. “How is he?” Henry responded by mouthing back ‘He’s tired.’ Gus nodded to show he got the message.
Madeleine was the next to whisper. “How is he in here?” She pointed to her brain. Henry mouthed back ‘He’s exhausted.’ The psychologist in Madeleine wanted to dive deeper into what exactly that meant, but the mother in her just wanted to see Shawn okay. She concluded to stay out of it until he was more conscious.
Juliet was the next to show her concern. “What can we do?” Henry looked down at his son, who at this point was completely asleep and drooling on his shirt. Deciding it was probably safe, Henry whispered back.
“Can you guys clear a way to my truck so I can lay him down in the front seat and drive him home?” The onlookers, and Henry, all watched to see if Shawn stirred at all to Henry talking. He didn’t.
Lassiter complied with the elder Spencer, took a few steps away and started barking at the uniforms to move. He was soon joined by Karen, who gave the newly displaced officers some orders so they wouldn’t just be aimlessly standing around.
Gus approached the father-son duo, “What can I do?”
Henry shrugged. “I don’t know. Could you help me up? I’m pretty sure my legs are asleep.” Henry let out a small chuckle, causing Shawn to stir, but not wake up.
Gus and Juliet ran to Henry’s side as quietly as they could. They both grabbed under one of Henry’s shoulders, and were quietly counting down to when they were all going to make the effort to lift the Spencer pair. Once the timer ran out, Henry planted his feet and ignored the pins and needles feeling taking over his legs. He was lifted by his shoulders until he was on his feet. Neither friend let go of him for a moment, waiting for Henry’s headrush to go away.
Once they were all standing, Madeleine ran over to her family and looked at Shawn’s face. He looked calm for the most part, but she looked a little deeper and saw a slight tension in his eye brows and rapid movement of his eyes even though he shouldn’t be in REM yet. She determined that, while it wasn’t a nightmare her son was having, it wasn’t a pleasant dream either. She slowly and carefully reached out and fixed Shawn’s hair, and let out a small breath when he didn’t move.
Once everyone was settled, they began the trek to Henry’s truck. When they were about twenty feet away, Maddie reached into Henry’s pocket and pulled out his keys to unlock the car. Henry smiled internally, having completely forgotten that he’d locked the truck and hadn’t thought that far ahead.
Mads opened the passenger side door and walked around to the driver’s side to help from that angle. Henry approached his truck and carefully set Shawn down inside. The whole time, Gus and Juliet were watching for any sign of movement or waking, but nothing happened.
Shawn was laid down across the bench in Henry’s truck, and Maddie relinquished her blanket and laid it across her son. His parents slowly let the doors close, making sure they didn’t slam shut. Henry walked around to the front of the car, and met up with his ex.
“So, Mads, what should we do now?” Henry was hoping that, as a psychologist, she’d know what to do.
“Well, what’s going on with him? And, am I to treat him like my son or like a patient?” She crossed her arms, trying to appear more calm than she was.
“Um, both?” Henry smiled at his wife who smiled back. “And, well... He’s exhausted. He’s been operating at 110% all day. He doesn’t feel secure anymore, since he didn’t notice her following him. He feels like everyone hates him because he was making jokes to keep her out of his head. He said that his ‘brain is silent.’ Which I don’t fully understand, but it seemed to scare the hell out of him.” He looked up at his ex, hoping she’d be able to come to a conclusion.
She glanced between the cab of the truck, Henry, and any space between. She eventually answered the unspoken question the group had. “Well, it makes sense that he’s tired and feels insecure. Feeling like everyone hates him is probably a stretch brought about by stress and probably some unresolved childhood trauma.” She gave Henry a knowing look, who in turn looked down to avoid her gaze.
Juliet stepped forward, “I still don’t understand the ‘quiet’ thing. What was that about?”
Madeleine looked at the junior detective and smiled. “It’s common for people with ADHD to have constant noise and images flashing through their brains. The way it has been described to me, both from patients and from Shawn, is that there are ‘20 narrators all talking at once.’ I’ve heard that it can be quite unsettling and sometimes terrifying to have absolutely nothing in your brain that you don’t have complete and total control over.”
Silence filled the area outside of the truck. Lassiter and Vick had walked over at this point, and were quickly filled in by Gus before they, too, relished in the silence.
The silence was quickly split in a terrifying moment when a sharp scream came from Henry’s truck. Henry immediately ran to the driver’s side, and Mads ran to the passenger. The pair pulled open the doors and stood on the small bit of floorspace inside the car.
Shawn had sat up at this point, staring blankly out the rear window and hyperventilating. Madeleine quickly grabbed his hand, and in turn his attention, and walked him through some breathing exercises.
Once Shawn calmed down, Henry leaned in, sitting on the now unoccupied driver’s seat. “Hey, kid. What’s going on? What happened?”
Shawn met his gaze and quickly laid back down, resting his head in his father’s lap. He spoke with broken words, like his throat was closing off any noise he made. “It was... it was a dream... Yang pressed the button... Both you two were dead... I ran out of the car just in time to see pieces of you guys fall down... Then, Jules and Lassie ran up and arrested me for killing you guys...” Shawn pulled his hands out of the blankets and pulled them up to his eyes. He pressed down on his eyes as hard as he could, hoping that the pressure would wash away the image of his parent’s body parts on the ground.
Maddie leaned further into the car, resting one of her knees on part of the passenger seat that wasn’t occupied by Shawn’s legs. Shawn got the message and shifted his hips so his legs were shooting out to the side. Madeleine sat down at an awkward angle and gently rested a hand on Shawn’s forearm, subtly pulling them away from his skull.
“I’m fine, Goose. We’re both fine, thanks to you.” Shawn moved his hands away from his eyes, moving them to meet his mother’s. Her eyes were so full of warmth and love that he could feel tears welling back up in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, mom... I just... it was so real... It almost happened, too.” Shawn forced himself to look up at the roof of the car, fearing any more eye contact with his mother would cause the floodgates to open again.
Henry moved his hand to ruffle Shawn’s hair again. “You’re exhausted, kid. How about we get you home and into an actual bed that isn’t made out of your parents? How does that sound?”
Shawn looked up at his father, and made an attempt to speak. Instead, all that came out was a choked off ‘yeah.’
Henry looked up at his wife, and she seemingly got a message he wasn’t sure if he sent or not. She stood from her seat and poked her head out of the truck door. “Karen, will you or the department need Shawn for the rest of the night? Or can we take him home?”
Karen looked back at Maddie with as much compassion and worry as she could. “He won’t be needed for the rest of the night. Possibly all of tomorrow.” She smiled at her. “However long it takes. Make sure he feels better.” The two shared a silent motherly-sympathy moment, and Maddie ducked back into the truck.
Henry pulled on his seatbelt and Mads pulled on hers. While there was a seatbelt for Shawn, no one in the car felt too inclined to put it on. Shawn moved his legs from being awkwardly shot out to under the glovebox to laying on top of his mother’s lap. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Henry started the ignition.
While it wasn’t a planned thing, the Spencers were still grateful for Buzz escorting them to their house. Even though it was almost midnight and there weren’t a lot of people on the road, they still felt the care and concern that came from the gesture.
Shawn seemed to relax quite a bit while he was in the car. Madeleine had started massaging his calves, as that was the only thing she could do without it getting weird. Henry absentmindedly pet Shawn’s hair with one hand while keeping his other on the steering wheel.
The truck pulled into their driveway. Madeleine was the first to exit the vehicle, followed by Shawn with her offering her hand to help pull him out. Henry was the last out of the truck, and walked to unlock the door.
When the pair were alone, Shawn turned to his mother. “Did she seem familiar at all to you?” His voice was still filled with exhaustion, but his eyes only radiated intrigue.
“What do you mean, Goose?” Madeleine squoze Shawn’s shoulders as best as she could through the gray blankets he had tightly wrapped around his shoulders.
“I don’t know... I know that there is a correlation between you, her, and me. Like, a young correlation. I just can’t remember what.” Shawn looked into his mother’s eyes, hoping to find some answers or closure.
Wheels turned in Madeleine’s head for a moment. “Well, you’re exhausted. And I’m exhausted. The correlation you’re feeling is probably from before you fell asleep, with her about to blow me up.”
Shawn slowly nodded, and he began to lead the trek to the house, although he was sure his mother was wrong. He felt like the correlation was a near-insignificant event from his youth. He just couldn’t quite place it.
Once the pair made it inside, Henry asked if they wanted anything to eat. Shawn didn’t respond, instead just standing in the entryway, trying to figure out what his brain was trying to remind him of. Madeleine took the initiative and told Henry they didn’t want any food, so Henry went to the hall closet to grab some pillows and blankets for his wife. He laid them out on the couch, and she immediately took her place, kicking off her shoes before laying down on the newly hospitable surface.
Henry grabbed Shawn’s shoulders as gently as he could, trying not to startle him out of a daze he’d found himself in. Following the contact to his shoulder, Shawn immediately screamed and lost his balance. Maddie shot up from her place on the couch and ran over to her son. Had Henry not been so near, Shawn would’ve probably fallen on the floor. Thankfully, though, Henry was there to catch his son and pull him close.
“Woah, there, kid. Let’s get you lying down. You could use some sleep.” Henry squoze his son, who instantly relied on him to keep him upright.
“I think you might be right about that one, dad.” Shawn replanted his feet and let himself be guided to his old bedroom by his parents.
After Henry and Maddie laid Shawn down on his old bed and made sure he was comfortable, they said their goodbyes and quietly shut the door despite the fact that Shawn was asleep before he’d fully reached the bed.
Outside of his room, Henry turned to Mads. “So, I’ll take waking duty since I’m upstairs, if you want to take water duty.”
She nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” They smiled at each other and parted ways. Madeleine went to the kitchen and filled up a glass before placing it in the fridge. The parents settled in for the night, knowing they’d be woken soon.
It wasn’t unheard of for Shawn to have terrifying and borderline horrific nightmares after stressful days or cases, so both parents had plenty of practice coaxing him back down to Earth. He’d had nightmares a lot as a child, mostly from staying up late to watch the news or catching a glimpse of a case file Henry had brought home. His teen years didn’t have as many nightmares until Shawn figured out that they were considering divorce. The stress from that led to him acting out, which led to more nightmares of how his stunts could’ve gone wrong, which led to less sleep, which led to acting out. It was a vicious cycle that his parents tried their best to help out with, although the stress of waking their screaming child every night might’ve been the final nail in the coffin for their divorce.
Sure enough, an hour went by before they heard screaming and frantic movements coming from Shawn’s room. Henry immediately ran in and stilled Shawn’s thrashing, while Madeleine went to the fridge to grab the pre-filled glass of water. She ran up the stairs to find Shawn already mostly coherent and handed him the water.
No words were spoken, other than what Henry said to calm Shawn, as they all understood what had happened and had just fallen into old habits. Once Shawn had seemed to calm down, he nodded. Mads squeezed his hand and Henry ruffled his hair before they both left the room. Everyone settled back down to bed, with Maddie filling up another cup of water, preparing for the next episode.
The rest of the night, spilling over into the next day, was spent getting about an hour of sleep before getting startled awake and caring for Shawn until they could all fall asleep again. The parents were worried for Shawn.
Shawn was worried for Shawn.
He’d never had a nightmare he couldn’t eventually beat, and he couldn’t understand why his brain kept making him watch his parents die. About halfway through the sleeping venture, however, his brain tried a different tactic that made him equally unsettled. His nightmares shifted to him as a young boy, riding his bike down a rainy street and running into someone familiar when his mom found him.
When Shawn woke up next, he broke the pattern of not speaking. He woke in a haze, and quietly mumbled, “Grayson Street... Picture... Yang...” Before grabbing the offered drink and falling back asleep with no further explanation. His parents shared a concerned look and decided to ask him about it when he got a full night's sleep.
His full night’s sleep didn’t come for a few more days, but when it did, his parents were horrified at the revelation. Henry clambered up into the attic and found the photo. Sure enough, there was a photo of a young Shawn standing awkwardly next to an ecstatic Yang. Henry called the detectives over, and they seemed confused at the discovery. They left and ‘borrowed’ the photo for evidence, promising to return it, although each Spencer would’ve been fine never looking at the photo again.
Henry felt sick to his stomach. Madeleine felt guilty that she didn’t remember. Shawn just felt uncomfortable. With this new information, he didn’t know how long Yang had been watching him. Had it been just for the day, a weird coincidence?
Or had Yang been watching him his whole life, and he just never noticed?